The news was a lie, you explain as we cling to one another. An elaborate hoax meant to protect you, so you couldn't tell me the truth, much as you wanted to, and you're so sorry but you're here now, and isn't that what matters most? And you're right, because every time I look at your face, it feels as though a piece of my soul's been restored. A piece that's been missing for so long, I'd resigned myself to living without it. Without YOU.

The people surrounding us are friends but they're from after you left, which means they don't know you, and they have no idea what to make of the tears streaming down my face or the way my words keep faltering as I struggle to explain who you are and what we meant- what we MEAN to each other.

I keep forgetting myself and talking about you in past tense, and it makes me angry but I can't help it. This is so surreal, I'm terrified I'm dreaming - god knows it's happened before - but your arms feel so real and your smile-

Oh god, your smile's blinding.

I have to excuse myself again, laughing, warning everyone I'm going to keep making these ridiculous hiccup noises for a long time, because I just can't-

You tell me it's okay. You tell me you want to know about everything that's happened in my life while you were gone. You tell me you know it'll probably take FOREVER, but that's alright, because we've GOT forever, and we'll never be apart again, not ever, not-

There's a sound intruding. It's soft at first, barely noticeable but it grows in volume until it seems as though it's trying to drown you out, but I can't tell where it's coming from, even though I'm peering past you, past my friends, looking everywhere.

When I glance back to your face, you seem puzzled. You're not hearing the vaguely familiar noise that's reaching my ears, but you register my distress all the same. You're squeezing me tighter, asking what's wrong.

Nothing. Everything.

I feel transparent. I thought you were solid under my touch, but now you're not. Reality's become disjointed, and I realize I can't trust my senses anymore; things that seemed so logical just a few moments ago are abruptly not. I feel as though I'm breaking, losing my mind, my tears no longer joyous but coursing hard with fear and dismay because I'm started to understand even as I deny what my subconscious is trying to tell me.

I-

I wake alone, my eyes aching and my pillow damp beneath my cheek, knowing you're not here, knowing you've been nowhere but in the ground these last fourteen years, and when the unseen bird outside the window gives that harsh, grating cry again and startles a sob from my clenched throat, I don't recognize my own voice.

xxx

For someone who went where I couldn't follow, a long time ago. I love you. I miss you.