Carmelita Gets Her Own Video Game
I do not own Sly Cooper, though I really wish I did. This is basically an AU based story on what would happen if Carmelita Fox got HER own video game series that told the story from HER perspective. Hope you like it!
"Hey guys, you may want to see this!" Bentley gasped excitedly, as Sly, Murray, Neyla, Penelope, Dmitri, Rajan, and Carmelita gathered around the screen. There, in the center, was the poster for a new video game in the Sly franchise… only this time, it didn't feature him but…
"YES! Yes yes yes!" Carmelita cheered loudly, whooping for joy as the Cooper Gang eyed her strangely. "Uh, has she been drinking my java Frappuccino again?" Dmitri smirked
"Don't you guys get it? I finally, finally get the main role! It's a game starring me!" Carmelita responded, stars shining in her eyes. Sly could instantly tell he could hear cash registers dinging in her ears
"well, though I must admit, this is a pretty excellent adjustment for you, eh Ironsides?" Neyla teased, nudging Carmelita's shoulder
"Yes, I get it. But think of how the fans will react! It'll be more glorious than that ridiculous Borderlands garbage!" Carmelita added, grimacing at the mention of the infamous Borderlands shooter games. Apparently neither her nor anyone else in the gang- except for cough Neyla cough really adored it's rather ghastly sense of violence
"So what does it cover? First game? Second?" Murray asked hopefully. "All of them. Even the bonus comics." Carmelita answered, squealing with excitement "This is the happiest day of my life!"
"May I remind you, that a film is in the works and…" Dmitri stopped upon seeing the huge grin on Carmelita's face
"Way to open your big lips, pal. Next time, try keeping your mouth shut." Sly grunted "OMG! First I get my own game, now all of a sudden, we're hitting the big screen!" Carmelita squealed, adding "you, me, Murray, Bentley and…"
"Me." A familiar voice added. The gang gasped in horror when the big bad birdie Clockwork entered the hideout, looking as frightening and more machine than animal as always
"Oh look who decided to drop by, our favorite metal birdbrain." Bentley smirked sarcastically, Clockwork glaring at him.
"What do you want, featherhead? Cant you see we have nearly a hundred warrants for your visit to the scrap pile?" Carmelita snarled, drawing her shock pistol and aiming it. The nasty owl simply smirked and commented "I too am getting a role in the film."
"WHAT?!" everyone gasped. The evil owl cyborg grinned in bone-chilling delight. "Well, as far as I'm concerned, you have zero fans, zero followers, zero likes on Facebook, and that nearly everyone in the video game universe hates your guts. Even Gnasty Gnorc added to our annual Anti-Clockwork polls." Neyla commented, before adding "Oh and you also scare the children players in the game series. We have nearly more than enough complaints about your character."
Clockwork rolled his mechanical eyes as Carmelita read from a file "Dear Sony Computer America, I must protest as a concerned parent and a legal guardian. My daughter keeps screaming about a giant robotic owl terrorizing her in her room, apparently mistaking her for Sly Cooper. I do not approve of Clockwork and I sincerely regard him as the most ugly villain since Chernabog from Fantasia. Why can't you make him less creepy? Yours sincerely, Mrs. EG Nesbitt, with a hint of salsa and salmon vanilla meringue."
"Now really, I do…" Clockwork added before Carmelita placed a muzzle over his large beak.
"Thank you. I'd thought he would never shut up." Sly heaved. "well, it's the woman's touch. Proceed, Neyla." Carmelita replied as Neyla opened another memo and spoke
"Dear Sony Computer America, I am writing this letter and I must protest because you made Clockwork a murderer and a cold-blooded sociopath. My sons are completely scared out of their wits by this large monstrosity and they both cheered when Sly finally destroyed the bloody thing, only to scream like banshees when at the end credits, we find out Clockwork is still alive. That owl must be destroyed! Yours etc., Jean-Bonsoir Denning, east Armistice Tuesday."
"Why do the people have such weird names at the end of the letter?" Rajan wondered, scratching his furry brow.
"It's a running gag from Monty Python." Carmelita explained, everyone else groaning. "Oh, don't get me started on that… I still remember the infamous Holy Grail marathon." Murray moaned
"You mean the time Sly repeatedly banged coconuts together like horse hooves?" Penelope piped up. "It was the most embarrassing event in my life." Sly muttered
"Oh come on! It was hilarious! Sly was laughing, also!" Carmelita remarked. "Uh, actually I was laughing at how weird it was. I mean, really; how the heck do you ride on a horse with coconuts?" Sly commented sarcastically
"I did like the Black Knight thing, though. It had a nice touch, don't you agree?" Panda King added. "A-ha! I knew it! You're a fanatic also!" Neyla gasped in joy
"yes, I once did an impression of the Fish-Slapping Dance in my youth. It got a load of laughs and plenty of well-earned money." Panda King recalled, fondly reminiscing the days before his, shall we say, former career with Clockwork
"And… I couldn't help but notice how Inspector Fox has her own game series. Why isn't there a game about me?" Clockwork teased, Carmelita shaking her fist at the snarling owl
"Yes, you can just groan all you want featherbrain, because I am personally gonna whup your battery-charged ass into the next dimension!" Carmelita challenged
"I'd like to see you try." Clockwork retorted, mooning everyone with his butt. "Oh HELL no!" Neyla growled, pulling out her sledgehammer and booted Clockwork out the window that sent him careening back to the volcano in Russia
"CUUURSSSEEE YOOOOUUUUU FOOOOOOXXXXXXXX!" Clockwork screamed as he was launched skyward
"For once Neyla, I'm actually thankful you did that." Sly commented, impressed by his comrade's skills. "Thanks. You had no idea how long I've wanted to kick that bucket of bolts for all his pestering." Neyla replied before Sir Raleigh appeared, looking as obnoxious and sadistic as ever
"ooh, a surprise party? NOBODY INVITED ME TO THE GATHERING?! I HATE UNINVITED GUESTS!" Raleigh roared, this causing Penelope to plug wool into her earholes
"Listen you little pond-mucking fascist, we do not, repeat do not allow such inappropriate types of people in our house. Now out with you before somebody drops a house on you!" Carmelita snarled
"Wait a minute… that was Wizard of Oz!" Neyla piped, a nostalgic grin on her face. "Oh God, don't even think about it…" Sly moaned, covering his ears
"we're off to see the wizard…" Neyla started before Murray and Panda King covered her mouth. "Thank you." Bentley deadpanned
"now, what do you want Raleigh? Apart from driving us nuts?" Sly asked. "I heard about your movie plan going on, and I thought I'd give you a gift as thanks for the thing." Raleigh explained, handing him a large package.
"hmm… wonder what's in it?" Neyla wondered, opening it to reveal a large treasure chest with over thousands and thousands of gold dubloons and jewels. "well I'll be a monkey's uncle!" Dmitri gasped in astonishment
"thank you Raleigh… this really means a lot." Sly replied, Raleigh tipping his hat. "anytime, dear lad. Anytime."