I Hate You, Hitsugaya Toushirou
Author's Note: Like I said in my profile…this is only what I think will happen in the movie. So don't take it too seriously; as in, there is a damn high chance that whatever is written here will not be displayed just as accurately in the upcoming movie. I only have that one 30-second long trailer and those four to five seconds of our two stars dueling against each other, so yeah…You get my drift.
Long story short…Since the movie isn't aired yet, I can't exactly say this but what the heck. This oneshot is AUish. The oneshot is rated for language, mainly. Ichigo and Hitsu might seem kinda OOC at some points, though…
Disclaimer: I do not own anything.
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No.
No, it isn't possible, damn it. It can't be true. They're lying about him.
What the hell is up with Soul Society nowadays? First, they sentence Rukia to death, then turns out the bastard Aizen is behind all this crap shit, and now…Now…
Toushirou's the victim. The victim of Soul Society's pointless and crappy law.
…Damn it.
I've known Toushirou long enough to know that he ain't some Aizen-wannabe. He was the one who went through hell to try and figure out the truth behind Rukia's execution date. In the end, he nearly got himself killed by that teme…Just when things are about to get slightly better, they get worse, and it's all coz of Soul Society's gawddamned law. What the crap are they saying now? Toushirou getting involved in the thievery of some stupid, useless piece of Soul Society treasure shit? That can't be true! Toushirou'd never do anything like that; never!
I've known him…long enough…
He's not like the teme Aizen. He's not. I just know he isn't.
'Hitsugaya Toushirou's defection', is it? Well, I'll change it. I'll change it all. I'll change it to 'Soul Society's incompetence'. I'll change it to 'Soul Society's stupidity'. And I'll be able to show them and see the look on their faces when I find proof to show that Toushirou's innocent. I'll clear his name; with Rukia's, Renji's and Rangiku-san's help, we'll clear his name together. We'll prove that Toushirou didn't betray Soul Society. We'll prove that Toushirou didn't betray us.
…Didn't betray me.
If Soul Society bans us from doing so, I'm gonna whack their sorry asses so bad they'll cry for forgiveness, like when Rukia had to be executed. That invasion nearly killed us, but I didn't care, and I still won't care now. If Toushirou's gonna be executed, fine by me, but only if they go through me first. But I'm most definitely freaking sure that Toushirou is not a traitorous bastard like Aizen. He won't get executed. He won't. As long as Soul Society hasn't come to a decision, I'm gonna find sufficient proof and clear Toushirou's name so he won't get executed.
I'll make sure of that.
＜ブリーチ＞
I thought he wasn't going to make it, but hey, this is Toushirou we're talking about here. If Toushirou could endure the hell Aizen the teme gave him, why couldn't he take the pain, hah? When I saw him lying there on the streets, all damn bloody and his shihakushou all tattered, I didn't know why but it was like as if my heart had skipped a beat. I still don't know why now. I guess it's coz I was worried he'd just lie dead there if I didn't help him out. When I went to carry him, I realized how shrimpy the kid was. So small and tiny, but so large a power.
Hey, he is a taichou, after all. It's just that I don't really see him as one. Sure, he's got the haori all right, but I don't give a damn about his haori. I don't see him as a taichou because…I don't know. I just don't. Maybe it's coz he looks like a kid. Or maybe it's just coz Toushirou's a very catchy name.
No…those ain't it at all.
I don't see Byakuya as a taichou, coz all I see him as is a statue-like sissy who loves cherry blossoms (A/N: No offense to Byakuya fans). I don't see Kenpachi as a taichou, coz he ain't got the responsibilities straight and he loves fighting too much, like me. I see him like a really really scary bastard that is a whole lot like me, except that I'm not as scary and I don't have a pink-haired girl on my shoulder twenty-four seven. So why do I refer to Toushirou by his name? Everyone sees him as a well-respected taichou of the 10th Division; a taichou with the most powerful ice-snow zanpakutou. But to me, I don't see him as one.
He's like a kid who takes on hell lot of responsibilities and is obsessed with his damned paperwork all day long; sure, that's true. But when I heard that he was the one who went through hell to figure out the truth behind Rukia's execution dates being moved so many times, I figured that he's not exactly a kid taichou who follows the rules all the time. He found out about those 46 dudes' deaths and tried to stop Aizen. I don't really know what happened after that but I heard that he failed to protect someone he loved and tried to kill Aizen for that, but got stabbed in the end.
Damn that bastard for hurting Toushirou.
I still don't know why I call him Toushirou. Perhaps it's coz we're just so much in common, like how Kenpachi loves fighting like I do. But why is it that I feel this…this thing whenever I'm near Toushirou? Like as if I wanna protect him or something. It's like how I felt with Rukia at first; I felt so much like protecting her and I still do, but that flame of protection burning within me is like telling me to go ahead and protect Toushirou instead, coz he looks like he really needs it now. Bringing him home was alright, but he's still not awake and it kinda worries me. That irritating bastard of the protecting flame is still telling me to help ease Toushirou's pain.
But the damn problem is I don't know how.
Hell, I don't even know what's going on.
I guess I'll ask him when he wakes up…
＜ブリーチ＞
No. Fucking. Way.
It's just not possible; it's not. It has got to be some kind of sick illusion the teme Aizen is using on me. That cannot be Toushirou. It just can't.
But it is. I can't deny that frosty reiatsu; it's Toushirou's, but…gawd…How did things turn out like this? I didn't wanna believe he's a traitor at first, but now…I don't know anymore. The snowy white-haired kiddo isn't even giving me a damn chance to say anything and he's just slashing at me. He's already calling out to Hyourinmaru to help him. I don't freakin' understand it at all. Toushirou can't be like Aizen; he can't. But he's showing that he can right now.
No! Stop comparing Toushirou with a bastard like Aizen, Kurosaki Ichigo!
For Toushirou to be doing this…he's got to have a reason for it. Something must've happened when he was at a dump like Soul Society. Like when the thievery happened. They did say he went missing after going after the thieves; did something happen to him during that time when he went missing? Maybe something really bad happened but he's just keeping it all to himself, that stubborn bastard. If he's got to contain all that pain within him and act like this, I'd rather let him share the pain with me and we'll bear it together. If that something bad is for him to betray Soul Society and it's bringing him so much pain, I wanna be the one who'll see him through this dark period. I wanna be the one who'll stay by Toushirou's side, comforting him, and share his pain and suffering. I know damn well it'd be the same as betraying Soul Society and Rukia, but it's for Toushirou's sake.
That has to be it. He must be keeping everything to himself. I need to find out what and why.
I'm in bankai and Toushirou's still in shikai. I don't understand why he's not using his bankai, knowing well that I gain the upper hand with bankai. Somehow I gotta wake him up and show him that I care about him, even if no one else seems to care about him. We're rushing towards each other with high speed, and I can see the despair in Toushirou's eyes. I'm really on a roll; he might just be keeping it all to himself. As I see him jump with Hyourinmaru in his hands, normally I'd laugh at him coz he's so short, but now…now it's already so hard to even crack a tiny little smile, let alone a laugh…
But this is the chance to ask him what the hell was going on.
Our blades collide with each other and the burst of reiatsu flows out in all kinds of directions. It's amazing how his shikai is able to be on an equal standing with Tensa Zangetsu. The shit thing is even with Tensa Zangetsu, I can't seem to push Hyourinmaru further and further away from me. It's getting closer and closer. Damn! Since when was I this weak?! "Toushirou…" I mutter, hoping that I can get that bastard's attention. "Why are you doing this?"
When I see Toushirou's eyes looking at me, I see that it no longer has that shine to it unlike the sparkling diamonds I usually see him possess as eyes. It scares me, even, to see him turn out like this. "It's for your own good, Kurosaki," I can hear him whisper in a voice I can't recognize. "If you know what's best for you, don't be in my way."
What?! That doesn't make any sense! "…I don't understand…what you're trying to tell me," I whisper back, hoping that I can get a clearer answer this time. At least something that I can understand! Something that I can understand why Toushirou is acting like this!
"Good," the little bastard muttered, his damn heavy zanpakutou pushing me towards gravity pull. Then he jumps out of the way. I don't know why. Maybe he's giving me a chance to land a hit? Well, gladly. It might squeeze some details outta him. I wanna go up and punch him in the face and wake him up, but something's holding me and preventing me from moving. Now what the hell's up with that? There's something wrong with Zangetsu…and I look down. A silver chain-blade is coiled all around Tensa Zangetsu and I follow the direction of the chain.
Damn you, Toushirou, you're making a fool out of me.
"Sometimes, Kurosaki…" Toushirou speaks so coldly I don't know if that's the real Toushirou or not. The kid bastard tugs at his chain and pulls Zangetsu outta my grip. He knows. He knows I can't bear to fight him. He knows, gawddammit…I don't even know why myself. I just…I just can't hurt him. And he knows it, and putting it to his advantage. That cheeky lil' bastard…"…ignorance is bliss."
What the fuck does he mean by that?! Is he talking to me like as if I'm not supposed to know anything?! How the hell can I help him if he doesn't want me to? I know he's in pain; I can tell from how cold his voice gets. It's just not Toushirou-like. As much as he despises me for calling him Toushirou all the damn time, he can't hate me that much. At least, I don't hate him…do I?
I don't know anymore. I don't know what the fuck to believe.
I need Tensa Zangetsu, dammit! If I wanna win and know what the hell to believe, I'll need Tensa Zangetsu and I'm gonna take it from Toushirou! I run, even though I know I'll just get slashed by Hyourinmaru and Tensa Zangetsu if Toushirou's bad enough a bastard to use my own zanpakutou against me. I try to reach out for Tensa Zangetsu but Toushirou just calls his damn cold dragon to flood me. His reiatsu is just so cold…so different from the reiatsu I can feel from the normal Toushirou…I hate it, dammit all. Why the hell am I thinking like this? This isn't like me…
Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.
My arms are still so numb from the dragon and my legs are nearly frozen, but I gotta get Tensa Zangetsu back. I have no choice but to crawl. It's embarrassing; it's like as if I'm begging Toushirou for forgiveness. Pft. Yeah right. I'd never ask for forgiveness from a traitor like him. He betrayed me; he betrayed all of us. I see the truth now. There is no need for forgiveness from him, but from me.
Clang
I look at the blade in front of me. Tensa Zangetsu? That can't be. Just now, it was in Toushirou's possession but now he's…he's returning it to me? Why? Doesn't he want to destroy me?
"It slipped out of my hand," I hear Toushirou explain with one simple sentence. I hear the frustration this time, but it's false frustration; it's so easy to tell. I wanna smirk at him for deliberately giving Tensa Zangetsu back to me, but the smile is just so hard to appear. It's like my mouth muscles just freeze up. I break outta the ice and grab Tensa Zangetsu.
"…Arigatou."
"…Baka," Toushirou mutters like how he does every other day. It felt so normal at that point of time, but it suddenly goes back to reality when Toushirou slashes at me with Hyourinmaru again. It's so hard and I feel like asking the stupid hollow inside my head to help out, but Toushirou will get really hurt. I don't want him to get hurt coz of something I did to him. Getsuga Tenshou may do the trick, but it's still so hard for me to aim it directly at him, that cold bastard. I can hear old man Zangetsu and my gawddamned hollow in my head. I don't know who to believe; old man Zangetsu or the troublesome hollow.
"Ichigo, it is not like you to be in denial for such a long time. You have known him for a few months; you should know his character. I do, because I am you. What do you want to believe, Ichigo? Soul Society or him?"
"HAH! Don't listen to him, Ichigo! It's clear as glass that the lil' bastard is just like the teme Aizen. Let me take over and I'll take care of him for ya. There's nothing to think about, ya know, coz it's damn obvious who the real villain is!"
…I don't know what to believe, old man Zangetsu. Soul Society or Toushirou? I really don't know.
And you stupid hollow, shut the hell up. Toushirou isn't like Aizen; not one bit. That's how much I know about him. He hates the bastard to the very core. There's no way he's like Aizen. He must have his reasons. He must.
That's right; how could I doubt Toushirou before?
I know him long enough.
"Souten ni zase, Hyourinmaru!"
"Shit! Getsuga Tenshou!"
It's so rushed; it's so natural for me to just scream out Getsuga Tenshou without thinking. What the hell am I doing?! I'll be hurting Toushirou! I don't even know his reason right from the start of this damn crap shit! I see Getsuga Tenshou pushing the dragon away but when the water clears, Toushirou isn't there anymore. Where is he? Where did he go?
Then Toushirou answers me by slashing my back.
It hurts…It hurts, dammit. It hurts with the coldness of his reiatsu.
If Toushirou's unwilling to tell me anything, then I shan't hold back…Maybe, just maybe, he'd tell me everything.
"Getsuga Tenshou!"
I'm expecting Toushirou to do something to stop Getsuga Tenshou, but all he's doing is shunpo-ing outta the way. He shouldn't do that. Getsuga Tenshou can follow him wherever goes; he'll…get hurt. I don't know why he's doing this; I don't know why he's pretending to be cold to me when it's so obvious he doesn't want me to get hurt too.
…This sucks.
Clang
I hear him hiss and curse when I blink outta my daze. He's holding onto his right arm, the arm he uses to wield Hyourinmaru. The big blotch of Getsuga Tenshou is gone, but I can see that Toushirou's arm has a new burn on it. Oh hell. I really did hurt him. If I fight him, he ain't gonna have any chance to fight back if he can't even hold his zanpakutou properly. Hyourinmaru's already lying on the ground and I can see Toushirou's hand trembling. Is it from the pain I gave him?
…I hate myself. I hate myself for doing that to him.
Soul Society has given orders to find him and bring him back there, but I don't wanna listen to their crap. I wanna hear it from Toushirou. I wanna hear it straight from Toushirou. I wanna hear the truth; the reasons; his confession. I need to hear them before I deal with him. I'm not bringing him back there for his death just yet. Now's the chance for me to get some answers from him. When he's hurt and unable to fight, it'll be just fine…I guess. "Toushirou, you…"
"Hadou no sanjyuusan: Soukatsui."
Damn you, Toushirou, you didn't give me a chance to finish.
The kid can really put up a fight…Even if one arm's injured, he'd use the other arm for kidou which I suck at. He's really a cheeky lil' bastard, that Toushirou…
"Hold it," a weird freaky voice speaks. I jump outta the way of Soukatsui, but I nearly get myself crushed by this shit hollow that suddenly comes along. I roll outta the way and jump to my feet with Tensa Zangetsu. This hollow looks really freaky, really freaky. It's got the mask, all right, but he looks like…like a human. The hole is there, and the body's just the size of a human. The thing is it looks like a blob of shit. So freaky. Not the ugliest hollow I've ever seen, but still.
"What do you want?" I ask, really pissed that some damn hollow's interrupting us.
"I'm not here for you, boy," the hollow replies with a huff. I scowl; I'm not a boy. To my surprise, the hollow is looking directly at Toushirou. Now what does the hollow want with Toushirou? "I have come to receive Hitsugaya Toushirou."
What the fuck?!
Toushirou, tell me…Tell me you're not on the side of the hollows. Please don't say that the hollow is seriously here for you.
"Ah," Toushirou replies, to my horror. "You must be the one he sent to pick me."
"Are you ready to leave?"
"…Yes."
It can't be happening. Toushirou…Toushirou would never betray us. That's not Toushirou…It's not, it just can't be. But if he's not, then how come he looks like Toushirou, he sounds like Toushirou and he fights like Toushirou? It…it just can't be true. Damn it, it just can't be true!
"Toushirou, you're…you're with them? You…you really betrayed us?"
I need an answer. A clear answer. I wanna hear it come from his lips.
"It's obvious…Kurosaki."
…No…It just can't be true…Hearing it coming from him, I still can't believe it…
I need answers. I need to know the truth behind all this…I need to know why this is happening. This shouldn't be happening; it shouldn't at all.
"Why…?"
…I demand an answer…
"Why are you…?"
…I demand an answer…
"CONFESS!"
…I DEMAND AN ANSWER NOW!
Why are you running away, Toushirou?! Where the hell are you shunpo-ing off to?! Huh?!
"You want to know why, Kurosaki?" I can hear him whisper in my ear behind me.
Behind me…
Suddenly, I feel like throwing up. Something that feels like water is moving up my throat. It tastes like metal and I spit it out. Blood. Blood all over the ground. My blood. I look down and I see a blade pierced right through my stomach. Ice is starting to form from the blade and creepily growing right on me.
…Toushirou…
I feel Toushirou tugging the blade out and I cough out some more blood. Toushirou continues with what he says, "…It's because of you."
…What? Because of me? What does Toushirou's betrayal have anything to do with me?
I fall down and I can feel the coldness from the ice continuing to form an ice cage to encase me. There's no way I can get a clear answer from Toushirou; not when I'm so damn hurt like this. I hear Toushirou walking away and I tilt my head. I can hear very clearly what the hollow is telling Toushirou. "Come, Hitsugaya-sama. We shan't keep him waiting for you."
Who…is he? Who is that him who wants Toushirou…?
I don't…understand…
"I'm sorry…Kurosaki."
Then, all I can see is darkness.
＜ブリーチ＞
"Ichigo…Ichigo, wake up…"
When I open my eyes, the first person I see is a worried Rukia. I feel some weird pain in my chest; I was expecting Toushirou, but that'll never happen, not even in a century. Funny…I thought I died. I thought Toushirou actually killed me. I look at where that bastard stabbed me. It's weird, it's really weird.
I look perfectly fine.
I touch my chest. "Rukia…" Maybe Rukia knows something about this. "What happened?"
"I should be the one asking that, Ichigo. Renji and I found you lying on the pavement outside your house. No matter how many times we called, you just wouldn't wake up. Till now," Rukia explains with a frown. But wait, did she say pavement? Outside my house? That's impossible; I was fighting Toushirou on the roofs. How did I end up on the pavement? "And it's weird. You were lying down there unconscious, but we couldn't find any visible injuries on you, Ichigo. You scared me, baka!"
Rukia hits me with her fist, but I don't feel like arguing with her. Not now. I'm not in the mood. Not after what happened with Toushirou. I notice Rukia staring at me, as if she's expecting me to hit back or shout, and not keep quiet. She's right to stare; it's like I'm not me whenever it comes to Toushirou. "Arigatou, Rukia. I just wanna get some sleep now."
"Ichigo…What happened?"
I force a smile. "I'll tell ya later."
She pauses then she nods, thankfully. She didn't ask me anything else and leaves me alone in my room. I lie back down and pull the blanket over my face. I remember everything that happened so quickly that I can't get it in my head just yet. Soul Society calling; Toushirou lying down there, bleeding; Toushirou waking up; Toushirou not being clear; Toushirou being an asshole; us fighting; the hollow coming; Toushirou stabbing me; Toushirou leaving…All of this leads to one cause: Toushirou's betrayal.
Why? Why is he betraying us? Why is he on the enemy's side? He says it's because of me, but it still doesn't explain anything! Why did he betray my trust? I believed so much in him; I believed that he had nothing to do with the thievery. But I've been proven wrong.
…That bloody asshole.
But I remember perfectly…Toushirou stabbed me right here in the chest. The ice formed; I know it did. It was there. Now it's gone. For no reason. And this reiatsu I feel whenever I touch my chest where Toushirou stabbed…It's Toushirou's reiatsu. Go figure. He fucking stabbed me; course his reiatsu will be there. Even though the wound is gone, I can still feel pain there. It's so painful, it's worse than hell. It feels like as if Toushirou has stabbed me for hundreds and hundreds of times. It hurts…It really hurts…
"…Damn you, Toushirou…Damn you."
＜ブリーチ＞
He looked down, letting his white bang cover one of his dull and pained teal eyes. Clad in his cloak, haori-less, he ran into the nearest bathroom and locked the door. Hissing in frustration, he grabbed a pail full of water and overturned it above his head, letting the freezing cold water drench his entire being. He was soaked to the skin, but he didn't care. All he wanted was to get rid of the pain he was containing within himself. The water eased him quite a bit, but he still felt the searing pain in his chest. Looking at himself in the mirror, he realized, he looked downright horrible. His eyes, once lively and beautiful, were completely void of emotion and dead. His white hair, once envied by many for its purity, was dull and slightly grey, tainted with the newfound evil he had made contact with. He was deathly pale and there were bags under his eyes. He felt something awfully stinging come into contact with his eyes. He blinked, hoping to get rid of the pain, but all he felt was even more pain as he blinked more.
Why was this happening…?
"…What's done cannot be undone…"
Of all people, why did it have to be him?
"I just want you to let me say something…"
It didn't make any sense…
"I'm sorry, Ichigo…"
Hitsugaya Toushirou closed his eyes shut as he collapsed to his knees, letting the tears fall.
"I'm sorry…"
"You must hate me now…"
＜ブリーチ＞
I hate you, Hitsugaya Toushirou. I hate you to the very core.
I hate you for keeping it all to yourself. I hate you for leaving without even saying goodbye. I hate you for betraying my trust. I hate you for your unwillingness to tell me. I hate you for your reluctance to confide in me when I am always here for you. I hate you for giving me all this fucking pain. I hate you for making me act like someone I'm not when I'm around you. I hate you for having so much authority over me. I hate you for messing around with me. I hate you for putting my weaknesses to your advantage. I hate you for being such a sneaky traitorous little asshole. I hate you for making me hate myself. I hate you…for being you.
I hate you, Hitsugaya Toushirou. I hate you to the very core.
But why is it that I still love you so…?
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A/N: Whoa…I was kinda expecting this to be short, like a few hundred words, but this…
o.O
Please tell me what you think about it! Oh yeah, like I said, this is just my view on how the movie might go. Might. So it's very very highly likely that this will never happen in the actual movie, so yeah, it's AUish, other than the plot.
…I'm sleepy. XD
Stayed up till about one in the morning to get the fighting part done and all touched up before I went to bed xp. The rest I completed this morning and just in time before lunch! Yayz!!! (I'm ultra-hyper because it's now the end-of-year holidays! Woohoo!)
Arigatou for spending some of your precious time to read this! Ja ne!
Reflect the truth of which you see
Tsuki-no-Kurokage