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Conan sat down on his bed. He couldn't think. Ran's father just said they were moving and may have to leave him behind. He couldn't believe it..
"I don't know why I cry.."
Because he had mixed feelings. He wouldn't be able to sleep that night, and he knew it. Would it be worse leaving Ran? Would it be worse leaving everything he had come to know? Like the friends he thought he would only have for a few days..
"I just know that I do.."
What about Haibara? And Mitsuhiko? And Genta and Ayumi? Could he leave them now? And Agasa... He couldn't just up and leave the doc behind. He pretty much would be just a smart kid without him. And then there's Heiji, Kazuhaa, Takagi, and Satou, not to mention Jodi Santemillion, James, and the rest of the FBI..
"I want to sever all ties.."
But he couldn't. That was one of his major weaknesses. But Holmes could do it.. After all, he had one friend until he met Watson, who still wound up moving out. Holmes was still okay. So why couldn't he be? Why, when it boiled down to it, couldn't he be just like his hero?
"I want to erase my lies.."
No matter what, he couldn't, though.. It was one of those impossible do to things. If he stayed, he would still be lying to the detective gang. But if he went, he would still be lying to Ran.. No doubt they had members across seas as well..
"Let me curl up by myself."
He sat up put his arms on his knees and rested his head on them. Why was this so difficult? It shouldn't be. Kogoro wanted to move, let him move. Ran was old enough to stay by herself. After all, he did... But.. Ran wasn't him. Her parents aren't exactly rich enough to afford to let her stay.. He curled up in thought.
"I'll just live like a pearl"
Conan felt like one, too. He couldn't talk to anyone about being small. If he moved, like hell would he find the antidote, but he would still be able to see Ran all the time. But if he stayed, he could find the antidote... Or get killed. His cell phone vibrated, but he didn't pick it up. He just watched it. No one really knew him, anyways, and if they did, like Ran, they knew him as Shinichi. Not Conan. 'Great,' he thought, 'The great detective Shinichi Kudo has gone emo.'
"Lost in my lonliness"
Was this how divorced kids felt? Torn between two worlds, with no one to talk to? Being forced to choose? He wouldn't know. His parents only moved. Was this how Ran felt at times? He was sure of it. He felt like a sea of darkness was washing over him, engulfing him, but just enough as to where he could barely breathe. 'Just smother me and get it over with,' Conan thought bitterly.
"Why am I so pathetic?"
'Why am I so pathetic? I'll tell you why. Because I'm a seventeen-year-old trapped in the body of a seven-year-old, and there are only four people who know. My best friend thinks I'm just overseas when I'm really right here in her house, because I have to decieve her, and whichever I choose, I'll feel like a traitor.' That's right. If Conan chose to stay here, he would feel like he just betrayed Ran, but if he went, he would feel as though he had just betrayed Haibara and Agasa. Conan looked at the phone he used as Shinichi. It was Ran texting him. Without thinking, he texted back, "Ran, come upstairs. I have something to show to you. -Shinichi"
Author's note: Yes, yes, I know, yet another new story. You all may be wondering, "What happens next?" Oh, the suspense.. Kinda.
But I came up with the poem because if they close the lab where my dad works, then we'll be moving from Louisiana to either Michigan, or Alaska. And note, it's hard for me to make friends right here, much less in a new area of the country. xx
I noticed I had Shinichi out of character for the most part. :/ I'll probably wind up deleting this story anyways, though.