Notes: So this story is based on a dream I had a couple of nights ago. It's a future fic and while they are no longer together there are references to a past slash relationship between Lex Luthor and Clark Kent, but it's not graphic, and there won't be any sex scenes (at least I don't think there will). Be prepared for a lot of angst and some adventure, and I guess this is a hurt fic, at least partially. It's complicated, but you'll see where we're going.

"Tell everyone waiting for Superman
That they should hold on as best they can
He hasn't dropped them, forgot them, or anything
It's just too heavy for Superman to lift," The Flaming Lips

There have been a lot of major turning points in my life, probably starting all the way back when I was with my biological parents, the day my mom and dad found me, but I don't remember any of that. The first event I do remember, I was playing with Dad in the yard and I started running faster than I could have ever thought possible. Then all of the sudden I was in the middle of the woods, and my dad had to get Sheriff Ethan to help him find me.

I think that was the first time I realized how different I was. Not that my parents would have admitted to it back then. I was just special, that's what Mom always used to say. Still, I still felt that even if there wasn't anything wrong with me, I was different. I learned just how different shortly after that day on the bridge. That was also the first time I met Lex.

I think you could measure the majority of my life with instances that involve Lex. You've got the day of the meteor shower…sometimes I wonder if any of this ever would have happened if it hadn't of been for that day. I wonder how Lex would have turned out otherwise, although I find it hard to believe that too much would be different…We have the day on the bridge, the day he gave me the truck, the day I gave it back, the day we first became friends.

We were friends for a long while before I realized that I was in love with him, and shortly after that, I realized he was in love with me too. We've got our first kiss, the first time we made love, the first time we fucked, the first time I tried to change him, and the first time he didn't listen. There was the day I learned he was still investigating me, even after three years, and the day I forgave him for that.

I've got the day I figured out that no matter how much I loved him, no matter how much I cared, no matter what I did, Lex was never going to be the person I wanted him to be. I didn't end it right there and then, even though I could have. I stayed, because I loved him and I thought that maybe, if I could just give him enough love, and show him that he was worthwhile, eh might just make it after all. I thought I could keep him from going over to the dark side. Maybe I could make everything be all right.

I loved him. Part of me still does, and I was willing to do anything to try and help. Then one day, I just knew it was pointless. Even I couldn't rescue Lex, he was beyond saving, he didn't even wanna be saved. He didn't even care. All he wanted was power, unlimited power. I don't blame Lex for what he's become. It's Lionel's fault, mostly. Lionel Luthor didn't want a child, he wanted a clone, but a clone that didn't have any of his faults. He pushed Lex, tested him, hurt him, scared him.

Lex wasn't born a monster, he was made one, through years of—god knows what, but the point is, Lex can't have ended up like this on accident. If Lionel had simply been a bad father, then Lex would have let me save him, he would have been alright. Not that it matters how he got to be how he is, the point is it happened. Lex is a monster. There's no one to save him now. All I can do is try and protect the world from Lex Luthor.

There were more turning points in my life after Lex, but I don't feel like listing them all, or thinking about them all. It's been years now. I doubt he remembers me anyway, and even if he did, he probably still hates me for leaving him, hurting him, especially since I promised I'd never do that. I traveled for a while, saw the world, and let everybody forget me, so I could start over.

I moved to Metropolis, went to work at the Daily Planet. Now I put the costume on under my clothes, and I spend my nights flying around—yeah that's right, me flying—patrolling the city, the world, whoever needs me the most. I help them. I save them. Sometimes I have to stop them, but that's my job. I'm strong and there re so many things I can do. It would be wrong, selfish, for me not to help. Plus every person I rescue, save, or convert from a life of crime, makes me feel a little less guilt for not being able to help Lex.

Funny how everything comes back to him. That's what all of this is about of course. All my angst-ridden nostalgia. Lex has another one of his famous plans. None of us—the rest of the league and I—is completely sure what he's going to do. Technically we're not even sure of anything, except that he's up to no good. We had a meeting, to discuss the issue, and we decided, as a team, that somebody (i.e. me) needed to investigate further.

So now I'm going to talk to him. The only question in my mind is whether I should go as Clark Kent, or Superman. He hates us both, and he probably wouldn't tell either one anything, but I think if I go in there in the uniform, he might try and, well hurt me. Whereas if I go in as Clark, I can pretend to be there interview him for whatever reason and I can try and work my own angle into this, ask my questions.

Who knows, maybe I'll actually get somewhere. So after all that, here I am, sitting in my apartment, trying to formulate a plan. I don't know if I can do this. I mean, I know I have to do it, but… I haven't seen him in years. I haven't the faintest idea how he's going to respond to me, or what's going to happen when we're together again but I know it won't be good. Oh Lex.