Disclaimer: The characters are not mine.
Summary/Warning: Crack fic based on one of the Brothers Grimm tales. Yuuki had wagered her beloved stuffed animal "Panda-chan" over some 'retard-level' Math questions posed by Zero. She has to prove that she was not an airhead that was where cousin Shiki came to light. There's a serious magnitude of OOCness... Dedicated to Perfectpanda37 a.k.a Aiza. I happened to help her with homework on Valentine Day's night (States time) and suddenly it led to the birth of this nonsense. The Math problems discussed between Yuuki and her Shiki onwards was the very exact ones and some of the dialogs between Yuuki and Shiki are actually an improved version of the real conversation (or rather.. PMs) we had. She requested the 'cast line-up' Enjoy!
That the Name I am Called is...
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One day, a pretty brown haired pureblood vampire was sitting quietly in the quietly in the Cross Acedemy Library. She scrunched her nose and twiddled with her gold plated pen, staring at the preposterously easy Math problem scribbled in her notebook. However, to her outmost consternation, she had no idea to go about it. So, she stared at her loyal companion, an old, very well hugged, slightly stained black and white stuffed panda sitting innocently in the wooden table. The tiny glassy beady eyes stared back at her as if reassuring that she will somehow get through the predicament. All they need was a miracle.
Usually she could get away by not doing her homework because she was the princess of the revered Kuran bloodline; a member of the vampire monarchy, the sister to the regal Kuran Kaname. None of the teachers in the Night Class dares to reprimand her, Kuran Yuuki for her tardiness of not doing homework. After all, apart from school, the royal pureblood pair had to attend to other bureaucratic matters, balls, soirees and other whatnots.
Unfortunately, she had bumped into her adopted brother after class. She was heading back to the dorms while he was on patrol. Kaname nodded his permission, so she stayed behind with the handsome silver-haired prefect; exchanged formalities, chatted about the horrible cafeteria food, the rabid fan girls that had multiplied in numbers ever since the Night Class's reestablishment in the academy, and their still very much extremely eccentric but doting adoptive father's wellbeing.
It was going on fine until Kiriyu Zero saw her barely touched, pristine notebook in her hands and decided to inquire about her commitment in terms of handing in her homework to the teachers; punctual, impeccable and of course, without errors. He expressed his concern for not being able to keep a close watch on her since they no longer goes to the same school session; she was now in the Night Class while he was still in the Day Class.
She paled, hugged her dear Panda-chan tighter to her chest and watched his normally stoic and scowling face twitch into an adorably rare but infuriatingly annoying grin. He had discovered her secret. That was not unusual given that they had been living under the same roof with Cross Kaien for years but, living in close quarters with him or turning into a pureblood vampire does not guarantee that she can equal the vampire hunter's impressive IQ. She thought he was all about muscles and brawn and no brain but she had been proven wrong when he made into the top three without fail; again, again and again while she had always managed to stay in the bottom three; again, again and again.
The grin faded into a frown when he snatched her notebook, flipped it open and scribbled three of what he called retard-level Math questions, ignoring her squeals and pleads of protest. Then he added the horrifying ultimatum that she was to answer all three of them, truthfully, independently and turn them in the following night or else Panda-chan would be confiscated and locked inside Cross's pantry cupboard, forever.
In turn, Yuuki glared into those almost translucent amethyst eyes and allowed her loud little mouth to boast that any of the Night Class students would be honoured to help her with those so-called retard-level questions. The change those fascinating orbs took on afterwards sent shivers down her royal spine.
Zero smiled sinisterly and warned that he will burn Panda-chan in the Moon Dorm fireplace in front of all the rest of the mangy-bloodsucking-retard like her in case she cheated. He would find out because, none of the Night Class students would be sane enough to help her cheat without having to face the muzzle of his beloved Bloody Rose. His gun, besides Kaname Kuran is the law, he added maliciously and she believed him.
"Nee ... Panda-chan ..." she whined, careful not to let any of the Night Class students to overhear her voice. "What are we going to do ...? I've had you since forever and I don't want to lose you ..." she said as she eyed the first problem in frustration.
"1. What is the reciprocal of 2/3?"
The word reciprocal doesn't ring any bells. So then, she read through her notes;
Fractions - A Fraction (such as 3/4 ) has two numbers. We call the top number the Numerator, it is the number of parts you have. We call the bottom number the Denominator, it is the number of parts the whole is divided into.
Reciprocal of a Fraction -To get the reciprocal of a fraction, just turn it upside down. In other words swap over the Numerator and Denominator.
She licked her lips and lifted her pen, turn it upside down... turn the bottom up, send the upper one down ... there ... 3 over 2.
"3/2 ..." She scribbled it carefully or else Zero would nag her about messy handwritings.
Yes! One down, two to go. You can do this Yuuki ... So she read the next one, it looks the same but ...
" 2. Give me the reciprocal of 9.64 "
It was written like that; like having Zero saying it out loud to her. She could picture him saying it with his eyebrows twitching impatiently. Like he said, it was the retard-level.
"Nooooooooooooo! Panda-chan ... Decimals! Eeeeeeeeppp ...!" she saw her impending future. Her chocolate, toffee, ink-blotch,cookie,candy,mint,liquorice, tears, snot, and drool stained beloved Panda-chan would be forever imprisoned in that horrid, stale, mouldy, wooden pantry cupboard. She slumped over the table and banged against the mahogany with her balled up fists. Zero is a demon... she grumbled in her head.
She sat up abruptly and noticed a few dozen sets of eyes stating warily at her. Her humble subjects were horrified by her unladylike outburst. Yuuki pretended not to notice, fought back her blush, combed her lush brown locks back, took a deep breath and peeked at the third problem.
" 3. I bet you don't know the reciprocal of '2 and 4 sevenths' either. "
Her world went black and she lowered her forehead slowly to rest against the cool white paper, "God, Panda-chan ... I know that two and four over sevenths is a mixed number and that's it ... How am I going to get the reciprocal?"
"Mommy failed you, Panda-chan. I'll throw a magnificent farewell party with Bunny-chan, Ducky-chan and Mousy-kun and erect a shrine made of glazed bamboo in my room for you Panda-chan, I promise," she told the innocent stuffed animal guiltily, hiding her face behind the veil of her silky brown hair.
"What are you doing, Yuuki –sama?" A familiar feminine voice pulled her back into the present. She straightened up in her chair and found four pair of eyes studying her with undisguised interest. The voice belonged to Souen Ruka and behind her stood Kain Akatsuki, Touya Rima and Shiki Senri.
She gave them a wan smile and shook her head.
"Is something troubling you, Yuuki-sama? We would be very grateful to help," Kain offered in that low, mellow voice of his.
That was all it took for her to pour out her soul the aristocratic bunch. She told them everything from the encounter with Zero, the Math problems, the wager on Panda-chan, the warning of not to cheat, the consequences, and showed them the first question she solved.
Well, everything but Zero's retard-level remark and her inability to solve the remaining two. She cannot afford to be perceived as an airhead can she? Although she feels that the rest of the Night Class had long discovered that fact but chose to be ignorant to save themselves from Kaname's overprotective wrath.
"You got that first one correct, Yuuki-sama. Now all you have to do is work on the rest. It's pretty easy." Rima told her with a straight face.
"Yes, all you have to do is mmppphh ..." Yuuki clamped her hands on Kain's mouth before he could blurt it all out.
"No, senpai! Don't say anything or else Zero will shoot you ...!" she screeched, her long hair flaring in her panic, toppling her chair in the process but none of the library occupants dare to tell her off; pureblood privileges. Ooops...!
"If that's the case, you're on your own, Yuuki-sama ..." said Ruka. She casted a worried glance at her, bowed and took her leave. Kain and Rima followed her lead and left. However, Shiki did not move from his spot. Yuuki raised one of her eyebrows quizzically at him.
"Say, dear cousin ... What if I help you ...?" he said in that lazy drawl of his. His deep blue eyes regarded her in unfamiliar seriousness.
"No, Shiki ... Zero will kill you," she refused.
"It'll take more than his tiny bullets to kill me, Yuuki," he had long taken the liberty to drop the honorific between them. They were cousins after all.
He moved closer to her, reached into his coat and produced something small, cute black and white thing in the palm of his right hand. It was a miniature key-chain version of Panda-chan. Yuuki's eyes grew wide in amazement. She alternated her gaze from Shiki to the small panda dangling from the key-ring a few times before Shiki spoke again.
"I'll do anything to protect my Panda. How about you?" he said flat out. She struggled to suppress her urge to laugh out loud. Shiki had sounded... childish... and it was funny. Suck it in, suck it, Yuuki... There you go... breathe...
"But, but ... I ... can't... cheat!" she hoped she can instil some sense into the redhead.
"You don't have to cheat ..." he said slowly.
"Huh?"
"I'm going to teach you," he gave her a small barely-there smile before pulling out the chair beside hers and sat down. "But you have to give me something valuable in return," he added.
"But I have nothing to give you ..." she whined.
"That pen will do," he pointed to the gold-plated pen she had in her hand.
"Oh... all right," she agreed immediately and pushed her notebook further to her left so he could get a better view.
"Now listen to my explanation and work it out. The second question is a decimal to a reciprocal fraction conversion question," he explained. "Change the decimal number into a mixed number."
"9.64 equals 9 and 64 over 100. Nine and sixty-four hundredths," she wrote it down and smiled.
"Now, simplify it," he tapped her writing.
"9 and 64 over100 is... 9 16/25. I divided the fraction by four. So it's nine and sixteen over twenty-fifths. Am I right?" she surprised herself.
Shiki nodded. "Change the mixed number into an improper fraction," he instructed.
"Let see, 9 16/25 is 241/25. Wait, now reciprocate ... 241/25 = 25/241. There... I turned it upside down," she flashed him her brightest smile and handed him the pen.
"Well done, cousin. So the transaction is complete," he rose up to his feet. "I should go now."
"No, no ... wait! The last question," she stopped him and read the last of her worries "Question number 3 ... I bet you don't know the reciprocal of '2 and 4 sevenths' either." Zero quirky sense of humour never failed to astonish her. Shiki must have thought it was funny too because his mouth was threatening to twitch into a smile.
"What can you offer me this time?"
"My... strawberry scented eraser?"
"No thanks."
"My limited edition, He***-Kitty-ruler?"
"Not interested."
"My cute Doraemon-printed pencil case?"
"I have one of those."
"My notebook?" she waved her notebook in front of him.
"And tell Kiriyu that I kidnapped your homework? No."
"Ah ... I know. Peanut-butter flavoured pocky?"
"I avoid peanut-butter like a plague. No, thanks ..."
"Awwww... Please Shiki..." she whined again. Her cousin crossed his arms, closed his pretty blue eyes and sighed. She saw his disinterest and resorted to bargaining, "Name what you want."
He directed his long elegant pointer finger towards the idle stuffed panda on the table. Yuuki's jaw dropped and shook her head violently. "Not my Panda-chan," she squeaked.
"Listen to me before you start panicking," he tried to reason.
"Okay. But please... please... puuuh-leeeeeaase not my Panda-chan," she pleaded and batted her eyelashes.
"I won't take your Panda-chan if you can guess the name of my panda key-chain. I'll give you 10 chances."
"You named your key-chain?" she gaped disbelievingly.
"I carry a panda key-chain in my pocket. Can it get any weirder than that?"
"You have a point there ..."
"Deal?" he asked her.
"Deal ..." she had sealed Panda-chan's double dose of doom. Get pass Zero, and crawl pass Shiki. It was a brash decision but she felt up to the gamble. She would ask Aidou to read Shiki's mind and pluck the stupid name out. Oh yes, I would soooo... so would.
"The third is mixed number to reciprocal conversion. Do it by changing mixed number to improper fraction and then turn it upside down," he told her all at once.
Yuuki rummaged her Doraemon-printed pencil case and grabbed another pen and scribbled away before Shiki's explanation could drop out of her brain through her ears.
"2 4/7 equals 18/7 ... Okay, mixed number to improper fraction is done. 18/7 turned upside down is 7/18 ... Improper fraction to reciprocal is done," she mumbled to herself. "Done! It's like the previous one without the decimals," she remarked.
"Exactly," he affirmed her.
Shiki's statement made her did a double take on the latest events, "Wait ... You taught that one before. Why didn't I see that earlier?"
He did not say anything but stared blankly at her. "Did that help?" he asked.
"Yes."
"I'm damn good at maths. Lucky you.." he drawled and shut her notebook close. Was that supposed to be funny? Should I laugh? Uuhh... Maybe Shiki + joke = doomsday... Don't think so.
"Thanks. I hardly ever ask Kaname for help cause every time I do well, I always get one answered wrongly," she pouted.
"Relax. I'm not your brother. I can be your secret homework fairy," he delivered the corny remark without even blinking.
"HAAHHAHAHA... Well bye, bye ... I got to sleep," she grabbed the stuffed panda that she adores so much and reminded herself, if anyone touches it, they would turn into enemies and die. MWAHAHA... she laughed inwardly.
"I'm eyeing that panda ..." Shiki said out of the blue. "I'll snatch it when you're not looking coz I helped you with homework... or... guess my panda key-chain's name and I'll give it back."
"Nooooooo! A deal is a deal. I'll give the ten guesses a go and then we'll work it out," she protested, gathered the raggedy stuffed panda into her arms, crammed her notebook and stationeries into her white coat and took off towards the dorms.
The next day, she smugly handed her notebook over to Zero while clutching her precious Panda-chan jealously in her arms and waited for his reaction. The amethyst eyes widened in awe but the vampire hunter has not forgotten to tease her, "This is written in your writing. Who did you threatened to be decapitated over this?"
"I did NOT threaten anyone. I learned it yesterday," from Shiki and now I'm screwed coz he's after Panda-chan too, added the little voice in her head.
"I bet you don't know what the reciprocal of 2 and a half is," he quizzed her.
"It's two fifths, you evil demon!" she blurted the answer instantly. Eeeeeeehhhhh...? Did I just do that? She shocked the both of them.
Zero handed her the notebook. "See, you can learn properly once given the proper motivation," he leered.
Yuuki bit her lips and yelled at him, "Don't you ever blackmail me with Panda-chan ever again!" She stomped her feet, turned her nose up at him and marched away towards the Moon Dorms.
The silver haired ex-human chuckled and tuned his ears to a faint sing-song voice in the distance.
"To-day do I bake, to-morrow I brew,
The day after that the queen's Panda comes in;
And oh! I am glad that nobody knew
That the name my Panda called is ..."
He turned his gaze at the red-haired, blue-eyed vampire who had appeared beside him. He was twirling the small panda key-chain around his slender pointer finger.
"What is it the damned key-chain called?" he asked the aristocrat.
"Whatever name that she does not name ..." Shiki drawled in that signature lazy voice.
"You're evil..." Zero smirked.
"We do what we have to do, Kiriyu. You can't stand the stink of that thing anymore either, ne?"
"I'll lock it up in the biggest trunk in Cross's attic ..."
"I'll hand it over tomorrow ..."
"Tell that other bastard cousin of yours that it's over ..."
"..."
Shiki held out a hand while Zero reached into his coat pocket and passed a box of chocolate-flavoured pocky to his partner-in-crime.
A/N: Anybody knows the particular fairy-tale that I plagarize this from? Review... Drop me something, please. Don't read and run... ^_^