Will You Cry For Me, Diary?
By Mimi Blossoms
A/N: This fic focuses more on Matt, but this also has Mimato content (as usual). I dedicate this to the fellow members of F.A.N (Fanfictions And Notations). That means this is for Bliss, Gatomon_1, MPF, and PM. I'll post the F.A.N. URL here when it's done. =) F.A.N is a group of Mimato writers. They take in requests from Mimato, Taira, and Takari fans. ^_~ It's totally cool! Ok, I know I haven't been writing "Of Roses…" but I just keep getting ideas that I just can't ignore. Don't worry, I WILL continue it! I also might be doing a sequel to "It's Gonna Be Me" but I've gotta finish "Roses…" first.
I sat alone, watching the rainfall, trying to make myself comfortable on the bus. It had already been five days since I ran away. Five days, and still there was nobody… nobody, not even my friends, had attempted to look for me. I couldn't bear just the thought of it. And I couldn't help but wonder how they were doing, and I was actually worried about them. Was it right for me to get worried about them instead? I knew they were safe and sound back home at Odaiba, and here… I was all alone, by myself, trying to get away from all my miseries, from all their laughter, and from everything else that I held dear back home. I left everyone, including my little brother, my best friend, my family, friends, and… Mimi. It was for the best. I think. This had been my decision and I needed some time alone to think things over. From all the pain and suffering that I've gone through, perhaps this was meant to be.
Drips of rain continued falling and it looked like they weren't gonna stop any time soon. And I could see my fuzzy reflection on the window. My blonde hair didn't look normal. I didn't bother putting some hair gel. Who cares anyway? I stared at my reflection for a moment, and came across my tired blue eyes. Only people who knew me could tell that I've been crying. My eyes… they looked tired, lonely, and depressed… angry, hurt, and sad. I blinked trying hard not to notice my watering eyes. I looked away from my reflection. I didn't want to see myself cry… no way. No way… there was no way in the world anyone would see me cry. Not even myself. I yawned. Just watching the rain was making me sleepy. I hate this. I hate being alone… but why did I run away? Why? Now that I think about it, I had no actual reason for leaving. I shifted uncomfortably in my spot and felt something beside my seat. I looked down and found a book. No. It was my diary. I took the old book and examined it carefully. My diary knew all my secrets, and all my feelings that I've been hiding from all of them. This book that I held in my hand was the only one who knew every single thing there was to know about me. It was the only one I could talk to. It had been a while since I'd stopped writing on it. My last entry was probably, like, two weeks ago. I opened my diary. Since I've got nothing else to do, I turned to the pages to read few the latest entries.
****
Dear Diary,
Today I went to Math class and realized that… I didn't have my calculator with me. Mr. Fujiyama sent me to the principal's office. I don't blame him. I mean, I've done it seven times in a row. So then, the principal called my parents. I swear… they were overreacting. It was just a calculator problem. And I can't believe they would actually bother to call your parents. Luckily, when they called, my Dad's at work. Good thing that they didn't have my Dad's work phone number. Anyway, so they sent me home.
When I got home, I was bored to death. I was just sitting in my room, playing my guitar. But then I remembered Mimi. I know we haven't been talking like we were going out or something, but I still miss her. I love her and everything, but… I don't know. I feel like I've been drifting apart from her. It's been always like this ever since she got back from her vacation over in America. She'd been acting so… I hate to be the one to say this… but she's been snobbing me out. If that's how you describe it. She's been ignoring me and every time I call her, she was always busy. I mean, I know I should give her some privacy or space, but I just can't help but feel like she's been keeping something from me. Oh well… she'll probably tell me eventually.
Matt
Dear Diary,
All right… can you believe this?! Mimi forgot our anniversary! Can you believe that?! I don't know why, but I feel like… arguing with her. When I asked her what she wanna do, she just sorta ignored my question, and told me that she's gonna be busy with her cheerleading team! So her cheerleading team's more important than me?! How can she?
From the pissed off,
Matt Ishida
Dear Diary,
Today I decided to walk alone at the park… but guess who I saw? I saw Mimi with…. Get this. Tai Kamiya! I know I'm may be jumping to conclusions, but they looked like they were in this 'deep' conversation. Like, they wouldn't want to let anybody join in. They didn't see me though, so I just left quietly.
Yamato…
Dear Diary,
This has got to be the worst day of my life! Mimi called and invited me to meet her at the front of the school. To tell me what? To break up with me!
She was crying when she told me… but I just left without crying or showing any sympathy. She said "she didn't want it this way" and it was the "hardest decision [she's] made in her entire life". I'll say that's a bunch of bull! Mimi, why did you have to do this to me? It's Tai… isn't it? I knew this day would come eventually, and why does it have to be now? Now. When I'm not ready for all this pain. Why did this have to happen so fast? I wasn't even expecting this to come… but… why… I trusted her, and I really thought that she loved me. I loved her too, but…
…..
Dear Diary,
I'm going over to Mom's and TK's with my Dad to visit them… I'll write on you later…
Matt
Dear Diary,
I'm sorry I haven't written on you for the longest time…
I don't know what to say, but lately I've felt like crying. I hate everything. This whole world. This life. What was my purpose here anyway?
Everywhere I go, I see happy faces. Everywhere I look, I see happy couples. Everything in this world is happy… except for me… I'm not enjoying living in miseries. Life is dull without Mimi around. Since we broke up, all I could think about was her… Diary, ever since Mimi left, I've been aloof and awfully quiet… Whatever. I don't feel like talking… it's making me cry.
Matt
Dear Diary,
I've never felt so far away from the others before. Lately I've felt like people around me don't care about me anymore. Even my brother, TK, and my parents…
I really miss Mimi…
Matt
Dear Diary,
I've been sleeping in lately… There is no more Mimi to call and wake me up… Usually, she would give me a call just to wake me up so I wouldn't be late to go to work. But now… everything's different. Everything's screwed up without her.
Yamato Ishida
Dear Diary,
Another crappy day passed by… Crappy doesn't even describe it. I just got fired. I don't blame them… I had always showed up late, or I haven't been going to work for weeks… Mimi, why did you do this to me?
Matt
Dear Diary,
I'm sitting alone in my room again. My mind is full of thoughts… about her.
Mimi…
Mimi and Matt…
Yamato Ishida & Mimi Tachikawa
Together Forever: Tachikawa and Ishida…
I keep having these dreams about her. It's killing me…
What should I do?
Matt
Dear Diary,
I feel so alone. I'm all alone. I'm here alive, but alone. I hate being alone. It makes me think a lot about things that are happening. It makes me think about her… and it makes me remember everything we did together.
This whole world is hell.
Everything is so… empty.
I feel so empty.
What can I do?
… diary, are you listening? Will you ever tell me what to do? Will you ever be able to help me? You're the only one who seems to understand…
Yamato
Dear Diary,
Today is (as usual) boring…
I saw her and she looked… happy. I'm glad she is, but did she ever think about me? Do you think she's ever dreamed about us getting back together again?
I hate myself for being like this. What am I feeling?
Yeah, I've been feeling like crap lately…. I hate this. I feel like crying, but I don't want to… who cares. What's it to you anyway? What's it to you? I don't care anymore… my life is messed up…
From,
Ishida…
Dear Diary,
They don't care. None of them do. Not even my brother, my Mom, and my Dad. My friends… my band. They don't care about me. They're ignoring me… why are they doing this?
No one will ever listen to me. I have no friends.
Matt
Dear Diary,
Diary, what if I run away? What if I leave…? Do you think they will ever look for me? Do you think Mimi will ever try to find me? Should I? But what if… I don't want them to get worried… I don't know what to do.
Matt
Dear Diary,
If I run away, I could get away from all these thoughts and all these problems… right? I wonder if they would cry if I die. You'd cry for me, right, Diary? You would… I wonder if… they would risk their lives to find me.
Yeah, right… they wouldn't do that. I shouldn't depend on them. Everyone has to take care of themselves. You really can't depend on other people. It is better to be alone. To stand alone… I'm stronger when I'm alone. Yes. I am…
Matt
***
I closed my diary, blinking back tears. That was my last entry. All these entries… my words… I couldn't even believe them myself. No… I didn't want this. I really hated being alone. I couldn't be alone. I just couldn't. I needed my friends to stand by my side. I needed my family and my band. And her.
Mimi Tachikawa. I loved her. Always have and always will.
I needed to get back. They needed me there.
The bus stopped and I didn't hesitate to get off. The rain had finally stopped, but the city still looked wet. I looked around and found myself to an unfamiliar city. But I've been here before. I was in Tokyo now. I walked along the sidewalk following the other people ahead of me. I didn't know where I was going. But I knew that I had to find a bus to take me back to Odaiba.
As I continued to walk until I found myself standing in an open space. I guess I've been thinking too much to even realize where I had been going.
"Matt!" I heard a voice calling out to me. It was a voice that I hadn't heard in a long time… a voice that sounded good in my ear… a voice that I would never forget.
I turned around and found Mimi. It was Mimi. I rubbed my eyes, trying to check to see if I was dreaming or not. It wasn't. And I was glad so. Mimi ran up to me and as she got closer, I could see her eyes watering in joy and sadness.
"Oh Matt!" she exclaimed as she threw herself to me. I embraced her back. It had been a long time ever since I did that. Too long that I had nearly forgotten how she felt like in my arms like that. We stayed holding each other like that. She really did feel good in my arms, and finally my tears gave in, and I didn't hold them back in. It felt good to cry. It really did. And I really thought that crying would only make things worst… but I guess I was wrong. Crying… this was all what I really wanted to do in the first place.
"Mimi…" I whispered as we let go of each other.
Mimi was still crying too. She revealed a handkerchief and wiped my tears away. "I didn't think I was gonna find you here… but I'm glad I did…" she told me. "We were all so worried about you, Matt…"
All this time, I really thought that none of them cared, but in fact, they really did. They really did care about me… I wasn't alone after all. Just the thought of it made me cry even more. "I'm sorry, Mimi…" I managed to say.
"Everyone was looking for you," Mimi continued. "But at least I know you're okay…"
"I… missed you, you know…" I said in a hush tone.
Her face turned scarlet red at my remark. "I did too…" her voice was a whisper.
I smiled for the first time this week. "Well… let's go home together, okay?" I suggested.
She nodded. "You're right. Let's go…"
Mimi took my hand and together, just the two of us, walked hand in hand. Perhaps, my family and friends had cried for me too… And I'm gonna be glad if they did.
~The end ~
MORAL: Don't always depend on yourself. If you have problems, don't keep it in. It is always best to talk about it with your close friends. They will listen. People depend on each other and help one another. =) The best way to deal with your feelings is to talk it all out. Cry if you must; it helps you make you feel better.
A/N: Yeah… I was feeling blue when I wrote this. Please review!
-Kristine