Title: The Wall Street Journal Ate My Brain!
Author: vashsunglasses
Rating: K+
Fandom: Ninja Turtles
Disclaimer: The TMNT belong to Mirage. The book "Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" was written by the Friels. What belongs to me is the plot line… and that's pretty much it.
Summary: "Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" One-Shot. Raphael and economic theory make strange bedfellows.
Important Note: I highly recommend reading my story "Secrets of Dysfunctional Families" before you read this. Otherwise you'll be left scratching your heads, wondering why everything is so strange…
Three Months After Splinter Left
The Wall Street Journal was almost single handedly dismantling everything he thought he knew about money, business, and the way the world works. And that wasn't even going into the paradigm shift he could feel on the horizon every time he read his new weekly subscription to The Economist.
The worst part was that it was also really starting to grow on him. It was kind of fun to watch the news and understand what it really meant when interest rates were lowered. "You see," he said to his captive audience, "When they say that interest rates were raised or lowered, what they really mean is the Federal Discount Rate of interest, which is the interest charged to banks who borrow money from the Federal Bank. Since all banks are required to begin each business day with at least 10 of their holdings in actual cash in their vaults, and since banks make money by investing the rest of the money they hold for others in short or long term bonds, banks usually keep the liquid amount of cash in the vault at very close to the 10 minimum. And if too much cash is withdrawn from the bank, the bank is forced to either borrow cash from another bank at a markup, or borrow from the Federal bank at the Federal Discount Rate also known as the Fed Funds…"
"Yeah, ok Raph." Mikey said slowly as he tried to keep his eyes opened from the boredom creeping up on him.
Raph leaned forward, "Don't you see! It all trickles down until, ultimately, all interest rates are affected by the 'Fed Funds' rate!"
Mikey blinked his eyes, bewildered, "Um, I don't really get what you're saying, dude."
Raph grabbed Mikey by the shoulders and shouted, "Everything is connected! The Invisible Hand controls ALL!"
And that was when Mikey decided that it was time to excuse himself from the conversation before his brother got any more insane than he already was…
"Dudes," Mikey said to Leo and Don as they sat around the kitchen table, "I think Raph's lost it."
Leo snorted, "You're only just now noticing that?"
Don snickered while Mikey shook his head dismissively and said, "Not that. Something different. I was talking to him earlier and he just started ranting about how some Ghost Hand is controlling everything…"
Don raised his eyebrow thoughtfully, "Um, Mikey? Could it have been an "Invisible Hand" that he spoke of?"
Leo leaned back in his chair and prepared himself as best he could for Donatello lecture mode.
"Yeah! That's it, Invisible Hand!" Mikey said.
"Mikey, Invisible Hand refers to the theory that, if left to run itself without outside government interference, the market will govern itself." Donny said. "It sounds to me like Raph is actually learning quite a lot about economics. I'm really surprised that he picked up so much of it so fast though… Perhaps we have underestimated him on the intelligence front."
Raph popped his head into the kitchen, from where he had been eavesdropping on the conversation, "It's nice to know you guys think I'm crazy and stupid," he said sardonically. "It really warms my heart, you know?"
Leo's chair hit the floor with a thud from where he had been leaning it back, Don's jaw dropped, and Mikey gave out a shrill screech.
Then Raph smiled pleasantly, and they all sighed with relief, "Naw, I'm just kiddin' bros. I know you don't think I'm stupid, Don-san. And Mikey, thanks for being concerned for me. But Leo, you make another comment like you just did and I'm going to knock the crap out of you."
Leo stood up and slowly bowed to a rather flabbergasted Raphael, "Shitsurei shimashita, Raphael-san. Please forgive me for my rudeness. You have more than proved your maturity lately with your actions, and it was wrong of me to continue to mock you."
Raphael bowed back, "Dou itashimashite, Leonardo-san. You don't have to apologize to me." They both straightened up and stared each other in the eye for a moment before coming together in a hug. Raph whispered almost silently into his older brother's ear, "But I'm still gunna kick your ass if you do it again."
Note: I love economics and have a subscription to "The Economist", which is pretty much the best information magazine ever created. It talks about economics (duh!), and news, and business, and accounting, and politics… And it's read by world leaders. The "Letters to the Editor" section reads like a who's who of world politics with everyone from ambassadors to UN officials to governors and kings and presidents, writing in. (It's also easy to read, my grandma reads it after I'm done and she loves it.)
I give a huge hug to anyone who laughs at my economics references… And a consolation pat to anyone who was confused.