hiya everyone. this is a fanfic thats been in the works for quite some time, and is still being written as we speak. please please review, even if it is just a smiley face.

hopefully this story does Lily and James's love justice. I hope to have a side story running as well soonish.

a very special person who is very dear to me is going to say something now.

Severus Snape: Snatch doesnt own any of the characters (except for the odd extra) in this fanfiction, as much as she'd love to.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath."

It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower.

"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

"I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" There was no pity in Lily's voice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

He opened his mouth, but closed it without speaking.

"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

"No – listen, I didn't mean – "

" – to call me Mudblood? But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

He struggled on the verge of speech but with a contemptuous look she turned and climbed back through the portrait hole…

Severus stared at the portrait, waiting for it to swing forward again. She was coming back, he thought, she'd see reason. But somewhere in his heart he knew she wasn't going to forgive him. He turned away, tears beginning to run down his pale face. Why did he say it? He never meant to call her a mudblood. He had always told her that being muggle-born was nothing to be ashamed of. But in a spur-of-the-moment, angry and humiliated, he had shouted the insult at her. And now she hated him.

He ran down the corridor, past the lovers snogging in the corridor. It hurt so much to see affection like this. So hard when he knew it could never be him and Lily. Not now.

Severus had no intention of going back to the Slytherin common room. He could not pretend everything was alright in front of his friends. Friends? The word hurt. Lily had been his friend. His closest friend, the one he confided in. Now there was no-one. Sure Avery and Mulciber was fun to hang out with, but sometimes their actions made him feel sick. Yes, he had stuck up for them when confronted by Lily, but only because he didn't want to appear weak.

Turning down the corridor he heard voices. Realising at once who they belonged to, Severus stopped walking and pressed himself to the wall, not wanting to be seen.

'I don't see why you're so worried about it Moony. You'll probably get all O's. Relax, one more theory paper and then we're done.'

'Shut up Prongs. I'm just worried about charms. My teacup was still a little bit orange.' There was a sudden burst of laughter.

'Orange? Mine still had feathers and a beak! Talk about perfectionism Moony!'

Severus pulled himself away from the wall, a sudden desire to curse James Potter rising inside him. Potter had caused this pain, caused Severus to shout those words to the only true friend he had ever had, Potter was the reason he and Lily were no longer friends...

But he couldn't do it now. He didn't have the emotional strength, and he would be out-numbered. The voices faded, and Severus was left standing there in the corridor, heart pounding.

Severus checked his watch, and realised it was later than he had imagined. Collecting his thoughts and putting on his usual unreadable face he descending the stairs that lend to the Slytherin dormitories. He gave the password and stepped into the dimly lit common-room. Avery and Mulciber looked up.

'Where have you been?' Avery asked.

'Library.' Severus responded. 'That stupid transfiguration essay. Can you believe McGonagall gave it to us after our OWLs?'

Avery nodded. 'I heard she didn't give her Gryffindors any homework for the holidays.'

The three spent the rest of the evening insulting the other houses, various students, and teachers. Severus realised how easy it was to lie to his friends, they accepted his story without question. At about midnight Mucliber reminded them they had their last O.W.L the next day, and the three headed off to bed.

Soon after, the sound of Averys snores filled the room, but try as he might, Severus could not get to sleep. He played the scene over and over in his head, playing the words he had shouted at her, and the shock and hurt on her face when she had heard them...