I'd Always Hoped For Better, a twilight fanfic

This was written as a one shot with no intent to further it. But, after I finished it, I discovered that I really wanted to do an EPOV. So, that will be coming in a few weeks. I also might do a third chap to wrap it all up. I have a lot to build to this story.

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere
Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
I got a plan to get us out of here
been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
but mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

So remember when we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
I had a feeling that I belonged
I had a feeling I could be someone
be someone

be someone

You got a fast car
We go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs

be someone

You got fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for a better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

be someone

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

Sept. 7th 2006

I was walking down Forks Ave. from my job at Ron's Food Mart, carrying as many groceries that I could find there. I had clocked out of work at seven and had to walk home. I called my dad, Charlie, to come and pick me up but he never answered the phone. I figured he was passed out on the couch again. Nothing new, I was beyond used to it by now.

The bags were starting to cut into my arms and as I looked to the sky I switched the weight of the bags around. I flexed my hand to get the blood to rush back into it as I noticed a black cloud starting to form up ahead.

Could it possibly get any better?

As I was staring up at the sky, cursing my fate, one of the bags ripped and I blindly tripped over a two liter of coke. My arms and groceries flailed and food fell all around me as I tried to break my fall.

Fuck.

I didn't even bother trying to get up at first. I laid on my stomach in the dirt, with my forehead resting on the backs of my hands. My knees and palms hurt and I was pretty sure I just stained my uniform. I felt one raindrop fall on my leg and, without permission, my body started to shake in sobs.

I was so sick of this town and so sick of my pathetic life. I needed something more. Instead, I was laying face down in the dirt and pathetic.

I heard a car in the distance and cringed. I was praying that whoever it was wouldn't come this way and be able to witness the sad spectacle of display that I had become. The motor became louder and tires stopped by my head. I swore that if there was a God then I no longer believed in him. I didn't want to move and have whoever see my face. I heard the car door open as the car shut off and booted feet walked towards me.

"Hey, you ok?"

Oh God, please go away.

My tears started to fall faster and harder. If I even wanted to speak, the tears would have prevented me from being able to.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as the stranger nudged me.

"Hey, talk to me."

I shook my head.

"Bella?"

My heart stopped.

Oh shit...

I raised my head so I could give him a sideways glance through my hair.

Edward Fucking Cullen. The man who never acted like I existed until this very horrifying moment.

"Jesus Bella, answer me. Are you hurt? Are you ok? Talk to me!"

He jerked my shoulder so he could try to roll me over. I tried to resist him but it was futile and I lost the battle. I now laid on my back and had my eyes squeezed tightly, hoping it would make him go away. I felt his hands gently push my hair back. It was plastered on my face with a mix of tears and mud and I felt it sticking to my cheeks.

"Look at me," he said softly.

I hesitantly opened one eye and looked at his face. It was full of panic as he looked over my body for any injuries.

"Can you stand up?"

I made a slight nod. He held out his hand to help me up and I timidly took it to try to stand. His hand felt so warm and comforting in mine. I decided I must have hit my head hard without knowing it. Because in that split second I saw everything. He was home, children, love and happiness. Our hands were still grasped as we looked into each other's eyes in silence.

I noticed how much more of an idiot I just made myself look and jerked my hand away to start cleaning up the mess. He quickly bent down to help me in silence. When the groceries were all put into the bags, minus the ripped one, I brushed off my hands on my uniform. In that time he grabbed all of the bags and stood up. I held out my hand for the bags, daring him to argue with me about it.

"No," he said as he shook his head.

"What, your going to kick a girl while she's down and steal her food?"

He gave a slight laugh and shook his head again. "Nope, I'm driving you home."

"The hell you are. I'm walking."

He ignored my words and started to walk towards the car to put the groceries in the back seat. I angrily ran after him.

"Hey, are you deaf? I'm not some charity case, man."

He placed his hands on the roof of the car, with his back facing me, and gave out a loud sigh.

"Stop being stubborn for once and let me drive you home. It's not a fucking charity case. I want to."

He slowly turned to face me and glanced at the sky as a few raindrops started to fall. "Besides, it's going to rain soon."

He stepped to the side to let me in the car. "Please?" he pleaded with his eyes.

I huffed at him and stomped angrily with clenched fists as I made my way inside of the car.

"You don't know me, so don't assume you know how stubborn I am," I mumbled as I stepped in.

He shut the door and crossed the front of his car to get in behind the wheel.

"Yeah I do," he mumbled back while he was shutting the door.

I jerked my head in his direction. "You do what?"

He shook his head, started the car and with a loud roar of the engine we were heading down the road.

"You need to go straight a couple of miles and then turn..."

"I know," he said matter-of-factly as he interrupted me.

"How do you know where I live?"

He shook his head again.

"That's getting real fucking old, Cullen."

He just gave me a sideways smile and then looked back to the road. He turned onto Cambell St. and I heard my groceries fly around the backseat as my shoulder slammed into the door.

"Jesus! Drive much?"

"Yup," he said grinning. "I drive all the time. It's the only thing that keeps me sane." He reached over and rubbed the dashboard like it was his long lost love.

"I'm surprised you're still alive," I said, causing an eye roll from his direction." Where did you get it?" I asked, not knowing why. I knew where.

His face fell for a moment as I instantly regretted asking and then it quickly went back to normal.

"My dad. He had a thing for Novas. This car was his baby. He rebuilt it with original parts and tweaked the engine so he could race it on the drag way."

I nodded my head. "What year?"

"1970. I inherited it when my parents died. The only thing I could inherit."

"Sorry," I whispered as I stared out the window.

"It's ok, Bella. I can talk about it now," he answered with a shrug.

We fell silent and the only sounds were the engine and my groceries bouncing back and forth in the back with every turn he made.

"So...you live with your Uncle, right?" I was desperate to fill in the silence.

"Yeah. I got sucked into this wonderful hell called Forks maybe three and a half years ago. You?"

"All my life."

"And?"

"And what else?"

I let out a gust of air, suddenly feeling self-conscious. "What do you want to know?"

"Ok, what about your parents?"

"Hm. Split up when I was fifteen. Mom left us and moved somewhere and ever since then Charlie has decided to become a drunk. He couldn't function. He blamed himself way too much. So I quit school when I was sixteen to get a job and help pay the bills. Then a year ago the police station let him go. Said he was too much of a liability. He still gets a severance pay, though."

Where the hell did that come from?

Words were spilling out of me without any thought and I cringed as I waited for his response.

"Wow, that's rough. You plan on going back to school anytime soon?" he asked as he deftly whipped around another corner.

"Well, I'm nineteen now and no prospects of being able to find the time. Charlie needs me too much."

"He won't find another job?"

"Ask a lot of questions, don't you?"

He looked at me and flashed a big, toothy grin.

"Nope. He just sits around the house all day and drinks. Says he feels too old to work, but he's only forty-nine." This talk was depressing me too much. "What about you? Your turn."

He squared his shoulders and answered, "Ok, shoot."

"How old?"

"Eighteen."

"Work?"

"No, I'm going to finish my last year of school and then I'm running far away from here."

"I wish I could," I replied sullenly.

"Then do it. Just go."

"Not as easy as you think."

He shook his head. "Bella, you need to look out for you for once."

"You just assume you know me, don't you?"

"More than you know."

I snorted and began to ask how but he interrupted me by pulling into my driveway and said, "We're here."

I became nervous, suddenly not knowing what to do. He reached in towards me, just inches away from my face as he stared into my eyes. I thought he was going to kiss me and I panicked.

"What are you doing?" I screamed out.

"Getting the groceries," he said around a cocky smirk as he reached behind my seat.

Shit, I'm an idiot.

After putting the tumbled out groceries back in their bags he pushed his door open and came around to open mine. Always a gentleman.

"I can carry those, you know," I stated as I stepped out of the car.

"Bella," he said as he stepped towards me and now stood about a foot away. "I mean it. Don't let Forks suck you in and drag you down. It's fucking awful here and you're too good of a person to let it ruin you."

I stood frozen and shocked as I wondered where the hell all of this had come from.

"I could say the same for you, Edward," I countered back as I squinted my eyes at him.

"Oh, I am, believe me. I can't take it anymore. There's no money, no jobs around here and nothing to do."

I looked into his eyes, searching, like somehow I could find all the answers. I did find some sort of common ground, though. In that moment we were one with our sadness and hatred.

"I just want to live," I whispered out as I stared into his face.

His eyes pierced right through mine and he softly replied, "Exactly."

We stood in front of my house as rain started to heavily come down and our eyes locked. I heard a noise behind Edward and Charlie slurred out, "Bella, is that you?"

"Yeah," I screamed back while still having my eyes on Edward. I saw hope in those green spheres. Hope that ignited something in me.

"Well, get in the fucking house. It's raining," he slurred out some more.

I jerked my eyes past Edward's shoulder and saw Charlie stumble out onto the front porch. I didn't want Edward to witness the horror of my dad. I had enough embarrassing moments of the day.

I silently took the bags from Edward's hands and whispered a thanks before I ran up to the porch.

"Hey, Bella?"

I stopped short and turned around. "Yeah?"

"You get off at seven tomorrow?"

I nodded.

"I'll be there."

Before I could respond he was back in his car and speeding off. His tires caused some of the rocks to spray up into the air.

"That boy deserves a ticket," scoffed Charlie.

**********

I was sitting on my bed with my legs folded beneath me as I tried to read. I had already fed Charlie the sandwiches from work and cleaned up the kitchen. Shortly after he passed out on the couch I covered him with a blanket and placed a small trashcan by him, just in case. I was tired of having to clean up his puke and wanted to avoid it any way possible.

I threw the book down on the floor as I realized I just read the same paragraph three times without knowing what it said. I laid my head down on my pillows and played with the ends of my hair as I thought about my crazy day.

I had always noticed Edward. I noticed him when he went to my school and froze when he came into my work. Over time he seemed to come in more often but it never stopped me from being uncomfortable. I had always had a crush on him, so it made me too jittery to be around him. Whenever he came near I seemed to lose control of my actions and became more of a klutz around him.

But tonight was different. I had mud caked on my face, swollen eyes, made a fool out of myself from falling and somehow he made me feel comfortable. Somewhere along the crazy ride we connected. Why he would want to drive me home again was beyond me. I was intrigued.

**********

Sept. 8th 2006

All day at work my emotions would jump around from excited to worried. I was excited that I would get to see him again and worried because he had the whole night to think it over. What if he had changed his mind?

Seven came too fast and yet not fast enough. I was so conflicted. I hesitantly stepped out of the front doors and saw his black Nova shining from the lights on the store. He was leaning against the passenger side door and gave me a grin that made my mind begin to fail. I shakily walked over to him.

"Hey, you came," I said to my shoes.

He looked confused. "Told you I would."

He opened the door and ushered me in. He gently shut my door and ran around to his side.

"Why did you think I wouldn't come?" he asked as he started up the car.

I buckled up and braced for his driving. "I don't know. Just seems odd that I've never talked to you and all of the sudden you're giving me rides home two days in a row."

His knuckles became white on the steering wheel and his eyebrows were pushed together in thought. It worried me.

"Bella," he said sternly. "I'm going to tell you something and I don't want you to say anything until I'm done."

"Um...ok."

"I've liked you for a really long time now. Basically since the first time I saw you at school. I've never had the guts to tell you. Instead I watched you from far away and asked everyone about you, trying to find out anything I could. I started to come by your work, acting like I needed to buy something. But I still couldn't have enough guts. Then I saw you yesterday and I couldn't stand it anymore. I can't stand to see you broken from your dad and this stupid, fucked up place. I want to be in your life. I want to make you happy."

To say I was shocked would be a serious lie. I was beyond that. So far beyond that I didn't even know the word for it.

"Then why did you ask me all of those question about myself?"

He shrugged. "Cause I wanted to hear you talk. I wanted you to open up to me."

"Huh." I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Silence filled the car. He tensely fixated on the road while I looked at his face.

"Huh," I breathed out again.

"What are you thinking?" He gave a sideways glance at my face, trying to study it.

"Eyes on the road, speed demon," I said as I pointed ahead. He replied by rolling his eyes and looked forward.

"Well," I said with a big gust of air. "I'm thinking I'm confused and shocked. I'm thinking what the hell?" I paused for a moment and studied his face. "I'm thinking I completely agree," I whispered out.

His head spun around to mine with a stunned face that slowly turned into a smile.

"Eyes." I pointed at the road again.

"Oh, yeah."

We pulled up to my house and had an awkward silence.

"So, do you work tomorrow?"

"Nope, I'm off for the next two days."

"Is it ok if I call you?" he asked after hesitation.

"Yeah, it's..."

"I know what it is, Bella." He threw up his hand to stop me and had an almost smug look on his face.

"Of course you do."

I didn't want to leave him. It felt too right in the car, talking to him. "Bye," I said softly as I reached for the door handle.

"Bye." His voice seemed laced with a slight tone of sadness.

I quietly shut the door and walked up to my front porch. I gave him a small wave as my own sadness crept in the farther his tail lights went.

**********

Sept. 9th 2006

I couldn't sleep that night. His words rang in my ears and I couldn't help but to believe him. It was two forty-two in the morning and I was still tossing around in my bed.

I heard a noise. I pulled my head up and listened. Nothing. I sank back down on my pillow.

Plink

What the hell?

I fully sat up and looked around the room.

Plink

Confused, I looked over at my window and saw a rock falling down it.

Plink

I slowly walked over to my window and peered through the glass. Edward was standing in the yard and waving his arm around like a little boy. I opened my window as quietly as I could, even though Charlie was passed out again.

His grin grew so wide on his face that it was like looking at a handsome version of the Cheshire cat. His bronze hair was illuminating in the moonlight.

I had to giggle at him. "What are you doing, crazy?"

"Come down here." He was jumping up and down while waving his arm around frantically, pointing towards the ground.

I ran my hands through my hair and nodded at him. How could I say no?

I grabbed my jacket and ran downstairs to get my shoes. I paused at the bottom of the steps and could hear Charlie snoring loudly. I tiptoed to the door, pulled on my converse and slipped out the door. He met me at the bottom of the porch stairs, still all-hyper.

"Hey! Couldn't sleep."

"I can tell," I replied as I buttoned up my jacket and staring at his wild eyes.

"Want to go somewhere?"

"Where?"

"Don't know. Don't care. Just me and you. Let's just go cruising around somewhere."

I had to laugh at that. "Cruise? In Forks? Wow, you live big."

His face fell minutely before his face grew into excitement.

"I've got an idea," he said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me out into the street. The heat of his hand pierced through my frozen flesh and I enjoyed every second of it. He pulled me a couple of houses down to where his car was parked. I gave him a curious look as he held open the door for me.

"Car's too loud. I don't want you to get caught," he answered with a sheepish grin. I slipped inside and buckled up as he went to his side. I couldn't help the feeling of being excited and happy when I was around him.

I cringed as the car started up, sounding louder in the still of the night. He sped off into the street as I looked out the window and wondered why I had acted so hastily. It felt so right but it was so unlike me. I was the responsible one, the one always dependable and never did rash things like this.

"You ok?" he asked, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Oh yeah. Just thinking."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "You do that a lot, you know?"

"Yeah. Too much, I know," I said sullenly.

"No bad moods tonight, Bella. Tonight it's just me and you. Don't think about anything else. I've waited too long for this. I just really want to be with you."

Wow

I realized we were headed towards 101W. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," he said happily. "Have you ever been outside of Forks?"

"No," I said sadly.

"Well, you are now."

Two hours flew by as we sang along to music and spoke of our dreams. Anything but what was back at home. We sped down 101 and 104 while talking of college and needing to leave Forks.

The roads started to become peppered with buisneses and I realized we were heading towards the Seattle city line. I glanced at the clock on the radio. Normally it would take someone three and a half hours to get here but Edward had managed to make it in two.

The sun still had another hour until it started to come up. The city lights started to become brighter and more frequent. I stared up at the tall buildings through the windshield in awe. To share this with Edward made it even more special. I heard the squeak of black leather behind me as I sat back and I felt Edward's arm wrap around me. His arm felt heavy laid across my shoulders but it was soothing and I never wanted him to move.

I laughed as I pointed to a street sign. Edmond's Way

"Ha! Check that out."

He grinned as he squeezed my shoulder and I sunk deeper into the seat to get closer to him.

The city felt like energy, even at five in the morning. It felt like opportunity.

We continued driving around for a while in silence, heading towards downtown.

"I need to get gas," he said while stopping at a red light. He finally seemed relaxed. His shoulders weren't stiff like they normally were.

He pulled into a gas station and he told me to wait out in the car.

It gave me time to think. I would tell anybody that they were crazy running off to a town that was a hundred and forty miles away, in the middle of the night, with some guy she didn't truly know. I had always liked Edward and I had felt sorry for him that his parents died and he was forced to live here with a poor uncle. I felt bad that what seemed like a kind, gentle soul was going to get crushed by death, ruin and poverty.

Now that I was sitting in his car, in this town and finally seeing him let go, I knew I just slipped in deeper. I felt crazy and exhilarated. I felt like I could easily love this man.

He slipped back into the car, breaking me out my self-induced epiphany. He silently smiled at me as he started up the car and put his arm back around my shoulders.

We drove around for another hour, pointing out things of interest and enjoying each other's company. We came across the Seattle Art Museum and I gasped out loud as I saw the man with a hammer hugely displayed on the front of the building.

He grabbed my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze and said, "One day I'll take you."

My heart beat faster at his words of the future and his actions. He slowly started to graze his fingertips on my hand. His fingers would gently stroke each one of my fingers before collecting into my palm. He started to press more firmly with the pads of his fingers and fanned out mine before intertwining them.

He glanced at the clock and said, "I think we better head back."

"Yeah," I said with a pouted lip.

He squeezed my fingers with his and said with conviction, "We'll be back."

Somehow, I believed him.

**********

As we got nearer I could feel his grip on my hand becoming tighter and his shoulders stiffened. He pulled up in front of my house and cut off the engine. It was now nine in the morning and I assumed Charlie must still be passed out. We sat in silence, him staring at our hands and me at my lap.

"Thank you for this morning," I said into my lap. "It meant allot to me."

He reached over and placed the finger of his other hand under my chin and made me look at him. He locked his eyes with mine as we silently stared at each other. I saw so many emotions plaguing his mind. Hope, sadness, hyper, tired, comfort and fear. Dare I say affection, too?

His eyes glanced at my lips and I licked them self-consciously. With his finger still under my chin he slowly moved towards me. Inch by inch and each moment seeming to take longer then the last.

He paused as his lips were almost touching mine. I felt his gentle breath tickling my top lip as I began to pant into his.

He didn't kiss me at first. Instead he grazed his lips across mine from left to right. A slight, gentle touch. I swear, I don't think I have ever been more turned on in my entire life. I was now fully panting like an idiot and trying my best not to grab the back of his head and force him into me.

I opened my eyes and saw that he was watching me. I felt his lips move into a slight smile as he continued to go back and forth so painfully slow. I felt like he was looking deep within me, into every dark secret. I felt complete.

I allowed him to continue gazing into my eyes as my lips were tingling with the want of pressure. I wasn't about to lock him out. I knew he finally had me and I would give him everything.

He stopped moving at the center of my lips. I tried to catch my breath as my eyes never faltered from his.

He took three breaths.

I took five.

Then, before I could compose myself, his lips crashed into mine as his grip on my chin became harder. I had to close my mouth out of instinct, the kiss making me forget everything else. Our lips moved in synch and my hand immediately flew to the back of his head, grabbing a handful of hair.

His slight stubble burned my lips but I didn't fucking care. His tongue licked my bottom lip and my eyes flew open. His eyes darkened and his breathing picked up as my grip on his hair became tighter. He licked around my lips in a circle. I opened my mouth and slipped the tip of my tongue out. He paused and then grazed his tongue over mine before licking around my lips again.

He paused again as his tongue completely stopped and I panted into his mouth. His hand slowly moved from my chin down my neck and around my side. He started to move his fingertips towards my left breast, putting pressure along the sides until finally putting his whole palm around it. He breathed out as I breathed in and I could feel his breath hitting the back of my throat. We continued to breath into each other's mouths as his grip on my breast became harder and I could feel nails piercing through the fabric. We alternated our breaths back and forth, breathing each other in like it was all we needed to live.

The corners of his mouth turned up again and he roughly pushed his lips into mine. A blur of passion, stubble, lips and tongue. I had to shut my eyes again at the feeling. It was too much. The hand that held mine tightened. With every forceful kiss he seemed to mesh our palms together even harder. My knuckles were hurting while they were being squeezed by his, but the pain was good. It was like finally feeling something for once in this shitty life.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek as he moved his hand up to stroke my hair back. The kiss was so forceful and full of passion but his hand was so gentle and caring. There was no way I'd ever be able to walk away from this man now. He slowed down the kiss and became more gentle. He pressed his forehead against mine and began chaste kisses onto my lips. More tears fell.

"Hey," he whispered against my lips as he rubbed off my tears with his thumb. "Are you ok?"

I nodded yes, unable to speak. He moved his lips around my face, grazing over it like he had done with my lips. He pressed his hand to my neck and started to press a little harder, turning it into light kisses. I played with the back of his hair as he pressed his lips to my forehead and sighed, his breath tickling my skin. His hand slid around to the back of my neck and down my back as he hugged me.

"You don't know how long I've wanted to do that," he said into the side of my neck.

I squeezed his hand and hugged him tightly back with my other one. If I was to ever be kissed by another man, they would never be able to match this. My hand moved through his hair and I love the feeling of it in between my fingers.

He pulled back and wiped away the rest of my tears as he looked at my lips. "I'm yours, Bella. I don't know what you're thinking or how you feel. But know this, if you want me, I'll be here. I'll never leave your side. I'm completely in your hands. Just, please, try to hold this carefully. You have all of me."

His eyes moved back to mine and I grinned widely as more tears fell.

"Ditto."

**********

It was now night and I was lying in my bed, going over the whole day in my head. Everything was amazing. The lights, the city and that kiss.

God, every woman should be kissed like that at least once in their lives.

I heard a familiar pinking sound against my window. I glanced at the clock and saw it was almost midnight. I ran to my window, all tiredness suddenly forgotten.

As I opened the window he whispered loudly, "Hey beautiful! Come down."

I ran downstairs, slipping behind Charlie sleeping and went out the front door. I jumped off the porch steps and into his arms. I couldn't help it. I had to feel him pressed against me. He laughed as he squeezed me back and set me back on the ground.

"I've got a plan." His body was shaking with excitement and his eyes and smile were wild. It was kind of cute.

"Ok, what?" I said into his lips as he kissed me once.

"We're leaving."

"Um, come again?"

"You and me. Seattle. Let's go. I can take you to the museum. We can get jobs and a house. We can move away from this fuck town. You can move away from your dad who just uses you and brings you down. Bella, you don't deserve this shit."

I stared at him, mouth wide open as he was rambling. He grabbed my hands tightly and leaned down to my face.

"Bella, the moment we crossed that border I felt like a different man. I could see us and our future. God, I want that so much. We can be happy. Trust me."

"Well, I do have a little bit of money saved up from work," I said hesitantly.

"Good!" He grinned as he swung our hands back and forth. "It's a start. Please, I can't be here anymore but I also can't leave you. I won't go without you but I have a need to go."

I looked into his pleading eyes and I couldn't imagine being without him. I couldn't hold him back though. I wondered about Charlie and how he would manage without me. But part of me didn't care anymore. I was so tired of being unappreciated. He never talked to me anymore. He just drank and watched his games.

The more I thought about it, the more I saw Edward's point. I mean, shit, it was crazy and way too fast but it sounded good. What if I didn't and I would end up regretting it later? I trusted those wild green eyes and the lips that spoke the words of need. I never trusted anyone in my life until now, even though I had no idea why.

"Ok," I said matter-of-factly.

"Really?" he almost screamed as he grabbed the sides of my face with his palms.

I nodded.

He jerked me into a hug, enveloping me in his scent and warmth. He laughed wildly into my hair as I clutched onto his shirt.

"Don't worry, Bella. I'll take good care of you. We can do this. Trust me."

**********

Sept. 10th 2006

I had spent the day preparing to leave. Packing only the essentials to keep it light. Good thing Charlie was too drunk to even notice or care what I was doing.

At nighttime I went downstairs to check on him. He was passed out on the couch with a bottle of rum clutched under his arm. I quietly walked over and slid the rum from under him and covered him up with the blanket. He looked almost like a little boy when he slept. All the worry lines in his face were no longer etched into his skin. I tucked the blanket under his chin as I silently cried and said my goodbyes.

I walked up to my room and sat on my bed, waiting for Edward to come pick me up.

11:32

I heard the tapping of the rocks against my window and took my suitcase to go downstairs.

I touched everything I passed to say my goodbyes to the house that used to hold so much love.

Edward was standing at the bottom of the porch steps jumping up and down with excitement. He silently grabbed my suitcase as he kissed my forehead. He grabbed my hand with his empty one and led me to his car.

We drove in silence as he clutched my hand in his, periodically kissing my knuckles. I stared out the window, scared shitless and hoping this wouldn't be a mistake. I would follow him wherever he went but that didn't mean I wouldn't worry.

The promising lights of Seattle appeared over the horizon and I couldn't help but smile. He noticed my fear melting away and he smiled as he kissed my hand again.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked.

"Well, we could put in some applications somewhere."

**********

Sept. 25th 2006

I had found a job as a cashier at a grocery store named Taj Mahol Emporium on Pike St. It was right down the road from the Seattle Museum. Every time I would go to work we would pass by there and every time Edward would grab my hand and say, "Soon, honey, soon."

I was the only one working so far. He said he was looking around and nobody would hire him yet. We were afraid that his lack of experience of working would hinder him from getting hired. But we still had hope.

On that day we had to move into a shelter on 2nd St.

**********

Oct. 1st 2006

I was at work, closing up the register the day I got good news. I was working as many hours as I could to save up money to move out of the shelter.

I was starting to get close with a co-worker named Alice. She was a nice distraction from my every day worries and her and I instantly became friends. It was hard not to with how nice she seemed to be. She told me of an apartment that was getting ready to open up above her and her boyfriend, Jasper's apartment. It wasn't in the best neighborhood but the price range was nice. Either way, it was better then that shelter. At least I would know I had neighbors that I really liked.

I clocked out, extremely excited to tell Edward about being able to move. I practically ran out of the doors.

We cruised around the streets as I replayed to Edward what Alice told me. For the first time in weeks I saw him genuinely smile.

We continued to drive for almost an hour, talking about the new apartment and just enjoying being happy for once. His arm wrapped around my shoulders and I smiled at the memories. It was just like the last time, but better. Because this time I knew I had him and he had me.

He still hadn't found a job. I didn't see how in a town like Seattle, though. But for now, his smile was back and we were one.

This apartment was going to be good for us.

**********

Nov. 5th 2006

We had now settled in to our apartment and things seemed to be getting better. I had just found out that I was pregnant and my job had promoted me to management. They said in the short time that I had worked there I managed to do more then some people have done in a years time.

Alice had given us some extra kitchenware that she never used and my boss just bought new furniture. He gave us all of his old furniture and it was all still in good condition.

Edward stayed at home while I went to work.

My paycheck was now enough to cover all of our bills but we still had to watch our money. Especially with a child coming.

Despite the fact that things were starting to look up for us, Edward seemed distant every now and then. I couldn't put my finger on it. He always acted loving and nice to me but sometimes I would catch him staring off with a slightly sad look on his face. I know that things ended up harder then we thought, but it still hurt.

**********

July 4th 2007 9:13 pm

Today was the greatest day of my life.

My son Emmett was born.

He had a head full of brown hair and Edward's beautiful, expressive green eyes. The combination of the two was striking. He was a newborn, but I swear, I could already see his happy personality shining through.

Through the days leading to Emmett's birth I was finding Edward drifting off even more, although he swore that nothing was wrong. I wasn't so sure.

But tonight, all of that disappeared. It was like old times again. We were laughing and everything seemed right all over again. I saw some of the Edward I fell in love with in the beginning.

I couldn't stop crying that night. One for a beautiful baby boy and the other for seeing that look come back into Edward's eyes. He would keep grabbing my face on the sides and kissing me over and over. I heard fireworks go off in the distance like it was a celebration of the beautiful new addition our lives.

That night Edward slept in the hospital bed with us. Me clutching Emmett and Edward tightly wrapping me up in his arms. The sound of his breathing completely relaxed me and made me feel whole again. I fell asleep quickly with his breath in my hair.

I was certain that this is what true happiness really was.

**********

Oct. 22nd 2007

This was the worst day of my life.

I got a phone call from Charlie's friend, Sue that morning. She said that Charlie had died of alcohol poisoning.

I blamed myself. I should have been there for him. I should have never left. He was in a downward spiral and I had completely left him all alone.

Just like my fucking mom. After all these years of having anger towards her I was now no better then she was. My moment of being a selfish bitch, like my mother, had just cost me my father's life. I had thought I needed to leave to "find myself" just like she did and this is where it got me. I thought I needed to leave Forks to be happy. All like my mother.

We rarely even spoke on the phone after I left. He would beg me to come back and I would always refuse. I tried to explain to him how I needed to live my life and make it out on my own. I couldn't take his pleas or sadness so I stopped calling as much and avoiding some of his calls. It was more of me being a selfish bitch.

He had always been my number one priority and one man came along and made me forget it.

Things weren't even worth it. Yes, I had a beautiful, happy child but I didn't feel like I had Edward anymore. He was never at home when I was and sometimes at night I thought I could smell alcohol on him. He was now almost fully distant. He didn't talk to me like a boyfriend should and he didn't play with Emmett like a father would. Most nights I went to sleep alone while he stayed up to watch TV. He wasn't even there for me while I was going through the pain of losing Charlie.

My life that I dreamed of was slipping away and now my father was gone, too.

**********

Dec. 13th 2007

It was going to be my first Christmas without Charlie. Thanksgiving was hard but this was going to be even harder. The house was given to me in his will and I planned on having everyone come over for dinner in his memory.

To make it worse, it seemed like I had chosen a life with someone who seemed to have the same faults as my dad. Edward and I almost lived separate lives now. I would come home from work and he would rarely acknowledge my existence. He would find some excuse of why he had to go somewhere or he would just leave without saying a word.

This time I knew he was out drinking. He always coming home smelling of alcohol and cigarettes. I decided I couldn't take any more of the guessing and followed him one night. I had Alice watch Emmett after I put him to bed and borrowed her car to look around at all of the bars.

I found him at Alibi bar on Pike St.

I wondered how often he had come down to this place since it was so close to my work. He probably dropped me off and then went straight to drinking before I had Emmett.

I cautiously walked into the bar, trying to not be noticed by him. Smoke hovered in the air and I could hear a piano being played in the back of the bar. I searched around at all of the tables and couldn't find him. But I know that he was there because his car was parked at the side of the building.

I continued looking for a few more minutes before deciding to give up and just wait outside in the car to catch him. I turned to leave when I reached the last booth and in passing I glanced up and saw him sitting at the piano. He was swaying back and forth as his fingers swiftly ran over the keys. He seemed to be in a trance and didn't notice anything but the music he was playing. On top of the piano sat a shot glass and three beer bottles.

The sight of him tore right through me. His eyes were full of sadness and pain and there were dark circles underneath them. His hair stood on end from periodically pulling through it between notes. His shoulders were hunched like he felt defeated.

I started to silently cry as I watched the man I love drowning in his sorrows in alcohol. Just like Charlie. Was there something wrong with me? Making every man I love have to run to alcohol? Am I really that horrible of a person that people have to run away from me and do this? Was I not good enough?

I moved closer to the side of the bar so that I could stay somewhat hidden and continued to watch. A waitress came around and asked him something as she took the empty beer bottles. The only reaction she received was he screaming out a yes as he pulled again on his hair and shook his head. He went right back to playing, now slamming on the keys in anger. It was like he was in a war with his emotions and thoughts and was pouring it all through his fingers.

"What would you like ma'am?"

I quickly turned as the bartender startled me. I came up with an idea.

"Nothing to drink, thanks. But, um, do you happen to know who that is that's playing the piano?"

He started to wipe off the bar as he nodded his head.

"Sure. His name is Edward. He comes down here almost every night and plays while he drinks. Nobody else ever touches it so we just let him. People seem to enjoy it, so might as well."

He paused as he squinted his eyes in Edward's direction as he started to pound the keys even harder.

"He's a weird kind of guy, though. Can't figure him out." He looked back over at me and shrugged. "He's constant business, though. I'll at least give him that. You sure you don't need anything?"

I numbly shook my head and he walked off to serve someone else.

I couldn't look at Edward again. My heart hurt with every beat and I couldn't find the strength to breathe. I fought my way through the crowd and pushed myself out the door. The cool wind blasted my hot cheeks and I relished in the feeling of it.

On the drive home I ended up passing by the Seattle Museum and the road become blurrier as I remembered Edward's promise. He had always lovingly looked at me as he promised me we would go one day. Only, we never did. Either life took over or he didn't mean it, I don't know. I wondered how many empty promises he had given me over time.

Alice said she wanted to stay with me until Edward came home and I let her. She had Jasper watch Emmett for me in their apartment. We laid in my bed while I cried into my pillows and she gently stroked my hair. We both fell asleep in my bed as we waited for him.

That was the first night he didn't come home until six in the morning.

**********

Dec. 20th 2007

I don't know how we got here but I knew something had to change. I just didn't know how to do it.

I hadn't said anything to Edward yet about seeing him or the fact that he drank so much. I silently watched, as he would continue to leave me every night and to only return while I was asleep.

I checked the bank account and found that he was secretly taking out money. That was what finally broke me. I had put back money every week for Emmett and here he was trying to secretly spend the money on his damn alcohol.

He was no longer a good man to me and he couldn't even call himself a dad. That night I decided that I was going to say something. If I wasn't going to do this for me then at least I could do it for my son. He deserves much more then what I had to go through. I didn't want him to witness the same things I had to with my dad.

I had loved Edward more then I ever thought I would be capable of loving someone. But my love for my son far surpassed any of those feelings.

**********

Dec. 21st 2007

5:43am

I heard the door softly unlock and slowly open. My eyes drifted from my cup of coffee sitting in my lap to Edward's shadow as he attempted to tiptoe through the doorway. I quietly sat in our rocking chair, in the corner of the living room, as I watched him stumble while he tried to remove his shoes.

He came around the corner, running his hands through his hair and swayed over to the bathroom. He didn't notice me sitting here, waiting for him.

I heard the toilet flush and saw the light turn off on the hallway wall and braced myself.

He had his head down as he came around the corner and was beginning to unbutton his pants to lay down. He had now begun to keep a blanket sitting beside the couch for these occasions. I had always glared at it as it taunted me every time I had to walk to the kitchen.

He stopped in front of the couch, pulled his pants down and laid on the couch with a heavy sigh. He lay on his back and rubbed his face while letting out a soft groan. A minute passed before he rolled onto his side and folded his arm under his head. He was staring across the room in deep thought before he finally started to look around.

His eyes widen in shock and what seemed like horror as they locked onto mine. He jumped to sit up as his hand flew over to his chest.

"Shit, Bella. You just scared the crap out of me!"

I gently started to rock the chair while tapping my foot on the floor.

"Have fun?" I replied with my eyebrows raised.

His face fell as he realized we were about to have "a talk".

I continued to slowly rock the chair as I stared him down. He was looking around at everything that wasn't me. Either too ashamed or too uncomfortable to look me in the eye.

"Answer me. Been having fun, have you?"

"No," he replied silently to the TV.

"Too bad. For something that seems to ruin your relationship with the woman you supposedly love and your son, I would hope that it at least made you happy," I said sarcastically. I had planned on staying calm and centered but I had completely forgot those words even existed anymore.

His eyes shot over to mine as his face pinched together in pain. "I do love you, Bella." He looked down to the floor and mumbled, "Too much, actually."

"Right..." I started to laugh at the insanity of his words. My body seemed to be on autopilot because I didn't even know what words were coming out of mouth. All of my feelings that I kept inside were now dieing to spill out past my lips. But I didn't cry. I refused to let him see me cry.

"That's why you never talk to me anymore. That's why I never see you. That's why I never get to feel you laying beside me in our bed. That's why I have to miss you kissing me. That's why my body has to ache from missing your touch. That's why our son doesn't ever get to have fun with his dad."

I was now ranting. Every word becoming louder as the chair rocked faster.

"Yeah. You love me. You have succeeded in showing that very well, Edward. You also showed that by secretly taking out money from our account."

His eyes flashed over to mine.

"Yeah, I know all about that, Edward," I said as I smirked at him." Do you think I'm stupid? Do you think I would just take all of your crap and never walk away?"

His eyes started to fill up with tears as he looked up at me. "I don't want you to go away."

"Well, you have shown me otherwise. For many months now. I don't know what your problem is but I can't do it anymore. If you truly loved me then you wouldn't be doing this to us. You wouldn't be slowly killing yourself. Wasting away and making me watch it like I had to do with my father. You begged me to leave with you and told me of ways that I needed to leave that behind. And now I sit here in front of a man that acts the same way and is just a shell of what I loved."

He had nothing to say as I finally let all of my feelings out. He didn't try to protest and he didn't try to argue. He just fucking sat there. The lack of his fighting for me or for his son officially made it very clear to me what he truly felt.

I stopped rocking the chair and slowly stood up. I was giving him time to defend himself but he only silently cried as he stared at his lap with his head hung low.

I gently placed my cup on the coffee table and walked over to the front door.

"Where are you going?" he whispered out, still not looking up.

"Really? You get to leave every night without a word and expect me to explain myself to you?"

He looked up at me through his eyelashes and despite how much he hurt me, that look still made me want to reach out to him.

I took a deep breath and sighed out, "I'm going to my dad's. Emmett and I will be there for a while. In case you finally decide to talk, we'll be there."

He briefly looked around the room and asked, "Where is Emmett?"

"Alice," I coldly stated.

He nodded and looked back down at his hands. I stood there waiting for him to say something. Anything. But no other words were spoken. I knew that if I didn't leave now then I would end up like I was in Forks. Dieing in a sea of sadness and false hopes.

I turned the doorknob and shut the door on the man I loved and my home. As I took the first small steps away from Edward I finally let the tears fall.

**********

June 17th 2008 (6 months later)

The sun was making a rare appearance today and decided to peak itself around the clouds. My almost one-year-old Emmett was squealing with happiness as I swung him in his child swing that I tied up to the tree in the front yard.

As tough as it was to start staying here, I couldn't see it any other way. I had turned Charlie's room into Emmett's. A life lost for a life gained. I decided that all the sadness I had felt in this house was to be chased away with memories of Emmett's laughter. Every night that Charlie passed out on the couch was to be replaced by Emmett watching Saturday morning cartoons.

I hadn't talked to Edward since the day that I had left him. Alice had told me that shortly after the day that I left he had also left. She had no idea where he went.

But I was doing ok now. I still felt that part of me missing, but Emmett was slowly starting to fill that void in and help me forget. When I looked into his eyes I didn't see only Edward anymore. I saw who Emmett really was and how he was his own person.

Alice and Jasper would come to visit every two weeks and all of Charlie's friends regularly stopped by to see Emmett. I thought that I would feel guilty that he didn't have a dad around but all of those people surrounded him with more love then any boy could possibly need. I hoped he knew just how lucky he really was.

I pushed Emmett again, trying it a little higher. He responded by clapping his little hands and throwing his head back in laughter. I laughed along with him, letting myself feel like a child again for the moment. He continued to clap as I sang him his favorite Yo Gaba Gaba song. He tried to nod his head to it but the swing just bobbed his head around in the opposite directions he wanted. I laughed at him again as I tried to kiss his hands that were poking around the sides of the swing as he swung towards me.

We continued swinging until he became hungry and cranky. I slowed him down and tried to pull him out of the leg holes. I gave him a huge hug as I dipped him backwards and kissed him all over his neck. He laughed as he squirmed and tried to push me away with his little hands.

I turned around to head up the porch steps and suddenly stopped.

Edward.

He was dressed in a grey suit and his hair was trimmed, making it look somewhat tame.

I stood still for a moment, unsure of what to do or what to say. He gave me a timid smile and waved before standing up to walk towards us.

"You guys looked really cute out there." Is eyes were clouded with tears as he tried to search my face for a reaction.

My mind decided it didn't want to think coherently so I stood there, staring into his eyes as Emmett sat on my right hip and was playing with my hair. I briefly wished that I could be as oblivious as him.

Edward's gaze started to flip back and forth between Emmett and I as he searched for words. His hands twitched like he wanted to reach out to one of us. But he stopped himself and balled up his fists as he pressed them into his thighs.

"I needed to talk to you. Do you think you can let me?"

I was still in shock at his sudden appearance and couldn't even will myself to answer.

"I know that I've really fucked up things. I wanted to be able to explain it all to you and let you know everything that was going on. If you choose not to believe me or forgive me then I totally understand. I don't expect you to. Although, I dream of you and your forgivness."

I looked over at Emmett, who was now finding his nose of huge interest, and debated it all. Did I really want to risk it again? Did I really want to risk shaking up the happiness that I had so luckily built around us?

I walked past Edward and into the house to make Emmett his lunch. Edward stayed outside. I buckled Emmett into his highchair and gave him some juice. I was about to give Emmett some Gerber snacks when I heard Edward call from a distance.

"Ok, Bye. Sorry."

I walked over to the front door, pushed the screen door open and leaned out around the doorframe. He had his back to me and started to walk away towards his car.

"Well, aren't you going to come in?"

AN: In the infamous words of AG, "I totally wikied that shit". Seriously, I spent like three hours searching for true businesses and streets and how far apart they were from each other. (Cause I'm a complete dork lol)

I kept writing until I realized that it was becoming too long. About half way through I had to delete about 2k words. I'm afraid that the middle part is too short and may bother some people. But, I at least wanted the important beginning and end to remain and not be cut. I had huge conversations that I had to cut out. Hope you all enjoyed it, though. :)