Chapter 1

Simple and Clean

Thursday March 11, 2016

On paper Sora was the perfect boyfriend. He was considered by most to be attractive. Tanned skin, slim but athletic, white teeth, and could somehow make that impossible looking haircut work. He was always the gentleman. Dinner was paid for. Car doors were opened for her. Flowers were bought simply because she was amazing. His time that wasn't spent with her, his best friend Riku, or on schoolwork was devoted to charity. All this topped off by consistently making the dean's list. Her parents loved the guy. Her friends were envious. Her grandma sent him care packages. His future shined bright. Everyone loved Sora.

Because of this, Kairi couldn't help but to wonder why she'd pounded those brownies before dragging Sora into their room away from Riku and his game of Halo so he could pound her vagina. On the surface it was to hide the smell of her favorite plant from him seeing how much he hated it when she smoked. When thought about it deeper, there were lots of reasons. She heard high sex was different because of the altered state of mind. She liked weed brownies which when she thought about it Riku had probably finished as Sora ate her out. There was also the fact that sex with Sora was as predictable as a Michael Bay film. In the end, deep down, Kairi knew "Fuck Mr. Perfect! That's why!" was the answer.

So after all was said and done the couple got into the spooning position. They laid there for a while with Sora breathing onto Kairi's head through her red hair. Finally she said in a drowsy voice, "You wanna do something?"

"Like what?"

"I dunno. Pick something?"

"It's Thursday. We have class tomorrow."

"So?" Kairi rolled over to face Sora. "Only class we need to show up for is at three. No quizzes or midterms or papers."

"Can't we spend the night here, with each other?"

"But there's no food in the fridge right now." She whined.

"What?"

Before Sora could continue a familiar knock was at the door. Through walls of the apartment Riku called, "It's the pizza guy! I'm on the toilet! Tip's on the coffee table!"

Sora pulled himself out of bed, cracked open the door of their bedroom open, and shouted. "Just a minute!" He closed the door and began looking for his pants and boxers. Kairi sat herself up and grabbed her panties from the floor and pulled a hoodie overhead. The two walked out into the open area of the apartment to the sight of their fifty inch LED TV being open to multiplayer menu of Halo 5. Kairi sat down on the couch and Sora answered the third series of knocks. The same blond haired, blue eyed, never sleeps face greeted them, "Good evening."

"Large pizza, breadsticks, and a two liter."

"That sounds like Riku." Sora chuckled. He took the food and drink and set them on the coffee table. He then handed the tip over and said, "Y'know, you've been delivering pizza to us since we moved in here and I don't even know your name."

"It's Roxas, since you're wondering." He stuffed the money in his pocket. "You want your receipt?"

"Uh, sure." Sora took it and said, "You have nice night."

"Dude, I'm delivering pizzas then I've got Calc 2 to study for." Roxas turned down the hall. "What you just suggested is an impossibility."

"Good luck then..." Sora closed the door. Kairi had already begun on the breadsticks. She looked up and Sora finally noticed the dilated veins in her eyes. "Really?"

"I like their breadsticks."

"Not that. Your eyes!"

Kairi flopped onto her side taking up the whole of the couch. "Well excuse me for getting high."

"You know I don't like it when you're like!"

"Well, people don't like it when you micromanage them." With bread in her mouth she continued. "Never stops you."

"It's illegal!"

"So're the movies we pirate. Which is all of them, BT dubs."

"I never pirate…Riku!"

"None of my business as long as my breadsticks are safe!" He said from the bathroom.

Sora sighed. "My point is I don't want to you to get hurt or something."

"Sora, I smoke weed. Weed. Marijuana. In a college town. The cops have everything else to worry about."

"That's what my brother said. He's just now getting out."

"Your brother beat a guy into coma while he was on bath salts. The weed thing was just so they could arrest him." Kairi sat up. "Look, I've been thinking. Maybe this whole moving in together thing wasn't a good decision." She looked at Sora's lowering eyes, got up from the couch, and pulled Sora into a hug. "I'm not saying we should break up. We're twenty. We need to figure out how to be us before we can do this. Alright?" She let him go and went over to their room.

"I'll ask you about this tomorrow."

"And I've got Gravity Falls to watch."

She closed the door and the sound the toilet flushing entered Sora's ears. Riku exited the bathroom drying his hands on his pants eyes red. "Dude. My breadsticks."

Saturday March 12, 2016

At noon, Kairi stepped out of her silver 2001 Civic away from the smell of weed and pizza in a pink hoodie and jeans. Every time she came around here, she had to remind herself that she was only a ten minute walk north of campus. The road was home to two lines of duplexes rented out mostly to college students like herself. Their relatively poor tenants meant they were only maintained enough to keep city from investigating. Chipped paint and splintered wood was the norm. The sidewalks and walkways leading from them to the porches were cracked every two feet. Vines often crawled up the sides of the houses. And, like any proper college town, beer cans and liquor bottles were strewn about in the yards.

The house Kairi approached, like most of the others, had two doors: a screen and wooden one. The doorbell, rather than a pleasant ding-dong, triggered a sharp buzzing ring. A back and forth of muffled shouts rang out from the house before a pair of green eyes poked through the blinds of the door window. Kairi smiled and the doors opened. Lea Axelrod, or Axel as he went by, was much taller than her and remarkably lanky all accented by his green t-shirt and jeans. "Sorry 'bout the delay. We were afraid you were one of those political types wanting us to vote for someone. Three in two days. That's what I call bullshit."

"I feel your pain. Our building got flooded with pamphlets for Clinton on Monday then a door-to-door for Cruz Tuesday." She stepped in the front room which had a nice table with text books on it. Axel led Kairi through the next room where a fifty inch TV was paused with a two bloodied women hiding their weapons from a little girl. They then went to the basement.

"Welcome to the candy shop." UV lights hung from the ceiling and green plants of varying sizes lined the walls. The sound of Tame Impala filled the otherwise open floor.

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that." Isa sat a table with a scale, dried buds, spoons, and plastic baggies. He carefully held a spoon in his gloved hand and poured the buds into a baggie. He looked up from his work to Kairi and said. "The usual?"

"Yes, sir."

Isa like Axel was a tall guy. The difference being that he had significant bulk compared to him which his Under Armour compression shirt flaunted. Behind the table, Isa knelt down to a book shelf lined with jars of bud. He grunted then said, "Y'know, Axel, this would go a lot faster if you'd take some time to organize the product or least put the labels facing outward."

"You could, too."

"I do. But every time you go back here you decide to throw everything every which way."

Axel pulled his left eye lid down and stuck out his tongue. "Well, since he's taking his dear sweet time, care to get me caught up on how life between you and ol' long, tan and handsome's goin'."

"I'm, uh, moving out." Axel's eyes narrowed and a wry grin spread across his face. His neck lowered his head and, Kairi said, "We're not breaking up. We-the both of us- decided our relationship would be better if there were some…" Kairi clicked her tongue, "…physical distance between us."

Axel pulled himself back and slacked his shoulders. "Dyin' throes if I've ever heard any. Still, we're pretty much half the way through March. Gonna be tricky findin' a decent place."

"I know that. I was gonna go to that roommate fair the school has. Figure someone has to have a decent deal."

"Again, this late? It'll just be people whose buddies bailed on them."

Isa walked over with Kairi's bag in hand. "What about Aqua?"

"What about her?" Axel eyes popped wide for a second. "Oh yeah. You might be on to something'."

"Who's Aqua?" Kairi said as she reached into her purse and pulled out two twenties.

"Another client of ours who, coincidently, is a similar boat." Axel answered.

Kairi made the exchange with Isa but, kept her eyes on Axel. "What's in it for you two?"

Axel's grin returned. "Let's just say she has few connections we're interested in. Nothing you should worry about. Oh, Isa, think she's home?"

"How would I know that?"

"Guess I'll just have to go check."

"Flirt."

"That too!" Axel pulled Kairi by the arm up the stairs. When they reached the top, he threw himself onto the couch and began putting on his shoes.

"Where does this girl even live?" Kairi finally got the chance to place her weed into her purse as Axel pulled on his grey jacket.

"Literally right up the street." Axel patted his pants pockets for his phone and keys then flew out of the front door. He hopped off his porch and steadied himself on the concrete walkway before he turned to Kairi who fumbled her way through the door. "C'mon, we're burning daylight!"

"Aren't you gonna lock the door?" Kairi said as came down the steps.

"It's fine. Isa's there." Axel made no motion to stop and hit the sidewalk. Kairi broke into a light jog before finally catching up.

"So, why exactly is this person looking for a new roommate?"

"Apparently she thought moving with these people was a good idea, then just it turned into a shit show and now she's like a couple minutes away from murdering all of them in their sleep." Axel brought himself to an abrupt halt and turned to walk up to another duplex. "And here we are."

When they approached the house all they could hear was back and forth screams. The clatter of pans, things getting knocked over, and video game gunfire created a cacophony of noise that made Kairi step back. Seeing this prompted Axel to ring the doorbell. It wasn't just one ring though. It was rapid series of short ones which only added to the chaotic atmosphere of the house. The door was opened by a messy haired girl who clearly had no plans of leaving that day. "Can I help you?"

"Could you tell Aqua that Lea Axelrod is here with a special delivery?" Kairi rolled her eyes at this line.

The girl leaned into the house and shouted over the noise. "Aqua! There are strippers here for you!" She then went back to her couch leaving the door open.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

After a moment of waiting a blue haired girl approached the door stepping over the heaps of trash in her way. She stopped and groaned when she spotted Axel who had spread open his jacket and was air humping the doorway. "What do you want, Axel?" She brushed past him and closed the door behind her.

"I want to do you a little favor."

"Bullshit."

"I do!"

"Like what?"

"You need to find new roommates right?"

Aqua didn't speak for a moment eyeing Axel. She then turned to Kairi. "Leave it to Axel to not bother introducing us. I'm Aqua." She said with a smile.

"Kairi." At that moment a thud and a scream came from the house.

"Okay, sorry to rush but, I gotta get back in there before this place burns down." Aqua pulled out her phone and handed it to Kairi. "What's your price range?"

"Five-hundred if you include utilities." Kairi said as she put in her contact information.

Relief washed over Aqua's face. "Oh, that's perfect. Look, I got a great place lined up, right off of High on Northwood and, two other people. We're seeing the house in a couple days. We can talk more then but, right now I've got to deal these fuckwads."

"And…" Axel added.

"And you can fuck off." Aqua took her phone re-entered the shit storm that she paid rent for.

"I think that went well." Axel said as he began back towards the sidewalk.

"I don't know about this. I mean living with people I've never met before. Seems kinda…"

"Risky? You just made a drug deal ten minutes ago." Kairi tried to come up with a response that didn't start with 'But that's different because' and failed. "Aqua's nice when she isn't being driven into a murderous rage by her roommates."

When Sora entered the apartment he found Riku on the couch with his laptop open on the coffee table. "Sup." Riku said without looking up.

"Hey." Sora sat down and peered on the computer screen. The site Riku had open was one of an apartment complex down the road from their current one. "Why are you on there?"

"Uh, because come August, I don't think I'll be able to afford the two hundred dollar rent increase." Riku said. "Not to mention utilities. Now check this place out. Comes with cable."

"Don't you think your being a little hasty? I mean we haven't even talked about it yet."

"You haven't talked with each other about." Riku clicked onto a page for rates. "She came through here earlier saying she'd already set up a house viewing with a friend in a couple days."

"Which friend?"

"Didn't say. She came in, ate lunch, then went to work at Dongs n' Bongs."

"It's called…"

"Your girlfriend works at the store that sells dildos and bongs. Get over it."

"It sells other stuff."

"That no one cares about. Now take a look at some of the places I've pulled up. I like this one best 'cause it's got that deck we can chill out on but, it's a bit pricey."

"Do you think anything's changed since we started dating?"

A sigh escaped Riku. After deep breath, he closed his laptop and looked Sora in the eye. "Here's the way I see things. You, me, and her have known each other since the seventh grade. You've had a boner for her since at least the ninth. And you two have been dating since the summer before our freshman year. Do you know how long she's been smoking?"

There was a linger at that moment. Sora's eyes darted to the floor and swung back and forth. "No."

"Me neither. But, guess what. It doesn't fucking matter. She's got a three-point-eight, a job, and as far as I can tell has never gone to class stoned or on any other drugs besides caffeine. What's important is that her shit's together. All lot more together most people's, stoner or otherwise. So long as that remains true if she wants to get high on the couch I say let her. As long she doesn't eat my breadsticks that is. If she wants to move out neither of us have any power to stop her. And for the love of God, don't try to pull an Edward."

"Now that was just uncalled for."

"Was it really?"

"Yes. But I see your point."

"Just like I knew you would, sap for brains." Riku gave a playful punch to the shoulder then opened his laptop and typed in the password returning to page with the apartment. "Now as I was saying, this is a sweet ass building with the exception that price tag. But if we go for the three bedroom, it'll only be twenty bucks more a month. Find a third, cut back on the booze and we'll be set. Actually, I'll be twenty-one by the time we move in so it won't be too bad."

"What about the third guy?"

"Roommate fair in a couple days."

"Wouldn't we have to already have to a place ready for that?" Sora noted. "And wouldn't we already need three people together to get the apartment."

Riku stood up from the couch and stepped in front of the coffee table. "Sora, who's the business major?" He then placed a hand to his ear.

"You."

"Who got us the great deal on the TV?" He leaned in closer.

"You."

"Who haggled down the electric bill?" He got closer.

"You."

"Who set us up with the place we're in right now?" He moved closer still now with his knee on the table.

"You."

"And who saved your wallet from that shitty ass cellphone contract you got suckered into?" By now, Riku had extended himself across the table and his ear was mere inches from Sora's face.

"You."

Riku promptly right himself. "Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! And ding! Just leave this one to me."

"You sure you can deal with the time crunch?"

"That's the beauty of it all, Sora. They're on a time crunch too. They need to fill apartments and are willing to take moderate hit to do so." Riku grabbed his jacket off the coat rack. "You lure 'em in that smile. Sweet talk 'em. I'll handle the logistics. Just like we always do."

"Well, it's not nearly as crazy as your build a raft to go down the Ohio plan."

"Let's just not talk about that and say we didn't."

Tuesday March 15, 2016

Kairi walked straight from her intro to archeology class to the address Aqua had texted to her. A five minute walk north of campus, and on one of the first truly warm days of the year, the street it was rather nice compared to Blake, though Kairi wouldn't complain about the close proximity to Isa and Axel's house. Still the sidewalks were cracked and there were beers on the yard and, she couldn't help but to wonder if she only felt that way because she wasn't aware of a grow room.

The house was certainly nice from the outside. It was an old house with bricks and cement for a foundation, first and second floors, and wooden attic on top. The front yard was raised three feet up from street level with brick that had drain built in holding the dirt back. The wall around and tampered off from the bottom into a side that went up hill leaving only foot between the street and yard. The stairs up from the sidewalk were cement and had coniferous bushes on either side. The yard was mostly green save brown where it seemed like a dog had peed and sloped from maximum height to the height of the brick wall. Three large trees, all beginning to get there leaves back, were in the yard one in front of the porch and the other two off to the left hand side near the side street.

More cement stairs on the far left edge led Kairi up to the porch. It was shaded by a roof supported by brick pillars on either end and had a short wall going around it. The door was straight forward from the stairs and a large window divided into three parts let Kairi see into the house. On the porch four metal garden chairs sat around a metal table all painted green. There was also a white rocking chair in the corner.

Occupying the furniture were two people. One of them, a blonde girl, sat at the table with her hands on a sketchbook and her eyes fixed on a squirrel sitting in the tree. In the rocking chair, asleep, was a black haired person. Kairi couldn't tell if they were a flat chested girl or feminine looking guy or somewhere in between. The result was mix between the chirping of birds, the scratching of graphite on paper, and the slow creak of wood. Kairi inched her way over to the blonde and looked over her shoulder. The pencil she was holding seemed to have a mind of its own dragging the girl's hand across the paper to produce the details of the fur. Blue eyes periodically flickered down to the paper and it was in one these flickers that the pencil came to a dead stop.

The sketchbook was carefully set on the table before she leaned over to reach into the black messenger bag. From the corner of her eye, she became aware of Kairi's presence who still looking at the unfinished squirrel. With high pitched squeal, she leapt up from the chair bumping her arm into table. Metal scraped against concrete, the pencil flew through the air, and the girl pushed herself to edge of the porch. Her hands scrambled for a key ring and gripped around a small canister that was attached. Kairi responded by throwing her hands up. The black haired person was roused from sleep to the sight and muttered a drowsy, "Dafuq?"

"Whoa! Easy! I'm sorry! Didn't mean to creep!" Kairi bent down and picked up the flung pencil. She handed over the pencil and said. "I'm Kairi. I'm supposed to be meeting some people here for a viewing. That wouldn't be to you two, would it?"

"I think so." The blonde rolled the pencil between her fingers. "I'm Naminé."

"Xion." The black-haired girl by her voice walked around the table while yawning. "That was such a nice nap too. Is it even two thirty yet?"

"It's two twenty-three." Kairi said. "Why were you two here so early anyway?"

Xion answered first. "Well, it was either I head back to Sodom and Gomorrah all the way on the other side of campus then turn right back around or, come and find something to do. I ended up napping."

"Same."

"Oh, the towers." Kairi said. "My boyfriend lived there his freshman year. Wasn't exactly pleasant. So…" There was pause among them. For a moment the only was the traffic of High Street and the sound of that squirrel eating a nut. "Um, how'd you guys meet Aqua?"

"We went to a professor's office hours at the same time." Naminé said.

"Same Latin two class."

"Mutual…acquaintance."

"Cool." Xion nodded slowly and, the silence returned. All felt their hands move in the direction of their phones. Before one could pull theirs out, the sound of a loud motor began to approach. A moped pulled off of High and increasing its volume until it pulled onto the street and came to a stop in front of the house.

Aqua stepped off the bike and removed her helmet. She climbed up to the porch, helmet in hand and back pack on her back. "Nice to see you've already met. Anyone have trouble finding the place."

"It's literally the first house on the road." Kairi said. "When's the landlord gonna be here?"

"Few minutes I suppose." Aqua said. "Anyone wanna check out the backyard while we wait?"

The response was series of half-assed "sure"s and "okay"s and "why not"s. Aqua shrugged and led the group around to the left side of the house. The yard, instead of taking the entirety of the house perimeter, was cut into to form five parking spaces marked by faded yellow paint. They passed a side door that was at end of small dirt walkway from the parking lot made by years of people trampling the grass that attempting to grow there. Attached to the back of the brick house was addition painted the same faded white as the wooden top that took up half of the house's width. A screen and metal door served as a back entrance. Flush with the inside edge of the addition, a chain link fence began and wrapped to the other side of the property ending before it reached the front yard. The backyard was empty save a for fire pit that contained damp wood ashes. Trees one which of seemed to be growing around the fence surrounded the yard providing green tinted shade.

When they went back around to the front, man with blond but greying hair was walking up the first set up steps and stomped out a cigarette on the pavement. "Ladies." He walked up to the porch with eye set on a plastic Fireball bottle lying on the grass and promptly shook their hands. "Aqua, nice to see you again."

"You too, Cid." Aqua shook his and motioned to Kairi and the others. "Four people for four-hundred each a month. Just need to see the interior."

"Well, let's get on with then." He opened the screen door then pulled out a brass key unlocking the wooden door. Said door had window with blinds. The entryway led straight to a set of stairs that went half the way up to the second floor. Cid led them to the right. The front room aside from the furniture was a hardwood floor, a ceiling fan and light combo, and a fire place. Two doorways the wider on the right took up the wall opposite the front of the house. The only light in the room came from the front window.

Cid then took them through the normal sized doorway that led to a stair landing. First were a few steps down that had the side door on another landing. The second led up to the same landing as the one in the front. Through there they entered the kitchen. It was small with a top freezer refrigerator directly to the left of the doorway. A green counter top with cabinets below and above was past the doorway that went to the second room. A third doorway right across from the landing's led to the attachment. An electric iron top stove and oven was to the left of the attachment doorway. In the tiny space between the stove and the counter along the left, hung empty shelves made from what used to be a window. The left counter ran the whole length of the wall. A sink was set beneath the single window sill. Below the counter were a more cabinets and a dish washer. Above were more cabinets and even more hanging on the wall with the refrigerator.

Cid walked into the attachment which left its structure exposed and, some of the wood work was being used for shelves. It was a small passage so at best two people could occupy it. He opened a door on the left. "This is a full bath and there's another one up stairs." He wormed his way to the kitchen so his potential tenants could look inside. Sure enough, there was sink, a toilet, shower, and bathtub. It was cramped though with barely two and a half feet between the tub and the sink and toilet. A window was set right up against the tub. The other door in the attachment was the same one they'd seen on the exterior.

The second room was essentially a smaller version of the front room and it lacked a fire place. It had a set of windows facing the back yard like the front room so that someone could see clear through the house if they looked in through the one at the far right end.

Cid then led them upstairs. The landing had a large window looking over the parking spaces and the backstreet and there was single, narrow flight up to an equally narrow hallway. The second floor head three bedrooms, each a simple rectangle with an open doorway closet. The bathroom was much more spacious than the one on the first floor. The attachment was sun room. Up another set stairs was the fourth room in the attic. It was much narrower than the others but, also ran the length of the house.

The basement, reached from the landing with the side door, was dingy. Kairi stepped in a puddle of spilled beer and, junk was strewn across the concrete floor. The furnace sat in the center with an empty refrigerator pressed against it. A washer and dryer sat tucked off to the side and, a toilet hidden behind a curtain and all present didn't dare to image that it had ever been used.

Cid lead them back outside through the side door. The tour had only lasted twenty minutes but, the thought of turning this place down wasn't in anyone's mind. Good location, good size, and good price were all right in front of them. "Can we have a moment?" Aqua asked.

"Take your time." Cid stepped into parking lot and lit up a cigarette.

Aqua pulled them in front of the porch. "I vote we hop on this now."

"Agreed." Kairi said.

"Wait, wait, wait." Naminé said. "Shouldn't we, like, think this through first? I mean we've only looked at one house."

"Yeah, and it's already mid March. There aren't many houses left." Xion said. "Do have any idea how sweet this deal is?"

"On top of that I doubt we're the only ones he's planning on showing it." Aqua turned to look at Cid who was now on his phone. "Odds are it'll be leased by the end of the month. It's now or never. If you want in this might be the only chance."

Naminé bit her lower lip and drummed her fingers against her thigh. "Alright. Let's do it."

"Room one-oh-five, the Union's anus apparently." Riku and Sora were walking down a hallway tucked away where if Sora didn't visit it frequently small charity organization meetings, they probably wouldn't know where it was. Fortunately, the big sign that said, "ROOMMATE FAIR!" made it easy from then on.

The girl from the office student affairs working the sign-in desk handed them red bordered name tags and explained that blue name tags meant that person was seeking a place to stay. The room was filled with various students ranging in age from their late teens to mid-twenties. Sora and Riku take a table at around the center of the room. Riku's laptop was used to display a cycle of pictures of the apartment that he had taken days earlier. Each picture included the monthly rent and estimated utility costs along with the free cable.

To Riku's frustration pretty every person who came to look said they didn't want to live to close to campus because of the constant construction or drunk freshmen wandering around or some other reason. Riku was convinced it was the drunk freshmen. Tapping his finger in the table Riku scanned the room to see if there anyone who hadn't talked to them yet and stopped on head of blond hair. "Isn't that the pizza guy?"

"Yeah it is. Hey! Roxas!"

Roxas looked up from the refreshments table and meandered over to them with a cup of punch and a celery stick. "Sup, uh, Sora and Rick."

"Riku."

"Yeah…" He yawned into his hand. "Say, don't you two live with one of yours girlfriend."

On the corner of High and 15th, the four tentative roommates were at a table in a FedEx print office with the leases in front them. Cid had left them to chew through the fourteen page front and back beast of a document with all "all the time in the world."

"The fuck?" Aqua said as she glanced through it. "My current lease is one page front and back. 'Pay your rent at the start of the month and don't destroy the house.' At least a page of this is on the pet policy. None you would mind a ferret, right?"

They all waved the question off and scanned through the document in attempt to make sure they weren't getting screwed. "What does 'rat trap master' mean?" Kairi asked. A series shrugs was the response. "Guess I'll do it. Jesus Christ, there's a lot to sign."

"Are we sure this is a good idea?" Naminé asked.

"Well, basically, all it says is that if we destroy house he'll sue us to hell and back." Xion fielded the looks she got and said. "Pre-law. Also, we're subject to background checks."

They began signing on lines and initialing boxing and filling out their information. On top of fourteen pages to sign, check, and recheck they each had to pass their leases around so everyone could sign certain parts of them.

After forty minutes, Cid returned and looked over the lease himself. After pointing out a few corrections to be made, he said, "Any other questions?"

Xion didn't ask a question. "Not really but, is just you're entrusting me with a house. Like a building. I still make Lego buildings sometimes."

"Will that impede on ability to pay your rent?"

"I don't think so."

"Then build yourself the Lego fucking Lisa."

If I end up continuing this, which I make no promises on, let me be clear. This is not a romantic flush piece. This is where fluff eats the pavement.