A/N: First attempt at NCIS fanfiction, and I honestly have no idea how I went. This is set mid-season 4 I would think, but pretty much anywhere after Hiatus.
Looking back, how many times has he been in Abby's position during the night she spent under his protective custody? Him being the one blind drunk, and someone there taking care of him…The truth? Probably not a lot. The being drunk part, sure. It was the lack of a second person that truthfully hindered his steep recovery process. Because when you're drunk and no one is there to push you in the right direction, of course you stumble in the wrong one.
Which he did for God only knows how many weeks or months, but when someone came along to save him, he did slow down.
"It's not my fault, is it?" Abby says.
(It's not my fault, is it?)
"Maybe it is," he replies.
(Maybe it is Gunny, maybe it is.)
And truth being told, those words did not help him feel better, but Mike Franks' sure foot up his ass did. In a way.
"They're dead. Shannon and Kelly. They're both dead."
Words spoken from a hospital room only echoed the same phrase spoken too many years before.
"I know, Gunny."
So yeah, he has done what Abby did (but didn't understand) when it becomes too much. And maybe that is every night or so (but not to an extreme) while he works on that Goddamn third or fourth boat. But there is a reason.
The reason that just because time passes, that doesn't mean that it still doesn't hurt. Putting up a front for as long as he has been gets tiring, and after all, it's worked.
No one on the team knows about Shannon and Kelly (save Ziva of course)
And he wants to keep it that way.
Why?
Because the less people know, the less he has to dwell upon it.
Or so he thinks.
He doesn't know any different, as he's never tried. Any why would he? It's so much easier to be a hard-ass bastard than to show your feelings and pretend you ever cared.
And most importantly, it's easier to drink away you troubles than to face them.
It's not that he didn't try though, because he did. He went to the sessions (payed for in marine benefits) and he put on a good face.
That was until he realised that it was total, utter bullshit. Once a marine, always a marine. Do it the marine way. Work harder and live on the way that he would have wanted them to do if the situation was reversed.
Fuck that touchy-feely crap, he'd get over this the way that he knew how.
He got through it in the end after all, with a few bumps and bruises, so to speak. Yeah, he might have hit the end of the line and one point, tottering precariously on the edge of that metaphorical cliff, but he made it.
So how many times has he been in Abby's position that night? Too many to count, and too many more to come.
A/N I really love the Gibbs character since he has such a complicated past to work with, not to mention the relationships held between the other characters. There's a fine line between him being too emotional in fics though, and one that I have attempted not to cross.
R&R please 3