Disclaimer: I own all 6 seasons on DVD!

Note: I don't know how long this series will be, I have a few chapters written and about 30+ idioms I have for Ziva to intelligently screw up, but none of the chapters are dependant on the others, so there's no plot. Except for when there is and that's only to get to the punch line. And this isn't necessarily "TIVA" centric so much as Ziva, cause, well, it'd be pointless to write a Zivaism series without her. Also, I don't have a review requirement but I like to know what I did right and what I did wrong. Thanks to my lovely betas, Jessica and Carly!

"Fatty Had A Party And Nobody Came"

"Has anyone ever told you, you drink like a whale?" Ziva asked her partner, eyeing him suspiciously as he finished off his third Southside Lemonade.

"Fish," Tony corrected, as he took another from the bartender.

"What?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"It's drink like a fish, Zee-Vah," he mumbled, barely taking his lips away from the straw.

"I know, but I was comparing you to the large animal that immediately gulps down its food, or in this case, drink."

"So you're calling me fat?" He frowned.

She immediately shot him a playful grin and grabbed his mid-thigh, squeezing lightly.
"No, but…" glancing down toward his lower half, and making sure he knew exactly where she was looking, she continued: "your pants are looking a little tight."

She patted his stomach as she slid of her bar stool and leaned in toward his ear.

"So drink faster, Willy."

And with that, she winked at him and walked away, hips swaying, torturing him. It wasn't until she had walked out of sight that he tore his eyes away from her, drinking his lemonade until the satisfying slurp could be heard by the bartender.

"Check please!"

-end-
idiom: "You drink like a fish!"

A/N part dos: My comment about the whole intelligently screwing up thing, yeah that was a jibe and TPTB who occasionally see it fit to make Ziva really dumb. I'm pretty sure Ziva was living in America long enough to know that hair loss pills are for people losing hair and not for people who want to lose their hair. Infomercials are everywhere!
Also if anyone didn't get the Willy reference, Free Willy, horribly sad movie. It's the only whale I could think of other than Moby Dick and there's entirely too much that can go wrong with a reference like that.