This was something I started to write a long time ago, and just found it as I was looking through my old documents. I had to change a few details to make it fit to the current storyline of the show, but other than that it's the same as when I first wrote it. All mistakes are mine.
A/N: I don't own anything, unfortunately. ;)
The daises had sprouted on his grave, indicating that time had actually past since his death. But for her, it felt like she was still at the funeral. Her wounds that had been inflicted by him dying were still as fresh as the day that she had learned he had been shot.
Forcing herself to walk closer, she knelt down beside the headstone. She had memorized the words engraved on them, but read them anyway.
In Memory of Daniel Carmine Messer
1973-2007
Beloved Son and Cherished Friend
"I'm so sorry, Danny." The sob she had been trying to hold back forced its way up, and along with it came the tears. "I'm s-so s-sorry that I c-couldn't have b-been there, t-to s-save you." She didn't bother to wipe the tears away, instead content to let them flow down her cheeks. "Y-you s-shouldn't have b-been t-there. I-it was m-my s-s-shift. W-why d-did they h-have to k-kill y-you?"
There were no more words that she could say, for her body was now shaking violently because of her crying. She just rocked back and forth, her chest pressed against her knees. Finally, she calmed a little bit, and was able to utter a few more sentences.
"And you l-left before I could t-tell you everything!" She sniffed, and this time did wipe away her tears. "Like h-how much I t-treasured what we had together." The dam inside her was once again threatening to break, and she didn't know if she could stop it again. "And b-before I could t-tell you that I w-would have l-l-loved to get married!" She screwed her eyes shut, trying to hold it together. "Or h-how m-much y-you meant t-to me."
She reached out, and touched the headstone; wishing desperately that she could be touching him instead. Then, still keeping contact with the headstone, she curled up on her side; and cried.
As time passed, light faded from the all but empty cemetery. She stayed curled up, leaning against the cool gravestone. After it had finally grown dark, she stretched herself out, wanting to say something else, but she didn't know what words were left to say; and she didn't think she could get any words past her lips without breaking down.
So instead of words, she merely let her fingers trail slowly over his name as she stood up to leave. She knew that she would return, whether it was tomorrow, the next day, or the day after. She would always come, even though the pain was always going to be there, to touch the headstone, to look at the engraving, to be with him. Because she missed him. Because she loved him.
Charlotte