A/N: --Credit goes to Javahna for the idea.--
Continuation of Javahna's "Incoming!" featuring Keira's internal left vs. right monologue that takes place each time Jak walks by. This time however, it's in Jak's point-of-view, and features his alter-egos (Light and Dark) and …himself all involved in the discussion. Essentially, Jak's pretty much talking to himself. Poor guy. :D
Originally I was going to write it in an actual story format, but I started writing it this way, and it was a lot easier, and I just didn't feel like it at the time…Ah, eventually I'll probably go back and write in story format, but for now, it's kinda pretty much of the same as the way Javahna wrote it. Yeah. Mostly Dark Jak checking' out Keira and insulting Light Jak.
And ah, Dark turned out to be a not-so suave Casanova –what with his comments and what not regarding Keira. And stuff. Light's just annoyed with him most of the time. Although Lightkinda becomes more humorous or jsut kinda whatever that other word is supposed to be later on. Think of Darkkind of like Joey from 'Friends' ('specially one of his lines, hinthint.), and just another part of Jak that changes the pronunciation of words to his liking, just because he can.
Dark's just …eh, he came out to be a bit of a not quite as sharp as he could be…pervert. In a way. Even though, considering, how all three are the same exact person, and well, Dark's thoughts are basically Jak's, in a strange, almost twisted way. And now I have no idea what I'm talking about, but I HAD FUN, JUST BECAUSE I DID. SO BOO. I'LL STOP RAMBLING.
Jak was sitting along at a far booth at the Naughty Ottsel one night watching Keira stand at the bar talking to Tess and Daxter. (The others were there somewhere, I think. Who knows.) Now look what happened.
Who knew alter-egos could make him so jealous? Hurr hurr...
Dark: Hot damn.
Light: What?
Dark: Do you not see that?
Light: See what? What am I supposed to see when I'm inside someone else's head? All I see is what he sees, and right now it's the back of his eyelids. Alright, now he's done blinking. What am I looking at?
Dark: How can you not see that?!
Light: See what?
Dark: That chick! Right there! The one talking to the fuzzy orange thing! Do you not see her?! How do you not see her?!
Light: Oh. That girl? Last time I knew, she wasn't of the poultry persuasion. Isn't she a human, rather than a 'chick'?
Dark: Wow.
Light: Are you amazed by this fact?
Dark: No, I'm just amazed at the realizations that not only are you a complete idiot, but I lack the ability to care for anything you just said. So, if you'll excuse me Mr.-Hoity-Toity, I'm gonna go back to staring at the hot chick. You can do….whatever it is you do. Debate the meaning of life, count how many numbers there are in infinity. I don't care.
Light: Do you know it's rude to stare?
Dark: Don't you know that I don't care?
Light: Do you know how she'll react when she realizes you're staring?
Dark: Do you know that you just broke my concentration?! Dammit, now I'll have to start all over again. Oh well, how…unfortunate. Hurr hurr.
Light: …And you call 'Daxter' the 'moron'.
Dark: Shut your damn pie hole so I can 'observe' this woman, in a manner of speaking. And for the record, Daxter is the moron. I'm just kind enough to put up with him.
Light: Yes, I've seen how kind you can be.
Dark: Dammit, stop talking! I am watching this woman from afar, and so help me, if you interrupt my concentration again, I will make you wish you'd never entered Jak's body. Crap, now she's looking this way.
Light: Yes well, now you're just confusing the poor boy. Now he isn't sure what to do. Or rather, I'm not! We're not! THE WHOLE UNIVERSE IS NOT! Take your pick.
Dark: That really isn't that hard to do. Just think of a long math equation and his head'll practically explode. Or just thinking about this girl and watch what happens. Dammit Jak, don't move your head, I'm looking at her!
Light: You've made his/our eye start twitching. Now, which girl are we staring at?
Dark: Who do you think?! There are two women here, and we're only looking at the one! That green-haired chick. Whatsername- woozah check out that redhead! She's just- Whoah, whoah, whoah. Who the hell is that guy?! He's walking toward the her–Jak! Do something! Get your gun! Shoot him! Better yet, let me at 'im! I can take 'im!
Light: Oh, Keira? I see now. And that's her father, smart one.
Dark: Yeah, well, I don't care who that guy is. I can still take him. Keira. Ah-ha, so the hot chick has a name. But now she's not looking toward us anymore. Man, what does she want us to do? Break out into song and dance? Why won't the hot chick look at me?!
Oh hell no.
Dark: Who the hell izzat?
Light: What?
Hell. No.
Dark: The hell? Light, what the hell have you done this time?
Light: Me? You're the one inappropriately ogling the poor girl!
Dark: I'm not ogling… I'm merely …appreciating the way she looks.
Light: Staring at her backside is not very appreciative, if you ask me.
Dark: Oh yeah? Well who asked ya? I ain't staring. I'm simply glancing around her general vicinity. Don't matter that her butt is right there, and you can't tell me you don't see it, 'cause I know we're seeing the same thing here. And I know that you're…appreciating the same thing.
Light: Well, maybe I was looking, but now I-
Dammit, stop looking at her like that!
Dark: I'mma ask once, and only once more, who the hell is that?!
Who do you think you perverted twit?!
Dark: Damn, Light. That hurts.
Light: I haven't done anything! Stop blaming me for everything!
Dark: World hunger and non-existent world peace is your fault, and always will be.
Light: My fault?! How is that my fault?! I'm not the one with horns and claws and the never-ending thirst for vengeance!
Dark: Stop judging me!
Look at her like that again and I swear I'm going to make you regret it.
Dark: Oh, threaten me all you want Glow-boy, but you ain't got nothin'. Nothing. So go be a pansy and make your daisy chains or…whatever.
Light: How dare you insult me! And I haven't even said anything! Besides, I bring peace and happiness to people, unlike you, who causes them to wet themselves in fear.
Dark: What are you, some fat guy that climbs down a chimney into peoples' homes? Nah, you just make people go 'Holy crap there's some glowing guy, what the hell have I been eatin'?' I, on the other head, can handle myself in a fight. All you can do is prance around and sparkle, and then you fly away. So go fly away Glow-Boy, and let me stare in peace.
Light: Excuse m-
Dark: Fly away, buddy boy, fly away.
Light: Well I-
Dark: Fly away damn you, fly away! Honestly, I feel bad for Jak because he has to put up with you and your goody-two-shoes-ness. Jak, for love of this chick, stop moving your head! No one cares that you have to tie your shoe or the fact that there's something on the ceiling! LOOK AT HER DAMMIT.
Light: You feel bad for Jak for having to put up with me? HA! I have to put up with you! And Casanova you're not!!
Dark: Oh please. Chicks dig me. Especially this one –you seen the way she looks at Jak and me? Pfft. Who loves you? That's right, no one. NO ONE. I have my own fan-club. You've got… wings and glitter. Woah-ho, living large ain't cha?
Light: Honestly, all you'll succeed in doing is scaring her off with your perverted sense and inability to form a coherent sentence without a curse, rude remark, or personal vendetta tie-in. So ha-ha brother. Ha-ha.
Dark: You callin' me a pervert? Have you heard the things that rat's said? Because I- DAMMIT, THAT RAT IS MAKING A MOVE ON HER!! JAK SHOOT IT!!!
Light: The 'rat' is intoxicated.
Dark: Do I look like I care? Actually, he just fell off the bar, so I feel a bit better. Ho-ho, he'll feel that in the mornin'.
Light: We're all so relieved. And I will admit, she is rather good-looking.
Dark: Hot damn, welcome to the dark side brother! Where life ain't too shabby and you get to look at this chick all day! Jak, don't you roll your eyes at me.
Stop looking at her like that.
Dark:Ah ha, so our visitor makes another appearance. Arrivederci buddy, now hit the road, or better yet, come on over to the dark side so you stare at this chick.
Light: Do you have any idea who you're talking to?
Dark: Not that I really care, buuut… Not a clue. But, I know that you're not bothered by him, so shut it. Weh-heh-hell, lookie-lookie who's lookin' in this direc-tion again. How you doin', chickie?
Again, hell no.
Dark: C'mon buddy, live a little. 'Sides, s'not like Jak's ever gonna figure out what's goin' on.
Light: He's more perceptive than you'd think. …I wonder why you haven't noticed yet…
Dark: Bud, his best friend's a talking rat. And he can't focus on this chick for more than ten seconds without practically hyperventilatin' or sumthin'. There are days I don't have high hopes for 'im. And he won't stop turning his head so that I can't see this chick! Hold still, dammit Jak.
Don't you look at her like that.
Dark: Can it bud, before I'm forced to take matters into my own hands. And trust me, that won't be pretty.
Light: Have you figured out who you are conversing with yet?
Dark: Conver-who? All I know is that this guy won't shut up and leave me in peace so that I may continue with my studying of this girl. You seen her lately? Damn, why haven't we spoken to her yet? Jak, say somethin', get her attention. Tying yer shoes and twitchin' don't count.
Light: You truly are an idiot.
Dark: Hey, at least I know how to live, rather than you, ya pansy. Seriously, look at her, and tell me she's not hot.
Light: Yes, yes, we all see that she is quite attractive, but can we not focus on something else for more than five milliseconds? Namely this other voice you've been talking to, but have yet to identify?
Dark: Oh-ho! So you do admit it! She is hot, and you've been holding back fer a while! Tell me, how would describe her…hmm, lessee, her hair?
No, no, no.
Light: Er, blue? Green? Colorful? …On her head? How am I supposed to describe it?
Dark: And yer gonna say that I have no romantic bone in my body? …So to speak. Jak, you keep your eyes on her and off the floor or I'm beating you upside the head. Don't you get all huffy and annoyed with the voices in your head. I can still take you, EVEN IN YOUR MIND. INTERNAL MIND DAMAGE SHALL BE INFLICTED, AND DAMMIT, I WILL WIN THIS WAR.
Light: Oh! I see how it is. I could be much more romantic than you even in your wildest dreams!
Dark: Yeah? Prove it!
Light: How so?
Stop it dammit! I said stop it!
Dark: Shut up random voice, no one cares what you think. As for you Mr. Sparkles, I have the ultimate test to prove your…romantic…ness. Ask her out, see what she says. If she says yes, well then, show her how manly you can make sparkles to be. And you will fail, I know it, 'cause being glittery just ain't too romantic.
Why won't you listen to me?!
Light: How do you expect me to ask her out?! If you haven't noticed, we're inside the recesses of Jak's mind! And while we've been 'chatting', we've also been driving the poor boy deeper into madness!
Dark: He'll live. Besides, it's not like we really care, eh?
Light: …Really.
Dark: Pfft, sure, whatever. We'll just make him ask her out. I doubt the chick'll say no, 'specially to moi. And Jak, duh. First we gotta think of something to say.
Do ya mind?!
Dark: I said can it buddy! But, you, ya Winged-Pansy, just make him do it! It's not like you can't take over and make him do it yourself either, ya know! Even though it'll, you know, probably scare her or something. I'll do it instead.
Light: Yes well, you see, unlike you, I'm not a fan of taking over Jak's mind and body. I'd rather sit back and allow Jak to make his own decisions, rather than the kamikaze actions you have planned. And stop calling me a pansy!
Dark: You are a pansy! Fine! I'll make him do it!
Would you both stop?! You'll do no such thing!!
Dark: Oh yeah? And just who do you think you are?!
Light: Dark…
Dark: C'mon bud, I can take you.
Light: Dark.
Dark: What? You afraid now? C'mon out random guy's voice, I can totally kick your as-
Light: DARK.
Dark: WHAT?! CAN'T YOU TELL I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A THREAT?!
Light: First of all, you're making his entire body twitch now. Second, now she's looking this way with a concerned look on her face. Thirdly and finally, have you taken a moment to think of just who you're talking to??
Dark: Damn, she's looking this way and I didn't even see it? COME ON. Ah well, we can just make up for it by goin' over there and grabbing 'er. Let's do it. She won't care. I saw her givin' us the look the other day. Hint hint, buddy boy. C'mon Jak, up-and-at-em. Got get 'er. AND DO IT NOW.
Light: The…look? Bah, you lack the ability to focus at all, don't you?
Dark: Nah, I can focus. Just depends on what I'm supposed to be focusing on. Take this girl for example. I could focus on that for a while.
Not on your life.
Dark: Yeah? And who do you think you- Oh. Crap.
Light: Hmm hmm hmm, who's laughing now?
Dark: Yeah, uh, h-hey…Hey Jak, what's up?
Light: I believe you've succeeded in causing him to be jealous, or, ah, what's the word… Ah yes. Genuinely mad that you've been checking out his girlfriend for the past half-hour, even if he was quite oblivious, for the most part.
Dark: Pssh. His girlfriend, my girlfriend. Bwah-ha chico! Betcha didn't see that comin' didya? Eh……..You don't think he really heard any of that, do you? Like the part about staring at her butt, or how hot she was, or how we were gonna grab her and….Er…
Light: Judging from how he's currently plotting your demise and how irritated he is at your many comments that should never be repeated, I'd say he's heard enough.
Dark: Pfft. Not like he doesn't agree, I've heard some of his thoughts, and mine were a bit tame compared to a few of the ones he had, ho-boy. Heh, ya can't kill me Jak! I am you! Ha ha….Just….Don't kill me.….Please?
I wouldn't bet on it.
Light: JAK! THE AWESOMELY HOT CHICK WITH HAIR CAME OVER! THINK OF SOMETHING! DO SOMETHING!! GRAB HER!! POKE HER!! DO SOMETHING!! QUICK!!!!
Thump.
Dark: Damn. I think we killed him.
A/N: And that ending could have been a bit better, but I felt like it was going on for too long. (Nearly three times the length of Javahna's…kinda sorta maybe. :o ) So, that's where it ended, with Dark finally figuring out that Jak could hear every word he'd spoken/thought. Every. Word.
Poor Keira, she has no idea what she's getting into, does she?
This is still based off of Javahna's idea with "Incoming!" Check it out, I tell you. Go read it now. NAOH. With my misspelling and everything.
There may still be more though, regarding Dark and Light's input on just about everything. And I mean everything. Name a cut-scene from any of the games from Jak II and up, and maybe I can work it out into some random ditty like this. Though hopefully it won't be as long. (Not so subtle are I? No, I is not. Not I is. Thank-you Yoda.)
:D