Notes: Growing up a DBZ fan, I can certainly appreciate life and death battles that take less than five minutes, as opposed to a week.

Summary: The strongest man ever born on Earth. An eternal warrior spirit, forged through centuries of insane battles and countless deaths. The only constant in every incarnation? The lack of hair on his head, and permanent mid-card status.

Dragon Bald S

A One Punch Man - DBZ Crossover by

Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)

If there was one thing that Saitama had learned in his time as a hero, it was to be wary of anyone who entered (or technically broke into) his home, unannounced and uninvited. He had little to fear from burglars, but the threats to his sleep and private time were another matter entirely. He feared he would never get back the brain cells lost within his first few one-sided conversations with Genos. But Genos at least had the decency to show him unwavering respect and devotion as a disciple, despite Saitama having never purposely taught him anything worthwhile.

The big man seated on the floor nearby, currently gobbling down the last of the food from Saitama's icebox, however, was definitely not being respectful. Unless on his home planet, respect was something you showed someone that you wanted to starve to death.

Finally gathering his wits about him, Saitama reacted to the surprising and disturbing sight with a mere, "Eh?"

The big man turned in Saitama's direction, muscles rippling carelessly along his arms as he did so. "Oh, hey!" he cried happily, spraying food everywhere. "You're finally up! You know, you never used to sleep this much."

Saitama stared dumbly at the stranger that he had never met in his life with only slightly more apathy than usual. "Who are you and why did you eat all of my food?"

"Well, it's not like you had much in there," the stranger scoffed, almost as if insulted.

Saitama knew very well there had been at least a whole day's worth of meals in the icebox. Which, considering it was now breakfast time and he had nothing to eat, was of greate importance to him at the moment. So much so that he didn't care who the stranger was anymore, and was strongly considering the idea of merely punching him into oblivion.

And the stranger, as if instantly sensing Saitama's growing urge to fight, grinned, wiped his mouth with one arm, and stood up, finally revealing his entire body all at once.

Saitama blinked. The stranger was much larger than he had first appeared. This did not concern Saitama in the least. What did concern him, however, was the sudden certainty that this man was easily the most powerful being he had ever encountered. By a great deal. As well as the certainty that it would take far more than a single punch from Saitama to be rid of him. There was even the strong possibility that Saitama might lose, or even die, in the process.

Slowly, a smile bloomed on Saitama's face, and to his surprise, he found a matching one on the stranger's face.

"I think I'm going to like this version of you."

Roughly six hours and two ruined cities later, Saitama finally accepted two truths.

First, that he simply could not defeat the stranger. He had thrown everything he had, everything he could think of, at the stranger, with little or no result. Meanwhile his own body felt like one giant bruise. He had not felt that way since the days of his strength training.

Second, that the stranger was invincible in part because he was already dead. He was alive enough to fight and get hit, of course. But he did not seem to feel pain for more than an instant, and he did not appear winded at all. In fact, Saitama got the impression that the man was used to fights lasting several days at a time, possibly in front of a captivated audience. Surely, when people spoke of fighting like a man possessed, this stranger was the thing possessing them. He fought like a being born and bred for the singular purpose of excelling at battle, fighting until he was the strongest thing on the planet, and then moving on to the next planet to repeat the process, only forever.

Also, he had promised to treat Saitama to dinner after the fight, so he was now a friend. Saitama had approved of the assumption that the fight would last that long. And it had. That made him happy enough that he didn't care about having lost, or at least not having won.

Saitama slowly lifted his head out of the crater and stared at his new friend, who was sitting next to him, looking mostly unharmed and totally peaceful. "What's your name, anyway?"

The man looked at him and grinned. "Goku. And I already know your name, little buddy!"

The idea that the man could be so powerful physically and also a psychic struck Saitama as being wholly unfair, plus he was sure Tornado would whine if she knew. "You can read my mind, too?!"

Goku stared at him blankly. "Of course not. But I've known you since we were kids, I'd be a lousy pal if I couldn't remember your name!"

Since Saitama was sure he had never met Goku previously, he was equally sure that Goku had mistaken him for someone else. "Humor me, then."

"Your name is Krillin."

Well, that solved it. "I'm not-"

"Or I should say it used to be Krillin, back then. I expect they changed it again. And I was just getting used to that whole Ikkaku deal."

Saitama stared at Goku, getting the very odd feeling that neither one was lying or mistaken.

"Why don't we go and get you that dinner I promised?" Goku asked.

Saitama felt his limp body tossed carelessly onto Goku's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He thought of complaining, but then thought of the meal that had been promised, and decided against it. Besides, he was in no condition to move under his own power, so a free ride to a free dinner was more than welcome.

Dinner was a rip-off. Sort of. It was indeed free, and filling, so that was not the problem. The problem was that while Goku indeed repaid his debt to Saitama, and in one sitting no less, he also managed to shut down the restaurant and get them both lifelong bans, Saitama more because he was with Goku than any other reason. And with parts of the city getting blown up every other day, good places to eat, and indeed do anything else, were in short supply.

To make up for this, Goku gave Saitama a card. He claimed it was good for a free meal, twice a week, from a source that Saitama could not make out, as the handwriting on the card was smudged. As for directions, Goku grinned and said, "Just keep going up until you see it. And don't mind the cat, he's always like that."

Goku was dead. Plus he was in good with any gods that could change that. There wasn't much that could really threaten him anymore. And yet, he had been married long enough to a certain woman that he still feared the power of an angry wife.

There had never really been any negotiating with this one, as he wasn't married to her, and he certainly never wanted to be.

"So, you saw him, got into a fight, and bought him dinner. Did you even mention us?" she demanded angrily.

Goku laughed uneasily. "Oh, sure! But, you know, in his current life, he has no idea who you two are, so it didn't really-"

"Don't lie! You forgot again, didn't you?!"

"Okay, I'm sorry! It's just, he's never been this strong before, and he wanted to fight, so I just sorta forgot about-"

"I should pulverize you!"

Goku winced and backpedaled, only to be saved by a new arrival. He took the chance and fled.

"Mom, stop picking on Uncle Goku. If he says Dad was safe and happy, that's all that really matters. We'll just catch up the next time he comes home."

"You're way too soft on him, Marron."

"And you worry about Dad too much. He's plenty strong, and even if he wasn't, they sent Uncle 17 with him this time. I'm sure they're both doing fine."

After a solid week of Saitama eating his food, Genos boring him to tears with stupendously wordy explanations, and both of them crashing on his plush couches, Earth's Guardian turned to his faithful assistant and said, "Mr. Popo, get these freeloaders out of my Lookout."

The End.

Endnotes:

You can believe what you like. I choose to believe that Saitama is Krillin reincarnated, and all that power is his personal version of a permanent Super Earthling mode. But where Saiya-jin have to get beaten a lot to get stronger faster, Earthlings have to be reborn a lot. Like a whole lot.

For the sake of the story, I had to pick a side in the whole "who would win, Saitama or Goku" debate. For those who think it should be Saitama, consider this. When I was growing up, Goku was the measuring stick, the man to beat. Saitama may be the man now, but his series is still very young, while Dragonball has a time-tested legacy with Goku at the helm. I mean, I pick Goku to beat Superman, that's how much faith I have in him.

I do think Saitama could take Superman, and that's more because Superman has been around so long that his weaknesses and how to exploit them have been told and retold so many times, it's hard to see him as invincible anymore. He's smarter, of course, but their strength is not impacted as much by environment (sunlight and kryptonite). And there's also how each approaches battle. Superman sees fighting as an unfortunate part of his job, and he promotes non-violent measures when he can. Goku and Saitama fight primarily for enjoyment. Which means they'd do it for free, or if there was nothing to be gained other than the knowledge that they'd won. Goku and Saitama obviously aren't trying to destroy the planet, so good luck convincing Superman to go all out against someone who isn't a bad guy bent on world destruction or domination. Meanwhile if Goku and Saitama ever met I don't think they could ever be convinced to stop fighting each other.

And let us assume that Superman did defeat Goku. Goku would heal up, challenge Superman to a rematch, and completely destroy him. If you don't know why, I don't even know why we're having this discussion.