Sirius doesn't exactly smell good, some might even say he smells terrible but Remus can't help but hold the shirt pressed to his face as he does laundry. Cigarettes and whiskey and a slight smell of grease and maybe even the lingering smell of perfume.
Sirius worries Remus a lot, he's always drinking, he says it takes off the edge, and God knows there is an edge to life right now. James is almost never home anymore and Lily comes over crying almost every other night. She's heard rumors Voldemort is after a baby, a baby born in July. "Maybe he'll be born in August." She keeps saying as she holds onto her stomach.
Sirius isn't home a lot either but more so than James and something seems to be wrong with Peter but no one knows what. "He's just scared." Lily assures them as she pours tea.
"She's crying all over the kettle." Sirius complains, laying on the couch with his feet on the table. He was kind enough to let Remus stay with him. Remus who'd been staying with James but once Lily got pregnant it just didn't seem right. They really were a family now.
Now Lily sits cross legged on the washing machine watching Remus, and, because she is a beautiful person, she doesn't mention him pressing the shirt to his face. Instead she just smiles. "It's terrifying."
"What?" Remus asks, but he knows.
"You and me we're stuck here at home and it's scary not knowing when they'll come back." She says, "Missing the man you love."
"I love?" Remus feigns ignorance but they both know better.
"It's a bit silly Remus." Lily says jumping down and taking the basket of towels from him, "There is a war going on, anything could happen and you'll really regret it if you don't do anything about it."
"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." Remus attempts to take the towels back but she moves them away.
"Yes you do Remus." She says and kisses him on the forehead before handing him the towels back and leaving, winking at Sirius as she passes him in the yard. "Take good care of him." She calls and Sirius knows she doesn't mean James.
Remus lies on the couch, a drink in hand, and his eyes half closed when Sirius walks in, and Remus jumps up. "Where have you been?" He asks, accusations in his voice. "I was so scared."
Sirius just rolls his eyes, "You always worry." He takes in the scene his eyes glazed and his voice slurred. "You've been drinking."
"So?" Remus says and he can see Sirius' eyes move to the coat left on the chair.
"Someone was over?" He asks picking up the coat. "Whose is this?"
Remus shrugs though he knows quite well it belongs to Peter. "Why does it matter?"
"It's my effing flat." Sirius practically growls and Remus can smell the whiskey, it's almost comforting, and he wonders why he's starting an argument. He blames Lily.
"I thought it was our flat." Remus says, stepping closer to Sirius, not backing down, "You said it was our flat, and I assumed I could invite over anyone I wanted."
Sirius throws the jacket down, his eyes blazing, "Who was over?" He asks again.
And Remus still knows it's Peter's jacket, knows he only needs to say it and this whole ordeal will blow over with a laugh but some part of him wants Sirius to feel at least some of the pain he feels every bloody day, "You invite over every girl, and even a few blokes I believe, within a 50 mile radius and no one explains anything to me."
But Sirius was never one for logic or rational, not when he was angry, not when he had such a hard look on his face, "WHO'D YOU HAVE IN THE FUCKING FLAT MOONY?" He yells, spit flecking Remus' face he's so close now.
"Piss off." Remus says, his voice not rising and goes to turn away but Sirius catches him by the arm and spins him around. Now Remus has a blazing look in his eyes and under it Sirius seems to wilt.
"You shagged someone?" He asks, his voice barely above a whisper.
Remus looks at him, wanting to say yes, wanting to watch his heart break because his own breaks every day but he looks at Sirius and he can't do it. Instead he stands there silently and Sirius seems to conclude the worst.
"I knew I should have said something…" He says to himself and then looks Remus in the eyes, "Who was he?"
Remus sighs; the charade is up, "I didn't shag anyone Sirius. It's Peter's jacket, he came over while you were out."
"Why wouldn't you tell me?" Sirius asks, his hand still holding Remus' arm and he's still so close, Remus can still smell him.
"I don't know." Remus says.
"Yes you do. Tell me." Sirius says.
"I wanted to hurt you." Remus looks at his feet.
"Hurt me?" Sirius repeats, the meaning sinking in.
And though Remus always imagined it the other way around, and though for the life of him he would never be able to tell anyone where he got the courage he pushes Sirius up against the wall and presses his lips to his. He tries to put everything into the kiss, all he's ever wanted to say, all the fear and love and friendship he's ever felt around Sirius. And it seemed like years but maybe it was only moments before Sirius pulls apart and smiles at him, lopsided and reaching to his eyes.
"You should have done that ages ago Moony." He says, before grabbing him by the hair and kissing him again.