I needed to do this after hearing Caboose say that. XDXDXD I AM NOT SORRY FOR ANYTHING!

So anyway, this will be a one shot. And sorry I haven't been updating recently, the evil nightmare we call school is back to ruin my life and being lazy is also something that comes naturally to me. XD Which just happens to be why I (would) get along with Grif so well...

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING! BECAUSE I AM NOT PART OF THE AMAZING GROUP CALLED ROOSTER TEETH! Except for my self insert, that's totally different.

"Grif! Quit leaving your Oreo wrappers all over the floor!" Simmons screamed, stomping through the base, looking for the orange armored soldier, who was obviously avoiding any form of work.

Simmons continued searching around the base for Grif, until he found the orange soldier relaxed inside one of the weirdest places possible.

"What….the….?"

Before Simmons could even ask Grif how he even managed to fit himself into a crate full of toilet paper, Sarge burst into the room and fired at the ceiling with his shotgun. "Front n' center boys! We're gonna conquer the blues!"

"Yes sir!" Simmons replied eagerly. Grif followed, extremely unhappy about having to move, and even more upset about having to fight.

The three met Donut at the entrance of the base. Simmons had taken the time to grab all the ammo he could find, knowing Grif would forget, whether accidentally or on purpose, most likely the latter.

"Shotgun!"

"Shotgun! Dammit!"

"Shotgun's lap!"

"Damn!"

So with Grif driving, Simmons in shotgun, Donut in shotgun's lap, and Sarge behind the turret, the warthog took off toward blue base.

Meanwhile, at blue base, Caboose had accidentally set yet another toilet on fire.

"How does he even do these things?!" Church yelled while trying to put out the fire. Tucker was helping and muttering curses under his breath. Caboose continued to run around screaming about some sort of 'safety torch' while carrying a stick on fire.

Wash sighed and facepalmed. "Can someone please teach him that fire is not safe in any way?"

Church paused in his work to answer Wash. He shrugged, "Sorry dude, but Caboose is basically untrainable."

Wash facepalmed again. "And this is why I shouldn't question things, right?"

Church and Tucker gave the ex-Freelancer an affirmative. Wash left to go chase down Caboose as the reds drew nearer.

Sarge fired an endless stream of bullets at the blue base. Simmons was about to fire his rocket launcher, when suddenly, it began raining potatoes.

An evil laugh and the clap of thunder was heard. The reds paused their assault and looked up toward the sky. A flaming something came crashing down between the warthog and the blue base, causing an immense explosion.

Miraculously, the reds weren't killed from the explosion. In front of the reds stood a girl with short, black hair that reached down to her shoulders. Her hair had one orange streak on the left side, and a red one on the right. Her serpent-like eyes were blood red, and had a mischievous glint to them.

The girl wore a black leather jacket over a red T shirt, along with blue jeans, black combat boots, black leather brass knuckle gloves, and a skull necklace.

She laughed evilly and yelled, "IT IS I, THEALMIGHTYFIREHAWK!"

"FireHawk? What in tarnation are ya doin' here?" Sarge asked.

FireHawk grinned evilly. "I have come to bring insanity upon your world!" She punctuated this with another evil laugh.

Suddenly, bat shaped potatoes began raining from the sky, exploding on impact. Grif took cover under the warthog, partially because it was raining explosive potatoes, and partially because said potatoes were shaped like bats.

Not to mention, the warthog was soon infested with snakes, causing Simmons to leap at least three feet in the air. The maroon soldier then took off for red base, followed by Donut, once the snakes had turned into spiders.

Grif screamed, "MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP!"

Caboose ran out of blue base, on fire, yelling, "MEGAN FOX MEGAN FOX!"

Wash followed, demanding to know who the hell Megan Fox was. FireHawk laughed evilly, enjoying the suffering of everyone.

The potato storm soon stopped, once both bases were completely rubble, that is. FireHawk used her powers to fix the bases. Grif slowly came out from under the warthog once the sound of exploding potatoes stopped. He turned to FireHawk and asked, "Seriously, why did you come here?"

The insane authoress shrugged. "Just to visit. And because it's really fun torturing you guys."

"Oh."

FireHawk suddenly teleported the both of them to red base, leaving a clueless Sarge behind.

Simmons and Donut were found hiding in the same closet, much to Grif and FireHawk's amusement. FireHawk revved a chainsaw and Grif loaded up a gun full of explosive Oreos. Simmons and Donut screamed and ran across the canyon, being chased by a maniac and her partner-in-crime/friend/torture object (no innuendos intended).

Wash watched from beside the blue base and sighed. Yup, just another one of those days...

I AM STILL NOT SORRY FOR THIS! INSANITY FOREVAAAAHHH!

~TheAlmightyFireHawk