A/N: I STUPIDLY subjected myself to torture, by watching the promo of THE DOCTOR IN THE PHOTO… AGAIN! I couldn't help it, it was like a compulsion, and it hurt all over again to see that earth-shattering look on Bren's face. I felt my heart crush with hers. I couldn't help the words "I HATE YOU" escaping my mouth… did anyone else get that emotional or irrational during that scene? It helps someone when they know they are NOT alone! Anyways… I HAD to write another one, to satisfy my breaking heart…
Brennan felt humiliated.
How could she have laid her heart on the line like that, just to have Booth stomp on it. He hadn't even been a gentleman about his words; they had been blunt and callous. Hannah is NOT a consolation prize. I love her… at least when she had rejected him her expression was open, she was tearful, she was sorry she had hurt him. Booth was cold and there was no emotion about the way he had delivered the words.
Brennan missed Booth, not the man he was with Hannah, but the man he used to be before all that. Before Afghanistan, before the Maluku Islands, before hell had entered the life of Dr. Temperance Brennan. She regretted telling him. Maybe it would have been better had she kept it to herself. But her heart worked before her heart in this instance, and now she couldn't take it back, nor could she erase the memory of what Booth had said in return.
Her fingers typed away at the keyboard, doing the only thing she could think of to erase what had happened. In her latest book, she punched the keys rapidly…
Ryan lay on the ground, blood oozing from the hole in his chest. Tempe stared down at him, her eyes wide and horror filled. "Hold on, Ryan…" she urged. "Don't you dare die on me…"
Brennan was suddenly struck with a memory, a pain in her chest, as she recalled the event in the Karaoke bar, where he was shot by the crazy stalker. As she had laid a hand on his chest with pressure, watching him slip away, she had felt a pain like no other - a fear of losing him. Now, as the memory reared its ugly head, and she typed aimlessly to kill off the character that had been inspired by him, she thought about it again.
Was killing off his character, really going to make her feel better?
Doubtful.
The pain in her heart, the empty hole in her chest, seemed to widen.
How did she fix this? The evidence had all been laid out on the table, and the jury had come back with the verdict. Guilty. Brennan was guilty for never having told him previous, she was guilty of expressing her emotions when the time had passed, she was guilty of loving a man who no longer loved her back, and now she was sentenced to life of agonizing pain, just knowing that she couldn't change what had happened.
A knock on the door, stirred her from her thoughts.
Mechanically, she stood from the desk chair and walked out through the office door towards the front entrance of the house. Her appearance was sloppy to say the least. Her hair was unbrushed, her clothes daggy and unkempt. Brennan looked like she hadn't slept in weeks.
She pulled the door open.
"Hi," he responded.
She blinked. It was Booth, but she was unable to register him as she had before, now he was just a man on her front steps, he was not her partner, he was not her friend, and he was by no means her lover.
"Bones, aren't you gonna let me in?" a caution in his voice.
Something snapped in her then, a determination, a force, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Her reply was cold, as cold as he had been to her in the car only hours ago. "DON'T call me that," she stated matter-of-factly.
"I didn't mean-"
"What do you want, Booth?" she demanded.
Just standing in front of him now hurt like hell. The words crossing her mind, like a haunting ghost Hannah is not a consolation prize… I love her.
"I came to see if you were alright?" he admitted, he left out the part where he had paced the floor of his kitchen tiles trying desperately to figure out his next move. What did he do? What was he supposed to do? He loved Hannah… he did, didn't he? He had convinced himself of that, had had told himself that she'd make him happy, that his love for Brennan would only end in heartache. At least he was right about that, but what surprised him was the heartache that it had left her in.
The devastation in her expression, the tears that had streamed endlessly down her beautiful face, he had been the cause of that, and he felt like the absolute bottom of the barrel, so to speak. He wouldn't regain a peace of mind, until he was sure that she was alright.
"I'm fine," she nodded coolly.
He could see the walls around her emotions slowly breaking down, and he took a step forward.
"You can go now," she told him, a little less anger in her tone.
Peace by peace he was finding his way back into her heart.
"I think I should say," he whispered.
He took another step.
Brennan struggled to breathe, her heart eradicating against the walls of her chest, her stomach filling with flip-flop action. She took a step back, and another and another, in time with every one that he took forward, until she was pressed against the loungeroom wall, with no escape.
All that was left to do was look down at her feet.
"Hannah was never a consolation prize, Bones, but you were never second to her either…" he confessed as he lifted a finger to his chin, lifting her gaze to meet his eyes. "I did everything humanly possible to stop from loving you. I even found a woman who was a good person, and who I cared about, but time, distance and another couldn't break down my wall to you, Bones… you were my everything, you are my everything."
Brennan felt a smile crept its way onto her lips.
"You didn't miss your chance, Bones… I was just a little shocked. I was overwhelmed… everything you said, I used to dream about you saying, and when you did, I just- I didn't know how to take it, Bones. I didn't know how to make it real."
"I don't know what that means," she said naively.
He smiled. He had missed her, and everything that came with her.
In one swift move, he titled her chin back, and leaned in, pressing his lips to hers. His arms encircled her waist, and he felt her hands move through his hair.
"It means," he whispered. "I ended it with Hannah, and I'm here with you, where I belong… and where I'll always be. Protecting you, needing you, wanting you…"
Brennan laughed softly and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling his mouth down on hers.
Ahhhhhhh, I feel better now. =)
B&B love will do that to do… =) NOW… who else shares my irrational "I HATE YOU" or similar outbursts when it comes to emotional drama on TV. Yes, you can think I'm weird. You have been given a glimpse into the inner workings of my twisted mind.
Your turn to share yours… if you will… =)