Just some silly thing that I wrote for the kink meme a while back. Thought that I might as well de-anon it. The prompt was to tell what the other nations were doing while America, England and France fought at every meeting.
Indisputably, unarguably and definitely most certainly going to happen.
The sound of loud laughter was heard in the meeting room as America proudly presented his new plan to stop global warning. It was really simple actually; they should just build a giant refrigerator and put the globe into it!
When England very sarcastically commented and asked how they all should avoid death by vitamin D shortage since the sun was blocked, most of the other nations began glancing over to the pair. The meeting had been very boring and surprisingly calm so far so maybe they could finally get a break now.
When France joined in on the argument, Canada began squirming in his chair. He glanced over the table to see Poland do the same. They shared a look and Canada knew that he'd have to fight for his price that day.
Then a loud scream was heard as England, in a fit of rage, threw himself over France. "The fight is so on!"America laughed and joined in. As Germany stood to try and separate the three idiots, the other nations took it as their cue.
Canada and Poland shared a look again and then they were out of their chairs. Poland grabbing Lithuania and Canada grabbing Prussia, they made a beeline for the door. Prussia, quickly catching on threw a chair in the way of the other couple and they slipped out of the meeting room faster than anyone could blink.
"That is like totally not fair!", Poland shouted as he dragged Lithuania out in the hallway just in time to see the broom closet door close and hear the lock click.
"Sorry, this closet is occupied!" Prussia cackled from inside it and then the sound of something hitting the floor was heard, "Ouch, not so hard Mattie!"
Poland angrily muttered and for a second looking like he really wanted to bust the door down.
"Uhm, Poland, maybe we should go back inside?" Lithuania proposed, especially since rather awkward noises started to drift through the closet door.
Poland, however, had other plans.
"I guess we'll just have to do it out here", he said as he pushed the brunette up against the wall.
"What? But Poland…"
"Shut up Liet, I'm horny"
Meanwhile in the meeting room, the fight was nowhere near an end, and soon another type of fight was about to begin.
"So, are we clear about the rules?" Finland said as he, currently on top of a chair, looked out over the nations that had gathered around him.
"No blood! We don't want them" he glanced over at America, England and France who were still fighting, "to notice what've been doing. Did everyone bring their weapon?"
"Sure did!" Denmark cheerfully replied, having a huge axe slung over his shoulders.
"Then I declare the fifth dueling tournament open!" and with that Finland jumped down from the chair and joined the crowd who stepped back to eagerly watch the first dueling match.
These dueling tournaments were something that they had come up with about a year ago and so far there had been four of them. It was free for anyone to join in on them and it was considered a bit of an honor to become champion. The current titleholder was the same person who had won all the tournaments so far and China, who was running the local betting pool, was pleased when Hungary stepped up on the table to defend her title.
The idea had been born when someone had on a joke suggested that England should just bring a sword next conference and be done with it. That had of course started the argument on who exactly was the most competent fighter, and soon it was great excuse to brush up on the good old sword swinging skills.
Of course not everyone participated in these events and South Italy grumbled when Spain challenged Hungary, seeing as he'd rather be indulging in a different kind of "swordplay". Instead he joined his equally miserable little brother, who on days like these really regretted dating a German man. These argument-breaks might be the best part of conference for everyone else, but for North Italy it was the cock-block of the century. The two brothers drowned their sorrows in pasta and South Italy couldn't help but laugh when Spain got his ass handed to him on a platter.
Greece woke up from his nap and grabbed some popcorn as he watched Japan fight Russia, katana vs. faucet. He fell asleep again when Japan won and Denmark stepped up on the table, mad grin on his face only for it to falter when he realized who his opponent was: Liechtenstein. Was it really right to beat the shit out of a little girl?
Half a minute later Denmark was the one on the floor crying as a little girl, after a very painful kick to a very sensitive place. The crowd cheered loudly, but nowhere near as loud as the ongoing argument on the other side of the room.
Liechtenstein did a victory dance and stole a glass of South Italy's wine. Switzerland, who was in the other corner of the room playing chess with Austria didn't notice a thing, but that was probably since Austria only used his left hand to play and no one wanted to know what he was doing with the other one.
Denmark eventually pulled himself off the floor and licked his wounds by crawling into the fort that the younger nations had built, with chairs and jackets, under the table (though not directly under the battle) and read fairytales out loud to them. If you listened closely you could also hear swearing from under the table as Russia pressed himself into the make-shift fort. He wanted to hear fairytales too.
In the end Liechtenstein lost as she was pitted against Iceland. Instead of fighting the two ended up making out and they didn't even step up on the table.
But by now everyone started to feel that their fun would end soon and Estonia hurried to say good-by to all his friends on World of Warcraft.
Poland and a flustered Lithuania re-entered the room when the final round of the tournament was about to begin. Surprisingly Hungary had lost against Hong Kong and the final match was between Japan and Mexico.
The cheering had been loud before but it was nothing compared to now when their period of freedom was about to end. The crowds screamed for blood, despite it being against the rules, but even judge Finland wanted it now. Mexico made a huge swipe with a giant sword which Japan ducked under, the fight had begun.
The sound of steel hitting steel could be heard throughout the building (but the guards knew better than to ask by now, the same on why the corridor smelled like sex) but the four people on the other side of the room didn't hear a thing.
Blood flew as Mexico nicked Japans cheek, but soon he was over-powered by the Japanese man. The fifth champion of the Conference Dueling Tournaments was Japan.
The noise was deafening, people cheered, screamed, jumped, Greece threw himself on Japan and out of nowhere someone produced a bottle of champagne to spray over their new champion. Just as Japan was about to get drenched in liquor a booming voice was heard over all the other noise.
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH! ENGLAND LET GO OF FRANCE! SIT DOWN AND BEHAVE LIKE THE ADULTS YOU ARE!" Germany, clearly at his patience's end, yelled at the private little party at the other end of the room.
Everyone else stopped in their tracks, dead silent.
Like clockwork they began to tidy up. Quickly all the weapons were hid under the table and the chairs were pulled out from under it, to the protest of the inhabitants of the fort. Jackets were shook out in an attempt to remove wrinkles and put on again. The un-savable ones were thrown into a pile, along with a few empty bottles, dishes, a chess set and other various things. It all went under the table.
One time (sometimes referred to as "the paper plane incident"), America had been very close to looking under the table as he dropped something and everyone had been about to panic. It would have been very awkward to explain why almost everyone had a sword with them, when the conferences were supposed to be weapon free. Luckily Sealand had tossed a paper plane onto England's face in that exact moment and they had instead gotten an extra pause that day. God bless the little kids. Now there was rule, that whenever someone who wasn't supposed to look under the table almost did, everything was allowed. Even becoming one with Russia and commenting on England's eyebrows.
As Germany yelled himself hoarse everyone took their places at the table again, going back into looking extremely bored, although not without winks and flirtatious looks exchanged, promising more action later.
A bit of grumble was heard today though as Norway had been the only one to bet on Japan in the tournament and happily could cash in a mountain of money. A few comments about "that fucking psychic" was heard as some people had bet all their money on themselves and were now even more broke than before. And people wondered why the world's economy went to hell…
"NOW!" Germany's voice was heard as he took his own seat at the table glaring at certain other nations, "Let's go back to the meeting"
America, England and France looked a little bruised but they also took their seats.
"I believe it was Italy's turn to hold a presentation?" Germany continued, after downing two glasses of water.
"Go to hell, potato bastard" South Italy replied as he went to the head of the table. When he started talking America noticed something on the person sitting next to him.
"Japan" he said in a, for once, low voice, "what happened to your face?"
The smaller nation jumped a bit, remembering the cut he had got, it looked like they'd have to be harder on the "no blood"-rule.
"It's nothing, America-san, don't worry." He said with a smile and discretely pushed his katana further under the table with his feet.
"It's just a … paper cut" he added.
"Oh" America replied, looking satisfied with that answer "You should put a band-aid on it later."
"I will" and with that the two nations turned their attention back to whatever South Italy was trying to say about the world economy. If anyone noticed that Canada and Preussen never came back, they certainly didn't think about it any further, at least not until some very awkward noises started to be heard from the corridor outside…