I own nothing.
Splendid Isolation
How long have I been running? When did I last eat? When did I last sleep? I can't remember. It must have been a long time. My bones and my stomach are aching. But there's nothing out here. I see a hill up ahead. Is that a building on it? Perhaps, if a human lives there, I can steal some food...
Rei hugged her shawl tighter around her shoulders as she raised the steaming cup of tea to her lips. Snow was on the way, she could feel it. That meant she'd have to get the rest of those potatoes out of the ground. She'd gotten the last of the turnips and carrots last week, small as they were, but she wanted to give the potatoes some time yet. When the first blizzard hit, she doubted that Cree would be able to deliver the supplies.
Speaking of Cree, he was supposed to come today, wasn't he? What was today, for that matter? She turned her dark head to the calendar on the wall. It was a year old, but she'd crossed out the names of days and rewritten them all over the next spots, making the week start on Monday and end on Sunday. And if today was Tuesday, that meant tomorrow was Wednesday. Therefore, the old man with the black truck would not be by to deliver meat, dairy, soap, or tea until tomorrow.
A sigh escaped her lips as she finished off her cup. She was only twenty-two, and yet here she was, becoming as senile as a woman four times her age. Rei suspected it was the isolation that did it. Ever since her grandfather had died two years ago, she'd had no one to talk to, save those birds who haunted her garden. And, of course, Cree, but only on Wednesdays, and only for perhaps twenty minutes or so. Then, it was back to the silence, back to the solitude.
It wasn't fair to complain though. Her father had invited her to come to the city following her grandfather's death. As one of Jaguara's underlings, he had some influence in his city, and had even managed to get a pass for his daughter. But no, Rei would not leave. If she did, the shrine would fall into disrepair. There would be no one to take care of the garden, no one to sweep the graves of her mother and grandfather, no one to welcome the rare pilgrim who wished to pray in the ancient hall that shielded her cottage like a breakwater before a harbor. And of course, her pride would not allow her to suddenly run to the man who had abandoned her to grow up in this desolate place.
Besides that, she could at least be glad her life was never idle. Year-round, she spent her morning sweeping the floor of the prayer hall and saying a few words for her mother and grandfather. Afternoons varied with the seasons. In spring, she planted. In summer, she tended. In autumn, she harvested and stored. And in winter, she wrote. Poetry, mostly, for her own amusement, but her mother had instilled a love of music in her at a young age, and had even brought a piano from the city with her when they first came to live at the shrine. It was one of the few things that chased away the silence of the shrine. On top of all that, there was also cooking, housecleaning, clothes mending, and any other odd job that arose around the shrine. There was no electricity or running water, but Cree always delivered oil for the lamps and wood for the stove, and there was a well and outhouse out behind the cottage, which in itself was small. There was a kitchen, parlor, and a loft where she slept. The cellar had a dirt portion to store food, and a stone portion to store fuel.
As if that weren't enough, there was always the chance that the shrine might fall victim to passing bands of outlaws, renegade soldiers, desperate wanderers, or wild animals. There was no doubt in her mind as to how dangerous it was to be a young woman living alone, no family or husband, with the nearest neighbor forty miles away and the nearest city almost one hundred. A road passed the bottom of the hill on which the shrine was situated, and usually one vehicle would pass each day. But recently, the travelers had become fewer and fewer. It had been over a week since anyone besides Cree had come. And even when they did drive by, they never stopped. Not even to ask how far until the next town. Not even to chat about the weather.
Still, if there was any trouble, she wasn't completely helpless. Her grandfather had left a shotgun behind when he died, and after deciding to live alone, Rei made sure that Cree delivered enough ammunition to keep her from ever running out. And while she never had to use it on a human, if some creature that looked safe to eat happened to wander onto her territory, she never hesitated to take a few shots. Sometimes she missed, usually she didn't. As a result, Rei could say that she'd eaten rabbit, squirrel, some kind of muskrat, and wildcat. She felt bad about taking the life, of course, but one thing living out here taught you was that it was survival of the fittest. If God saw fit to give you meat, you didn't dare pass it up.
The only things she didn't dare shoot were the birds. There were two of them, crows. Ever since she'd been a child, they'd lived in the garden, building a nest in one of the four pine trees that grew on the hill, the only ones visible for miles. Their tree was the one that grew over the well, and none of the other birds that came by the shrine dared to land on its branches. Rei didn't know why they lived at the shrine, nor did she know what they ate, for they never went near the garden. But they never caused any trouble, and in the past two years, she found herself conversing with them as though they were people. She even gave them names. Phobos and Deimos, Fear and Dread, two things that had no place at the shrine.
And yet, here they were.
Rei rose to her feet and cleared the table. After washing the dishes, she climbed the steep stairs to her loft, then changed into the robes she wore any time she entered the prayer hall. In addition, she grabbed a heavy coat hanging on the wall by the back door. It had belonged to her grandfather. Taking the broom from its spot on the back porch, she shut the door behind her and went to the hall, ready for one more day on her island of solitude.
The hill is farther than I thought. Larger as well. I can see there are several buildings on it. Is this a farm? If so, then which building is the barn? I can see the house, a woman has just entered it after leaving the other large building. Why don't I smell any animals? Are they dead? No, there are birds. Two large crows. Enough to keep me on my feet until I can reach a town at least. It'll be an easy kill...
As she changed from her robes into more suitable work clothes, a cold feeling struck her through the heart. Something was wrong. She had a sixth sense for things like this, even her grandfather had recognized it when she was alive. That was how she knew when it was going to snow, or if her harvest was going to be good. Or, in the case of her mother, if someone was going to die.
But the feeling that coursed through her veins now was a message. Intruder. Human or animal or something else, she wasn't sure. But it was a threat. Her intuition had a very strong sense of self-preservation. And since Rei wasn't going to start doubting it now, she took the shotgun out from beneath her bed. It wasn't loaded, but that was a problem easily alleviated. Going back down the steps, she quickly locked the front door, then went into the kitchen. Opening a drawer, she found the box of shells kept there. It was half-empty, but there were more down in the cellar. And hopefully, she wouldn't need more than the six that were here. Loading the gun, she put the remaining shells in her pocket, then went to the back window. Pushing aside the faded red curtain, she peered out suspiciously.
There was nothing there, no one. Phobos and Deimos were flapping about in the yard between the house and the garden, and a few other birds were perched on the well pump and fence posts. All was as it should be. Which made Rei bite her lip. She couldn't be wrong, could she? Was she going mad? First talking to birds, then losing track of time, and now seeing threats where there were none? Was this what living alone did to you?
No. Living alone sharpened your senses. Which is why she noticed the other birds suddenly alight. Only Phobos and Deimos, convinced of their invulnerability, remained, going about their avian business and paying no attention to their fleeing compatriots. Rei, however, was more concerned, darting her eyes all around the yard in search of the invisible intruder. Still, no one...
A flash of white. Rei's heart stopped, and there was a loud flapping of wings and horrified cawing. Another flash of white, and a rain of black feathers. And then she saw it. The white fur and whiter fangs of the huge dog that had invaded her yard, and was now terrorizing her two feathered friends. And she doubted the beast would stop at that. Strays were desperate. Once this one got the birds, it would either try to get into the house, or the prayer hall. She could hope for the hall, but no doubt it would smell the food here. And the dog was huge...
But fear had no place on the shrine. The dog was on the far side of the garden now, still leaping and barking and snapping at Phobos and Deimos, who hovered just out of its reach. Barely thinking anymore, she threw open the back door to the house and fired. She missed, but got the beast's attention.
"Get the hell out of here!" she snarled, sounding like a mad dog herself as she reloaded the gun. "Go on, get!" she repeated, shooting again. Again she missed, and the dog was just standing there, trying to figure out what to do next. Clenching her jaw, Rei aimed the gun one more time. This time she saw a spray of red, and heard a yelp of pain. But rather than falling dead to the ground, the dog turned and vanished over the edge of the hill. She didn't even see where he'd been hit. And she didn't care to.
For several more moments, Rei stood there on the back step, gun ready and loaded in case the thing came back. It didn't. Keeping the gun close, she went to the shed and grabbed her trowel and a basket, determined to get the last of her goods out of the ground so that if the thing came back, it wouldn't be able to dig anything up. And when that task was done, she went back inside, locked the door, and spent the rest of the afternoon staring out the back window, shotgun across her lap. She didn't go outside again until sunset, when she gathered water for the night and used the outhouse. Afterwards, she again locked the doors, then barricaded them with additional furniture.
When she finally lay down in bed that night (shotgun still in reach), she did not sleep.
My arm won't stop bleeding. It hurts, but I can bear the pain. I'm scared that I'll bleed to death. There's nothing to use for a bandage out here. Maybe at that house, but the woman might recognize me. I'll hide here in this hole until morning, at least. Maybe a car will come by...
She must have drifted off at some point in the night, because when Rei was next aware of her surroundings, the sun was up. Turning on the bed, she stared out the porthole window over the headboard. The sky was blanketed with fat gray clouds. It would snow before the day was out, she was sure of it, and thankful she had brought the last of the crops in the day before. As for the stray dog, there was no sign of him, and surely that white fur would stand out against the flat gray landscape. Once the snow did start to fall, however...
Rei wasn't going to think about that. As proof, she picked up the shotgun from beside the bed, and removed the shells. And then, on second thought, she replaced them, but left the gun in the loft. Wrapping a heavy shawl around her shoulders and jamming her feet into soft leather mules, she carefully descended the stairs and went into the kitchen. A glance at the calendar reminded her of the day. Yes. Wednesday. Cree would come today, hopefully before noon. Rei ladled the last of the water from the bucket into the kettle, and as it began to boil, she rummaged around in the cupboards for coffee. She rarely drank it herself, but she always wanted to make sure there was some on hand for when Cree came. She set the burlap bag aside, then took her own tea tin and added the leaves to the water. In addition, she cut herself a few slices of bread. Rei wasn't really one to eat a large breakfast.
As she ate, Rei couldn't help but glance out the windows. First the back one, checking for signs of the dog. None. But there wasn't any sign of Phobos or Deimos either, which gave her an uneasy feeling. However, she'd seen them evade the dog yesterday, and unless it had gotten them in the night (which wasn't likely; they roosted in the tree when the sun went down), chances were they were fine. After checking the back window, she glanced through the doorway to the parlor and out the front windows, watching for Cree's truck. None. But of course, it was early yet. She probably shouldn't have expected him for another hour, maybe two.
Finishing off her meager meal, Rei cleaned hastily, her mind somewhat wandering now. Cree was supposed to deliver tea, three pounds of salt pork and three pounds of salt beef, a gallon of milk and a dozen eggs, plus she'd ordered two extra bags of flour and an extra bag of sugar. And of course, he would bring any mail she might have received, although the only things she ever received were the monthly allowance and occasional letter from her father. He was generous with money, she couldn't fault him that, hence her ability to pay Cree for the goods he delivered, but as a child, Rei had wished her father had been more generous with his love and affection. But these past few years, the desire to see him faded, and now all he seemed to be was a patron who sent a small stack of bills every first Wednesday of the month.
After the kitchen was clean, Rei changed into her robes and went out to the prayer hall. She first lit the lamps in the corners of the room, then went to the firebox in the middle. Placing a large stack of kindling inside from its box near the door, she lit it with a match and knelt down as the pile sprang to life. The fire itself illuminated the otherwise dark hall (there were no windows, only a vent in the ceiling over the firebox), but nonetheless, Rei shut her eyes. Murmuring the prayers she had learned by heart many years ago, she focused on her mother first, then her grandfather. She had loved both fiercely, and losing them had scarred her more than anyone could have imagined. However, losing her father to a Noble at age four (Rei never prayed for him) had prepared her to lose her mother to illness at age nine, and losing her mother had in turn prepared her for losing her grandfather to old age.
And when I die...who will be here to miss me? The thought startled her. It wasn't the first time it had crossed her mind either. Only on days like this, the particularly cold ones, when the landscape underscored the isolation of the shrine. On every other day, Rei was content with the loneliness. But today it felt like a weight pressing down on her from above. She wished Phobos and Deimos were around outside. She would have liked to talk with them. But instead, she would have to settle for delivering a silent news update to her mother and grandfather. She told them about this year's harvest, about the newest poem she was working on, and about the dog. Of course, neither of them responded, but she visualized her mother's beautiful smile, and some of the chill seemed to vanish from the air.
So intent was she in her meditation that she didn't hear the truck roaring up the road. Didn't hear the footsteps pounding up the stairs to the top of the hill. She didn't hear anything until the door to the prayer hall was thrown up.
"Rei! You need to come quick! I found a kid wounded on the road, and he's bleedin' real bad!"
Her eyes flew open and she whirled around, her long black hair streaming like a banner. Cree stood in the door-frame, his worn but sturdy body hidden by a long heavy coat, his gray hair sticking out from under a black fleece cap. It took a few minutes to register his words. A kid? What the hell was a kid doing way out here? The nearest town was almost fifty miles away, and the only people who lived between here and there were Cree and his family. As for the other way down the road, it eventually joined up with a bigger one that ran south, but there weren't any settlements of any size that way either.
But regardless of where such a kid could have come from, if he was hurt as bad as Cree intimated, there wasn't much time to waste. Throwing sand on the fire, Rei got to her feet and pulled her coat tight around her, then raced down the stairs to the road, where the truck was parked. Laying across the bad was a young man (Rei recalled it was a habit of Cree's to call any person under the age of thirty a "kid") dressed only in jeans, a t-shirt, and leather jacket. She recognized the jacket as belonging to one of Cree's sons. The man's face was deathly pale, and his shaggy black hair looked like it hadn't been washed in years. Sick as he looked, however, he didn't have any visible wounds. But...wait. There was a speckling of blood on the t-shirt...
Gingerly, she unzipped the jacket and moved it away from his arm. A gasp escaped her lips. It was as if the entire left sleeve of the t-shirt had been dyed red. The flesh of his bicep was shredded, and although it wasn't very deep, the wounded area was the size of a pancake.
"What the hell happened to him?" Rei asked as she heard Cree come to her side. The old man shrugged.
"No clue. He stumbled into the road maybe a mile or two up from here. Damn near ran him over. But I got him into the back and figured you were his best bet. You've got bandages up at the house, right?" he asked. Rei nodded. "Okay, I'll carry him, you get what you need."
She all but flew up the steps. Although she wasn't a doctor, Rei's grandfather had taught her how to take care of wounds from an early age, and she knew time was of the essence. There was no way the young man would make it if Cree tried to take him all the way to town. If he lost any more blood, he wasn't going to make it at all.
Going into the kitchen, Rei grabbed the cardboard box she kept filled with medicines and bandages. Putting them on the floor beside the sofa in the parlor, she went back into the kitchen to grab a basin, which she then filled with water from the pump outside. By the time she came back in, Cree had laid the young man on the sofa. He had taken care to remove the jacket, but the t-shirt was still in the way. Taking a scissors from the box, Rei cut it off and tossed it on the floor. Dipping a rag in the water, she began to mop the blood off of his frigid skin. From the corner of her eye, she could see the boy's lips trembling with every breath he took.
"Hang in there," she murmured. "You're going to be fine. You're safe now. Just hang on..."
After she'd cleaned away the old blood, she took an antiseptic cream from the box and carefully rubbed it on the wound. A cry of pain escaped the boy's lips, and his eyes flew open, though she doubted they could see anything. Still, she was startled by the color. They were blue as the summer sky on the few pretty days of the year. Blue as her mother's eyes had been. However, as quickly as they had opened, they shut again, and she felt him clench up in pain.
"Stop being a baby!" Rei scolded. "If you managed to survive getting this wound, then you can survive it getting treated."
After the ointment had been applied, she began bandaging it, tying off his arm with rubber bands just below the shoulder and just above the elbow. After that, she wound a long roll of gauze around his bicep adding layer after layer until she could no longer see blood seeping through the linen. With the wound tended to, there was only one thing left. Taking out a bottle from the box, she opened it and shook two pills into the palm of her hand. Carefully, she raised the young man's head.
"Cree...can you go get me a glass of water please? You'll have to get it from the pump," she murmured. The old man nodded and vanished. Balancing the boy's head on her right forearm and taking care not to drop the pills in that same hand, she gently stroked the boy's face with her left hand. "Open your eyes," she asked. "I just need you to wake up long enough to take these, then you can rest."
The boy did not respond. Rei frowned. "Come on. I heard you make that racket about the antiseptic, so I know you're not dead yet, and I think you can still hear me. Open your eyes and look at me!" she demanded. But still, her patient wasn't going to cooperate. Rolling her eyes, she let out a huffy breath. "Okay, fine. Have it your way." Dropping the pills into her free hand, Rei popped them into her mouth and chewed them into powder, but did not swallow. Instead, she pressed her lips to his, opening his mouth and forcing the pasty solution inside.
This seemed to get a reaction. He twitched in her arms, but she only held tighter. She also kept her mouth sealed against his, depriving him of fresh air. Only when she felt him swallow did she dare release him. His eyes were open now, staring at her dazedly, but at the same time she could see sparks of rage within them. Well, that was fine. He could be mad if he wanted. But she needed to get those painkillers in him one way or another. When they wore off, she would take his temperature, and if necessary, she could give him a fever reducer. However, she hoped she wouldn't have to force them into him again.
Rei carefully laid the boy back down on the couch. He was drifting into sleep now, which was fine. Rising to her feet, she was about to go upstairs to get a blanket for him, when she saw Cree staring at her with wide eyes, glass of water in hand. She felt color rise into her cheeks, and a nervous laugh escaped her lips. "Well...had to get him to take his medicine, didn't I?" she asked, embarrassed at what her administration must have looked like. It wasn't her first kiss, that had been given away to one of Cree's sons when she was fifteen. That same boy was also the first and only one she ever slept with, one summer day when her grandfather was still alive and the two had stolen away to the prairie when the grass was tall and concealing But that son had moved to town and married another girl, and in all honesty, Rei didn't care. Such things were nothing but childhood fantasies.
"I take it you won't need this water then?" Cree asked stiffly. Rei laughed again. "Just put it on the end-table there. He can have it when he wakes up." That said, she quickly climbed the stairs. Realizing she was still in her robes, she hastily changed into old jeans and a heavy sweater, then tied her hair back with a black ribbon. Taking the two heaviest blankets off her bed, she carried them back down to the parlor and spread them over the young man's sleeping form. She would build a fire in the fireplace in a little bit, but first she needed Cree's goods.
The old man had already started unloading. When Rei opened the front door, she saw him climbing up the stairs with her flour sacks. Holding the door open for him (a concerned thought for the young man on her sofa flashed through her mind, but she would only keep the door open for a little while), Rei put on her coat and boots and went to grab the sugar and tea. Cree would bring up the two small barrels of meat, and she could grab the milk and eggs. The whole process only took about ten minutes.
"I'll put some coffee on for you, Cree, but do you mind if I build a fire first? I don't want him to get cold," she said, inclining her head towards the slumbering figure on the couch.
"Not at all. I'll even go get the water myself. You get that fire taken care of, then we'll chat," the old man replied. Rei smiled gratefully at him. Cree had been coming out to the shrine every week ever since she was a child, and you couldn't help but like the man. Her grandfather had never thought him to be too bright, but there wasn't a kinder-hearted soul within a hundred miles.
Getting some logs from the cellar, Rei brought them into the parlor and put three in the fireplace. Tossing some kindling from the tinder-box on top, she lit the whole thing with a match and welcomed the sudden warmth in the room. But still, as a matter of comfort, she wrapped her shawl around her shoulders as she went back into the kitchen. There was a kettle of water waiting on the stove, and Cree was just lighting a smaller fire within. In no time, the whole house was comfortably toasty, and if one were to ignore the wounded body on the sofa, the image of young woman and old man drinking coffee and eating toast in the kitchen was heartwarming indeed. But the expressions on both of their faces were a mixture of solemnity and confusion.
"So, are you going to keep him here?" Cree asked, looking at Rei.
She shrugged. "Well, you can't transport him in this condition. And even if you did, what would be the point? There's nothing a doctor can do for him that I haven't already done. Besides, who knows if a doctor would even see him? The kid just appeared out of nowhere, if he's carrying some kind of contagious disease or something, you know they won't let him come near the doctor's office."
Cree's already ashen complexion paled further. "You don't think he's got some kind of plague?"
"He could have the god-damned pox for all I know. But there's nobody to infect out here. You barely touched him, so I'm sure you're fine. I might've caught something from when I treated him, but if so, that's life." A wry grin crossed her face. "I'm not worried though. I got Grandpa's constitution, and you know that man was never sick a day in his life."
"Still...what if he's a bandit or something? I don't like the idea of you being left out here all alone with him..."
"Oh come on, Cree!" Rei cried, exasperation saturating her voice. "I've been all alone out here for the past two years. He's in no condition to attack me, and if he wants to rob me, there's not much to steal. And even if there was, he's got no place to go. On top of all that, you know I've still got the shotgun. Shooting a dangerous person probably isn't too different from shooting a dangerous animal."
Cree was silent for a few moments, then finished off his coffee. "So, you are going to keep him here."
"Yes," Rei answered.
"How long?"
"Until he's better. Maybe longer than that. Until he's either ready to leave or I'm ready to throw him out. Food's not an issue, I've got plenty. He can sleep on the couch, it's warmer down here anyways. As long as he behaves himself, I'm not going to just throw him out there to die," she said firmly.
The old man chuckled. "For God's sake, Rei, you sound like a little girl who just found an orphaned puppy."
"A puppy?" Rei mused, then her eyes lit up. "Oh! I didn't tell you! There was a stray running around here yesterday..."
The pair chewed the fat for another thirty minutes after that. After Cree had finished off two more cups of coffee, he rose to his feet and headed for the front door, pausing to glance at the young man. "You want me to come check on you guys over the weekend?" he offered when he opened the door.
Rei shrugged. "It's up to you. But don't go out of your way, Cree. Things will be fine, I promise. He'll probably be gone when you come next week," she said nonchalantly.
Cree didn't tell her had a feeling that prediction was one that wasn't going to come true.
Instead, he put on his hat and coat, and descended the stairs to his truck. Rei watched out the window as the vehicle started up, turned around in the middle of the road, then headed back the way it had come, until finally it vanished over the horizon.
Turning, she looked at the young man on the couch and tilted her head slightly. Color seemed to be returning to his face, that was good. And there wasn't any sign of his wound bleeding through the bandage. He was laying still now, sleeping peacefully. "Who are you?" Rei murmured. "And how the hell did you get here?"
She blinked, and saw the white dog on her couch. Gasping, she blinked again. No, it was the boy. Rei shook her head. She hadn't been able to get the creature out of her head. Why had it frightened her so much? Sure it had been big, but a dog was a dog. People kept them as pets. So what was it about that dog?
Rei shook her head. "I really am going crazy..." she murmured, going into the kitchen to begin the day's work of canning vegetables.
He brought me to her. The one who inflicted this wound on me. Should I tell her? If I do, then she'll know. She should know. I have my pride as a wolf. But I can't fight her like this. She could cut my throat and I couldn't stop her. I hate this. I hate hiding as a human. I hate her for all of this. But her kindness...why? Why is she doing this? Who is she?
The young man on the couch did not stir until almost sunset. Rei was just putting another log on the fire when she heard the crack of his joints from behind her. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw him attempting to sit up straight, and succeeding, although it looked like he was in pain. Rising to her feet, she slowly went to him. "So...you're awake. How do you feel?" she asked, picking up the box of medical supplies and beginning to rummage through it. The boy didn't answer, just watched her suspiciously. Catching his glance, she rolled her eyes. "Relax. I'm just getting a thermometer. I want to take your temperature and make sure you're not running a fever. You'll be in bad shape if that wound's infected."
Still he said nothing. Well fine. She could deal with the silent treatment. Taking out the thermometer, she took it into the kitchen and rinsed it off with water, then came back out. The boy was still watching her closely, examining her like she was some sort of alien life form. "It's rude to stare," she informed him, sitting down next to him on the couch and holding out the thermometer. He made no move to take it. Rei let out an exasperated sigh. "Look, don't be difficult. Just put it in your mouth. I promise it won't hurt," she added as an afterthought, almost convinced that he had never seen a thermometer before in his life. But to her surprise, he did as she said. She waited for about a minute, then carefully withdrew it from his lips.
She frowned. "One hundred and one. Damn..." she cursed softly shaking the instrument.
"...I feel fine."
The woman raised her head. "So you can talk," she mused. "I was seriously starting to wonder about that." Standing up, she went to rinse off the thermometer then returned it to its box. Taking out a different pill bottle, one of fever-reducers, she shook a couple into her palm and handed them to him. "Swallow these. There's water right there," she pointed to the glass Cree had put on the end-table, untouched all day. Without complaint, the young man swallowed them, as well as the water. Taking the glass from it, Rei set it aside and looked down at him. "How does your arm feel?" she asked, glancing at the wound but making no move to check the bandages.
"Numb," he answered. "What did you do?"
"I just gave you some painkillers. That's what made you so drowsy all day. They'll probably be wearing off soon, but I can give you some more if you want." She took the glass and went into the kitchen, but continued to talk, raising her voice so he could hear. "I can't give you too many though. They're not good for your body, and really hard to come by out here. Cree only gets his hands on them once a year or so."
"Cree...was that the name of the old man with the truck?" the man asked when she came back into the room with a tray of food. She nodded.
"Yeah. He brings supplies out here once a week. You were lucky it was Wednesday. Otherwise you would have probably died there in the road. Nobody comes down it these days, except Cree, and only him once a week," Rei explained, setting the tray down on the end-table. "What happened to you anyways?"
A mask of stone took place of the boy's visage. She narrowed her eyes a little, and for a moment, the face of the white dog passed before her eyes. Rei was so startled that she almost dropped the plate in her hands. The boy caught this, however, and for a moment, she could have sworn there was a look of alarm in those pale blue eyes. "What?" he asked, voice flat as ever.
She hesitated. "Nothing," Rei said finally. "Just a shiver. It's kind of cold in here." She handed the plate to him. He took it in his right hand, the good arm, and began to eat. Straightening her back, Rei went to the fireplace and added another log, then grabbed her shawl from where it lay draped over a chair. Taking her teacup from the tray, she sipped quietly and stared into the fire. Secretly, she was afraid that if she looked at the couch, she would see the white dog sitting there.
But when she heard the young man set the plate down and she dared turn back to face him, that's all she saw. A shirtless young man with tangled hair and a wounded arm and bright eyes. Bright eyes that were watching her just as closely as she was watching him. It made her uncomfortable. There was nothing perverse in it; she didn't get the vibe he was undressing her with his eyes. Or rather he was, but he wasn't stopping at taking off the clothes. He was looking beneath her skin, beneath her flesh, into her bones, into her very soul.
"What?" she snapped. "I told you before, it's rude to stare."
He was silent for a few more moments, but did not look away. His gaze did seem to soften, however, or at least became less piercing. "...What's your name?" he asked.
"Rei," she answered shortly. "Rei Hino."
"Where am I?"
"The middle of nowhere," she laughed bitterly, turning her face away again. "More specifically, my family's shrine. When people still came here, they called it the Tsuki-Gosai shrine. But now, it's just the place where I live."
"Alone?"
His questions were getting more irritating by the minute. "Well you don't see anyone here besides you and me, do you? And no I'm not hiding anyone upstairs or downstairs or out back. My nearest neighbor is Cree, and he won't be around for another week. If you're better by then, maybe he can take you into town, and you can make your way to wherever the hell you're going from there. But until then you're stuck here, and if you keep asking me all these questions, I swear I'm going to throttle you!"
She hadn't really meant to be so cross. But damn it, he unnerved her. If it wasn't his eyes, it was the absurd surety that he was a dog. The questions, casual as they were in retrospect, had also seemed very personal, ones she didn't feel like answering, although it only made sense that she should. Either way, the young man didn't seem to care. He was now watching the fire as intently as she was. He wasn't even watching her out of the corner of his eye, the way she was him.
They sat there for several moments in silence. Finally, Rei spoke. "What should I call you?" she asked, still keeping her gaze focused on the dancing orange flames.
"Kiba," the man answered without hesitation.
Almost no words were exchanged for the rest of the night. When Kiba mentioned that his arm was hurting, Rei offered him some more painkillers, and he accepted. After that, she brought down a pillow and an additional blanket, making a better bed on the couch for him. He didn't thank her, and she didn't expect him to. Around the time when the fire died, she noticed he had fallen asleep. Standing up, Rei locked the doors and hugged her shawl around her shoulders. She risked one more glance at him. And Kiba was Kiba, not a dog, just a man.
She repeated the thought over and over in her head until she fell asleep.
She's alone. I didn't think humans lived alone. I wonder what happened to her pack? Are they dead, or was she abandoned? Did she abandon them? I want to leave. I will leave, as soon as I'm able to. She'll be glad. She doesn't really want me here. We both like being alone. But why does she look at me so strangely? Does she see what I am?
He was awake when she woke up the next morning. He hadn't gone anywhere, but was standing in front of the window, staring out at the flat expanse of land that stretched out before the hill. A little snow had fallen during the night, covering the ground with a thin coat of white. But there wasn't enough to cover all of the brown beneath it. Kiba jumped when she touched his shoulder, and Rei could have sworn she heard an animalistic growl. However, Kiba quickly found himself, then turned away without a word. Luckily, Rei was expecting a reaction like this, and didn't think too much of it.
"Are you feeling better today?" she asked, moving to stand next to him. Her eyes could help but trace over the expanse of bare skin on his chest and arms. It was freezing today, and yet here he was, shirtless, not feeling it at all. There weren't even any goose-bumps puckering his pale skin. Rei shook her head. Some people were just warm-blooded, she supposed. They never felt cold.
Kiba nodded in answer to her question, but didn't look at her. "It doesn't hurt so much today," he answered, indicating his arm. Going into the kitchen, Rei fetched her medical kit and called him over to the couch. Neither said a word as he sat down and she began to unwrap the bandages. As the small speckles of red grew into deep crimson patches, Rei began to steel herself for the sight of the wound. When she finally peeled away the last layer, she saw the ragged skin was slowly beginning to heal. There was still blood, but the shallower gashes around the edges were already scabbed over, and there wasn't any sign of infection. Nonetheless, she spread more ointment on, which made Kiba flinch visibly, although it was clear that he was trying to hide the reaction. Rei then took another roll of bandages and began to rewrap the wound. Once that was completed, she put the soiled ones in the box; they would be washed and bleached to perfection and reused later.
"Are you hungry?" she asked, rising to her feet and taking the box away. He didn't answer, but followed her into the kitchen anyways. Rei motioned for him to sit at the table, and after tossing the bandages into a metal tub in the corner and putting the box away, began to get out items for breakfast. Setting the last half-loaf of bread on the table, she started the tea and cracked some eggs in a pan on the stove. By the time everything was done, it had been about fifteen minutes. That entire time, Kiba had not touched the bread. And even after she put out the butter and preserves and set a plate of scrambled eggs and cup of tea in front of him, he still made no move to eat.
Rei said nothing to him until she had already eaten a slice of bread and butter and finished off her first cup of tea. "You can eat, you know," she remarked irritably. "Those eggs are going to get cold quick, and I'm not making more."
"Why are you doing this?" Kiba asked, staring at her the same way he had the night before, eyes peeling away every layer of her being until her most private core was exposed. But this was daytime. She had slept. There was strength in her bones now, and Rei wasn't going to let this man suddenly just break down the wall and waltz right in. Standing up, she poured another cup of tea and didn't even glance at him as she sat down again.
"Because it's right," she answered matter-of-factly, continuing to daintily eat her eggs as she sipped at her tea. Her eyes continued to avoid his.
"Right?" He didn't seem to comprehend the word, and Rei raised her head. Sure enough, there was a look of pure confusion on his face. She almost smiled at it. But then she saw him cock his head to the side, and the urge to smile vanished. The motion was too dog-like for comfort. Instead, she feigned nonchalance as she continued.
"If that wound went untreated, you would have bled to death. But it's an easy wound to treat, if you have the supplies, which I do. If I had said to Cree yesterday 'I'm not going to help him, he's on his own' he would have probably tried to take you to town for treatment. You would have never made it. Even now, you're going to need a few days rest to make up for all the blood you lost. You were saved just in time. If I hadn't helped you, you would be dead," Rei explained, then set her cup down and stared into the murky depths of the contents. "And if you had died when I could have saved you, when I could have easily saved you, that's something I would have to carry with me until the day I died. I may as well have been the one to give you that wound in the first place."
A bolt of electric tension shot between them, and their eyes met. For a nanosecond, they both knew everything. But Kiba didn't want to think about it, and Rei didn't want to believe it. So they both returned their attention to their food, and finished the meal in silence.
To Rei's surprise, when she began to clear away the dishes, Kiba helped, depositing them in the sink before putting the butter and preserves back in the cabinet. "What will you do today?" he asked, watching her scrub the plates with a wooden brush. She was somewhat taken aback at his interest, but was quick to answer the question. "Go take care of the prayer hall for a while, then bake some bread and probably do some mending. There's some old clothes upstairs I can give you to wear. You must be getting cold without a shirt..."
She glanced over her shoulder just in time to see him shrug, and her eyes fell on the bandaged bicep yet again. "Kiba..." she began carefully. "What were you doing all alone out here anyways?"
For once, he didn't hesitate to answer. "Just passing through. I got delayed," he explained casually, as if they were two people stuck in a subway station while the train experienced technical difficulties.
"Passing through..." Rei repeated softly, staring out the window over the basin. Snow was beginning to fall heavier now. "Where are you headed?"
"Someplace better than here."
She whirled around and glared at him, then suddenly burst into laughter. Again Kiba looked confused, but Rei was so hysterical that the canine head-tilt didn't even bother her this time. She must have looked like a woman in a fit of hysteria, but she didn't care. It had been so long since she had laughed. Not since her grandfather died at least.
"What?" Kiba asked when she'd calmed down some. He looked half ready to bolt for the door, in case she should suddenly go crazy and begin chasing him with a knife.
Rei shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Don you see, Kiba? The whole fucking world is better than this place. Hell is better than this place." Okay, so the explanation wasn't funny, but to a half-mad woman who had spent the last two years virtually isolated from the rest of the world, such a notion seemed the funniest thing in the world.
At least Kiba didn't look quite so terrified anymore. Instead, he just rolled his eyes and sat back in the chair. "This place doesn't seem that bad," he commented.
By now, Rei had turned around again, and was putting the dishes away. "When you're not alone, it isn't. It wasn't a terrible place to grow up, when my family was around. But these days, living here...I feel dead. Like I'm a ghost. The only thing that ever seems to pass the time is work. And even when time does pass, there's nothing to look forward to anymore. Cree, I suppose. And unexpected things," she explained.
"Unexpected things?" Kiba asked, not quite comprehending.
Rei turned. Her lips were twisted in the hint of a smile. "Things like you," she answered. Without another word, she went upstairs and changed into her robes. Not even glancing in Kiba's direction, she put on her coat and went outside, crossing the yard to the prayer hall and sealing herself inside.
Humans aren't supposed to be kind. They aren't supposed to care about what's "right." So why is she? Why does she? I don't want to like her. Humans have never caused anything but trouble. It doesn't matter that she lives alone. Even one human woman poses a threat. But still...I had to fight the instinct to follow her outside. I know if I did, the mask would fall away. She would see what I am. And she would probably kill me. Because I know I couldn't bring myself to fight back and hurt her.
It didn't stop snowing for four days. Every morning, Rei awoke to see Kiba sleeping in the parlor, and every morning, she would check his bandages. He healed fast. On that fourth morning, he said he wanted to go outside. Rei told him she wouldn't stop him, but she would insist he wear a jacket. She tried to give him one that had belonged to her grandfather, but he refused. Finally, he conceded to wear Cree's son's jacket, the one he'd been wearing when the old man had first brought him to the shrine. Rei had managed to clean most of the blood off the wool lining, although there was still a faint trace of a rust-colored splotch on the inside of the left sleeve. They went out together, Rei headed for the prayer hall, Kiba headed for God knew where.
"Don't be gone too long, okay?" Rei asked, staring up into his bright eyes. "It's cold. I don't want you to get sick."
"I'll be fine," Kiba answered flatly. He had pushed up the sleeves of the jacket. She thought he was crazy. She was pulling her own coat tighter around her, and she only had about thirty feet to travel. But Kiba never seemed to notice the cold.
She noticed he was staring back at her now, looking her over from top to bottom. This time, he wasn't trying to look inside of her. Rather, it was like he was seeing her for the first time, trying to take in every single detail so that she could be recalled at a later date. It wasn't actually such a terrible thing, but Rei didn't want him to think he could just give her such meaningful glances anytime he pleased.
"Kiba, how many times have I told you not to stare?" she said irritably, crossing her hands over her chest and turning away roughly.
"...I'm sorry," he answered. By the time she looked back at him, he was vanishing into the flurry of snowflakes pouring down from the clouds. Rei reached out a hand, wanting to pull him back suddenly. Somehow, she knew he was leaving for good. That she would never see him again. That just as quickly as her solitude had ended, it was beginning again as her only companion vanished into the snow. But it was too late. He was gone.
"Kiba..." Rei murmured, then shook her head. What was she thinking? He was still wounded. He had no food. He was going to get cold after a while, especially if the temperature kept dropping the way it was. "He'll be back," she said aloud. She went into the prayer hall.
When she emerged an hour and a half later, he wasn't back. When she fried the potatoes and onions for lunch, he still wasn't back. When she had to draw the heavy curtains and build the fire to chase away the cold, he wasn't back. When she was on her tenth cup of tea of the day, he still wasn't back. He was gone through baking, through sewing, through cooking dinner, through working on a poem. He still wasn't back.
Rei was laying on the couch, his blankets pulled up over her. They smelled like him, a scent too sharp and organic to be identified. She would never tell anyone, but she loved that smell.
The fire was dying. She knew she should get up and go to bed, but she couldn't. He still wasn't back. Sleep was pressing hard on her, but she couldn't succumb yet. She had to make sure he came home okay. Even if it meant staying up all night.
A flash of white passed before her eyes. Rei gasped, seeing the stray dog in the middle of the parlor floor. How had it gotten in the house? Why was it staring at her like that? It had gold eyes, fiery eyes...those weren't dog eyes. They were the eyes of something older, deadlier, holier.
Her grandfather's voice echoed in her head. "Some people say wolves still live among us, disguising themselves as humans..."
Someone was shaking her awake. Rei sat up straight on the couch, her head colliding with something that was both soft and hard. Kiba took a step backwards, pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead where it had smacked against hers.
"Kiba!" Rei cried, getting to her feet. Before either of them knew what was going on, her arms were locked around him tight, and she had buried her face in his chest. For a few moments, the man was still focused on making sure he didn't have a concussion, but after that, he awkwardly put his arms around her as well. He said nothing, didn't even really hold her. But he allowed himself to be held, and that was good enough for Rei. By the time she realized what she was doing, it had occurred to her that she hadn't embraced anyone in years. She'd never even hugged her grandfather, not once she became a teenager. But Kiba felt good in her arms. He felt sturdy and real and solid. It wasn't a dream.
"I thought you'd left me," she murmured. "I was worried about you."
"Rei..." Kiba said, his voice sounding unsure. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
Suddenly, she released him and stepped back. The look on her face had switched from relieved to incensed. "You idiot! I told you not to be gone too long! Your arm's still not one hundred percent better, what if you reopened the wound? Or if it got infected? Not to mention any of the other million things that could have happened out there to a guy whose all alone! I should beat you up for scaring me so bad!" she cried, rage burning in her eyes. He didn't fight it, didn't deny it. He did have the sense to avert his gaze, but dared to glance up again when he saw she had put her hands on her hips and turned her back on him. "But...I'm glad you came back. And I'm glad everything's all right. I can finally get to bed now." She turned her head and glanced over her shoulder. "But if you ever make me wait up for you again, Kiba, I'm going to skin you alive and hang you on the wall, got it?"
He smirked. Her eyes widened. It was the closest thing to a smile she'd ever seen on his face. And it took all the power she had not to mirror his reaction. "All right then," she huffed. "I'm going to bed. Good night."
Ascending the stairs, she changed into her heavy flannel nightgown. Blowing out the flame on the oil lamp beside the large wooden sleighbed, she huddled between the heavy blankets and turned her face to the wall. She was almost asleep when she heard footsteps on the stairs. By the time the sounds registered in her drowsy mind, she could feel the warm presence at her back. Rolling over, she saw Kiba laying beside her, his eyes sparkling in the darkness. A yawn escaped her lips as she opened her mouth to speak.
"Kiba?" she murmured. "What are you doing here?"
"Don't you want me here?" he asked in response. There was nothing cynical or sharp in his voice, and his tone was matter-of-fact. And Rei realized that he had guessed her desire when he had first seen her climb up the stairs. It wasn't sexual; she just wanted him closer than downstairs. She wanted the reassurance that she wasn't alone. And here he was, giving her such reassurance. She didn't say anything, but gave him a sleepy smile and let her eyes drift shut.
"Rei?" he whispered, causing her to open one eye.
"Hm?"
Silence. "Would you put your arms around me again? Like you did downstairs?"
Both eyes opened and locked with his. To Rei's surprise, she saw shame in those blue orbs, and pity filled her heart. Was the stupid boy really so prideful that it pained him to ask her such a simple thing? Well, she wasn't really one to criticize on the subject of pride. Instead, she moved closer to him and pulled him tight against her. She felt his tense body relax some. His head was laying on her breast, and she could feel his warm breath on her skin even through the heavy flannel. Kiba's eyes drifted shut.
He didn't thank her for granting his request. He didn't hold onto her. But Rei didn't care. Just having something real to cling to was more than enough for her.
They both slept through the night.
I've never been held like that. Even the old man only dared to ever pet me. Maybe she only did it because she sees me as a human. But I think she knows. On a deeper level, she does. There's something in her that makes her different from other humans. Maybe that's why she's kind to me, maybe not. But she's not human in my mind anymore. She's something more than that. That's why I let myself go to her. That's why, when I had gone so many miles today, I realized I couldn't leave her yet. That was why I turned around and came back.
"Cree is coming today," Rei stated flatly Wednesday. Those were always the first words out of her mouth on Wednesdays, Kiba noticed. Twenty-two days ago, she had shot the dog (wolf). Twenty-one days ago, Kiba had been brought wounded to the shrine. Twenty days ago, he had begun his recovery. Sixteen days ago, he had both disappeared and come to her bed, and he continued to each night (sleep with her, that is). Sleeping was all they ever did, but that was enough for both of that. During the day, they would breakfast together, and Kiba would run while Rei worked in the hall. He would usually come back before she was done, and wait outside for her. Then he would help her with whatever chore she was doing, and if she pushed him away, protested that she didn't want or need his help, he would merely sit by her and watch. He also listened to her talk, learned her life story and her views of the world.
The first Wednesday that Cree had returned, both the woman and the old man agreed that Kiba wasn't quite ready to leave yet. Both were doubtful that the doctor in town would see him, especially since there was illness there and his number of patients grew daily, and Rei insisted that she was doing a better job than a physician anyways. The second Wednesday had been in the middle of a blizzard. Cree had made it out okay, but had refused to take Kiba because he wasn't going to be able to get into town, and they couldn't afford to feed another mouth at his house for even a few days. And now it was the third Wednesday, and a dull stone of fear was sitting heavily in Rei's stomach. Today was Kiba's opportunity to leave her, and while he hadn't explicitly said that he would, she knew it was only a matter of time now. His arm was badly scarred, but she knew it would fade. The wound itself was healed completely. The weather was clearer today than it had ever been. Although the sun was still veiled by clouds, they were thin and white, depleted of the snow which was piled almost a foot thick all across the plain.
Kiba said nothing as he drank the almost-frozen water from the glass. He had admitted that he didn't like the tea Rei was so addicted to, and actually preferred drinking the straight spring water right out of the well. Rei found this odd, but acquiesced to his wishes. Although he never asked for much, in truth Rei would have done almost anything for the patient-turned-houseguest-turned-companion. She could never express her gratitude to him for ending her exile, but she never even tried to. Kiba wouldn't understand. He was still convinced that she had a perfect setup. Secluded from the world that was falling apart, safe from the people that would use her and hurt her, isolated from all the pain and suffering of the universe. Kiba thought this place was her paradise.
How to explain that for her, it was Hell?
"What time will he be here?"
"Huh?" Rei blinked, jerking her head up as her train of thought jumped the tracks and crashed violently into a ball of flaming wreckage.
"When will Cree arrive?" Kiba asked, expression unreadable. Rei tried to look beyond the mask, but there was nothing there, as usual. Either there was nothing, or else another mask, one that she couldn't see through, or didn't want to.
Instead, she shrugged. "Mid-morning I expect. Do you want to watch for him while I go pray?" she asked, taking the dishes and dunking them in the icy cold water in the sink. Adding a handful of soap flakes, she scrubbed the remnants of the bacon grease from the plates and kept her eyes focused on the horizon out the window. She didn't want to continue the conversation, but Kiba wasn't satisfied yet.
"Am I going with him today?" he pressed further. Rei heard him rise from the table, and felt his gaze on the back of her neck. He was standing behind her.
"It's up to you," she answered, refusing to turn around and look at him. The stone in her stomach was getting larger and heavier with each passing second. "He'll probably be willing to take you into town yet today. You can catch a train from there, provided the illness doesn't have the whole place quarantined. I know I'm certainly not going to keep you here."
"...You want me to leave."
Rei spun around. The cup in her hand was covered with soap suds, and slippery. It slid out of her grasp and fell to the floor, where it shattered into a dozen sharp pieces. But she didn't seem to notice. "Kiba, I didn't mean it that way. You know I don't want you to leave."
He said nothing, but went down on one knee and began picking up the pieces of ceramic. She felt tears welling up in her eyes as she watched him, and hated herself for it. Why was she crying? Because he got it in his head that she didn't want him around? They both knew that wasn't true. And then it occurred to her. These were tears of shame. Just as Kiba hadn't wanted to go to her that night over two weeks ago, she didn't want to admit that she wanted him to stay.
But he had come to her anyways.
She took the shards of ceramic from him and set them gently on the counter. And then, before he could escape, she latched on tight to him, holding on like a drowning man clings to a piece of driftwood. Her eyes were shut tight, forcing back the tears and making her head hurt from the effort, but she wasn't going to cry, and she wasn't going to let him go.
"Stay with me," she whispered. "Don't go with him. Don't go anywhere."
"Rei..." Kiba murmured.
"I don't want to be alone again," Rei said. "If I lose you, there won't be anything left. I won't make it without you. So stay here. Please."
She couldn't tell what Kiba was thinking. That was nothing new. He didn't hug her back, and that wasn't new either. What would she do if he refused? She couldn't keep him here against his will. If Kiba really wanted to go, he would be gone, and there was nothing she could do to stop him except wish and plead.
"I'll stay."
What? Did he actually say that? Or was her feverish mind playing tricks to ease the pain of the returning exile? He was breaking out of the circle of her arms now, but he tilted her chin up so that he could look into her eyes. "I'll stay with you, if that's what you want," Kiba answered. "I won't leave you alone, Rei. I promise."
"Kiba..." It was the only word that Rei managed to say. She took a step forward, and he opened his arms to receive her.
That was the way Cree found them when he poked his head in the kitchen five minutes later.
Why am I staying? Why not? I haven't seen the moon in weeks. I haven't smelled the flowers for even longer. Rei might hate this place, but I don't. Maybe this place IS Paradise. Humans don't come here, except Cree, but even he doesn't ever really enter. He delivers the offering, then leaves. There is only me, and there is only Rei, and Rei's not a human. A human wouldn't hold me the way she does. Humans don't sleep as peacefully she does in the dead of night. This is the place I was looking for.
They were together all winter. Rei couldn't remember a time when there had been more snow. Clouds constantly obscured both the sun and the moon, and there were days when it was too cold for Rei to even go over to the prayer hall. On those days she would linger particularly long in bed, sometimes with Kiba beside her, sometimes without. Cold never meant anything to him. He went for his runs in the snow, but he always came back. Because he had promised he would.
As for the stray dog she had shot at, she didn't see it all winter, although sometimes she saw paw prints in the snow. If she mentioned it to Kiba, he only gave her a puzzled look and shrugged it off. It didn't matter. Most of the time when she saw the tracks, fresh snow would fill them by the next morning. Rei tried not to think of the creature too often, but there were times when she couldn't associate it. It had almost been a harbinger, but for the end of her sorrow, not the end of the world. Because she had seen it just before meeting Kiba, the two were unavoidably associated with each other, and she theorized this was why at times she would have visions of the dog when she was with him.
Something else troubled her though. She kept remembering stories her grandfather had told her as a child about wolves. They'd been dead for centuries of course, and only mentioned now to scare little children. But when she had shot the dog, its size had struck her, as had the shape of its body. It was inarguably wolf-like. That didn't mean anything, however. There were breeds of dogs that looked like wolves, and probably some that got just as big. And all of Rei's references came from illustrations in old encyclopedias that were locked away with the rest of her grandfather's things. The exception, of course, was the legend that wolves still existed, and could look like humans. This was something she would have dismissed under normal circumstances. But she couldn't. Because Kiba never told her how he got wounded. And she couldn't for the life of her remember where on the body she had shot that...creature. All she knew was that she hadn't killed it instantly, and she never found a body.
Shooting the dog was the one thing Rei never talked about. Nothing else was taboo, and she never hesitated to vocalize the thoughts that came into her head. Kiba was content to listen and respond with his opinion and advice, although he never revealed anything about his past. That was fine. Rei wondered, of course, but she wasn't going to do anything that would drive him away, and so she was content with her guesses and theories. These too she kept to herself, but she probably could have talked to Kiba about it if she wanted. He would just deny any story she could make up and wait for her to change the subject.
It was a happy life. When Cree came for his weekly visits, he referred to them as husband and wife and jokingly asked when he could expect some children to welcome him. That was the other odd thing. Both Rei and Kiba acknowledged that although the bonds they shared were built on affection and probably love as well, there was no attraction whatsoever. Kiba didn't talk about it, and Rei couldn't put her finger on just why she didn't desire him in that way. He was certainly handsome enough, with a body other women would drool over. But Rei knew if she made any advances, it would only go terribly wrong, so she didn't dare. There was still physical contact; hugging, kisses on the hand and forehead, gentle caresses, but none of it was meant for arousal. They were only gentle reassurances that both of them were still there, and both enjoyed them immensely.
One day when the snow was beginning to melt, Rei found herself blinking at the brightness. It took a second for her to realize that the light was caused by the sun reflecting off of the snow. The sun. God, how long had it been? Ages and ages ago. There were a few muddy patches in the backyard, and birds were hunting worms in the chill, wet air. Most prominent among them, of course, were Phobos and Deimos, perched on the fence rail and observing their kingdom like monarchs who have just returned after a voyage to a foreign land. Like the sun, they had been absent all winter as well, and Rei rejoiced at their return, pointing them out to Kiba, who only looked suspicious of the birds. When the pair went outside to them, Rei was the first to approach the crows, who welcomed her by landing on her head and shoulder. But when Kiba stepped forward, the pair instantly alighted and fled for the tree, clearly terrified for their lives.
Again, Rei thought of the day the dog (WOLF!) attacked them. Kiba touched her shoulder. She said nothing. He let go, then took off running down the hill. She went into the prayer hall. When she came out, there he was, waiting patient as always. For the rest of the day, he was a quiet shadow as she took inventory of seeds and began planning the garden. Provided the weather stayed fair and no more snow fell, she could place an order for seeds with Cree this week, have them by next week, and begin planting before the end of the month. Less than a dozen words travelled between her and her companion the entire day, and already it was clear that he was slipping away.
That night, her fears were confirmed.
She awoke in the middle of a nightmare. She saw two wolves fighting, the white one she had shot (it was a wolf, she had no doubt anymore) and a black one with a hideous eye. There were flowers everywhere, and the white's fur was stained red with blood. Pain filled her heart. She needed to help the white one, but she couldn't. She was bound to a pine tree with thorny vines. A blood red rose was blooming near her cheek, but it smelled like rotting meat. Like death. She continued to watch the fight, and noticed two black crows perched on a rock overhead. The birds had no eyes, only empty socket. When they opened their mouths, she saw her own face in the left one's, and Kiba's in the right's. Then the birds made retching noises and vomited up bones that rained down on the fight below. But they weren't bones, they were flower petals. They began to cover the white one, who was laying dead before the black. The victor threw back his head and let out a howl.
That was the sound that pulled her into wakefulness. Reflexively, she reached over for Kiba, only to find he wasn't there. Sitting up, she saw he wasn't in the bed at all, and wasn't even in the room. A cold feeling struck her as she turned and looked out the window. It was a full moon outside, and the light reflecting off the remaining snow made it light up like daytime. Sitting on the edge of the hill was the white wolf. The one from her dream, the one she had shot. The one who shared her bed and her house and her heart. She didn't know why he was crying, but the sound made her want to wail herself.
But Rei remained silent as she grabbed a shawl and pulled on heavy wool socks. Going downstairs, she put on her boots and coat, then went outside. It had to be below freezing, but she didn't feel cold anymore. She went to the wolf, which now looked like a young man in a leather jacket with scruffy black hair and piercing blue eyes.
"Kiba."
He turned to look at her. "Did I wake you?" he asked. His voice was full of emotion, but what sort, she couldn't guess. He made no move to touch her.
"It was you the whole time, wasn't it? It was you I shot that day. That's how you hurt your arm," Rei stated. She was trying to keep her voice bland and empty, but she was so close to tears that she knew he had to have heard. "I'm sorry," she whispered, moving beside him. It was like looking at a mirage. From this angle, he was a wolf, but from that one, a man. Even as a wolf he could speak, although his mouth didn't move. Rather, she heard the voice in her head, the same voice that had issued from the lips of the man she loved.
"Don't apologize. You thought I was a threat," he answered. "I was a threat. It was a natural reaction."
"Still...I was the one that caused all this...and I kept you here..."
He grabbed her hand and held it to his face. Or did she do that of her own accord. Was that soft skin she felt beneath her fingers, or even softer fur? Were those blue eyes staring at her, or gold ones? "Rei, you didn't keep me here. I wanted to stay with you. I still want to stay with you. Forever," he said. "Being a wolf doesn't have anything to do with it. I think you knew all along. Because you see things others don't. You know things humans don't understand. It makes you different."
The tears spilled over. "You're right. That's how I know..."
"Know what?" Kiba asked, pressing his lips to her fingers. Or was he licking them?
"You're going to leave me."
He raised his head. "I promised you, Rei. I'll stay with you forever. It's what we both want, right?"
Rei pulled her hand away and wiped her cheeks. The cold wind was making the tears freeze to her face. They stung like tiny needles burning against her face. She stood up straight and turned away. "Kiba..." she murmured softly.
He was in front of her now, in human form. He put his arms around her, and for a brief second, he felt like a man as he held her close. He even went so far as to press his lips to hers, and they felt real. It was a man's kiss, not an animals. But when Rei dared to open her eyes, he was staring up at her in the shape of a wolf. "Yes?" he coaxed.
"I wish..." the tears were too hot to freeze now. "I wish you were a human."
She went back into the house and locked the doors behind her. The next morning, he was gone. The snow had melted and warped their footprints, creating oblong valleys in the islands of dirty white slush. But she found one beneath the front window, a perfectly shaped pawprint. And imprinted in the frost on the glass was a perfectly clear handprint.
The moon called me. The flowers called me. I wanted to stay with you, Rei. I wanted to keep my promise to you. But I have to keep going. This hill is your Paradise, not mine. Mine is still a long way down the road. But just like you wish I was human, I wish you were a wolf. I wish I could bring you to my Paradise. I wish we could always be together.
When Cree came next, he was surprised to find Rei alone. She explained that Kiba didn't want to wait for him to return, so she had given him food and clothing and money, and he was headed for the city himself. She wouldn't speak any more on the subject.
But she did have a letter for him to mail. It was addressed to her father. Rei noticed his reaction.
"I'm arranging for the paperwork to transfer to Jaguara's city," she explained. "I don't see any point in keeping the shrine going any longer. I may as well try to get a fresh start in the city. My father says Lady Jaguara can always use another lady-in-waiting. Even that has to be better than here."
"Well, we'll be sad to see you go, Rei. I don't know how I'll spend my Wednesdays if I can't come see you," Cree remarked.
Rei smiled. It was a cold smile, devoid of emotion and filled with bitterness. "Don't worry, Cree. If you want my opinion, I don't think there will be too many more Wednesdays. For any of us."
I saw her again a few years later in Jaguara's keep. She wore a mask, but I won't forget her smell, or her hair, or the way she walked. It was her, but it wasn't. There was no life there. The fire had been put out. That was why I didn't think too much about her when the keep fell. But as we draw closer to Paradise, I can't help but wonder if maybe her spirit went on ahead. If maybe it was so alien that it was admitted to Paradise.
I wonder if she's waiting for me on the other side of the gates.