DISCLAIMER: If I owned Prince of Tennis, Shinji would not have been beaten in 3 seconds by the little Tarzan boy. It would have taken at least an entire chapter, darnit. :P
A/N: Neck deep in homework, I had a sudden piercing need for Fudoumine and Hyoutei. (^^)v This is kind of vaguely following Finding Shinji and was written very fast and silly.
Saturday (in Atobe's Park)
by keyascribe
It happened each and every week, because Atobe Keigo did not let such paltry impediments as weather thwart his desires – which was why they were currently in their tennis shorts while all around the heavily heat-lamped perimeter of Atobe's tennis courts snow fell.
The now traditional Fudoumine-Hyoutei tennis barbeque Saturdays had started on a lark and had now taken on a life and legend of their own (and Atobe approved of this because he felt everything he deigned to touch should). Kamio would inevitably get in a yelling match with Gakuto, leaving Shinji to mumble about how stupid Kamio was being, while Oshitari pursued his worrisome, recently developed morbid fascination with attempting to get Shinji to shut up. Sakurai and Ishida would play with Shishido and Choutarou, until some off-color remark of Sakurai's would trigger Shisido's pissy instincts and the two would get catty (in a manly way) while Ishida and Choutarou shared embarrassed, sheepish grins and resolved to have a stern talk with their partners later.
Meanwhile, Kabaji, Hiroshi, Uchimura and Mori would hole up somewhere, gradually growing more and more morose at being always the last ones mentioned.
And thus Atobe was left free to survey the scene of harmonized disharmony and attempt to convince Tachibana that whatever latest idea he had for after the party should be - obviously - immediately acceptable.
And Atobe, who knew would it would indeed eventually, despite protests, be accepted, looked out from his lounge chair at his assorted semi-disfunctional super tennis-playing guests – and found it good.
Naturally.
*
He didn't know why Kamio always went off with that loud Gakuto and left him alone with Oshitari-san. That wasn't a very boyfriendly thing to do, not that Oshitari-san was that bad exactly, but he was always scowling and interrupting him, or popping balloons behind him, or attempting to hit him – that could have been a kiss, actually – or other annoying things, which made thinking about how Kamio shouldn't go off with someone all the time like that difficult. It wasn't like Shinji constantly tried to interrupt Oshitari-san, after all. If Oshitari-san wanted to talk there were plenty of people around he could talk to. That group with Uchimura and Mori and some other people Shinji didn't much care about, for example, would probably enjoy the attention, unlike Shinji who was busy thinking about Kamio and how he was definitely going to have to buy Shinji dinner to make up for leaving him alone with Oshitari-san, who for some odd reason always ended up looking exhausted and almost ready to cry at these barbecues. Maybe he didn't like barbecues.
If that was the case, he could just not come – in which case Gakuto probably wouldn't come either, which meant Kamio wouldn't start yelling and run off to challenge Gakuto to some stupid contest like who could climb all the trees in Atobe's lawn the fastest. Gakuto should be a better boyfriend to Oshitari-san, too – although if Gakuto was Shinji's boyfriend he wouldn't mind if Gakuto spent a lot of time away from him up trees, because Gakuto was surprisingly loud for someone for little. (Kamio could be loud, too, but Shinji didn't mind that so much).
Maybe that was why Oshitari-san was always starting to interrupt his train of thought by talking to or attacking him; he probably didn't get much chance to talk when he was hanging out with Gakuto. But that still didn't explain why he always chose to hang out next to Shinji. Just because they both had long blue-ish hair and people called them tensai, didn't meant that they had to hang out together.
Although come to think of it, both Kamio and Gakuto had reddish hair, although Gakuto's was an unnatural color that reminded Shinji of some kind of fake fruit drink, while Kamio's hair was pretty and reminded him of fall foliage and fire and the way his lips got red if Shinji kissed him enough – which was a nice thought, but not nice enough to make Shinji forgive him for running off and leaving him with Oshitari-san, who was doing that thing he always ended up doing of smacking his face repeatedly into his palm and really, if all tensai were as weird as Oshitari-san, Shinji wasn't sure he wanted to keep being one, since he was way more normal than that, and as soon as Kamio came back, he was going to leave but he probably shouldn't now because Oshitari-san seemed to be in a fragile emotional state and might do something drastic someone wasn't around to keep him company . . . . .
*
He wasn't going to be immature and lose his temper. He wasn't going to be immature and lose his temper. He was going to be cool and calm and totally above it all and – wait, what had Gakuto just said?! The hell?! Who could take that lying down? Kamio would show that fuchsia-topped runt. It would just take a second – Shinji would surely forgive him.
*
It was a challenge. It was hell. It wasn't getting any better. Oshitari, being from birth intelligent, sardonic, and talented, took a bored view of most things because they were so easily surmounted, dismissed, or mastered. But the incomprehensible being known as Ibu Shinji, with his Olympian capacity for effortless and continual rambling, had been an enigmatic thorn in his side for months now and Oshitari had yet to crack him. It wasn't that he was unpredictable or wily, but he was completely impenetrable.
Oshitari knew he stopped talking sometimes of his own volition, but to get him to stop talking . . . there must be a way – surely Kamio at least had found it – and Oshitari could no more rest with it niggling away at his subconscious than his pride could accept defeat.
The other boy was infuriating. Neither charm, scorn, cleverness nor bluntness worked. Oshitari had never met anyone or anything he couldn't understand like so many delicate clockwork interiors, but the Fudoumine player remained totally immune to anything Oshitari tried to do.
Oshitari honestly didn't know if he was amused or just masochistic (the last time he had felt like this was when he had first met Gakuto) but he was determined for the stake of his pride – even at the cost of his sanity – to someday, some glorious, fulfilling day, to get Ibu Shinji to shut the hell up.
*
Uchimura was a nice, shy guy. Not that anyone knew that. He liked card games like Hearts and his favorite food was unagi (although is favorite food to watch was Mori eating dango). Mori's favorite food was dango, green tea flavor by preference. Not that anyone knew that, either. They knew what Shinji and Kamio and Tachibana-san liked to eat. But Uchimura--? If he wasn't such a nice, shy guy, he would probably be laughing bitterly about now.
It wasn't that he minded that everyone else on his team was more popular than he, while he was "that little guy with the hat". (Mori had it even worse – most people didn't even know what kind of hairstyle he had!). No, Uchimura wasn't jealous, exactly. It was just, he thought longingly as everyone gathered around the buffet table, it would be nice to get to eat unagi once in a while. And dango.
*
Gakuto was soooo much better than that stupid rhythm idiot. Seriously. SO much better. Like, if talent was the alphabet and Yuushi was at A (okay and maybe Atobe and Tachibana, too – maybe) then Kamio would be, like, at Y.
Not Z, though, cause Z was reserved for that lame ass so-called acrobatic wimp Kikumaru Eiji. In fact, Z wasn't even low enough for him. He was like at negative Z. Ha, negative Z, that was pretty good. Yuushi would enjoy that, later.
Right now, though, Yuushi was getting that look in his eyes that meant trouble – but it was probably okay, because after last time, Atobe was making sure all blunt instruments were removed from the premises.
Seriously, Fudomine were such freaks. Come on, what kind of psycho kept talking even when someone was trying to bludgeon him with a beach umbrella?!
Gakuto had no idea how Kamio could stand spending more than five seconds near that guy. Must be because Kamio was such a mega loser negative Y plus freak himself. Heh, if he hadn't promised Yuushi to play nice this time, Gakusho would so tell Kamio his new nickname. It was so perfect it was a crime not to share it.
But he had promised Yuushi. Well, not really promised. . . Yuushi knew him better to think that had really been a promise, right?
Oh, what the hell. He was bored anyway.
*
People who don't know Shishido-san have a tendency to call him tough or a punk. They don't realize how sensitive he actually is. I don't mean to say that he isn't tough! Nobody is tougher or more determined than Shisido-san! No one who saw how hard he worked to catch my serves would ever think he was anything less than amazing! It's just that he's also very, well, sensitive.
If he weren't so sensitive, for example, he wouldn't currently be trying to break Sakurai-san's arm just because he told a well, maybe slightly inappropriate joke. It was all in fun, of course, but like I said, Shisido-san's sensitive nature gets upset at that kind of thing.
Actually, I'm surprised that Sakurai-san hasn't figured this out yet, since the sane thing happens every single time we all get together to play. Sakurai-san and Ishida-san are very strong tennis players. Someday, I'd like to finish a game with them.
But it doesn't look like that's going to happen anytime soon – at least not unless Shisido-san suddenly gets less sensitive – or Ishida-san agrees to that idea of gagging Sakurai-san.
Oh, Sakurai-san just bit Shisido-san. He's really cute when he yelps like that. Still, maybe I will bring that gag next time . . . just in case.
*
That's it. Masuya is so getting gagged next party.
But not with my head towel. Took ages to get the spit out of it last time.
*
Ouch, ouch, ow. Ha, is it me or is us wrestling like this while our boyfriends watch sort of kinky? We just need a few accessories . . handcuffs, maybe a gag . . . oo yeah, this could totally work! Sakurai, you're a genius! OUCH – you - oh yeah? Well take this---!
*
Dammit, he bit me! That is so not sexy! Did I say sexy? Wait, why is Choutarou looking so happy over there?Does he like seeing me on the ground with this guy? That's so . . .so . . .geez. Laaaaaame.
But maybe if we gagged him first . . . .
*
Given the distinctly disparate social stratum from whence spring the varied participants of today's soiree, it is a surprisingly tranquil and copacetic panorama of—Ah, my input appears to be required in the current conversation.
"—Usu."
*
Hiroshi's thoughts contain such bitterness that, to protect the reader, we cannot reveal more than the fact that he enjoyed the takoyaki at lunch.
*
He wants to use condiments this time? I should never have let him talk me into taking him to the supermarket. His obsession with the produce section was bad enough, but this is ridiculous. Besides, Akira's allergic to mustard and Shinji will sulk if he gets sauce in his hair. I really shouldn't be encouraging this any longer. A captain must do what's best for his team, even if cause his boyfriend to make that . . . adorably cute . . . pouting . . . disappointed face . . . . . .
No, I must be strong. I must simply square my shoulders and say:
"Keigo? I'm afraid I cannot approve the use of condiments tonight. Both the color and the smell linger disturbingly."
"I see. How disappointing, but . . . in that case, how about spices?"
" . . . fine."
"Excellent. Well, the afternoon draws to a close. How is everyone doing?"
" . . .Gakuto is in a tree, Kamio is yelling up at him. Oshitari is hitting himself, Shisidou is . . uh . . .but Ootarou is watching and seems to approve; the others are doing that "we count too" chant of theirs. Nothing out of the ordinary."
"All is well, then. What was that for?"
"I can't feel like kissing you?"
"You can indeed."
"Then – oh, where did Oshitari get that? I'd better him away from Shinji—"
"By all means. By the way, is pepper an acceptable spice?"
*
Gosh, I almost forgot that we're out of cat food at home! I'd better stop by the store on the way back. I wonder which flavor I should get? Maybe Chicken N Tuna . . .
Oh, Kyo's making a face at me like he thinks I'm thinking about boring things. Well, I guess I am, but it's not like I can think about interesting things every second! I mean, earlier I was thinking about whether those plans for the solar-powered car would work – and then there's the opera I'm in the middle of finishing!
Anyway, it's not as if anyone cares if I'm spending a few minutes thinking about cat food, right? . . . Which reminds me in a strange way that I'm kind of getting hungry. I wonder if they have any dango over there at the buffet? Kyo seems to like those, too. Uh oh, Oshitari seems to be attacking Shinji again.
Ah, it's been another really nice day.