A/N: Don't own Harry Potter. If I did, it wouldn't be a kids book. Hahahahhaah. I'll stop now.

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It was lunch time in the Great Hall. As usual, students were stuffing their faces and talking away. Two students, however, abruptly stopped eating when they noticed something.

"Ron... where's Harry?" Hermione asked, putting down her ham sandwich.

"Err... Ifink ehwasit 'na." Ron said through a mouthful of chips.

"You what your what?" Ginny asked, from across the table.

Ron swallowed and opened his mouth to say something else, when there was a commotion outside the Great Hall.

"Hey... what's.." Dean Thomas said, craning his neck to look, but his unfinished question was answered when Harry appeared in the doorway of the Great Hall.

He was holding a red and white bag.

"CHICK- CHICK- CHICK- CHIKAN!" Harry yelled, putting one hand up to his mouth to help his voice echo around the room.

"CHICK- CHICK- CHICK- CHICK- CHICKAAAAAN!" He yelled once again.

Everyone in the Hall was whispering by now, and some where giggling.

Ron and Hermione were wondering what the hell was going on with Harry.

"CHICK-CHIKAAAAAN!" Harry called again, and then frowned. He turned his head to the side and whispered something to someone who was obviously right outside the door. They must have whispered something encouraging back, for Harry looked confidant once more.

This time, Harry reached into the bag and pulled out a gigantic bucket. Hermione had to look at it for a good while until she recognized it was a bucket of chicken.

Kentucky Fried Chicken, to be precise.

Harry pried off the lid, and the magical delicious smell of fried chicken wafted through the air. He rummaged through the bucket for only a second, before he pulled out a biscuit.

Harry looked to the side again, and then raised the biscuit again.

"CHICK- CHICK- CHIKAA..." Harry started to call again, but was abruptly cut off.

In all the chaos, no one had seen the figure sneaking sneakily along the wall towards Harry and his delicious treat. The figure moved notably faster as Harry raised the biscuit, and then he leaped.

Harry gave a slightly startled yelp as Severus Snape leaped at him, his mouth wide open.

Snape had been aiming for the biscuit, but he had gotten most of it smushed in Harry's hand.

Ron and Hermione, and a few others, stood up to help save Harry from Snape's wrath, but soon came to realize there was nothing wrathful about Snape at the moment.

Snape grabbed Harry's wrist and ate the biscuit from it. Harry giggled in a decidedly unmanly way as Snape began to lick his hand.

Finally Snape was satisfied.

Snape sat up, still pinning Harry down by one of his legs. He fixed Harry with a steely stare, not even looking at the bucket of chicken Harry was cradling to his chest.

"Gimme." Was all he said, but it held a strict tone of command.

Harry handed the bucket over. Snape ripped off the top and flung it away, before diving into the bucket and pulling out a leg. He started munching almost contentedly. Harry moved to get his leg free, and Snape sat down placidly on the floor with his legs crossed and the bucket in his lap.

Harry turned back to the Hall door as he was sitting sprawled on his bum, and gave someone a thumbs up.

Luna Lovegood, eating a container of mashed potatoes smothered in gravy, waved him off and went away, probably to hunt for some Snorkacks or maybe a few Bluggy Eyed Himperdinks. Everyone knows Bluggy Eyed Himperkinks love mashed potatoes.

Harry meanwhile gave a contented sigh, and stood up and behind Snape. He then hooked his hands under Snape's armpits and started to drag him away. Snape didn't care apparently. He just continued eating his chicken.

A trail of meatless chicken bones followed in their wake.

"Er... what the hell was that?" Ron said, a few moments later.

"Don't you know?"

Everyone jumped, turning around, and Ron gave out a decidedly unmanly scream.

"How did you..." Seamus Finnegan said, pointing towards the Hall door, and Luna Lovegood, who had mysteriously appeared behind them.

"The Bluggy Eyed Himperdinks told me how to travel using inter-dimensional portal-door-hole-thingies."

"Portal-door-hole-thingies?" Hermione mouthed, to no one in particular.

"Yes." Said Luna. "Portal-door-hole-thingies. And that IS the technical term."

"So... why did Snape just attack Harry and er... lick his hand.. for a biscuit and a bucket of chicken?" Neville asked.

"Snape's got the mysterious blood of a long forgotten nameless creature of undetermineable origin in his nose."

"No wonder it's so large..." Someone whispered from the end of the table. Apparently the whole Hall was listening to them, big surprise.

"Well you know what they say," Luna said. "Large nose... large hands. Anyways, the deal is if Harry offered Professor Snape the exact food that makes his extra sensitive nose sensory cell-thingies, again a technical term, tingle..."

"He can make Snape his slave?" Ron said, hopefully.

"He can make Snape tell him the ancient secrets of his peoples?" Hermione said, interested.

"He can make Professor Snape into a crossdresser who periodically dons high heels and starts singing broadway tunes during dinner?" Colin chimed in excitedly.

Everyone turned to give the hyper blonde boy a look.

"I just thought Snape would look good in hose... tha's all..." Colin said quietly. People threw chips at his head.

"No actually, giving Professor Snape the exact food that makes his nose sensory cell-thingies tingle, and Snape accepting, means Harry gets to take Snape down to Snape's rooms and have his wicked way with him, after which they'll be married in every sence of the way, and then maybe one day Professor Snape will find a way to make babies in test tubes and they'll have glaring, big nosed, greasy, wild haired, green eyed babies running around Hogwarts." Luna said, squeezing her hands to her chest and almost beaming with rapture.

"WHAT?" The whole of Hogwarts cried, collectively.

"I know! Awesome, isn't it?" Luna said. "And all I asked for in return for helping Harry was a naked picture of Ronald!" She said, whipping out the picture, which was about four feet by three feet and showed Ron naked and singing in the shower.

Ron screamed his rather unmanly scream once more, and tried to launch himself across the table to grab the picture, but Luna had already dissapeared into a Portal-door-hole-thingy.

He landed face first in a pile of chips, which was actually Colin Creevy under a pile of chips, and some sort of hilarity ensued henceforth.