An Unfamiliar Bond
Summary: Something about Remy seemed almost familiar to Logan, but completely foreign at the same time. Oneshot.
"You don't 'member nothing?" Remy questioned quietly from the doorway of the room.
The words were said so softly that Logan wondered if he meant to say them at all. That wouldn't have been surprising, Remy had only been at the Institute a few days and Logan wasn't the most approachable person. "That ain't your business kid," Logan scolded without looking up from the TV.
"Nevermind," Remy mumbled before turning around and leaving the room.
Logan sensed disappointment seeping from the kid as he turned to watch him leave. Something about the kid seemed almost familiar, but completely foreign at the same time. He knew nothing about the boy and Remy knew nothing about him, yet the kid never gave the impression of being afraid of him. Not that Logan had gone out of his way to scare the newest X-Man, but most people were fearful of him when they first met. Hell, most people were fearful of him long after they first met him.
Logan decided to follow the boy and see where he would go, and what he would do now that he had been so thoroughly reprimanded for asking a simple question of clarification. Logan followed his sent through the first floor of the mansion and out the back door. It was after nine so darkness had settled upon the world and anyone without good night vision could get themselves lost. Logan had no such problem so he continued to follow Remy's sent without pause.
When he found the boy upon the dock it seemed oddly predictable for no reason at all. It seemed so right for the Cajun to be sitting on the wooden deck with his back leaning against the bench and his long legs outstretched in front of him and crossed at the ankle. A shiver seemed to attack Remy's body and Logan wasn't sure why he wished he had a jacket to offer the young man. Remy didn't look up as he approached although Logan was positive that he was aware of his presence.
Logan stepped onto the dock and walked towards Remy's location. He didn't try to hide his approach and found himself overemphasizing his steps as he got closer. Remy never looked in his direction and instead his attention seemed focused on the lake in front of him. Cards suddenly appeared in the boys hands as Logan sat down on the bench above him. Logan realized that his body was now tensed and ready to fight, but neither man spoke.
The sound of the water was oddly hypnotic and Logan found himself getting lost in it. He had a long walk from the TV room to the dock, but he never once thought about what he would say when he finally found Remy. He wasn't even sure why he had gone out looking for the boy at all. It wasn't in his nature to tend to another's hurt feelings because of a comment that he rightfully said. What business was it of this new, young, arrogant man to know about his past or lack of past in this case? Did he come to enforce the issue or apologize for it? He wasn't sure at all.
Perhaps Remy sensed his confusion, but even of that he couldn't be sure. The young man still didn't seem afraid of him even if he was preparing himself for a fight. It was an odd display of defense, yet the kid never moved or reacted when Logan's leg brushed up against his arm. His own body was tense as well and he wasn't sure how long it had been that way. How was the boy throwing him off balance so easily?
Another shiver attacked the boy's body and Logan watched him bring his knees up to his chest to stay warm. Logan thought that they should go inside, but found he couldn't voice the opinion. Again a fleeting wish that he had thought to bring a jacket occurred to him for no reason at all.
He thought back to his first meeting with the boy only a week earlier. An odd smile had crossed the young Cajun's face as Storm introduced him to Logan as her brother. It was a smile that faded almost instantly as Logan offered his hand in greeting and introduced himself. The drop in smile occurred only for an instant and was quickly replaced by a less genuine one. What had happened in those seconds that broke down then rebuilt Remy's defensive mask? Logan hadn't questioned the change long enough at the time to pursue it.
Remy had all but avoided him since that first day, but he never seemed afraid of him. Why did Logan keep coming back to that he wondered. He didn't want the new recruits to be afraid of him, they were teammates after all; but this complete lack of fear was startling. It was unique only to the kid sitting on the ground in front of him.
He shifted in his seat and purposely nudged the Cajun before pulling a cigar out of his pocket. He had hoped for some sort of reaction, but the kid still didn't offer one. "Damn," he muttered as he searched the pockets of his jeans only to find that he didn't have a lighter.
"Monsieur?" Remy finally questioned as he looked up at him to find out what was wrong.
"Just forgot my lighter," he informed the younger man.
"Remy can help," the boy replied as he brought his hand up to the tip of the cigar dangling from Logan's mouth. As he strained to reach it from his seat on the ground, Logan bent forward to meet him.
"Thanks kid," Logan replied once the cigar was lit and he had moved once again to sit back. He watched Remy nod before he once again looked away from Logan as if they hadn't interacted at all. Logan continued to watch him curiously and a few seconds later after another shiver that Logan could feel against his leg, Remy reached up and took out the band in his hair letting it fall to graze his shoulders.
Logan sighed from frustration because he still didn't know what he was doing out there. He still wasn't sure if he wanted to apologize for his comment or reinforce it. It wasn't really that impossible a question; the kid had already been told that Logan had lost his memories. Why did the question bother him so much when it was asked by this particular boy? That was the question he wanted to ask, but didn't know how. It looked like perhaps he was the one afraid this time. He laughed aloud at the thought, the Wolverine feared nothing.
Remy looked back up at him and he stopped laughing immediately. He did fear something he realized, perhaps it was only this one thing, but it was so large that it made up for his lack of fear in everything else. He feared his past, the unknown nature of it; he feared the very question of it. The look in Remy's eyes made him afraid. There was a knowledge there that he should have seen from the start, but he was too afraid to ask. Too afraid of what truth the boy could offer him. The mighty Wolverine was afraid.
Remy looked away from him after only a brief moment and he was relieved to have the gaze no longer on him. He realized that the boy would not be the one to offer the first words of a conversation, but Logan was unsure if he could do it either. Another shiver ran through Remy and Logan began to question whether it truly was from the cold. Remy shifted away from him for the first time and Logan frowned at the movement. Had he frightened the boy accidentally?
"I don't remember anything," he admitted aloud to answer the question that the boy had asked earlier. He wondered how long ago it had been, but didn't look down at his watch.
He saw the boy nod then he heard a soft sigh that was barely audible. "It's none of my business," the boy replied without looking in his direction.
"Why do I think that may not be true?" Logan questioned. He meant to add a hint of anger to the words for emphasis, but failed to feel the emotion so it wasn't conveyed. Instead it was asked sincerely, curiously, desperately. He needed an answer and he knew with almost certainty that the boy before him could offer him some sort of answer. He would gladly take anything the Cajun could offer; some hint of where to begin searching would be enough.
"Don't know," Remy replied before standing up. His eyes still looked away from Logan as he began walking away.
He didn't get far as Logan grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Logan could suddenly smell the fear that had been up until now missing on the boy. He didn't let go of the arm that he held and instead grabbed the other one to bring the boy closer. Remy trembled slightly in his arms, but his head looked down and was covered by his hair so Logan was unsure of his complete reaction. "Tell me what you know," he whispered in his ear as his hands slipped down to hold the boy's wrists instead of his forearms. The heartbeat below his fingers was frantic and he considered letting the boy go, but he needed his answer.
"Let me go," Remy requested but didn't pull away to emphasis the request.
"Look at me," Logan demanded instead of releasing his wrists.
Remy shook his head and tried to pull away. The delayed reaction told Logan that he thought that only a request would have been necessary to gain him release. "How do you know me?" Logan asked him his voice sounded desperate because that was how he felt.
"Don't know you," Remy insisted as he worked harder to pull free.
The scent of tears disturbed him and he was certain that he should let the boy go, but he couldn't. He had waited too long to gain knowledge about his past and he knew that Remy was hiding something. "Please don't hurt me," the boy pleaded in an unfamiliar voice. Logan dropped his wrists immediately, but the boy didn't turn to run.
"Sorry," Logan said as he sobered from the anger he had felt.
"You saved my life," Remy admitted quietly with his head still down and face still hidden by his too long bangs.
"So you did know me?" Logan questioned.
"Oui," Remy admitted before finally bringing his eyes up to meet Logan's.
"How do you know me?" Logan asked again.
"You saved my life," Remy repeated.
"You already said that," Logan replied.
"Dat's how I know you," Remy reaffirmed.
"Tell me how," Logan requested. Remy looked away towards the mansion then back at Logan. His expression had changed drastically in that moment and Logan almost wanted to take back his request. His eyes now held a sadness that disturbed Logan's very soul. "What's wrong?" he asked the boy instead of reconfirming his request like he had intended.
"I like it here," Remy explained before biting his lip and giving the illusion that he was much younger than he claimed.
"Good," Logan replied with an impatient nod of his head.
"You'll make me leave," Remy informed him as he dropped his gaze to the ground once again.
Logan was left wondering what could be so wrong in his past dealings with Remy? What had he done? Why would the kid think he'd be forced to leave? "No," Logan insisted as he already promised himself that he wouldn't do anything rash even if the kid told him something horrible. "This is your home now kid, I ain't gonna make you leave it," he tried to sound assured, but he was too lost in the moment to be sure how it really sounded.
"I'm just street trash," he admitted, but that was a contradiction to everything Remy had told them. "Ain't high class like I say," he continued. Logan was confused; Remy had the money, belongings and schooling to back up his claims of being from an affluent family.
"I ain't judging your upbringing kid. Xavier don't turn people away just 'cause they ain't got money." Logan was disturbed by the accusation that he would send the boy away just because he wasn't rolling in dough. Logan's brows furrowed in disappointment as the boy turned his back to him once again.
"Got money," Remy confirmed, "mais dat don't make you high class." Remy took a long breath in pause and Logan wondered why he was telling him all this, "Papa he did his best, mais Remy always be trash."
Logan paused to give extra consideration to what his next reply would be. The sudden turn of the conversation left him horribly confused. He wasn't sure how the conversation had become about Remy and how much money he did or didn't have. Logan didn't care about something that petty, but he needed to know what Remy knew about his past. "How do you know me?" he asked again. He was completely aware that he ignored the boy's painful admissions, but there would be time to deal with that later. He was desperate for his answers to come immediately and was angry that Remy seemed to be stalling.
"You saved my life," Remy repeated once again.
Logan walked around him so that they were once again face to face and he tilted the boy's chin upward to meet his eyes. "Quit sayin that and tell me what ya mean," Logan asked as he searched his eyes for some sort of clue.
"I was a whore," the boy whispered.
Logan stepped back in frustration; if he had anything in his arms he was sure he would have thrown it in a very childish tantrum. He had the urge to grab Remy's shoulders and shake him until he got the answers that he wanted, but he had enough self control to refrain. "Damn it," he let slip accidentally and pulled at his own hair. Remy's eyes turned downward again, but the boy didn't speak. "Just tell me," Logan pleaded because he couldn't stand the stalling any longer.
"That's how you found me, I was a whore," Remy explained with his eyes still downcast. A slight tremble racked his whole body and Logan was hit with the heavy scent of both fear and shame.
"Didn't mean to scare you," he admitted. Even the boy's breathing sounded like it was trembling and Logan was honestly sorry for it.
"You don't scare me," Remy replied, "you promised you'd never hurt me."
"You know I don't remember that," Logan reminded him before nearly biting his own lip in nervousness. Instead he balled his hands into fists to release some of his tension; it didn't work.
"Does that change things?" Remy questioned sadly.
Logan took a deep breath, but hardly needed to consider things before answering. "No kid, I ain't gonna hurt ya," he admitted because something inside of him told him he'd never forgive himself if he did.
Remy nodded his head before bringing his eyes back up to meet Logan's. "Lived with ya for a bit," Remy informed him. "Mais den you had to go so you gave me to Papa."
"You lived with me?" he questioned. The simple suggestion of that seemed strange to him and he couldn't convince himself that it was true.
"Merci for giving me to Papa," Remy gushed with a smile lighting his face. "Always wanted to tell ya that."
"Who am I kid?" Logan questioned him with only inches now separating them.
"I don't know," Remy said with a frown. Logan had no reason to doubt the response but he continued to stare at Remy in case a little intimidation suddenly made Remy remember. "Was just seven," Remy added when Logan failed to speak.
Logan stepped back once again, "seven," he repeated the age in disgust. He watched Remy flinch at the tone and immediately stepped back towards the kid.
"I'm just trash," Remy repeated again. "Gonna go pack my things," he informed Logan as he turned to walk away.
"No," Logan stopped him. "I was just shocked is all," he explained, but he realized the damage had already been done.
"Papa may know who you are," Remy offered before taking a stride towards the mansion.
"Stop," Logan demanded which only made Remy walk away faster. He walked quickly to catch up and cut off Remy's path. "You're not leaving," he informed the younger man as if it was his own decision.
"I'll leave his number," Remy offered and Logan was momentarily confused about what the boy meant. He caught on quickly though as Remy tried to walk around him.
"Remy," he said the name slightly awed at how easily it slipped from his lips. "I don't want you to leave," he informed the younger man. That phrase was completely out of character for him, but the unfamiliar bond he felt with the Cajun made it seem right.
"Mais. . ." Remy stuttered the word as he turned back around to look at Logan.
"But nothing," Logan countered making just as little sense.
"Really?" Remy asked hesitantly.
Logan nodded, "but I want to know more," he informed the boy.
Remy nodded and allowed the same genuine smile that had appeared on his face a few days earlier to once again light his face. "Merci," he whispered.