I'm holding on your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground
And I'm hearing what you say
But I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down
But wait...
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around and say..
"Jeff, what else do you want me to say? I said I was sorry. Don't do this. Don't end it like this!" she said, in tears, nearly screaming across the parking lot.
Jeff stopped in his tracks and clinched his teeth for a minute before he mustered up the strength to turn around and face the woman he had given nearly a decade of his life to. He heard the sounds coming from her lips, but for the first time in a while, it truly fell on deaf ears. He was tired of the excuses, tired, of being treated like a lap dog and tired of being used, like some marionette doll. He let a small smile linger on his face before he spoke yet again. Something she wasn't prepared for him to say and something he didn't know he had the strength to let slip off his tongue.
"Beth, baby. It's too late for that shit." he replied, scratching his forehead. "It's over!" he bellowed, almost as loudly as she had spoken to him.
That it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
With that, he turned back around and without a care in the world, he let his feet take him inside the hotel. He could finally breath a sigh of relief, as the attendant handed him his key card and he walked to the elevators. It was something that was so long overdue, but at the same time, it was a little bittersweet, or at least in his eyes it was.
He threw his bag on the floor and flopped on the bed. Tonight was more than he had bargained for, and after returning home, it hadn't got much better. Instead, his day had only progressively gotten worse, ending with the huge blow out with his live-in girlfriend.
He threw himself back on the bed an allowed his mind to carry him through the entire 9 years of hell he had endured with Beth. It was clear to every one apparently, except for him, that he was used and was like a puppet on strings. He was there for her, no matter what the stakes or how much it costed. As long as she got her way, everything was smooth sailing. It took him a while to notice, but over the last few years of the relationship, he had finally came around to understanding what his brother had meant.
I was so stupid! How could I have let this happen? How could I have let her run my life? For 9 fucking years!
It was true, at one time, he did need her. She was there for him during his WWE career, when he was released, when he went to TNA, when he quit TNA and now, when he decided to travel on the road once more with the WWE. He was there for the family dinners, Christmases, Thanksgivings, Easters at his dad's house. It was true. At one time, Beth was his life, his sun, his moon, his stars. His everything. Tonight, he just simply put a stop to that and got his life back. He would always care for her and while he at one point was in love with her, the feelings had slowly went downhill, leading to their break-up.
He had been in a depression for many years, but it never really bothered him enough to take medication, not until around the time he was released from the WWE. When she had started to harass and threatened she was leaving if his work schedule didn't lighten up some. He started arriving late for shows, for family functions, for his own damn birthday party, all because of her. He let the relationship with his dream job and his family slip away because she would constantly nag and bark in his ear that she was his family. They had a nice comfortable nest egg to build a future and their own family on, she would tell him.
Of course, he listened, because it made sense, at least at the time. Now, he looked back and resented ever treating his family the way he did. He felt horrible for putting his career on the back burner. They had discussed early on in their relationship that a family would come once they were both ready and once he was touring less with wrestling. Instead, she would threatened him that she would leave if things didn't go her way.
Every time an argument would rise, she would leave, be gone for days at a time and come home begging for his forgiveness, which he would give usually with no questions. He believed they had the perfect relationship. She was perfect for him, in every way, he thought. His family was wrong. He could get another job. The depression would go away. They just had to work on their relationship, is what he told himself.
That was until he woke up and realized everything his friends, his brother and his dad had been telling him for years. His father and Matt had never been one to try and control Jeff's life and they hadn't been. They were merely looking out for the younger Hardy. Jeff instead saw it as being undermined and being deceived by his own blood. Something that would push them apart for far too long. It wasn't Beth's fault; it was Matt's and his dad's.
He felt bad about thinking of his family that way now. It almost made him sick to his stomach. His own father had remained single for many, many years after the death of his mother, simply because no body could amount to the love he felt with her. His brother, who was a constant and complete romantic, had strived for successful relationships his entire life, it seemed, but had always ended up getting burnt in the end. He loved them both unconditionally, and now looking back, he realized they had felt the same way for him.
He realized something for the first time when it came to his relationship with Beth. In one word, Jeff Hardy was whipped.
I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
(But that's nothing new)
Yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue
And you say
Sorry like the Angel Heaven let me think was you,
But I'm afraid
He wouldn't take her constant nagging at a perfect life, perfect relationship or her self-conceived notions of how perfect Jeff could be...if he would only do a list of things for her and change to what she wanted him to be. It wasn't worth it because he was happy with himself, why couldn't she be?
He realized for the first time, he was happy with himself for making a life altering decision. He had planned on marrying her and having children with her. How would that have turned out?
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
For the first time he could breath and feel free. He hadn't felt that for a long time. He was proud of himself. He was so sure of his decision, he had decided to pick up the phone and call his older brother to tell him what had happened. He had to talk to someone and Matt always had a sense of understanding and compassion for his brother not many had or could tolerate.
"Hello?" came the groggy voice on the other end. Jeff smiled knowing Matt would lay into him the moment he found out it was him.
"Hey bro. Whatcha doing?" Jeff said, trying to stifle his laugh.
"Jeff? What the hell are you doing calling me at this hour? Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, bro. I'm fine. Actually, I'm the best I've ever been, dude." Jeff said, a hint of laughter in his voice.
"Well, that's great. Since I'm up, do you care to share with me?" Matt said, sarcastically.
"Well, Beth and I are over. Done, complete, finished. Matt, I feel so liberated, so free. I think I could be president of the free country!" Jeff said, the excitement rising.
"Ha ha! Funny, Jeff. Are you sure it's for good this time, or are you just going to take her back again?"
"Matt, I can't do it. I've put my life on hold, pushed to many people away and put my own career, my dream, on hold for her and if she can't support me, which she hasn't, then it's time to move on." Jeff explained.
"Jeff, I'm really happy for ya. I am. Look, why don't we catch up tomorrow and go eat lunch somewhere." Matt asked.
"Sounds good, bro. But I have a favor to ask of you. Could you go to my place tomorrow morning and help her get her shit out. I honestly don't want to see her anymore than I have to."
"You're really serious about this, aren't you? Yeah, Jeff no problem. See ya tomorrow." Matt said.
"Alright, bro. Get some sleep." Jeff said laughing, before he hung up the phone.
It was officially over. Jeff drew a deep breath in and exhaled quickly, as if he was releasing all the tension, all the fights, all the heartache and pain he had endured while he was with Beth. No longer would she control his life, or his every move. He was finally a free man and it was time he started acting like one.
He shrugged his shoulders and hopped into bed. Well, maybe he could let that start tomorrow morning. Right now, it was time for sleep.
It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, a yeah
Beth walked around outside the hotel parking lot looking up at the large, multi-floored building, wondering just what room he was in. She had never seen him so serious. It scared the shit out of her. What was he thinking?
He would come back to her. He always did. Right? He just had to come back to her. They argued a lot, but they always made up. They were meant to be together. They were perfect together. She loved him. Maybe she didn't show it as much as she knew she should have, but she loved him. She had to fix this and make it work.
She slide down along the building and put her head in her hands as the tears came freely. Everything was such a mess and it seemed as if the tables had turned for the first time. She was the one left wondering what was going to happen instead of her leaving Jeff at home alone thinking of what she was doing. She hated it.
She wiped her eyes and stood back up. Why did she force him to leave her? Why had she made such a huge mess of this situation, when it could have been talked about rationally and not completely blown up out of proportion. She couldn't even remember what they had argued about.
Was he really done with her? Was it really over?
For the first time, Beth realized she was the one on the string, dangling for safety in the arms of Jeff Hardy. She looked around and realized, for the first time, he was no where to be found.
I'm holding your rope
Got me ten feet off the ground...