Stan sat on his knees in the cemetery on that lonely autumn morning. Tears ran down his cheeks in streams, falling onto the folded piece of paper he held in his hands. The bitter wind of the coming winter stung his face, but he didn't care. He only cared about the one who lie in the coffin beneath him.
It had been two days since the accident, and Stan looked back on everything, thinking, "Why did I let him leave? Why in hell did I just watch him walk away?"
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie
is made up on your side
"Kyle, it's friggin' blizzarding out there," Stan told his friend. "The roads are frozen! You can't walk home in this!"
"Duh. I'm walking on the sidewalk, Stan," Kyle said as he pulled on his coat.
"That's probably frozen too, idiot! Dude, I'm not letting you walk home in this. You could fall and crack your head open!"
"I'd have a better chance of cracking the ice…" Kyle joked. He turned to walk out the door when Stan grabbed him by the shoulder and flung him around.
"You're not going! Here, I'll get my mom to drive you home!" he said frantically.
"But dude, it's just down the block," Kyle gave Stan a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, I'll be fine." He waved to his friend as he started walking out the door and toward the street.
Stan had to squint in order to see Kyle in the blizzard. He looked down and counted Kyle's footsteps:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…
And then the storm hid him completely.
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
But he hadn't seen how much Stan needed him. He had stupidly walked out into the snowstorm, out of his friend's sight. Stan gave a sigh and closed the door, his mind swimming with thoughts and possibilities. He didn't know what would happen…
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
All the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
Stan felt more tears stinging his eyes. Just remembering what had happened made him want to hold a gun alongside his head and pull the trigger, right then and there so he would fall right onto the same spot where his best friend lie.
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do
Reminds me of you
And the clothes you left
they lie on my floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
It was that next day that he heard about it. His mother came into the room, a look of horror and sorrow on her face. She knelt in front of Stan and put her hands on his shoulders.
"Sweetie?" she began, swallowing back a sob. "Um… there was a little… accident last night… and Kyle--"
"What happened to Kyle?!" Stan's voice was trembling.
"He… well… last night, when he was… on his way home, he… walked out into the street and… there was a car coming and… he didn't see it… the driver couldn't see either, and they slid on the icy road and… they hit him…"
Stan's eyes flooded with tears. That damn idiot! He thought. I told him not to walk home!!!
Sharon pulled Stan into a hug, "I'm so sorry, honey."
Stan struggled to escape from his mother's embrace. When he did, he shook his head, disbelieving, and ran up to his room, not even waiting for a reaction.
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now?
The boy slammed the door as he entered his room.
"THAT IDIOT!!!" He grabbed his lamp and threw it to the floor, shattering it instantly. He threw his pillow across the room, knocking a football trophy off his dresser. He kicked the wall and left a mark. Then he threw himself onto his bed and bawled his eyes out.
"Why, Kyle? Why didn't you listen to me?" He kept saying, over and over into his bed, that it was his fault. "I never should've let him leave! I should've took him and thrown him back into the house and told him to wait out the blizzard! It's my fault!"
He pictured Kyle's face. The smile of that little redhead, just beaming at you was enough to make you want to know him as well as Stan did.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
And when you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day
And make it OK
I miss you
Stan looked up and saw a framed photo of the group. He saw Kenny and Cartman, standing there like the idiots that they were, Eric giving Kenny a killer noogie and Kenny wriggling to escape his grasp. He saw himself, smiling reluctantly.
And he saw his best friend Kyle beside him. His face, full of life and happiness. His long bangs, draped over his right eye in the funny way that he'd grown them. His freckles, dotted on his nose and his upper cheekbones. He was just an all-around beautiful person, inside and out. God, Stan loved Kyle. Not gay love (a/n: absolutely NOT), but like they were brothers.
"Kyle…"
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah Yeah
Stan went to Kyle's funeral the next day, but instead of being in the front row, he stayed behind everyone, just listening to the sermon and thinking to himself that it was all his fault…
When the sermon ended, all the people turned to leave. Stan saw Gerald, puffy-eyed and wet-faced, and Sheila, in the same state, carrying a crying baby Ike away to their car. He saw a group of other Broflovski relatives that he'd never met nor seen before. And he saw so many tears that it sickened him.
Stan at least wanted Kyle to know that he was his best friend forever. He wanted him to know how good he'd been as a friend since the day they first met. He wanted to make him laugh in the way only a best friend could. He'd give anything just to let Kyle know how much he meant to him.
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe, I need to feel you here with me
Yeah
Stan stared at the darkening sky, deep in thought. He missed Kyle, more than he'd ever missed anyone. He wanted him here to make everything okay, to let everyone's lives be normal again. But he couldn't.
Still crying, Stan unfolded the piece of paper and looked at it.
A drawing he had made of Kyle, who sat cross-legged in a field of clouds and a gold ring above his head and two white feathery wings sprouting from his back. He had a warm smile on his face, and his emerald eyes highlighted his reddish-orange hair. Underneath Kyle was a text,
"Kyle Broflovski, who was, is, and always will be my best friend."
When you're gone
Pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear will always get me through the day
And make it OK
Stan laid the paper, unfolded, down at the base of Kyle's gravestone, then he stood up to leave.
"I miss you…"
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yeah-- short, sad, basic. reviews would be greatly appreciated :). and thanx to everyone who does!