A/N: Hmm… another song that brought me to another story. I wanted to write something based upon this song but I couldn't find the right thing to write about… well I think I might have found it today after all… and I honestly don't know what you're gonna think… I think I've never tried to write story like this… you'll see… I had some help (Thank you Internet!) because of the dates – I didn't want to spoil the original timeline… some things were missing anyway so I tried to fill in the gaps. I'm actually nervous… :o)
I hope the story will be okay… I was just watching news channel on our TV and there were some disturbing news (the situation in Egypt for example... Mubarak's speech right now and you know...) and I just cannot stop thinking about the world out there in comparison to the world I know and you know… I'm just thinking too much about things I can do nothing about… so I hope it won't affect the story too much.
I don't want to disturb the story here so I will post more A/N in the last chapter along with the actual lyrics…. Might be good to read the A/N if you ask me… but it's of course up to you.
Timeline – Jack as a General is in Washington… so let's say 2005 :o)
Spoilers – Nothing particular but I'm not sure – so take it like as you should know the basics about the show till Jack's in DC… :o)
Disclaimer – as usually…. Nothing's mine and I mean no harm by writing this… you know, still the same stuff… just the simple idea of this story is mine
PLEASE COME BACK HOME
Evenings in Washington DC could be pretty. In this time of the year the air was usually warm but not hot and dry. The sunset could create amazing show for you to watch. People were different in here. They all looked proud to be living here, in the center of everything important.
Washington DC was one of those cities where everything was considered as possible. You could see a clown, marines, pilots, nurses, men in suits, women in costumes, politicians, and policemen, mothers with kids and young students and lovers, all of them walking in the city without being noticed. People here were so used to everything… and it was good. They respected each other but they were not trying to spy on you just because you were wearing some sort of uniform.
General Jack O'Neill was living there for a few months by now. The first one was rough. He had to start as the Head of Homeworld Security and he wasn't even sure what he was supposed to do. Suddenly he had a very big office, he had his driver, assistant, secretary and whole squad of people waiting for him to give them orders. He wasn't in charge of his own days anymore. Besides he had to learn how to live in a new house. And he didn't really like the house. It was a nice one though. One of those family houses with a garden and beautiful view, good surrounding. But he just couldn't feel like home there…
It took him one week to start with thinking about quitting and leaving. He knew the job was important. He could be useful to his friends and his people back in the SGC. He could actually take care of some unnecessary changes… and yet he felt lost. He was missing his friends, his family, his job, his house, even his quarters in the SGC… He just didn't want to go.
It was so abrupt that there was no goodbye party. And he was glad. Seeing all those people would most probably break him and tear him apart. He said them goodbye and be well while they were leaving for a mission and then… he was gone.
They were pretty angry about it… and he was not blaming them. Sam was the first one to tell him how angry she's been feeling and even a bit betrayed… she was the last one to forgive him… but she was most probably the only one that could understand him completely. She talked to guys… there would be time for payback later.
They called him. All of them. So many times… And many people from the base were asking about him and wishing him all good. They actually made a letter for him and they all signed it. They were telling him he would always be welcomed there and that they were grateful for the chance to serve with him.
Some of the new guys didn't get it… but the others explained things to them, sometimes calmly like civilized people and sometimes a bit … roughly with fists and swearing…
The first week was gone and he felt lonely. But he had a visitor. Cassie came to visit him, to see him. They had wonderful time together. And what more, she helped him to give this a chance. And he did exactly that. He gave it a chance.
After few other weeks he has fallen into the routine. He hated the bureaucracy and the paperwork, those false smiles and hands-shaking and all those lies and empty promises. But soon he learnt how to play this game. He knew that he couldn't fail his friends and his people.
Exchanging mails with Carter, Daniel and Teal'c was also helpful, besides Landry was trying to keep him informed about things not mentioned in the reports. O'Neill told him, more or less discretely, that this was how the base worked. Everything important for the program and for the future would always be in the reports, the personnel knew the duties and everything… and yet there was this unspoken rule of leaving out personal things and some aspects of all the missions.
Hammond knew about it and his people eventually learnt how to trust him and talk to him… the same worked for Jack. His people knew him, knew his history and he had his reputation… Landry would have to find the balance; he would have to be patient and understanding, yet firm. But he had Carter there and lots of other people that would try to help him. Because they knew that nothing was more valuable than CO that could trust you and that could be trusted. Implicitly.
Jack missed his old life… so much.
After the first months the routine was easier to go through, he could even enjoy some aspects of living in Washington DC… And yet he couldn't consider himself as happy. He used to be happy… in Springs.
The last meeting ended late. He was exhausted. He would have to walk or take a cab to get home today. He could understand the need of a driver easily… after all those meetings he was even more exhausted than after a rough mission or PX-whatever. However his driver's wife was having a baby. Simon, his driver, called earlier to ask for some personal leave and Jack told him to go to the hospital and to stay with his wife at least for a week. He could understand the excitement and everything…
The weather was so beautiful that he would probably walk. It was not that far… well maybe it was but he could use the exercise. Oh yeah, he gained some weight… no missions, no running, skipping, climbing, constant walking or getting away from traps and prisons… he had a desk job now. By one way it was more exhausting, on the other hand, it was … boring.
He loosened his tie and took of his jacket. He even dared to roll up his sleeves. He was USAF officer, yeah, he was the Head of the Homeworld Security, yeah… he should be taking care of his clothes and the way he appears in public… but right now he was just a tired man walking home, alone… he just didn't care about ruined uniform… Oh he missed his BDU sometimes…
He saw small coffee shop on the corner. He was sure that he has never walked around it before… he has never been walking through there… but yet… it looked familiar.
Then it hit him. This was the coffee shop where he had his first coffee after arriving to Washington DC in 1982. Oh that was so long ago!
He walked in there and ordered coffee-to-go. The place hasn't changed a bit. It brought up some old memories…
He found himself a bench in a park outside. And he sat down for a moment. He just wanted to enjoy the coffee. There was a note on the cup saying 'decaf because you look like you had more than enough already'. It was written on the cup along with a smiley face. Well the bartender was funny… he didn't even notice the difference. The coffee was good.
The last time he had coffee there was in 1982 when he took Sarah for a trip here, for a vacation. They had some rough time behind them and this was their attempt to fix it.
Sarah… he missed her even now. She was a good woman. She would always be there in his heart. They shared something deep. He knew that she's been living somewhere on the East Coast now, married and happy. And that was good.
They met in 1975 and he could still remember it. He just finished College. Oh yeah, he went to the College. He has always liked books and literature so studying the English literature and philosophy was a good choice. He was sure that both Daniel and Carter suspected this… but they never said it out loud. Silent agreement of some sort? Maybe. But Carter always had that mischievous smile on her face when this subject has been brought up.
It was late spring back then, pretty warm. He was visiting a friend in San Francisco. They went to one amazing restaurant… well they had only drinks, pies and cakes there… he fell in love with that place. And he met Sarah. She was working there.
She was beautiful and young, full of live, smiling all the time, looking all innocent and sweet. She was about to take their order when he dared to look into her eyes for the first time. And she forgot about the order and just walked away. Then she came back and asked about the order again. Jack was smiling at her, flirting with her, not quite knowing what he's been doing.
He asked her out after three days of ordering pies for breakfast and lunch… and dinners. And the date was sweet. They went to see a movie and they had dinner together. They were talking and laughing and flirting. Sarah fell in love with him back then, or at least she told him so after few years. He wasn't sure though.
They spent an amazing summer together, going for trips by car, walking hand in hand, enjoying small things together. They were dating and it was nice.
Jack was just afraid that things would end badly… he enlisted. He joined the Air Force. The whole world was fighting against crimes and totalitarian regimes, struggling for democracy and freedom. He couldn't just settle down in Frisco and have a normal life.
His two uncles died during the World War II and he felt like betraying them by sitting and waiting. He was full of energy and so enthusiastic. He couldn't just find himself a job as a teacher or something and stay in Frisco, building up a house with white picket fence or so.
It was Sunday, he remembered that. He was having a date with Sarah and things were getting pretty serious. He didn't want to hurt her…
So he told her.
Sarah ended up crying in his arms, begging him no to do that, pleading and asking. But he didn't change his mind. He couldn't. And he didn't want to. She didn't understand… he was surprised when she asked him to stay with her during the night. She told him she most probably loved him and then kissed him.
Jack could remember the overwhelming sensation of her confession. He stayed with her till the morning. Then he had to go. He was about to start a new life. The last thing she said was 'Just please make sure you come back home'.
He had several chances of going back home from the Academy. But he didn't take them. He used that time to get better. And before he knew it, he's been becoming one of the best pilots in the Unit. He was the best man in hand-to-hand combat. He could see many variable strategic plans every time. And his superiors knew that. They've noticed of course. He was their best.
During the next five years he's been training, learning and getting better. Yeah, those years seemed to be so damn long and yet… he couldn't tell where the time had disappeared. It all seemed like a small memory. He was one of the youngest rookies put in action from the base. His abilities made him special. And he was pretty damn proud about that.
He was part of non-existent unit of Special Forces. At first he didn't like it. He was being told how to kill, hurt, interrogate, paralyze… he had to learn how to disappear, how to survive in extreme conditions. He had to be able to stay awake for days. He didn't like that at all…
But then the first mission came.
He was supposed to leave for vacation after that one. He was still dating Sarah although they've seen each other about 20 times top during those five years. Every time she asked him again to stop with it and every time she told him to come back home to her. She was patient and caring, loving and understanding. Jack didn't know why the relationship survived but he was kind of glad. After the hard training it was nice to read a letter from his girlfriend or talk to her via phone. He loved her, in his own way, he knew. And maybe if being given more time, he would truly fall for her.
But the first mission came. Four weeks of learning and planning and then two days in the field. It was horrible actually. They were supposed to retrieve a prisoner in the Middle East. They were not told his history, purpose, or anything else. They just had the description, necessary intel and a mission to complete. And they wanted to do just that. Nothing more, nothing less.
During this mission he had to kill a man face to face for the first time. He was in shock, horrified and not really able to cope. But then they went to free the prisoner and take him to the US. And he saw those people there in the basement. He felt sick to the pit of his stomach. He knew about the torture and everything, of course, but seeing it like this? That was cruel and horrible and… disgusting.
And since then he knew that he would have to pay for every killed or injured man. He just knew. And yet he couldn't picture himself walking away. He was on team that could help people, save people, slowly step by step. He wouldn't just walk away.
Oh yeah, he was naïve back then. But he had his visions and ideas, he had his faith. He believed in better world. After coming back they all had to pass some psychological tests. Two of those five people failed and were never put into the field again. He was not among them.
He had his two weeks of vacation. And he was planning on spending them with Sarah in Frisco. He knew that his next mission would be in two months… and that he would be getting another week after that. That was the benefit of being … unwanted and yet very needed.
Sarah was waiting for him on the airport. She was so happy to see him. And he realized one important thing. Being able to be with this woman after a mission was even better than reading her letters. Maybe he would allow himself to love her and … change for her.
Now he was sitting on the bench in the middle of Washington DC, so many years later, looking around. He noticed a young couple walking nearby. Man in uniform and a young woman in pretty dress, smiling and not caring about the rest of the world.
Yeah, he could understand that. He knew that… he remembered. He used to be the same. Proud to be in the uniform, proud to have the perfect girl next to him…
They had a wonderful time together. He was so enjoying being alive and with a wonderful woman in his arms. Those happy days were not disturbed by a single thing. He put aside all his worries and fears. She had no idea about his secret operations and he was not planning on telling her. She knew that his assignment meant being on the base for long periods of time. She didn't like it and she tried to talk him out of it though.
He didn't give her a chance.
However he promised her that he would be back soon and for at least a week. He asked her to go with him for a trip then… just the two of them, alone, somewhere… and she agreed.
He couldn't tell what's been happening in his heart or soul… he was trying to focus on the career in the USAF and he didn't actually care about the rest. He was in love with Sarah, he knew that… but she would have to live with the fact that he was USAF officer no matter what.
They argued many times about this… Sarah wanted him to quit the army… and he wanted her to understand him.
Before leaving for his second mission, Sarah sent him a letter. It was in 1980, just before Christmas. He would never forget that. She told him she was pregnant with his child. She wrote that into a letter… and he couldn't believe it. He felt like the biggest idiot ever. But something deep inside of him was being happy… they were having a child. However… she just informed him about the fact, nothing more.
He was about to go and gear up in hour so he put these thoughts aside. The mission was a disaster. His team-mate was killed and they had to try really hard to save another one. That was actually the first man he has ever saved while being on the mission. That was the time when his attitude started. He would never ever leave a man behind, not after this. He knew the guy in troubles. And he was glad that their CO took the risk and saved the man's sorry ass.
He knew that he might die every time he would go out there and fight for his country and for the world's well-being. And he also knew that he was a good man… no matter what, he was no bastard. Or at least he thought so. He wanted to believe so.
He asked Sarah to marry him while being back home for that promised week. He actually got three because of the head injury and bruised ribs from the last mission.
He wanted to be romantic and all nice and kind so he took her for dinner and bought flowers, he gave her pretty ring and promised to love her and the child. He was more than surprised when she said no.
He chuckled now… yeah, all those years ago he tried to be the good guy, to do the right thing… and she said no. He was watching the life of DC and noticed the young officer again. He was on his knee, obviously proposing to his beautiful girlfriend. She squealed, giggled and kissed him… He was smiling. Yeah, happy young couple, in love. He envied them… so much.
He could still see Sarah running away from the restaurant back in 1980. He ran after her and saw her cry. She told him she would marry him in case he'd leave the USAF. But he couldn't do that… she agreed eventually but it was all just because of the baby. She would be taken care of in case something happened to him. And she was still pretty angry at him for being stubborn. But she loved him… and he promised her the fairy-tale-ish happy ending in the end. He just needed time.
In the end they even enjoyed their little honeymoon. Jack was going back to active duty as happy married man with understanding wife, loving, caring and knowing about his duties to his country.
Sarah's family was not actually happy about her choice. And they were even less happy about the rush wedding. But she was happy. She knew that Jack was a good man, somewhere deep inside. She was just struggling with the concept of his job description. Little she knew about the real life of Jack O'Neill in active duty, out there in the field.
Jack was sent into the Eastern Germany. Their task was to gather intel about several different locations and people. He was supposed to stay for two weeks out there. That was pretty long for his taste. And of course they had troubles and problems, the mission was not as good as his superiors were hoping for… In the end it was his ability to plan strategies that saved the whole team and allowed them to come home. But they've been there for more than a month!
That was awfully long…
After arriving back, he got one of the most horrible news of his entire life. Sarah was so stressed about him not coming back as he was supposed to, that she lost the child. She was back home, but in pretty bad shape.
Jack hated himself for leaving, for letting her be alone and get stressed. He was trapped between the woman he loved and the country he loved to serve. What was he supposed to do? Deep inside he knew… the final decision was pretty hard to make though.
He asked for some personal leave. And he got it. After this mission they all deserved it. He was also promoted, which was a surprise. And it came with a pay-raise and that was good as well.
It took them lots of talking and arguing before they managed to find a way. It was one of the hardest times of his life. He asked to be transferred. And he was. His life changed and he got used to it after few weeks. He was training junior officers; he was their mentor and teacher. He was still in active duty as a pilot but only for training, no abroad missions. That much Sarah knew.
She has never been told the rest of the story. In times when he was officially on the base for evaluations, he's actually been abroad, as a part of elite team. He stayed in the Special Forces. And he kept that information away from his wife. He had to. He loved her and he was hoping for some future with her. And yet he loved his country and wanted to help. By the end of 1980 his double life started. At first he was hard but then… he got used to it.
From that year he's been living two different lives. And he kept that as a secret from his wife. He was planning on quitting the Special Forces in several years… but not now.
Sarah knew that he has not been telling her everything. And he knew that she knew… but they have never brought that subject up.
And then he suggested the trip to Washington for the summer of 1982. They spent two months together, enjoying each other's company, making trips and not caring about the outside world. He allowed himself to happy back then. He was trying to imagine his new life with this amazing woman… and it was not so hard. It was actually easy…
And now he couldn't believe he had these memories. It was so long ago… before all the hell broke loose… it was before… everything.
He was sipping his now cold decaf-coffee as USAF General, as the Head of Homeworld Security. He loved Sarah back then, he loved her deeply. And he didn't care about the small gap always present between them with the label USAF. He was a happy man back then, with her and their naïve plans and ideas.
And now he was alone, a bit lost, doing desk job and pretending he has never lived through all those amazing things on the other side of the wormhole. There was a difference though. Now he had friends that shared it all with him. They knew some small pieces about his past, they knew about those years in SGC because they've been there with him… and it didn't feel like having two lives anymore.
There was just one thing missing. The woman he would be coming home to.
He put away the cup into the trash and resumed his walk home. He felt strange because of all those memories reaching surface again. But they were part of him… and he had to learn how to live with them ages ago.
A/N: all right people now you know the start… I see the word count now… I don't want to post this as one enormous story… so I will split it up into chapters, okay? It was supposed to be just one-shot but well... should be better this way. I know that right now it doesn't look like much… but I have the plot and the whole idea ready… And I would love to post it together but come on– 4500 words by now… So I picked this moment of Jack's life to stop… and the next part should be up pretty soon! And I know that actual conversations are missing but I hope it doesn't matter that much... you have the chance to tell me what you think and I can repost this chapter or make the second one in a completely different way... okay enough :oD