Disclaimer: This is set post-Fault, only Liv didn't go undercover. I have to say that I have never seen anything in my life that moved me as much as 'Fault' did. It made me fall even more in love with EO. Gives me goosebumps every time I see Elliot run to Livvy, hollering her name. You can tell in that instant how much he loves her. Warner's also got the best line I ever heard: ''Sometimes all that brooding intensity is just annoying.'' It was great. Anyway, this is the 13th story in The Songs of EO, and it features the song Back To You, by Anita Cochran. Anything that is someone else's isn't mine. R&R, ya'll.
Back To You
By Julia
I've been torn between of what you want
and what I need though I think
its the same thing if you look in my eyes
There's a burning fire inside
and I know you feel it too
But there's a road I'm on
I've been waiting for so long
But I'll be like the morning dew
back to you
He could still hear the pounding of his heart as he felt the cold steel of the gun on his neck. He could still remember the look of fear in his Livvy's eyes. It haunted him. He had nightmares about it every night. He rememebered coming in and seeing Liv's empty desk. It had torn his heart in two. He'd asked Munch and Fin where she was, and they didn't know. He hadn't seen her in 32 days. He missed her so much. They'd been trying to give him a new partner, but he kept insisting that Livvy was coming back. He had to believe that. It was the only thing that kept him going. Without that, and he wouldn't have had a reason to get out of bed in the morning.
Olivia could remember the tears filling El's eyes as he told her it was alright. Her breath had caught in her throat and tears had filled her own eyes. She also remembered the look in his eyes as he told her that he couldn't handle it if he wrecked his job and her. She had supposed to have been transferring. She'd been denied a new partner, because there was no one to give her. She'd ended up taking time off to decide what she wanted. They hadn't let her know about the transfer yet. It had been 32 days since Elliot had broken her heart. She thought about him every day. In that moment, facing each other while Gatano held his gun against El's head, they had known how much they'd loved each other. It had all been out in the open. She knew it had scared them both. She knew that's why Elliot had told her that they couldn't be partners anymore. She had never been more hurt in her life. It felt like a piece of her soul was missing.
When I reach my destiny
I can guarantee though the roads
may all be new one thing that is true
they'll be leading me
back to you
So if I take my time
If I spread my wings to fly
Oh the wind will carry me through
back to you
Olivia really wanted to call him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. She knew it would have to be her, 'cause she had been the one to ask for a new partner. But Elliot had been the one to break her heart into a million little pieces. She wasn't entirely sure that she could put herself in the position to be hurt again. Like Elliot had said, she couldn't take it.
Elliot looked at her empty desk for the 40th time that day. He hated not seeing her there. Munch watched him. It was sad, really. Elliot could feel tears prickling at his eyes, and quickly grabbed a tissue and acted as if he were blowing his nose and hurriedly wiped at his eyes. He had vowed that no one that didn't need to was going to see him cry. He didn't want people to know that he was still upset that his Livvy still wasn't back at work.
Fin was watching him, too. ''Why don' yo' just call 'er, Elliot? Yo' know that yo' want to.'' He knew he was going to be looked at like he was freak, but he couldn't take Elliot looking like a kid who was waiting for his mother to come back after having left him. It was very depressing.
Elliot and Munch both looked at Fin, in surprise. They hadn't mentioned Liv's leaving since it had happened. Everyone had been afraid to mention it. They weren't even sure what had happened, but they were afraid how Elliot was going to take it. He'd been very moony lately. Elliot snapped, ''I'm fine, Fin, I don't know what you're talking about.'' His reply made the entire squad room take notice.
Fin folded his arms as he leaned back in his chair. ''Yes yo' do. Yo' want to call Liv, I know yo' do. Yo've been crossin' off th' days since yo' last seen 'er pn the calendar, too. I seen yo'.''
Elliot shook his head. He'd barely admitted to himself how much he missed Livvy, he wasn't going to admit to Fin and show weakness. He knew that they knew, and that was bad enough. ''No, I'm FINE.'' He said, louder than he had originally intended.
Fin said, ''I'ma not goan to fight wit yo'. I know yo' missin' her. Look. One o' yo' is goan to have to make th' first move. Olivia's not goan to do it. Might as well be yo'.'' Having said his piece, he went back to work.
Elliot heard Cragen call his name, and went to see what he wanted, wishing that Fin had just let it go. ''What's up, Cap?'' He asked, as he entered the office, shutting the door behind him.
Cragen said, ''I wanted to tell you that IAB is after me to fill Liv's spot. I know you keep saying she's coming back. Well, call her and ask her when so I can tell them something.'' He knew that they loved each other, without having to be told what had happened with Gatano. This was his way of getting them to talk. He wanted them to work it out. Not only did he want Olivia to come back to work, but he was tired of seeing Elliot moping around the precinct.
Elliot wanted to ask why Cragen couldn't do that, but he guessed what his boss was trying to do. Besides, deep down, he really wanted to call Liv. He gave voice to one of his many worries. ''What if she doesn't answer?''
Cragen smiled at him. ''Just call until she does. You could always go and see her, too.'' He hoped he was doing the right thing. He just hated to see them hurting.
Elliot said, ''Well, I'll go now, 'cause I actually need to go home and sleep for awhile. I'll just go see Liv first.'' He left, to go grab his jacket and his keys.
His friends just watched him go, nodding their heads knowingly. Elliot rolled his eyes at them and headed out to the elevator. He was actually glad he'd decided to go to Liv's. 'cause he didn't want an audience for the conversation.
Olivia was just finishing up her lunch when there was a knock on her door. She groaned and got up to get it. She hoped it wasn't Elliot. She wasn't ready to see him just yet.
When I reach my destiny
I can guarantee though the roads
may all be new, one thing that is true,
they'll be leading me
back to you
Elliot was standing there when she opened the door. He looked miserable. There were dark circles under his eyes and his clothes looked rumpled. She had to think, that it heartened her a little to know he was as miserable as she was. ''Hey, Livvy.'' He said, breaking the silence.
Olivia stepped back to let him in, figuring it was better to have it out in her apartment, rather than in the hall. She was angry, though. '' 'Hey, Livvy'? That's all you have to say to me? After a fucking month?'' She wanted to slap him. He'd gotten her angry before, but never this angry.
Elliot said, ''Look, Liv, I'm sorry. I know it was my fault what happened. I just don't think I handled the fact that I'm in love with you that well.'' He couldn't believe those words had come out of his mouth.
Olivia's eyes filled with tears. Even though she knew he did, it was still a shock to hear him say it. It was hard to stay mad at him. She knew was going to have to, until she had said what she needed to say. ''Look, El, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to say that out loud, but it doesn't excuse what you said.'' She wanted to tell him he'd broken her heart, but she knew she'd cry for sure.
Elliot took her hands in his own. ''Liv, I'm so sorry.'' He couldn't keep the tears off his own face. ''I made a choice, and the reason scared me. I was angry at myself because of what happened, not you. And I know you love me, too. I saw it in your eyes that night.''
Olivia couldn't hold the tears back after he said that. ''And I knew you loved me, too.'' She said, a little breathless.
Elliot kissed her cheek, tasting the salt of her tears. ''Let's not wait anymore. Let's just forget about the last month. I just want to be with you. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'll never do it again. Just let me love you.''
Olivia met Elliot's mouth with her own, and it tasted salty with the mixture of both of their tears. She had never thought that things would turn out this way. She was glad that they had found their way back to each other.
Don't worry 'bout the distance
that's keepin' us apart
the candle keeps on burning
trust me with your heart
When I reach my destiny
I can guarantee though the roads
may all be new, one thing that is true,
they'll be leading me
back to you
Author's note: I lied about the song. I had hit a writer's block with The Songs of EO until I saw Fault. I had to write this. The muse took hold and wouldn't let go. Hope ya'll liked it!