It has been three months Since Augustus died. I need to accept that he is gone so I can move forward with my life. But the truth is I feel like I am back where I began, reading not wanting to go to support group. It should have been me. I was supposed to be the grenade not a casualty in the explosion.
But it's not just me that was affected by his death. His parents seemed to have closure at his funeral but Isaac is still distraught. I went to visit him 3 days ago and he was a mess. He just played video games and went into these episodes of screaming Augustus until his parents came and gave him a blue pill. It seems like Augustus being gone had a worse effect on Isaac.
My parents have stopped harassing me about going to support group because it seems know they are support group. They always wants to talk to me about if i'm okay. Answer- Of course not my boyfriend and best friend died, Or lets get ice cream how more clichéd could they get ice cream really? And I know they're just trying to help and as my mother would say "you need your family in times like this" and when I need my family I know they'll be there just not right now.
I need closure I need my life to move forward he is gone and never coming back and I need to accept that. I drive over to Augustus's house and ring the doorbell.
"Well hello there Hazel."
"Hi may I come in?"
"Of course." She replies with a smile but I can tell there is sorrow behind her eyes. I mean she lost a son.
I cannot imagine her pain but I can say that she handles it very well. I walk inside their house and stop at the couch. "I need to accept that Augustus is gone because apart of me is still attached to him and I need to move forward."
"We understand Hazel is there anything we could do for you to make it easier we know you loved him?" his dad has now joined his mom sitting on the couch.
"May I go to the basement?"
"Sure but most of his stuff is in boxes we needed to go down there for some of the leaking pipes and seeing all of his stuff out." she starts to cry and her husband holds her and points towards the basement and I go down the stairs slowly, but eventually make it.
They were telling the truth everything is boxed up trophies,signed balls,sneakers, V for vendetta and all his books and video games containing zombies,guns,the galaxy and violence. I look under the bed and find a pack of cigarettes that night when Augustus drove to the speedway at eighty sixth and ditch to buy a pack because he lost his they were here this whole time. Seeing all of his stuff boxed up makes me thinks his parents had the strength to do this and I can't even move forward?
I put the cigarettes in my purse that my mother gave me and walk up the stairs and his mother is still sobbing I wave goodbye to his father and leave. I put one of the cigarettes in my mouth and drive to the funky bones sculpture.
A mom comes over to me and asks if I could take out my cigarette because it is a bad example for the children playing on the sculpture and I just respond,
"it's a metaphor you put the thing that does the killing between your teeth but you don't give it the power to do it's killing."