Title: A Tiny Bit Of Hope
Author: Etsuko O. Daikama

Rating: K+
Category: Hurt/Comfort/Family
Pairing(s): None

Disclaimer: I just don't own Gakuen Alice.
Summary: AU: Mikan doesn't care how much hope she gets, just enough to know that her grandpa will live longer.

Notes: May contain OCCness. This Mikan's POV—it's my first time doing that.

: Dedicated To All Those Loved Ones That Have Passed Away :

I had received a letter from my grandfather last week, concerning about his health. I was shocked, scared and so many other emotions that I didn't need to feel. He wrote to me that he'll have until next Tuesday to live. Today was Sunday and I plan to visit him today. I was already given permission to leave the school with Natsume. He knew I couldn't do this alone; I knew it too.

I was packing my clothing in a small suitcase for my trip to my grandfather's; he was aware that I was coming over to see him before he takes his last breath. He was pretty happy that I was coming over to see him and slightly proud when he heard about my schooling. My grades were rising up and I got less in trouble.

My grandpa sent me letters almost weekly just to check up on how I was doing. But in last week's letter, he told me that he hasn't been breathing properly for a few weeks but he thought it would just vanish like stomachaches. But it didn't; it continued on for a long time and I was getting worried. In most of the letters he sent me, he seemed so happy that it would just make me smile from ear-to-ear. But I have been ignorant as to what happens back at home.

I felt the tears rolling down my face while I continued to stuff my clothing into the already-cramped suitcase. I tried pushing the suitcase down so I could zip but it was so hard. My chest was just aching in pain because my grandfather, the one who raised me, was going to die very soon. And I could hardly believe it.

After a few more minutes of getting ready, there was a knock on my dorm's door. The visitor opened the door and I soon found out that it was Natsume. He had his suitcase in his hand and he was waiting for me.

"You were crying," that was a declarative. My face was tear-stained and I wiped the stains off with the back of my palm. I heard Natsume sigh and he walked inside the room. He placed his suitcase on the ground and sat on the bed beside me.

"Don't get all sad and stuff," he said to me. "It will just ruin your day with your grandfather. These are your last few days with him; spend it happily like you used to do. At least, that's what you told me."

I smiled at that. Natsume always knew how to cheer me up and I needed that comfort just then. He got up from the bed and took his suitcase in hand. "Ready?" he asked me. I nodded and grabbed my suitcase and we both walked out of my dorm.

The doctors said that grandpa will die on Tuesday, but I can have hope that he will live longer and he won't suffer from anything that's bothering him like the barely-able-to-breathe thing.

But right now, more than anything, I needed hope—I don't care how much it was. Whether it was big or small, I needed some hope that he will continue to live. To know that he'll live longer would just brighten my day and my trip to his house and at his house.

I could hardly wait to see him and I could wait ten-thousand years to say good-bye to him. I bet he feels the same way, too.

Natsume was driving us both to grandpa's house and the car was silent. I would occasionally glance over to Natsume to see what's wrong with him, because he would sometimes break awkward silences such as this, but he was too focused on the road that he probably didn't notice the silence. So I looked out my window and watched the scenery change every second.

"I don't want you to have an anguish visit with your grandpa," Natsume suddenly spoke. "So if you want to cry, just go ahead and cry." And so I did. Natsume started driving with one hand and let me hug his free arm to get some comfort. I did find some but it didn't give me any hope that my grandpa will live on.

I started sniffling and I knew Natsume felt slightly awkward about this. He just let me grab his arm to cry on and he couldn't do a thing. "Are you done?" he asked. I nodded against his arm considering I know my voice would crack if I said anything.

Letting go of his arm, I looked at his white dress shirt to see it wet in one certain spot. I looked at Natsume to see if he felt the wetness on his arm but he didn't seem to mind. I quietly said thank you to Natsume and stayed to myself until we got to grandpa's house.

Natsume and I arrived at long last, we both quietly got out of the car and got our suitcases that were in the back of the car and pulled them out. I went up to my grandpa's door and knocked on it. It revealed my mother who joined my little family not too long ago.

I saw her eyes were red and puffy; they were still on the verge of tears. Her cheeks were wet and her bottom lip was quivering. She moved aside without saying anything and I walked in with Natsume behind me. My mom led me to the guestroom that I would be staying in and she also showed Natsume's temporary room.

I will be sleeping in the same room I used to sleep in when I was a child. My bed was still there and the drawers that I colored on with markers were there. I felt nostalgia rush through me as I scanned the whole bedroom. Just seeing this again made me want to cry but I bit my bottom lip so I won't cry anymore. I already done enough of that before we (Natsume and me) came here.

Dropping the suitcase onto the dusty bed, I started pulling clothing out and placing them in my drawers. I opened one drawer that had a load of drawings that I made. I found one that had my grandpa and I holding hands in front of a square that was supposed to be a house. I wanted to laugh and I wanted to cry, but I didn't know what to do.

My mom came into my room and I heard her voice sounded more hoarse, "Your grandpa is at the hospital; I can take you there when you're ready." I nodded and I still think she was trying to get over the fact that grandpa was going to die.

That, too, made me find no hope in any way. I guess I could drown myself in my misery already because I was not going to find any hope anytime soon.

After I had finished unpacking my clothing into the drawers, I went into Natsume's room and saw him sitting on the bed. His hands were in his hair like he was frustrated or something and he was looking at the ground. I walked in front of him and he looked up at me.

"I knew it would be stupid for me to come over here," Natsume continued, "but I knew you would've needed me more than Imai." I don't know if that was true or not. I mean, I can get some comfort from Hotaru but not really the right one.

I absently-minded nodded in agreement and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. I really wanted to cry some more but I just had to resist it for now. Grandpa's not even dead yet and I'm already having problems. Well, I guess it was digging in me last week that it started to build in me.

Grandpa was my main focus last week that my grades started to drop. I'm so glad that I didn't tell grandpa that my grades were dropping; I don't think he'll leave the earth proud about his granddaughter getting a few F's in every class, including P.E.

"Do you want to see grandpa with me?" I asked Natsume after I pulled away from the hug. He nodded and got off the bed. We both walked over to my mom and said we were ready to visit my grandpa.

I have been anticipating this all week and slightly not. I mean, I loved seeing him but I don't want to see in what condition he is. It could be really bad that I might faint. As I walked out of grandpa's house I started to feel tingly. My feet were growing numb and my fingers tingled. My heart started beating faster and I started to have a headache; I don't know what's going on with me.

Through that whole trip (which was about ten minutes) I felt weird. My hands were tingling and my legs have also gotten numb. The headache that I was having was becoming worse and worse. I told myself that I was overreacting but the tingles and the numbness including the stupid headache didn't disappear. I thought I needed some sleep so after I visit grandpa I would most definitely get some sleep.

My mom had entered the parking lot that belonged to the hospital; they weren't a lot of visitors here in the afternoon, but some people also had jobs. She parked the car and we all got out of the car. I don't know why no one wanted to talk about anything, but I guess we were all worried about grandpa.

We got a parking spot that was close to the hospital and I could see my mom's legs wobbling. I don't think she could balance herself. It must mean that something's really wrong with grandpa and I'm too afraid to see it. I was beginning to start hoping that my grandpa will be fine—it's the first time since last week.

I casted my gaze towards the ground and just hope that he wasn't in bad condition; but what was I thinking? He was going to die in a couple of days; he has to be in bad condition.

My mom went up to the visitor desk and asked to see my grandpa. The nurse gave us the room number and we walked from hallway to hallway. It seemed that his room was in the back of the hospital, don't you hate that?

Placing her hand on the doorknob, my mom carefully twisted it and there we saw was my grandpa eating his way with hospital food. He once said that their food was OK, not terrific like home-made food, but OK.

"Grandpa?" I asked softly that I bet he didn't hear me. But apparently he did because I saw him look up from his food and look at me.

"Mikan!" he exclaimed with a smile on his face. Seeing that made me so happy. He knows he's about to die and yet he can smile like it's no big deal.

I ran over to him just to give him a big hug. He started laughing when I came to hug him. "I miss you so much," he said. "I can't believe how much you've grown."

And I can't believe how much energy he still has at such an old state. I'm so glad my grandpa is a not a mind-reader, he wouldn't like that comment.

We started talking about my school and I had told him truthfully that my grades were dropping because I was worried about him. I thought he was going to yell at me, but he stated calmly that I shouldn't be too worried about him—he said he was fine and I believe that. I had a tiny bit of hope that he was going to live.

He coughed from time to time and I tried to ignore that. It's hard to ignore my grandpa coughing out blood most of the time. I know my mom wasn't too comfortable seeing that and I don't think Natsume worried about it, but I know he would've thought it was bad.

It was nearly evening when my grandpa wanted some rest so we left the hospital. He slept with a smile on his face and I left with hope in my heart that everything is going to be OK. Just fine…

On Monday, we came to the hospital again to see my grandpa. He coughed less which was good to know. I guess he needed some good company to make him feel better. He told us stories back when he was young and he had to teach Yuka and everything. He said the hardest thing for him to teach Yuka was that cows go 'moo' not 'meow.'

"I bet that happened with polka," Natsume insulted me when he heard the story. But I'm guessing that Natsume was having a good time with my family. But then grandpa started telling Natsume that he had a hard time teaching me how to use the toilet. And they way he said it—which was very detailed—made me embarrassed. Now Natsume can blackmail me. That's grand, isn't it?

We left later than yesterday. I was still thinking that grandpa may die the next day and so when it was nearly ten, we left. I just prayed that he will live longer.

It was Tuesday and we spent all day together. Laughing, joking around—it was fun! Natsume taught grandpa how to play poker. I don't know if Natsume was going easy on him or that grandpa knew how to kick Natsume's butt in poker. I'll just go for the latter.

It was Wednesday when grandpa died. We were told that he had a sudden stroke and died a few minutes after.

The doctors said that grandpa would've died on Tuesday, but with a tiny bit of hope, he lived for another day.

FIN

A/N: I haven't written a story for a while. And this came up when I started thinking about my great grandmother. I went to visit her in June and she seemed fine and everything but she was practically hiding her medication. She didn't want us to see it or know about it. My mom said that time maybe our last time seeing her.

I have others that passed away and I bet they're having a great time in heaven. Just partying up there…

- Etsuko O. Daikama