My name is Uchiha Raven. My life has been unsettling and will make your stomach churn. I have seen what many never wish to see. I have kept secrets worthy of being untold for eternity.

This book tells the tale of my life.

I have to warn all, the memoir will haunt you until death. You can read at your own risk.

If you dare see love and hate, life and death, the building of hope and faith and its destruction, flowers and blood, laughs and tears, enter my life. See my depression.

Dare see the rise of Uchiha Raven and her downfall. Dare see- REALITY.

I remember, still, the days of laughter and fun. My best friend at that time was Uchiha Sasuke, my brother. The days at the compound, though filled with rigorous training, held a certain light. The light that made all mistakes small. Until that night-

I remember the day of my fourth birthday. Everyone bought me things that didn't seem right. That was the first day that fate chose to make me suffer.

There was red, black, white, and purple (my favorite color) balloons hanging around the entire house. Itachi-Nissan's teammates came, his sensei too. Sasuke- otouto-san brought Uzumaki-san. I'm not really older than him, we're twins. It's just that I was born exactly six minutes before him.

My whole clan came, that was a first. Like Sasuke, I was hidden in Itachi's shadow. I didn't like it…but what could I have done? I was four at the time!

They put funny music on that we danced around to. I twirled in my birthday dress- the one with peach colored petals falling down my right side. I had white slippers to match the mainly white dress.

To this day, it is a tradition in many clans and, though not law, is often shown. Females that are not training or aren't ninja usually wear the slippers. They can be used in fighting- but everyone uses the regular shinobi sandals.

Unlike my little brother, I was given shinobi tools. If only back then I had known what it had meant. Since that ripe age of four I had a range of weapons, scrolls, tags, pouches, pills, anything that's everything dealing with the life of a ninja was in my grasp.

But I was so young! What did I want but to be playing outside with friends! Such I did not get.

My brother did though; he got all that was on his list. He got games and clothes, money and fancy toys and so much kiddy stuff. I got the life of a warrior thrown at me.

At that time I grew jealous of him. He got what he wanted; why couldn't I?!

I did get one thing…one thing that I still own to this day. It's a drawing that Sasuke made me. I gave him one too.

He didn't like loud noises back then too. So he left early from the party to go to the clan lake.

He sat there alone; even Naruto-san wasn't there. His charcoal eyes just stared at his reflection. His spiky hair moved in the wind. When he was like that was when he needed me most. That meant he had a run-in with dad.

Now, you see, my father wasn't the best. Don't get me wrong…we weren't abused to deadly or scarring extent. It's just that we were measured by our talents. The more we had the higher respect our father had for us. That's why we were always put against Itachi. That's why he always was the best.

He didn't like it. He loathed being the top of the clan. The genius, the most ungodly person to have the intelligence, the comprehension skills, the strength, the wisdom, and the compassion of a god. Sasuke and I believed that he was just amazing and had super cool skills. We didn't think that he could out-beat the first Uchiha.

Father always wanted Sasuke to become the best. He trained him in tai-jutsu…the only thing he can teach him before he enters the Academy. I guess Dad said something that had left him feeling down. So I confront him; I never left him alone when he is sad.

"Sasuke-otouto-san? Daijoobu-desu-ka? (Are you alright?) It is our birthday and here you are alone and depressed. Come in and laugh- even Itachi bears a smile today!" I try smiling and getting him to come. I tug on his shirt a little gaining his attention.

Sighing he answers me. "Kibun-ga warui-desu (I am not feeling well.)…I didn't want to be compared to Itachi. Father tried teaching me a sweep kick that you can use in battle for a combo that you jump and give a roundhouse kick to you opponent. In his eyes I have failed miserably. I just wish he could be glad that I at least understand his instructions. Nii-san says that he only went by demonstration because he couldn't understand. Why aren't you being trained, Sister?"

I didn't know back then either. I was only with Mother. She taught me the way a woman behaves and what they do for her husband. I was taught everything in the ways of housing and cleaning and raising children. But never once was I trained in the ways of a ninja. Then why had I gotten so many weapons? My confusion was most probably seen. I always scrunched up my face and raised an eyebrow. It was a habit I had gotten from Mother when I was confused.

"Shiri-masen (I don't know). I got a lot of weapons today. So I think I might be starting the training. But unlike you- I was trained in a different way. I know a lot more than you do! Ha Ha Ha!" I ran away knowing that he would get mad at me mocking him.

He caught up to me easily, so I tripped him to get away. I had no idea that the clan was watching us.

"That's it Raven. This is war." He took out shuriken and held it in his hands.

"Hey! That's not fair. I don't have any weapons!" I complained, but not for long because he threw them at me.

Normally I wouldn't be scared of them. But he's been training a little bit more now with hitting moving targets. So yes, I was frightened.

I was able to dodge them; they didn't even get close to me. So I ran and picked them up…I needed some defense too.

I never trained with them…but it they are anything like throwing chopsticks or knives around the kitchen then it should be easy.

Sasuke was coming in fast so I quickly threw them aiming at his shoulder. Two missed and one skimmed him.

Immediately afterwards I sprinted off and jumped up on a tree. I had thrown my slippers off at the lake. I got to the fourth branch before my brother even got to the tree.

"Hey! You're cheating! You know that I am afraid of heights! Raven!" he was throwing a tantrum below me.

"Well, if you want to be a super ninja than you have to not be afraid. But I need to go potty- so I am coming down, okay?" He nodded.

I should have known better than to get up so high. It takes a long while to get back down. But I should have known better than to not wait for some one with reflexes to come and help me down. Going down the third branch my foot slipped off and I couldn't grab on to anything fast enough.

I came down hard and to my side. I had broken my wrist trying to do a handspring without proper training. I had seen Nii-san do it. I wanted to too.

I ended up tumbling away and into the muddy swamp area around the lake. Luckily I wasn't seriously injured. But my wrist still hurt a lot.

I got up and looked at myself in the lake. I was like a monster with that entire brown gunk in my hair. My dress was torn up and a little bit of blood dripping down head from hitting a rock. I was ugly I had decided. I had tears enter my eyes.

"Onee-san! Daijoobu-desu-ka? (Are you alright?)Did you break anything? I'm sorry I didn't go get help when you were in the tree." I turn to face him and I had small tears running down my entire face leave trails down my dirty cheeks.

He hugged me- completely forgetting the mud and grime that was on me. I didn't know that the clan was watching me- waiting for me to make a move and see if I am worthy of ninja training.

I hugged him back and started laughing. He tensed up when I started laughing a lot. Then I threw him in to the lake. He came out and rolled into the mud panting for the precious air he lacked when he gasped in surprise at my actions. He looked a lot worse than I did. I got up, ran away, and entered the house again.

"Father, may I speak to you?" I asked. He liked being treated with respect.

"Yes Raven. What is it?" He didn't even look at me…but I knew he knew that I knew that he knew something was wrong.

"I was outside playing around and I fell off a tree and hurt my wrist. I think I may have broken it." I said it calmly.

To tell you the truth, it didn't hurt a lot. It stung, yes…but hurt? No, not really. In fact, it didn't hurt until the day that I had to go to the doctor to get a cast and they made me move it around a lot to see what they needed to do.

My wrist was in a cast for over a month.

Mind you- not being able to move your hand, touch water, play, train, or do anything with both hands makes life very dull.

On October 10th (Naruto's birthday) I had started my training.

It was nothing like I ever thought it would be. I had heard stories from Sasuke- otouto and Itachi-Nii. But I never would have imagined it to be this easy.

I didn't understand why Sasuke complained about how he said it.

Father's instructions were clear. His demonstrations were precise. His praise was appreciated and his scolding was needed.

I didn't understand their confusion.

I should have known that it meant I was going to be tested more than the others. Pushed more than them and stressed out more than them.

I should have told myself to slack- it would have done me better I assume.

"Duck and swing left. Then roll forward and into a handspring. While in the air flip and kick down. That's a combo for training purposes only. It will help increase you speed, endurance, and precision."

Father made it sound so easy. I did exactly what he wanted me to do.

I was still having problems with the handspring. My fear of another break made it so. This is when I learned how to become a lefty. I had been told that my right hand will never be the same. SO I started working with my left to make sure that it will properly heal and just to take precaution.

"Why did you stop? You skipped an entire step! Redo it; this time do not forget the handspring flip." He barked the order.

"I fear another injury that will hinder my training father." I admit to him. His face red with anger.

"Injuries are in inevitable. In battle you will either die, kill, get injured, or leave your comrades to your battle. Show no cowardice. It will be your downfall."

So again I do as I am told. I do not fear anything anymore. Fear- a useless emotion to an Uchiha. Uchiha do not fear anything. We are fearless.

And it disappeared. I am stronger in the ninja world…weaker in my being. The day quickly came to an end and my left hand now my dominant hand.

Entering my home- I go to help my mother prepare dinner for the family.

"Good evening, Mother. May I help you prepare for dinner?"

"Good evening, my bird. Yes you may. Please set the table and cut the carrots." I nod and start doing as ordered.

Little conversation passed between us two. She usually spoke to me and asked about my day. How did my training go?

"Training went well Mother."

"Really? Well, that just means you'll be entering the academy soon." A smile appeared on her face. It wasn't the usually one.

"Don't add that plate. Itachi-san won't be joining us. He has another mission to attend. He will be gone the remainder of the week."

He was always gone. So it was no real problem to just extract the plate. But it hurt. Deep inside it hurt to know that he was always gone. I missed him I guess.

"I learned how to not fear anything today, Mother. I don't fear anymore. I can become a better ninja."

She stopped. No movement, no breathing…no life in her eyes. What had I said that forced this unto her?

-SLAP!-

She slapped me. I had never been slapped before. Emotionally abused, spiritually abused, mentally abused, lonely….I was many things in this family….but not slapped.

"Don't you ever let you father do that to you. Do not allow yourself to lose another emotion. Do whatever it takes to gain it back. I will not have you empty!

I want you human. I don't care what you do with your life. Become a whore, become a model, become a medic, or become a renowned ninja…but you stay human. Do not tell me you have given that piece of you away for possessions that will not matter after death!

You will not become whatever your father wants you to. You will stay human. He may want you to think that it is for the better of the clan, or that it will better you in this clan- in his eyes- but they are only lies that he wants to paint to you!

He wants you to become a tool. That's all a ninja truly is. You will be a tool to your father…be the demise of those you love if you let him do what he wants with you."

"Don't you let him get to you!"

I couldn't harm my mother any more than I had already, but I couldn't disobey my father either. So I was stuck in a self-caused predicament. There were little, if any, paths to leaving this problem.

But…things happen. In a few years I would go against the promise I had made my mother. I would lose another emotion. But you could blame that on its own being…on the creation of emotions. Blame it all on someone else. Not on me.

"I promise Mother. I will not be a tool."

"Good. Now finish preparing. We don't want your father to know about this conversation."