Author's Note: So this is my first ever fic. I do plan on writing a few more chapters so hopefully y'all will like it. Like the summary said, this is basically my take on what should have happened when Finn outed Santana. It's kind of a rough start, but I'm still working out kinks to how I want it to end/keep going. Don't worry, there'll be sweet lady kisses/smutty scenes later but for now, not so much. Again, hope y'all enjoy :)
Oh...and I don't own anything Glee even though I'd seriously love to. Please review/comment so I know how I'm doing. Thanks!
I wasn't sure what stung worse, my hand or Finn's face. I had to guess his face; otherwise everyone wouldn't be gawking in Finn's direction. I could feel panic well up in my throat, making it hard to stand there in the auditorium. I could feel the piercing, judgmental gazes of my so-called friends and it hurt nearly as bad as my hand did. I had no idea why I had done it. Okay...I did know. But it was a reflex, a natural instinct that called for my body to go into survival mode. In my head, I was supposed to do something about people or things that tried to hurt me. He had hurt me. He had spread the one thing I had tried keeping a secret. He had outed me. My panicked eyes flickered over the familiar faces of my peers and teachers. They were still in shock, the silence nearly as suffocating as the pain lumped in my throat. I couldn't stay there. I had to do what I did second best; run.
I took off, running as fast as I could down the halls of William Mckinley. Class must have just ended because there was a crazy amount of bodies flooding the hallways. I pushed my way through the crowd, ignoring glares and obscenities thrown at me. They didn't matter either. What mattered was finding a way out of there. I hesitated at my locker, unsure if I should grab my things then go or just rush out. My heart pounded in my chest, egging me to just leave. With a simple nod to myself, I rushed out the front doors of the school toward my car. I could get in major trouble for this, but like with everything else, I didn't care. I was just thankful I had learned a thing or two from my over friendly aunt and had stuffed my keys masterfully inside my bra. I pulled them out, ignoring the slight pain from the grooves of the key scraping across my skin. That didn't matter either. It had become my mantra. It didn't matter. School. Cheerios. Glee. Finn Hudson...especially Finn Hudson. Cuts or bruises. It just didn't matter. Frantically, I fumbled with putting my keys into the ignition, letting out a frustrated whimper when it took way longer than I had wanted to turn my car on. I hadn't even bothered waiting for my car to warm up. I had already backed out, shoved the car into drive and took off toward my one safe haven, my Abuela's.
It didn't take me too long to speed through the rundown and somehow welcoming rows of houses in Lima Heights Adjacent. I had grown up there. The place had an awful reputation but that's what had helped me keep such a tough skin up until this point. Lima Heights had prepared me for every kind of insult and jab made at me except this. No one taught you how to deal when your biggest secret was leaked for the world- or rather your entire town to find out. I pulled up along the curb of my grandmother's home, slamming the door shut as I rushed through the door. Once inside, I closed the door a bit harder than I needed to only to press my back up against the wooden face. My heart was going into overdrive and I was surprised to not find myself huddled up in a fetal position wishing for my heart to slow down. My chest ached a little as I took a few moments to myself. Hindsight was always 20/20. I should've stayed at school, defended my reasoning behind the slap. Mr. Shue could probably put two and two together but still. If I wasn't there to defend myself, who would? Brittany couldn't. Despite the two of us being as close as friends as possible, I hadn't dared reveal my fear to her. What would Brittany think of me, knowing that I was afraid of something as little as people knowing I loved her? It wasn't really that small of an issue but I knew that in Britt's eyes, being a girl who loved another girl wasn't a big deal. What Brittany didn't understand was that we lived in Ohio, practically the capitol for conservative Republicans aka the Hellmouth of gay bashers. If the torment Kurt suffered through wasn't enough, I could only imagine what they'd do to me. My HBIC status would deteriorate to nothing, I'd be slushied, made fun of, but even worse, I'd become a nothing. I'd just be that sinful girl who chose to be lesbian to spite everyone. Of course, that wasn't the case at all. I just knew from experience that that's how the Lima residents were. They judged anyone that was different or against their "moral standards." Hell, the wrong haircut got you tagged as a drug dealer. That has to say something about the community. It didn't matter now though. I'd have to figure out how to make this whole lesbian thing blow over. I wouldn't allow it to affect me anymore.
With my mind somewhat determined, I finally wandered through my Abuela's home, smiling almost immediately when I found her preparing dinner for the night. "Hola Abuela..." My greeting was hardly over a whisper but she heard me loud and clear. I received that concerned and curious look from my grandmother but all I could do was smile gently. I went over to Abuela, leaned in and gave her a gentle peck on the cheek. "It's nothing...i promise." Again, I whispered. I guess I was too scared that my voice would crack and would reveal my pain. Abuela gave one last look at me, and I knew that she knew I was hurt. But just as I had hoped, she turned back to preparing her dinner, absentmindedly humming some old tune. This was one of the many reasons I adored Abuela. She knew when to be persistent and when to just leave matters alone. Sighing under my breath, I ran my hands through my thick hair, deciding it'd be best to just go to bed and not have to worry about anyone else but myself. I sat at the table, closing my eyes, and losing myself to the melody filling the room. I was starting to nod off, the song lulling me into a sleep I hadn't been sure I'd ever be able to surrender to.
It seemed like hardly moments had passed since I had closed my eyes when gentle fingers through my hair were awakening me. My eyes fluttered open, expecting the concerned aged face of my grandmother to be staring at me, not the animated blue stare of my best friend. "B...Brittany." My voice was harsh, destroying the thought that I had only dozed for a few minutes. My hair was lifted out of my face with careful fingers, the hair being tucked behind my ear. "What are you doing here" I lifted myself up, suddenly confused. How was I lying down? I could've sworn I had been sitting in my grandmother's kitchen. "Where am I?..." My questions were still hoarse and confusion kept my eyebrows knitted together.
Brittany smiled sweetly, brushing the back of her hand across my cheek. I couldn't help but relax slightly. "Your Abuela let me in... And I was worried. You didn't call or text me back..." She held up my phone, showing me how many missed calls and texts I had received. "Why'd you go running off?.. Everyone's worried sick."
The concern in Brittany's voice made me feel terrible. She probably thought I hated her or something. I shrugged up a shoulder. "I just… I didn't want to wait for whatever bullshit Schuester was going to dish out." That wasn't a total lie. Mr. Schue constantly took Finn's side ...maybe it was because he was slower than a turtle when it came to breathing. I let out a soft sigh, lying back down on my bed. "What do you mean everyone's worried sick? It's not like I got slapped... they should be worried about Finn and his jaw." I huffed softly, lowering my gaze to my fingernails. My nails were short again only because I'd been so stressed, I had picked up the bad habit of biting them again. Brittany continued running her hand through my hair, not saying anything. I was getting a bit uncomfortable, which never happened around her. I looked over at my best friend and I couldn't help but frown.
"You just left without saying a word. Finn told me what happened... said that I needed to find you…" Her eyebrows knitted together. "As if I'd just let you leave…"
I couldn't stop the smile from coming to my lips. Britt was just cute even when she was being serious. I reached over, grabbing her hand in mine, tugging her onto the bed. "Don't uh…don't worry about me, okay B? Just come lay down…" I scooted over, giving her room. I felt bad for not just confiding in her like I normally did. I just couldn't risk everything we had over a fear of mine. And there was absolutely no way Finn told Brittany everything. He could hardly tell that hobbit girlfriend of his the truth so why in the hell would he have given Brittany the courtesy? I just wanted this day to be over with. I gave Britt one last weak smile before turning over, resting my back against her chest. She was warm and smelled of that coconut shampoo I told her I liked. It wasn't long before Britt snuggled up against me, her arm wrapped around my waist protectively. She nuzzled her nose into the back of my neck and I felt my shoulders drop as I settled into the familiar warmth.
"I'll fix everything, San. Please, don't worry."
My heart wrenched in pain. Britt obviously thought I had passed out and couldn't hear her. She wanted to fix this…fix my pain. This was meant to be the other way around. I was supposed to be the strong one, not Britt. I just stared at the wall, my eyes traveling the crayon drawings left there from years ago. I continued lying still, allowing Britt's rhythmic breathing becoming the new music I fell asleep to. I just needed my worries to go away for the night. Maybe…just maybe I'd let Brittany take care of it like she wanted to.