Disclaimer: I do not own the Sentinel or any of the canon television characters, and am making no monies from this story. Any Original Characters belong to the author(s).
Note: This story was originally written around 2003, so technology is not at a 2017 level. Please pardon that fact. Also pardon the email addresses in the story; this site won't allow them to be typed to look "real."
Notes of Holiday Cheer
By
EvergreenDreamweaver
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:42:33
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
Subject: Isn't it time…?
That you stopped sulking? Two hours has got to be a new record, and you're scaring everybody in the bullpen!
It's not the end of the world, you know!
J.
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:44:06
From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Oh?
"It's not the end of the world, you know!"
Fat lot YOU know! And if you think two hours of sulking is a lot, you ain't seen nothin' yet, baby!
"...you're scaring everybody in the bullpen!"
Good! I hope they all die of fright…you included!
B.
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:48:33
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Oh?
ME? Why me? I didn't organize the Mayor's Children's Christmas Party! And I didn't suggest that you be the Elf, either!
Jim
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:49:55
From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Sure you didn't!
You may not have suggested it, but you didn't try to persuade Simon against it, either! Don't you know what this is going to do to my credibility around the station?
*seethes* An ELF, for God's sake? Why me?
And where the hell am I supposed to put my GUN, in an elf costume?
Blair
####################
Date: Monday, December 12, 2000, 10:53:22
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Sure you didn't
"An ELF, for God's sake? Why me?"
Because you're the likeliest candidate – and the rookie. Be reasonable…can you see anyone else in Major Crimes being an elf?
Besides, you look elfy.
"And where the hell am I supposed to put my GUN, in an elf costume?"
You have a point there, Junior. Maybe we can find you a costume with pockets.
Now, can't you calm down? Please? I'm beginning to worry about your blood pressure…and I can tell what it is, remember?
Your Sentinel
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:55:38
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
Subject: Sandburg
I'm not sure picking Blair to be the Elf at the Mayor's Christmas party was a good idea. He's not taking it too well. He's been pouting for over two hours now. And he's raised a valid question: where's he supposed to carry his gun?
Jim
#####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:55:43
From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Sure you didn't
"...can you see anyone else in Major Crimes being an elf?"
Why not H? Or Rafe? Or Rhonda? Or Megan? Those costumes were MADE with women in mind!
"Besides, you look elfy."
ELFY? I LOOK ELFY? What the hell is that supposed to mean?
"Maybe we can find you a costume with pockets"
How about you just dangle me from the flagpole in front of the precinct? The humiliation factor would be about the same!
And leave my blood pressure out of this! It's YOUR fault it's so high!
B.
#####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 10:58:04
From: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Sandburg
We'll have to tackle the gun question. I hadn't thought about that. We're all supposed to carry – invisibly, of course.
I'm sorry Sandburg's so upset, but I had no choice! Who else would make a decent elf?
Simon
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:25:35
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
Subject: Humiliation factor
Chief, calm down. You're all exclamation points.
Megan and H can't be elves. They're reindeer. And Rhonda was the Elf two years ago. And can you really see Rafe in an elf costume? Give me a break!
'Elfy' wasn't an insult. It just means you're sorta…exotic-looking. Would you prefer 'elvish?'
Want to go to lunch? Maybe it would make you feel better….
Jim
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:26:48
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
Subject: Elf-napping
Can't we get an elf from another department? Steal one somewhere?
J.
P.S. If ever confronted with this, I'll deny it.
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:43:29
From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: lunch
NO! I never want to go to lunch with you again! Go to hell!
**seethes again** ELFY!
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:53:13
From: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Elf-napping
"Can't we get an elf from another department?"
I already tried. Everyone just smirks and says 'It's Major Crimes' turn this year; tough shit!'
Is Sandburg really upset about this, or just blowing off steam?
S.
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 11:54:05
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
Subject: Re: lunch
You sure? It might do you good to get out of here for a little while. All that drawer-slamming can't be good for your desk – and a little while ago you came damned close to smashing your fingers!
Come on, huh? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings with the 'elfy' thing.
Jim
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:02:47
From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Re: lunch
**Deep sigh** I don't think I could choke anything down right now…but thanks for the offer.
HOWEVER, if Brown keeps singing "What's it all about, Elfie?" I am going to beat him over the head with my phone receiver. I did it to Warren Chapel, and I can do it to him! With GREAT PLEASURE!
Blair
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:05:34
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Sandburg
"Is Sandburg really upset about this, or just blowing off steam?"
He's really upset. I'm trying to calm him down, but he thinks it's a conspiracy against him. He's refusing to talk to anyone, even me. But at least he'll e-mail.
J.
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:08:28
From: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Sandburg
Shit
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:09:16
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
Subject: Whoa!
I asked Brown to knock it off. Nicely. He complied right away. It's all in how you ask, Chief.
What's so bad about being an elf, anyway? You don't have to wear antlers or a fake beard. Elves are cool!
Jim
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:13:47
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Sandburg
You said it.
He refused to go to lunch with me. This is serious.
Could we import some elves from somewhere else? The Fire Department?
Jim
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:15:32
From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Whoa!
"What's so bad about being an elf, anyway? You don't have to wear antlers or a fake beard. Elves are cool!"
Elves are cool in Lord of the Rings. SANTA'S elves are so-not-cool. **Despairing** Oh God, if I have to be an elf, why can't I be an elf like Orlando Bloom?
I'm going to go stand out in the street and see if I can get hit by a truck… If I'm dead they can't make me be an elf.
S'long.
B.
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:38:02
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
Subject: SANDBURG!
Damn you, where'd you go? You'd better not have meant that, about standing in the street!
**Frantic**
Jim
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:40:14
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Sandburg
I've gotta go find Blair – he said he wants to get hit by a truck!
J.
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:45:38
From: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
To: Henri Brown browniepoints cpd. gov , Brian Rafe GQGuy cpd. gov , Megan Connor ozzizrule cpd. gov , Joel Taggart captaggart cpd. gov .
Subject: Sandburg
Whatever you're doing to tease Blair, stop it. Jim thinks he's gone suicidal.
Banks
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:48:09
From: Megan Connor ozzizrule cpd. gov
To: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
CC: Henri Brown browniepoints cpd. gov , Brian Rafe GQGuy cpd. gov , Joel Taggart captaggart cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Sandburg
I haven't done anything to Sandy! It's H!
Megan
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:50:23
From: Henri Brown browniepoints cpe. gov
To: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
CC: Megan Connor ozzizrule cpd. gov, Brian Rafe GQGuy , Joel Taggart captaggart cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Sandburg
I stopped singing when Jim said to, I swear! The man threatened to tear my tongue out!
Hairboy isn't really suicidal…is he?
H.
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 12:55:52
From: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
To: Henri Brown browniepoints cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Sandburg
Singing?
"Hairboy isn't really suicidal…is he?"
Jim tends to exaggerate when it comes to Sandburg, but I'd rather not take any chances.
S. Banks
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:15:32
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
Subject: STAY PUT!
Stay in that chair until I say you can get up, dammit! You scared the hell outta me!
And will you just goddamn TALK to me? I'm sick of e-mailing everything!
Your [very jittery] Blessed Protector
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:17:43
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
Subject: He's safe…
But I think I'm having a coronary!
Ellison
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:18:44
From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Re: STAY PUT!
I'm sorry. I was in the crosswalk, you know. I did have the right of way. Even if that guy in the BMW didn't think so.
Breathe, Jim.
"And will you just goddamn TALK to me? I'm sick of e-mailing everything!"
Not yet, I'm afraid I'll choke up if I try to talk right now.
Blair
P.S. I'll at least look at the costume. Maybe we can make some changes so I look more like Legolas Greenleaf and less like something making cookies in hollow trees?
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:25:29
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
Subject: Keebler elves
We can try.
Wanna go to lunch NOW?
Jim [who is still jittery, but hungry]
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:28:43
From: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Re: He's safe…
Are you all right? Is Sandburg all right? What happened?
Simon
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:30:16
From: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Keebler elves
I could eat.
B.
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:33:48
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
Subject: Re: He's safe…
We're fine. Relatively.
I'll try to settle the elf gig over lunch. Can we change the costume a little? He wants to look like Lord of the Rings instead of Keebler. Would the Mayor mind?
Ellison
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 1:40:11
From: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Elf gig
He's got to look Christmas-y, but we can try. Still working on where he can put his weapon.
Banks
####################
Date: Monday, December 11, 2000, 3:15:18
From: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Elf gig
Well? Accomplish anything? Sandburg talking yet? Jim, I need this settled – NOW!
Simon
####################
Date: Monday, December 18, 2000, 8:03:22
From: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
To: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov, Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov, Henri Brown browniepoints cpd. gov, Brian Rafe GQGuy cpd. gov, Megan Connor ozzizrule cpd. gov, Joel Taggart captaggart cpd. gov, Rhonda goldilocks cpd. gov.
Subject: Congratulations
Ladies and Gentlemen, congratulations on a very successful showing at the Mayor's Children's Christmas Party on Saturday afternoon. You did good, people!
Sandburg, going as 'Maëglin Helyänwë the woodland elf' was a stroke of genius. The kids were enchanted, and who knew Her Honor was such a Tolkien fan? Santa was lucky to find Maëglin to help with his toy distribution this year. And putting your gun inside your arrow quiver was a great solution to a sticky problem.
Taggart, you made a great Santa Claus. Rafe, Connor, Brown, Rhonda, good going, all of you.
Ellison, that was damn sneaky! Coming as 'a friendly detective from the North Pole police department' just doesn't cut it! You were SUPPOSED to be a reindeer!
However, I am happy to say that next year it will be Homicide's turn to staff the annual Christmas party, and we'll be off the hook.
Now, can we please get a little WORK done around here before the actual holiday arrives?
Simon Banks
####################
Date: Monday, December 18, 2000, 8:10:55
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Simon Banks captbanksMC cpd. gov
Subject: Re: Congratulations
"Ellison, that was damn sneaky! Coming as 'a friendly detective from the North Pole police department' just doesn't cut it! You were SUPPOSED to be a reindeer!"
The costume made me itch. Trust me on this, Captain – it wouldn't have been pretty!
Ellison
####################
Date: Monday, December 18, 2000, 8:35:27
From: Jim Ellison jellison cpd. gov
To: Blair Sandburg bsandburg cpd. gov
Subject: Merry Christmas, Chief!
See? Told you you'd be a success!
Love,
Jim
P.S. You can stop chanting in Elvish now
The End