Incendio

I shuddered, and tried not to move too much. Aagh, that hurt. No, hang on, I'd get used to the pain soon enough. It wouldn't take long...

I slowly – ever so slowly – uncurled from the foetal position I'd been in when I came to. Ouch!

I could taste blood; I'd probably bitten my tongue again. And I was covered in all sorts of scratches – none too deep, thank Merlin. No bones broken, from the feel of things. And I had a splitting headache, but that was nothing new.

I also had a dreadful craving for-

I stretched up to the alcove I kept my clothes and wand in, and pulled down the cigarettes.

"Incendio."

I inhaled, deeply, savouring my return to humanity.

Right. Now that I felt vaguely normal – whatever normal was – maybe I should get dressed and go up to the Hospital Wing.

Or maybe I should have another cigarette first...

Sirius had been waiting for me outside the Hospital Wing, ready with the traditional greeting.

"How you feeling, Moony?"

I gave him a tired grin and the traditional reply. "Can't get by without me, can you?"

Peter and James appeared from under the Invisibility Cloak.

"Just couldn't wait to see your pretty face," winked Peter.

And James, as always, gently shoved me into the Hospital Wing. And Madam Pomfrey's clutches.

Another full moon, another check that I was still alive and in one piece, another cigarette... or maybe two. Another ritual visit to the Hospital Wing. And life went on, just as normal.

Well, almost.

Sirius, James and Peter weren't waiting for me outside the Hospital Wing, for once. At least, not visibly.

"Sirius?"

No reply.

"James?"

Not a word.

"Peter? Come on, I know you're there."

No snigger, nothing.

I shrugged and went into the Hospital Wing.

Madam Pomfrey bustled around me for ages before she would leave me alone. "I'm fine, really," cut no ice with her – but then it wouldn't, after 12 years as Hogwarts' resident Healer.

And, finally, "Okay, Lupin, you're free to go."

I reached out for my cloak-

-and felt a hand fasten itself around my wrist. I looked. There was a hand. No body at the end of it, though.

So that was where they'd gone.

"Remus."

Sirius sounded worryingly... well, serious. I told him so, but he didn't laugh at the pun the way he normally did.

"Something wrong, Sirius?"

Peter answered for him. "Too right there is."

There was the sound of a lot of shuffling, bumping, a few muttered curses, and suddenly James' hand appeared, holding-

My cigarettes.

Merlin's sack, I thought I'd hidden them. I'd known what that lot were like about smoking. I'd known what they'd do if they found out about them. I'd known how they'd react.

And yet, somehow, they'd found them. My guiltiest pleasure.

It wasn't even as though I was addicted – I only smoked them once a month, after the full moon, just to get myself feeling normal again.

Well, all right, maybe a bit more often than once a month. But it wasn't like I was on 40 a day, or anything! I could have given them up any day! Although I could really have done with one then...

"Uh..."

Sirius' angry voice interrupted my search for some sort of excuse. "What the hell are you doing smoking, Moony?"

"Uh..."

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" James demanded.

"Uh..."

"You told me you'd stopped," added Peter, plaintively.

I had expected James and Sirius' reactions, but Peter's response hurt. You see, Peter had found my cigarettes once before, and had agreed not to tell anyone, on condition that I'd stop. So I'd given him my cigarettes – all of them – with the best of intentions, but the next full moon had been really hard, and I hadn't relished the thought of another full moon like that without anything to make me feel human afterwards.

"Uh..."

"Is that all you can say? 'Uh'?" Sirius was not pleased – to put it mildly. "You disgust me."

And I heard the three of them shuffle out of the hospital wing. By the time I had put my cloak on to follow them, they were gone.

I was even more stressed than usual when I finally reached the next full moon, partly because of Sirius, James and Peter's repeated attempts to make me give up smoking (mainly by confiscating any of my cigarettes that they 'just happened' to find), and partly because the end-of-year exams were approaching and I was convinced that I hadn't done enough studying.

So when I reached up for my clothes and cigarettes, I lit one without even looking at it. Maybe if I had looked at it, I might have realised that it had been tampered with.

Madam Pomfrey didn't seem too surprised when I floated into the Hospital Wing, wearing only my Cloak – it was all I could reach before I found myself drifting away like a demented ghost. She sorted me out quite quickly, and I even had time to run back down to the Shrieking Shack and get dressed before breakfast.

The rest of the Marauders (as we called ourselves) were waiting for me in the Great Hall. They looked credibly unsurprised that I was walking, not floating through midair towards them. But I knew it had been them.

"So what was it?" I asked, casually, as I spread butter on my toast. "Did you dip them in Feather-light Potion?"

"Um, Billywig stings, actually," mumbled Peter.

So, they were going to mess around with my cigarettes, were they? Not if I could help it.

I spent hours in the library, trying to find the book I wanted, before I realised it was in the Restricted Section. Well, that wasn't such a big deal. I could forge Flitwick's signature easily – and had done, before.

Madam Pince looked a bit suspicious when I took the book out, but then again, she always looked suspicious. Especially at any one of the Marauders.

I sat the cigarettes on the table in front of me and cast the Fidelius Charm on them.

"James, have you seen my cigarettes?"

James glared at me, but he didn't seem to have spotted them, even though they were lying in plain view.

Mission accomplished!

One month later, I came to, lying on the floor of the Shrieking Shack, and reached up again. Wand, cigarettes. Cigarettes untouched... yes! The charm was working!

"Incendio."

Wand untouched? ...evidently not. It was sprouting pink feathers and whistling.

I took it to Sirius before I even went to the Hospital Wing. He seemed a bit upset to be woken up at six o'clock in the morning by a whistling wand.

"Fix it," I growled, and sat down to wait.

"Moony..." Sirius cajoled.

I cautiously looked up from my homework. This didn't sound good. "What do you want?"

"We know you're hiding your cigarettes..." Peter wheedled. Where did he pop up from?

I said nothing. No doubt James would appear soon, too.

"We just want to know where..." Right on cue.

I shook my head. I wasn't telling them. No matter what they did, I wasn't telling them. I told them so.

A huge grin split Sirius' face. "No matter what we do?"

Uh-oh. I shouldn't have said that, should I?

"Rictusempra!"

"Hey! Ah! Stop it! Please! No! Hey!"

Sirius lifted his wand for a moment. "Ready to confess?"

"That's not fair! You know how ticklish I a-AH! No! Ah! Haha! No, please, please-" I gasped, helplessly.

He stopped for a moment. Raised his eyebrows.

"No, not fair. That's tortur-eeheehee! NO, Sirius! No, please! Please, stop! Aaaah!"

But he just kept going.

"Alright, alri-eehee-alright! Stop! Stop and I'll – ah, haha, no! – I'll tell you!"

He stopped.

I could breathe.

I wasn't being tickled.

I could breathe, I could think.

I could-

Sirius raised his wand.

"NO! In my trunk! They're in my trunk!"

James looked suspicious. We've already checked there..."

"Fidelius Charm."

"He's right you know," Peter interrupted, picking up the cigarettes in question. "Here they are."

Sirius delicately stepped over me, and confiscated the packet.

"Bastard," I mumbled, but I didn't move to stop him. Not while he was still holding his wand.

The madcap schemes to make me stop went on, and on, and on...

I got a little break during the summer holidays, but as soon as fifth year started, my three friends were back on my case with a vengeance.

Ashtrays that screamed or coughed violently when I used them, cigarettes that made my hair disappear, cigarette packets covered in bubotuber pus, Incendios that resulted in small explosions of marsh gas, meals that turned into ashes before I got a chance to touch them, and – Sirius' personal favourite – a giant fluorescent cigarette floating above my head, with a sign beside it saying 'I don't smoke'.

I think they thought they could scare me off smoking for life, but I'm a werewolf, and I shared a dorm with Sirius and James from the age of eleven: I don't scare easily.

And then, one full moon, I woke up surrounded by all three of them.

"What're you doing here?" I hissed. I was absolutely furious with them. "I could have killed you! You're a bunch of total morons! What the hellwere you thinking?"

James rolled his eyes at Sirius and Peter. It was as if... we'd already had the same conversation the night before.

"You're animagi!" I remembered. "All of you!"

Sirius looked at me sternly. "And now you've got to give up smoking. Right?"

"Right," I replied, absent-mindedly handing him the unopened packet. Oddly, I had no desire to smoke at all.

They turned to go.

"Hey, guys?"

They turned back.

"Thanks." I smiled tentatively. "Thankyou so much." I don't deserve this.

James punched me on the shoulder. "Come on, Moony, you idiot." Yes, you do.

"Hey," Sirius' voice drifted up the tunnel, "I want a nickname..."

And that was it. I stopped smoking, just like that. I was so grateful to James, Sirius and Peter. Their pranks may not have been particularly supportive, but their actions spoke for themselves. In helping me through each full moon, they demonstrated the strength and depth of our friendship.

One day everything was fine. I mean, we were scared – we were at war – but everything was alright. We were alive, we had each other.

And then, everything fell apart.

Lily, dead.

James – Prongs – dead.

Peter – Wormtail – dead.

Sirius – Padfoot – insane.

Cigarettes?

I needed a cigarette.

I really needed a cigarette.

"Incendio."

I almost spat the first one out. It tasted of Peter. "You said you'd stop." It tasted of James. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

Kill yourself. Well, maybe I was, now.

But most of all, it tasted of Sirius, of his crazy attempts at smoking cessation. And that was why I didn't stop. That was why I dug the Silencio-ed ashtray out of my old school trunk. That was why when I finished the first cigarette I lit another one, "Incendio", and another, "Incendio", and another, "Incendio"...

After all, Sirius had betrayed all of us – James most of all, but fundamentally all of us. The Marauders. Broken. It felt right to be betraying him in return.

"Incendio."