This is my first Naruto story so don't kill me...Please....DX

Notes about the story:

Zetsu's White Side.

Zetsu's Black Side.

Zetsu's White Side thinking.

Zetsu's Black Side thinking.

Tobi is just Tobi, Deidara is alive and has both arms and also acts very girly, Sasori is dead, and Zetsu can withdraw his Fly-trap thing to his shoulders.

Warnings: Language, Sexual themes.... I guess, and a failed attempt at humor.

Anyway...On with the chapter....!

Zetsu was bored. Yawning, he flipped through random channels on the TV in the living room. He looked up at the clock and then back at the TV.

It's getting late you know..

Who gives a shit..?

Well-

The start of his mental argument was interrupted by a blond suddenly sitting at the end of the couch that the cannibal was laying on. "Hi Zetsu un." Deidara says cheerfully and with a light blush.

"Hi Deidara."

"What do you want?"

Deidara knows that the black side of him is rude and normally doesn't mean what it says. "Nothing really, just bored..." Zetsu shifts himself into a sitting position and yawns again. "I am too..What are the others doing?" The bomber paused and then remembered. "Tobi is in his room watching TV I think, Pein is in his office with Konan, Kisame and Itachi are in there room doing who knows what, Hidan is praying/sacrificing/I don't know, to Jashin, and Kakuzu is counting his money un." He replied. Zetsu nodded, sounded like the usual.

"So....What's up, un?" Deidara asked, trying to be casual. Zetsu, unsure what to say, blinked a few times. No one had really talked this long with him. "Er...I'm hungry...?" His lighter side managed to say after a few moments. Then his darker side face-palmed. "Um...How 'bout we make you something to eat. That's not humans, yeah." The blond said after and pulled them both into the kitchen.

They looked through the refrigerator and the cupboards, and couldn't pick anything that they both could eat. "We gotta convince Kakuzu to buy more food, other then the cheap knockoff brand cereal un.." Deidara said and then brightened.

"What about this un?" He suggested and held up a cookie recipe.

Talk about a girly bitch. Zetsu's Black Side thought with a mental groan and a snicker out-loud.

He's just gay...Like us. The other stuck up for Deidara.

But, we don't bake cookies, skip around, and watch 'Desperate Housewives'.

You do have a point but, I have never seen him skip.

Whatever. Cookies are delicious and a good substitute for flesh.

"Zetsu un? Are cookies alright?" The other ninja asked. "Yeah sure, we love cookies. So shut up and start making them." They said. Deidara looked up at them. "You guys wanna help, yeah?"

"Sure." Zetsu answered, but then said: "Hell no." Deidara still thought it was weird for one guy to fight with himself, but Deidara still liked him. Hm...When should I tell Zetsu that I have a GIANT crush on him un..? The blond thought to himself and was just about to say something when another person cut him off.

"Deidara-senpai and Zetsu-kun making cookies? Tobi wants to help!" The overly hyper kid said and danced around. Deidara growls. "Shouldn't you be in bed Tobi? It's like 9:00 P.M. un." Tobi freezes and runs back to his room yelling, "Tobi is a good boy! Tobi is in bed on time!" The bi-colored man chuckled from behind Deidara. "Anyway un...Let's make these cookies, yeah." Deidara said with a wink, smirk, and another blush. Zetsu flushed a little as well, it was only seen on the light side though.

God he's cute like that......The light side thinks and sighs out-loud.

I guess. The Black half agrees a bit.

Hey, you like him too. White Zetsu adds.

"Something the matter un?" Deidara asks, his one eye showing, full of concern. "We are fine. Now let's make the goddamned cookies already." Deidara turns around and gets all the things they need. Let's see...Four, sugar, eggs, milk, butter, chocolate-chips, and my 'special ingredients'. I better not mess up or I will look like an idiot un.... The blond thinks frantically.

Deidara put all the ingredients in the mixing bowl that he found, and Zetsu started mixing them together with a giant spoon. Deidara sighs and looks back up at Zetsu. He looks a lot better without that Venous Fly-trap on his head. I'm glad now he has it hidden in his shoulders around the base now un. But, either way he's hot.. The blond thinks and his face starts to heat up a bit more. He looked even better when I spied on him in his shower... Deidara thinks and turns a very dark red.

"Um something wrong Deidara? Why the hell are you all red? Are you sick?" Zetsu interrupts before the love-struck ninja could think of any worse perverted thoughts.

"Nothing is wrong, I'm not sick." Deidara says, looking up at the oh-so-interesting ceiling. "Okay then." The taller man says and puts the cookie dough in the stove after putting it in a pan and turning the timer on for 45 minutes. "Now what? I'm bored." Zetsu asks and states. Deidara shrugged and led them back out to the living room, which Hidan was now in as well. "'Sup fuckers." He greets them. "Nothin' much fucka. We just made fucking chocolate-chip cookies with that bitch." Dark Zetsu says back and points at Deidara. The Dark half of Zetsu also has a swearing problem, most of the time. "Nice. I want a fucking cookie when they are done, mother-fucker." Hidan says after.

Deidara sits down on the couch that was unoccupied. Zetsu sits beside him, and they both blush a bit. Hidan rolls his eyes. "Fuck! Get a Fucking room!" He says with a grin, then starts walking back to his own room. Deidara turns about four shades darker red. "Go back to doing your boyfriend!" The blond yells as a lame comeback. Hidan pauses and then yells back, "I will!!" Then Kakuzu walks into the living room from another hallway. Hidan, runs, grabs Kakuzu's arm, and drags him into Hidan's room. A click is heard from the door. "What the hell?!" The money-obsessed-ninja shouts. "Oh.." He says after a pause.

"Well then, lets hope they don't fuck to hard, shall we? I'd rather not hear all the noise again." Zetsu mumbles. "Just shows they love each other." White Zetsu counters. "Or they both just want some rough sex." Deidara sighs, yet again. I think I'll just tell him later tonight. It's... Deidara thinks and looks at the clock. 10:00 P.M. I'll tell him, or show him, tomorrow then I guess... Deidara finishes his thoughts.

A ding is heard from the kitchen. "Cookies are done, un~!" Deidara says in a faked sing-song tone, and runs into the kitchen. Zetsu sweat drops and follows him. The blond gets them from the oven, puts them on a plate, and brings the plate to the living room. With Zetsu following him. The man-eater looks around for Hidan, but then hears some thumping noises. Along with "Harder.. Hidan! F-faster..!"

"I see that Kakuzu is the uke tonight." Zetsu says with, what sounded like a creepy giggle from his dark side. Deidara tries a cookie and then ate five more before saying "Zetsu~! Try these~!" Both sides of Zetsu blush and they eat a few. "We better save some for the others or they will get mad.." Deidara says and puts the cookies up. Zetsu yawns and then starts walking toward his room. "Tired...Night Deidara. See ya blonde." Zetsu says and slams his door shut.

Deidara sighs. "It's not fair that Tobi gets to share a room with my Zetsu.." He mumbles out loud. With that, Deidara stomped to his room, that he didn't share with anyone else, and crawled into his soft bed.

"Lunch Time!!!" Konan yelled from the kitchen. All the Akatsuki members rushed into the room and sat down at a giant table. Deidara yawned. He had just woken up, even though it was noon already. Everyone ate their lunch, which was some sort of sushi.

"Fuck! This shit tastes awful! Konan you fucktard!" Hidan yelled and spat out his food.

Konan's eye twitched and she inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself. "Then don't eat.." She said back, her voice strained.

"This is good! Tobi is a good boy!" The masked ninja said.

The rest of the members just muttered something that sounded like: "Whatever, it's food.."

The rest of the day went on uneventful. Deidara and Zetsu watching TV, Tobi watching TV in his room, Hidan and Kakuzu fucking again and this time Hidan was the uke, and the rest were not seen or heard until it was later that night. Pein came in the living room and started playing Strip-Poker. Everyone joined in, well, all but Tobi. Konan didn't want to play since she said "I'm not undressing in front of men! Perverts!" She clearly, didn't get that all the men in the room, besides Pein, are gay. So Konan didn't play either.

So far, Pein, Deidara, and Kisame didn't have pants on. The rest were shirt-less. Deidara had a tissue under his nose, blood running from it. Damn it! I didn't know Zetsu was so hot.. The blond thought and grabbed another tissue. A few minutes later, Kisame, Itachi, and Hidan were completely naked. "Hell yeah! Mine's bigger then yours!" Hidan shouted and pointed at Itachi. The Uchiha turned red and crossed his knees, trying to hid himself. Everyone laughed and the game continued. Soon, Pein and Kakuzu joined the naked party, leaving Deidara and Zetsu the only ones not nude. Deidara flashed Zetsu an evil grin and put his cards down. "Royal Flush. Off with the pants and boxers, un!" Deidara said. Zetsu blushed and took them off. Deidara ran into his room after seeing his crush naked. "My...God...Un" Deidara said with wide eyes after he locked himself in his room.

Zetsu blushed more when Deidara ran out of the room. Pein picked up all the cards and his clothes, and went into his and Konans room. Everyone else picked up their clothes and left.

We were the only ones to put out clothes back on you know.. Zetsu thought.

Yep, it's going to be noisy tonight..

Zetsu just noticed that all the Akatsuki members do is lock themselves in their rooms all day. What they do in their, was a mystery.

Let's go see Deidara.

Okay...Hopefully he still is pants-less.

Pervert.

Yes, yes we are.

Zetsu walked down the hallway and stopped at Deidara's door. He knocked a few times lightly with his white arm, but then his black arm knocked a lot louder. Deidara opened the door slowly and blushed. "Er, hi Zetsu un." Aw shit I forgot to put my pants back on..And I have a boner. Great. The blond thought and tried to cover himself up. "Um...Come in.." He said and they sat on Deidara's bed.

"Hi there Deidara. Why'd you run off..? Impressed by something?" His dark side finished. Deidara turned about as red as he could get. "Y-yes. I m-mean no! Er.." The shorter ninja stuttered. Now would be the time. The blond thought. "Well...I-I really...L-like you Zetsu...Un.." He said with his head bowed down.