It was an awesome twiggity day in Townsville and the most twiggity, sexamoochity teenie in the whole twiggity world was sprawled on her My Chemical Romance, blood-stained bed-cover tapping away at her black laptop which had a Fallout Boy sticker on the back of it. Like, LOL MY GOD, Buttercup, (or BC as she preferred to be called,) was like totally on MySpace and stuff. She's so groovy and cool and stuff and yeah! Teehee!
OMG she had glittering emerald eyes, outlined with drippy black eyeliner and mascara and beautiful raven hair that fluttered sexily around her beautiful face. She wore black lipstick and white powder on her face and it was the hotness! OMG she was like totally wearing a black leather corset with neon green jagged lace hanging off the end and a silk, neon green thong that rode sexily up her ass-crack and red fish-nets with holes in them and she was wearing all these really slutty clothes so it would be easier for the Professor to walk in and rape her whenever he wanted cause we all know that the Professor is A FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO MOLESTS HIS CHILDREN AND STUFF! ARRRRR I HAET HIM!
Where was I? Oh yes! BC was typing away on MySpace, taking advantage of the precious few minutes where she wasn't being tormented by her evil sisters or being raped by her doubly-evil father or forced to do a lap-dance for the Mayor or dunked into a vat of boiling hot urine by her classmates or beaten to near-death with sacks of bricks by the entire population of Townsville, to write to the one person in the whole world who actually understood and loved her.
xxxMY-hEARt-iS_A_daRK_PiT_oF_DESPAIR-666DIE666-XP-xxx says: Oh RavenMan Im so sad. Ace my horrid, bad and evil boyfriend of doom and gloom is so like mean 2 me and stuff. Sigh. Hes totally cheating on me and raping me and stealing my cookies and I haet him so much. Woe is me! I wish I knew who u really were RavenMan so I could be with u instead. :(
RavenManRRBButch says: Oh my precious angel, I wish I could reach thru the computer screen and cuddle and protect u from all the bad nasty stuff in the world. Oh my heart yearns for u. Your terrible stories of that meanie-head Ace makes me so angry and sexily-protective. I want to beat his evil head in cause I know u can't protect yourself against ANYTHING not even a normal human man. Oh woe!
xxxMY-hEARt-iS_A_daRK_PiT_oF_DESPAIR-666DIE666-XP-xxx says: Oh RavenMan u are the only one who understands me and my hard, difficult life. You r my one true love!!111!!!
Suddenly there came an evil bitchy laugh from above her and she looked up with fear. Blossom her mega-bitch of a sister was hanging upside down from the ceiling and laughing evilly at her, her horrible pink eyes of hatred and bitchiness glaring down at her with hatred and bitchiness. She was dressed in a really ugly pink t-shirt which said, I'm a Fugly Biatch who has No Life written on the front and a pair of neon yellow short-shorts which were so 2006 and showed off her fat pimply butt. She was so ugly and horrible that if you saw her you'd like puke straight away!
The bitch jumped down from the ceiling and onto BC's laptop, smashing it into a million pieces. Sparks of electricity hit BC in her eyeballs, making her whimper pitifully in sadness and fear. Blossom threw the crackling, remains of the laptop at the wall and it broke into a million trillion pieces and then I stopped counting cause I remembered I HAD A REALLY GREAT STORY TO TELL!
"MWAHHAHAHAAHAHAA!" Blossom laughed in an evil chipmunk voice, jumping on BC's shoulders and punching her repeatedly on the head and biting her face savagely. BC desperately tried to throw her off, staggering around the room but Blossom held firm and continued clawing and punching her sister evilly and maniacally.
Finally the bloody green puff fell to the floor, sobbing with agony and Blossom went and peed on her head, laughing as she did so.
"HAHAHA! Now go do my homework Slavegirl cause I'm so stupid I'm still in kindergarten!" She screeched and cart-wheeled out of the door. BC slowly got up, feeling her broken ribs and wincing. Shaking the pee out of her hair she went and started to do Blossom's homework cause we all know BC is secretly a super-genius who pwns Blossom in every type of academia known to man.
"Why is my life so terrible?" She whispered sadly to herself, getting out her trusty razor and stabbing herself in the thigh. She began to cry, big beautiful tears glistening down her cheeks, mixing up sexily with blood and makeup and dropping on the textbook making a big gloopy mess
Her life was so bad and rad and sad and glad and fad and mad and…
"DAD!' She screamed in terror as a head burst through the floor rotating and laughing evilly. Her heart started to pump with fear as her father clawed through the floorboards and clambered up to his feet. He was wearing a pointy Madonna bra and a leather thong and was carrying a big leather whip in one hand and a bottle of lube in the other. He had just come back from raping Mitch Mitchelson, the Talking Dog, Lil Arturo, Princess, Bubbles, (gets out Powerpuff Girls character list,) Mr. Smith, Femme Fatale, Miss Keane…
He glared down at her hatefully and spat at her. The acid spit hit her in her chest, sizzling away at her clothes. She gasped in pain as he cracked his knuckles and walked over getting ready to rape her.
"You stupid, mother…oh dear god this stupid motherfool joke is really getting old. It wasn't even that funny the first time. And for goodness sake when on earth did it say in the show that I was an evil father who constantly abused my children? It never did! This script is making me really out of character!"
He tore his Madonna bra off and threw it to the ground. Then he threw the whip out of the window and stormed off, cursing under his breath.
BC blinked at his retreating figure and turned and looked at the author with confusion. There was an awkward silence.
"Ummm…maybe you should just poof me off to school or something," BC suggested.
BC was walking towards her school sadly, her body aching with pain. She had redressed into a t-shirt with a zombie eating someone's bloody remains on the front and a green spiky mini-skirt that had droplets of blood on it. She wore purple fishnets and a pair of tattered sneakers and big neon green skull earrings, forest green lipstick and mascara that dripped down her pale gaunt face.
As she walked into school everyone turned and started laughing at her. She felt a sudden surge of uncontrollable anger surge through her.
She clenched her fists as she glared at the horrible students who surrounded her. She was so angry that green light started to glow from her fists. With a roar she turned to a big crowd of kids and blasted them dead.
"DEATH-RAY!" She screeched and ran around blasting some more people dead. Everyone started running around screaming with fear and she laughed at their fear and pain.
Did I mention that the acid spit from the Professor had made a big scar going over BC's right eye and it looked a big giant tick and BC couldn't see anything and people teased her about it? I'm so original and creative!
"What are you doing BC?" Blossom yelled in fear as she raced up towards her, tears running down her fat ugly face. BC laughed some more and she was really scary and bad-ass and stuff and she turned around and pointed her hands at her about to death-ray her to death…
KABLAMO, BAM!
A huge, black, hand burst through the ground and huge green face with flaming eyebrows crashed up. Everybody screamed and BC fell over as the whole city of Townsville shook and rumbled. Evil laughter boomed through the city, making everything vibrate with sound. A huge, towering black figure stood over the city, laughing evilly.
"THE GREAT AKU HAS RETURNED ONCE MORE! NOW YOU PUNY EARTH PEOPLE SHALL BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP AKU'S GREATNESS AND POWER AND…oooh what's that?"
He leered down at the pink puff who was staring at him with wonder and fear. His huge black hand reached down and grabbed the girl around the waist. He picked her up and looked at her with a perverted look on his face.
"YOU'RE MINE NOW RED CHILD! NOW WE SHALL HAVE LOTS OF LOLICON ADVENTURES TOGETHER!"
And with an earth-shattering bang he disappeared.
There was a very long awkward silence. BC blinked at the space where her sister had been only a few seconds ago and looked up at the author again with confusion.
"I think someone already wrote that story," she said. "And they wrote that story much better as well. It's kinda like you just blatantly stole someone's fanfic and reduced it to a really cringe-worthy copy that's really pathetic when compared to the original."
But no-one was listening because they were too busy watching as Him appeared to steal away Bubbles and marry her cause she swallowed a pomegranate seed and then they had a lot of symbolism-filled, surreal, strange adventures together. Co-starring some guy called Hank.
BC shook her head and glared at the author angrily. She looked down at her bloodstained clothes in disgust and tore them off, throwing them to the ground, stamping them into the dirt.
"This is the worst Powerpuff Girls fanfiction in history! You've made everyone horribly out-of-character, character-bashed, plagiarized and added completely unnecessary clothing descriptions! Have you even watched the Powerpuff Girls before? Because this clearly isn't a Powerpuff Girls story! You should be ashamed of yourself! You should be…."
Suddenly a piano dropped from the sky and landed on BC's head, crushing her into the ground. The citizens of Townsville looked on in horror and huddled together fearfully.
After a few minutes there was a glittery sound and a sparkle of golden light. Then out of the light a replica of Buttercup appeared out of nowhere. She had a gloomy expression on her face, smeared makeup and bloody, emo clothes.
"I'm depressed," she sighed sadly. Everyone looked at her as she got out a razor and slashed open her wrists. Then they looked angrily up at the sky. A small figure stepped away from the crowd and shook his fist at the air.
"We're not going to take this anymore! You put Townsville back to the way it was! Release all of everyone you've taken captive and make everything normal again! We hate this stupid, teen-romance-emo crap! This isn't Townsville! This is fucking Twilight…"
A bunch of poison darts flew from the sky and got the man in the face. There was silence and then more sparkling light burst through the city. The people tried to escape but they were helpless against the magic that attacked them. Everyone stood rigid. Hateful expressions befouled their faces. They turned on BC who stood, shivering on the pavement.
"WE HATE YOU BC! YOU'RE SO PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL AND WE ARE SO JEALOUS!" They screeched, surrounding her in a tight circle and shaking their fingers at her. She began to sob pitifully, tears falling from her face.
A random woman burst into tears and got out a gun, stuck it in her mouth and pulled the trigger. Her brains splattered to the ground but no one noticed
"OH DEAR GOD WHAT CAN WE DO TO ESCAPE THIS MADNESS?" A random man screamed madly and he fell to his knees tearing at his hair and shrieking with despair. No one cared.
BC huddled up into a ball as everyone started kicking and clawing at her and yelling out insults and generally being meany-heads and stuff.
"Why won't someone save me?" She cried as a woman bitch-slapped her in the face a few times. Then a fat man went and sat on her head. An angry cat bit her ankles. A little boy kicked her knees and peed in her hair. A big burly man lifted a bag of bricks and dropped it on her head. Angry people bit her ears and jumped on her legs. BC screamed pitifully knowing no-one would ever save her ever…
"Stop right their!" A deep manly voice yelled from the distance. Everyone stopped and shrank back in terror. BC tried weakly to look up but her eyes were bleeding and she couldn't see.
She heard the pained yells of the citizens of Townsville as the mystery man blasted everyone who dared hurt his precious princess to pieces. He tore an old woman's head off with his teeth. He tore out a fat man's heart and smashed it into another woman's face while kicking a hole in her stomach. He blasted a bunch of people with his laser eyes and their guts flew everywhere. Then he went and karate-kicked someone's legs off.
BC smiled wearily and rubbed the blood from her eyes. Her hero was tall and dressed in a forest-green hoodie and pitch black skinny jeans. He also had blood-stained sneakers and studded bracelets which badly hid his wrists which were covered in dripping, infected cuts with congealed blood smeared on his sleeves. He was muscled and awesome. And this was all just his back view! Seeing him from the front was sure to be ten times better!
Her heart swelled with love as the delicious, smexy boy stood proudly looking over the bloody mess of bodies and guts and moaning people. This was clearly her one true love, which she would be with forever and forever…
…and then he turned around.
BC screeched in horror and disgust, staggering backwards. She screamed again and again and again, hiding her eyes and curling up into a wailing ball of despair. The boy stood there smugly with his arms crossed.
"I'm RavenManRRBButch on MySpace. The only one who loved ever loved and understood you. Don't you want to be with me forever?" He said sarcastically.
"NOOOOOOOO!" BC wailed and she turned her flaming eyes to his. Fire burst out of her mouth and her eyes turned pitch black. She screeched angrily at the unfazed teen and her head revolved a few times. She pulled at her hair, shuddered and with an earth-shaking boom she exploded into sparkling gold dust.
Butch smiled slowly at his work. He turned to the author and stuck up his middle finger. The author wasn't paying attention because she was too busy committing suicide.
Then he took down his hoodie and shook back his glistening locks of hair.
Butch's hair, which had once been black, had been dyed bright blond.