Spoiler: ep 5.12 - Internal Affairs
Disclaimer: CBS, creators, producers, etc., own all recognizable characters, not me; I'm just borrowing them.
AN: Written for the MiamiFicTalk challenge
Revelations
There was no question the building was impressive, even its detractors were in agreement that there was no other workplace quite like it. The renovations that had come courtesy of federal grant money, had updated the home of the Miami Dade County Crime Lab in ways most workers never could've anticipated. Sleek and modern with vast walls of glass separating the various labs and workspaces, the effect was akin to working inside a large aquarium. Very quickly the workers learned that little was hidden in a workspace surrounded by glass where any number of eyes could be upon you at any given time. And by the same token, little was missed.
Sitting alone in the glass walled interview room and in no hurry to leave, Calleigh Duquesne quietly bided her time. A particularly quiet morning allowed her the luxury of methodically scanning her post interview notes while enjoying a rare moment of solitude in what was usually a frenetic environment. Glancing up, she was more than a little surprised to see Jake Berkeley sauntering down the hallway looking as if he belonged there. Although in a manner of speaking, she supposed he did, at least during nighttime hours, it wasn't yet something she'd grown accustomed to. And for that matter, she wasn't certain she ever would.
As far as Calleigh was concerned, Jake belonged safely tucked away in the past, where old memories and what might have beens developed a patina of untarnished fondness to be taken out rarely, if ever, and certainly never in her crime lab. But Jake hadn't stayed locked in the past, and his sudden reemergence into her life had thrown her in ways most unexpected. Not the least of which was his unnerving capacity for reopening old wounds with nothing more than a crooked smile. And as if popping back in her life all these years later wasn't enough, he'd shocked her by leaving his job as a Special Agent with the ATF for one as a detective in the MDPD. Jake tucked away in the past was one thing, Jake in Miami on a permanent basis was quite another.
Since their initial unanticipated encounter and its subsequent dredging up of long ago feelings, she'd fought steadily against that rising tide with single-minded resoluteness. She would not lose her heart to that man again. Once in a lifetime was surely enough, she thought with a weary sigh.
Not unexpectedly he'd danced around the possibility of revisiting what had once been and had done so with surprisingly confident sure-footedness. But even his unfailing, natural charm and self-possession hadn't been enough to coax her long simmering feelings out in the open. Her response had been to push them down deeper. If she only could have, she would have willed them away completely. Jake had had all he was getting from her. She was done looking through this relationship's rearview mirror.
Jake got the message, eventually, and had backed off to the point where she had scarcely any contact with him at all. It helped that with Jake assigned to Homicide's night shift, their paths hardly ever crossed, but regardless of the reason, the scarcer Jake was, the more settled she felt.
And now here he was ambling towards her and looking resplendent in a light gray suit and patterned tie. She'd have to be blind not to notice how much sharper he was dressing than the last time she'd seen him on duty. In fact everything about him looked good. Damn good, actually. Must be the job agreed with him, she mused as he walked past her window. Whatever it was clearly wasn't lost on her judging by the fluttering of butterflies in her stomach.
Turning in her chair slightly, she watched as he continued on his way, curious about the motive behind this late morning visit by the night shift detective. She didn't have long to wait since he stopped short just few feet away from where she was sitting. Strangely enough the reason behind this visit appeared to be her fellow CSI, Natalia Boa Vista. Facing in the opposite direction and talking on her cell phone, Natalia seemed unaware that Jake had sidled up behind her.
Well, this is certainly curious, Calleigh thought, suddenly feeling concern for her friend. What could Jake possibly want with Natalia? It couldn't have anything to do with Natalia's arrest. That incident took place over three months ago and although many had called her judgment into question, she'd been cleared of any wrongdoing. But Nick's murder and Natalia's subsequent humiliation at the hands of Jake had exacted a heavy toll. The road back to self-respect hadn't been easy, but lately it seemed that Natalia had finally put that ugly incident behind her. Her personality was again shining through. And now here was Jake, whose appearance foreshadowed nothing good. A scowl crossed her delicate features as a surge of resentment bubbled to the surface.
To the best of Calleigh's knowledge, Natalia hadn't had contact with Jake since the day he'd hauled her in, and she undoubtedly preferred keeping it that way. Moving to the edge of her seat, Calleigh debated the merits of placing herself in the middle of whatever was going to go down between those two. Her grasp on the ways Jake operated gave her a distinct advantage over Natalia. Confident she could diffuse any situation, she decided this potentially sticky one required proactive management. The last thing Natalia needed was more trouble, especially in the form of a hard charging detective who thought nothing of pushing whatever buttons got him the results he wanted.
Partway out of her seat, she stopped short when she saw Jake's hand come to rest on the back of Natalia's shoulder. Natalia swerved around then, held up a single finger and flashed him a beaming smile before turning back, presumably to finish her call. He nodded, returning her smile and very slowly slid his hand down to the small of her back while he waited, taking an almost protective stance behind her.
Abruptly Calleigh sat back in her seat, transfixed by the odd scene in the hallway. Judging by the genuine smile on Natalia's face and the continued presence of Jake's hand on her back, these two had clearly moved past the events of early January. Strange, it was nothing Natalia ever mentioned and Calleigh spoke with her nearly every day. Yet even stranger and more than a little discomfiting, was the way Jake continued to stand with his hand resting on her lower back as if this was normal workplace behavior between two people who barely knew each other.
She continued watching as Natalia finished with her call and focused her attention on Jake. Immediately the pair began talking animatedly. After what seemed an awfully long time, Jake finally removed his hand from Natalia's back and was now leaning against the wall, arms folded loosely across his chest. Engrossed only in each other, neither appeared aware of anything going on around them, including the blonde who looked on from across the hall.
Calleigh lowered her gaze in confusion; Natalia clearly didn't need her assistance, she and Jake were only conversing and if anything, seemed quite pleased to be in each other's company. Calleigh couldn't help but wonder when they'd become so close. To the best of her knowledge, Jake hadn't covered the day shift since the day he'd arrested Natalia, and Natalia hadn't worked any nights.
Not any of my business, Calleigh chided. Jake must've found some way to get on Natalia's good side, although why she let him, Calleigh couldn't imagine. A frown darted across her features as she puzzled over the situation. Natalia was a pushover and had allowed herself to be taken advantage of too many times; even she wouldn't break any argument there. But to fall for whatever lines Jake had fed her, after what he'd put her through? Calleigh inhaled sharply and shook her head as she let out the breath slowly. No one knew better than she did how easy it was to fall for Jake's lines… to fall for Jake. But that was something all together different.
"No need to be staring," she said aloud, surprised by the slight edge she heard in her voice. Turning her attention back to the papers spread out in front of her, she resolved to ignore the lingering questions still turning over in her mind, as well as the knots developing in her stomach.
After reading the same sentence four times, Calleigh gave up the pretense of reading, gathered the papers into an orderly pile, and centered her attention back on the duo standing in the corridor. This preoccupation agitated her, but she couldn't stop herself from staring. In this case, natural curiosity overrode her better judgment.
The pair stood close, although not inappropriately so, considering they were standing in the middle of the crime lab. Perplexed, she eyed them with a critical squint. What was so amusing that neither had stopped smiling? And what about all those random touches she couldn't help but notice? Their body language seemed to signal that this exchange was personal and not at all case related, but she couldn't be certain. After all, Natalia had a friendly, outgoing personality and Jake never minded the attentions of a beautiful woman. Harmless flirting?
After what felt like an interminable few minutes, their positions changed. Jake uncrossed his arms and moved away from the wall he'd been casually leaning against at the same time Natalia took a step closer. With two hands, she reached up to straighten his tie, pulling the knot taut as Calleigh watched, wide-eyed and riveted to the scene playing out before her. Natalia finished up by fussing with his jacket lapels, smoothing his shirt and then giving him a playful shove. Jake, however, was not quite ready to make his exit.
Reaching up, he brushed a lock of fallen hair off her face and tucked the strands behind her ear. His hand then came to rest on her cheek, fingers lingering for several long moments before he pulled his hand away and the pair separated. Natalia, with a smile and a toss of her curly brown mane, headed in the opposite direction, while Jake remained rooted to the spot. He kept his gaze steady long after she'd left his line of sight. A quick glance at his watch, then he made his way across the hall to the interview room Calleigh still inhabited.
But Calleigh, stuck in the moment that had passed, was still fixed on a display of intimacy she wished she had not have been privy to. This was a demonstration of affection she couldn't rationalize. And wasn't prepared for. This was a lingering touch and not just any touch, but one she once knew well. A touch once meant for her only, the memory of which had been burned into her skin leaving behind an indelible imprint she couldn't brush off.
Her breath hitched in her throat as her mind recalled the image of Jake's fingers lingering on Natalia's cheek. Jake? Natalia? That's not how it's supposed to be. But how is it supposed to be?
"Calleigh?" She startled, pulled from her unsettled thoughts by his sudden appearance in her doorway. He'd caught her unaware and flustered and even worse, he knew it. Dropping her head, she closed her slightly gaping mouth and set about quickly regaining her composure. "You okay?" he questioned, his soft voice not helping the situation any.
"Yes. Of course," she huffed. "Why wouldn't I be?" Instantly she regretted the defensive tone in the question.
"No reason. You just seemed far off, that's all." He studied her with an interested frown. She felt cheeks color under his scrutiny and averted her eyes from his.
Straightening her papers, which were already in a neat pile, she attempted to appear busy and disinterested. "What are you doing here, Jake?"
"I work here. I thought you might have gotten used to that by now." His tone was lightly teasing, but under the circumstances, it served only to irritate.
"I realize you work here," she said with not a little exasperation. "What I meant is what are you doing here on the day shift, I thought you were working nights?"
"I am, but they let me out in the daylight every once in awhile. They like to mix things up in Homicide, keeps us on our toes." He chuckled softly and the sound went straight to her insides, mixing with the butterflies that had chosen this moment to make another untimely visit.
"Oh. So, you're working, now?" she asked, forcing a bright smile on her face.
"Yup. All day long." Well, that noncommittal response certainly gave nothing away. If she wanted answers, she was going to have to dig a little deeper.
"What brings you here? Are you working with Natalia on something?" she asked, maintaining a friendly tone.
"No," he answered, dragging out the word and shaking his head slightly. His look was one of faint surprise mixed with amusement. It was a moment before she realized she'd given herself away. If he hadn't known before that she'd been watching them, her question had just led him to that conclusion. "Just happened to be in the neighborhood, needed to check on a couple things."
"Natalia being one of them?" she blurted before her slow to catch-up brain could stop her.
He smirked slightly, a look that only increased the ire that was slowly bubbling to her surface. "Well, she did happen to be in the hallway, so yes, I did stop to say hello. Then I came over here cause I saw you and wanted to talk to you."
He shifted his weight and crossed his arms in front of his chest. She waited, but nothing more was forthcoming. Whatever the reason behind this visit, he was in no hurry to divulge. Time to try another tactic. Tired of the height disadvantage, she got up from her seat and walked to the front of her desk, aware of her own swinging mane of hair and that his eyes were tracking her every move.
She straightened to her full height, set her shoulders back, and rested one hand on her hip. "I wouldn't have thought you'd be someone she'd want to see," she said coolly, keeping her eyes fixed on his.
"Well, then you'd be wrong. Natalia doesn't have a problem with me."
"Now see, that surprises me." Actually everything about the two of them surprised her, but she wasn't about to let that out.
"And why is that?" He inhaled sharply and let his breath out slowly, clearly anticipating what was coming next.
"You arrested and humiliated her. Your tactics were deplorable. You put her through hell," she said accusingly. His heavy sigh and strained expression in response to her accusation did not go unnoticed.
"I was asked to bring her in. By your Lieutenant, I might add," he countered. He scrunched his face and shook his head. The defensiveness in his voice didn't surprise her. If she knew anything about Jake, it was that he did not take well to being challenged. Yet it was something she was so very good at. "And you may not like my tactics, but I was doing my job. What I was asked to do. My intention was never to hurt Natalia, and she knows that."
"She does? How would you know that?" Her tone was incredulous as she aimed the questions at him. Deep down she was pleased to have taken control of the conversation, but tried to keep it off her expression, lest he turn it around and use it against her.
He blew out a breath in frustration. "Yeah, Calleigh, she does. Trust me, I know." It wasn't what he said, but the way he said it… with conviction. A tender expression flitted across his features as if he'd just remembered exactly why it was true.
Deflated and unable to hide it, she lowered her head and stared blankly at an unseen spot on the floor as a tense silence fell over them. For a brief moment, she closed her eyes and concentrated on the comforting noises the lab generated. The sounds of footsteps echoing off the glass, muffled voices and the soothing hum and whirr of the machines she knew so well worked their expected magic. When she looked back up, she found a pair of dark, questioning eyes intent on hers. Hoping to project an air of indifference, she squared her shoulders, placed her hands on her hips, and fought to keep her expression and tone neutral. "I wouldn't have expected that. I would've thought she'd have preferred to have nothing to do with you."
"Natalia has a very forgiving nature. Of which I'm very grateful for." He narrowed his eyes at her as he spoke. She couldn't help but hear an accusation in his voice. Or was she simply projecting one? "She understands what it means to be given another chance," he continued. "We've moved past everything that happened that day."
"And the two of you are now friends?" She couldn't resist the question, even though the answer could be readily deduced from the activity she'd witnessed earlier, but she wanted… no, she needed to hear the answer from his lips. Her eyes bored into him, but he dropped her gaze.
"Yeah, something like that. We are," he answered somewhat indirectly. More telling than his answer was the way he was purposely avoiding her eyes. She felt a thud of foreboding deep within, but she continued on in spite of it. He moved away from the wall he'd been briefly leaning against and was rocking back and forth on his feet, hands shoved in the pockets of his slacks.
"And all it took was a little of your charm?" Her voice rang with derision, which admittedly wasn't very flattering, but somehow was better than any of the other emotions swimming just below the surface.
"No," he said, pursing his lips and giving his head a slight shake. "It took a lot more than charm." He was moving again, crossing and uncrossing his arms as if he couldn't quite figure out what to do with them.
"I'm surprised you made the effort. I wouldn't have thought there was anything in it for you, but perhaps I was wrong. You do always find what's in it for you." Watching the way his face twisted had her instantly regretting the harsh words. That last comment was likely hitting below the belt, both literally and figuratively, especially since she considered Natalia a friend. And Jake? Maybe that was the problem; she had no idea where Jake fit, no idea where she wanted him to fit, making everything about this uncomfortable in a way that unsettled her more than she cared to admit. But if she'd wanted to wound him, his strained expression told her she'd aimed well.
"It wasn't like that," he answered, all but spitting the words at her. "I asked her to meet me for coffee, to talk, because I felt bad. And believe me, it took a lot of convincing on my part, a hell of a lot of convincing, over several cups of coffee, many conversations, and more than a few dinners thrown in along the way before I was done. But we got past everything. Well past." The entire time he was speaking he'd been avoiding her eyes, looking instead at the far wall, but he zeroed his gaze on her now. "I know you think you know everything, but you don't. And Natalia doesn't deserve what you are thinking." He'd leaned in to make his point and now it was her turn to shift her weight uncomfortably under his scrutiny.
For a moment, she was rendered speechless. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did. I was only concerned about Natalia."
"Well, you don't need to be, Natalia is fine." Again his voice rang with conviction, but more telling was the way his face softened when he said her name. She swallowed heavily and gave a slight nod. "About Natalia and me," he paused awkwardly, and she held her breath, waiting for him to go on. "Well, I wanted to talk to you about that. It isn't going to be a problem, is it?" he asked, looking at her pointedly.
"Of course not," she answered a little too quickly. "We're all adults. What you do on your own time is your own business." Her smile may have been forced, but she'd be damned if he'd see anything but approval in her expression.
"I'm glad to hear that." His shoulders relaxed and he sighed deeply. "Natalia has been through a lot since she started out here and it hasn't always been easy for her. She's still trying to find her footing. Opening up is still really hard for her. A lot of things have blown up in her face. And this," he said, emphasizing the last word, narrowing his eyes at her, and leaning forward, "isn't going to be one of them." The certainty in his voice was compelling. "I just want to make certain we are clear about that."
There was no misinterpreting his intention. This wasn't about her feelings, and it wasn't about his. This was about protecting Natalia. She could see him in her mind's eye; the protective stance he'd taken up behind her in the hallway earlier hadn't been imagined. And remembering it now, she found it oddly touching in a sad, nostalgic way.
All of the pieces fell into place now… his hand coming to rest on the small of her back, her supple hands moving across his chest, his fingers lighting on her cheek in a tender caress, their eyes locked only on each other. Theirs was a dance entwined and these were its simple movements. Movements she once knew so well, movements never forgotten.
She'd made her choice. Now he'd made his.
She understood now what lay at the heart of this discourse; it wasn't about forgiveness, second chances or friendly relations between coworkers.
This was about moving on.
The words he hadn't said had been revealed in a single touch, an intimate gesture that spoke volumes. She could see that now with a clarity she found startling.
Yet most surprising of all was that the gentlest touch could hurt this much.
The end