"Peeta"
"Peeta"
"Peeta"
I scream over and over again. Always Searching. Never Finding. I keep running on through the pitch black forest but I keep stumbling on rocks and tree roots. Every time I fall a new kind of pain rips through me and every time I take a step closer to him he takes two steps away from me. This, I am pretty sure, is the worst kind of nightmare. The kind where you know it will never end and you start to think that you will never wake up, never stop the pain.
I wake up.
I am being rocked forwards and backwards, something is wrapped around me, holding me to the bed, keeping me from running. For a horrible moment I think I have fallen into another terrible nightmare but then, as my senses grow accustomed the darkness I realise that the thing restraining me is Peeta. I stop struggling.
His arms hold me closer to him. "Katniss" He murmurs into my ear, his voice cracking slightly when he says my name. It sounds like he is speaking more to himself than to me. "Oh Katniss" he pauses "I'm so sorry, it was only a nightmare, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. I love you, I'm so sorry." his voice is the wrong pitch.
I realise he's crying.
I turn my body to wrap my arms around his waist and he buries his head into my shoulder. Of course he feels like this is his fault I should never have told him about the nightmares in the first place.
His cheeks are wet and his hair tickles my cheek. He is the one who needs comforting and I will be here for as long as he wants me.
We lie there in the moonlight for a long while. It was true, there had been a time when he'd hated me and, when he'd shouted me and told me he didn't love me, but that wasn't him. That wasn't my Peeta.
That was what my most recent nightmares had been about, the Capitol Peeta. The Peeta that they had twisted and broken. He'd hurt me in a way that I didn't think imaginable but how could he think for even a second that I wouldn't forgive him.
I am pretty sure that right here, with Peeta, even after everything we've been through, I am the happiest I've ever been. Suddenly Peeta jumps, he retracts his arms and leaps away from me, a look of shock and guilt on his face. "Peeta?" I question checking if he's alright and badly wanting him close to me again, I'm shocked that I actually feel physical pain when he is away .
"Oh Katniss I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot, why didn't you say something? Are you okay?" the words tumble out of his mouth so quickly I can barely understand.
Even when I do work out what he is saying I'm still not sure why he had said it. "Peeta, what do you mean? I had been fine until about five seconds ago when he had let go of me. I'm perfectly fine" I whisper cautiously, in case there really was something wrong with me and I had just failed to notice.
"Your shoulder! I had my head on it the whole time!"
My shoulder. I'd been so happy just moments ago that I have completely forgotten about the dislocated shoulder I'd suffered when I'd fallen out of tree hunting a few days ago. I don't feel any pain, only the pain of having Peeta further away from me that he needs to be.
"Oh no Peeta, I doesn't hurt at all, it's fine" He doesn't seem convinced, "Honestly, Its perfect"
His eyes, full of suspicion, drift to my shoulder then scan my expression. The shock fades from his beautiful face and all that is left is regret, "I guess that that moment was just so perfect that I forgot everything else, I'm sorry, I really couldn't live with myself if I caused you any pain" He whispers "Any more pain than I already have." His eye's drop and he stares down at the floor.
I edge towards him and reach up to put my arms around his neck, I don't care about my shoulder, that pain could wait till later, right now I have a deeper pain to attend to. I pull myself as close to Peeta as I can.
"Peeta, I don't care, I don't care how much you've hurt me" I say as I look deep into his eyes "I was my fault, all of it was my fault.." I start. His eyebrows pull together and he starts to open his mouth to stop me but I put my finger to his lips before he can say a word.
"You're all that matters to me Peeta, you're the only thing I have to lose. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone and hate seeing you get h-"It is his turn to stop me. He takes my arms from around his neck and lies me on the bed before lying back down beside me again and holding me in his arms like before.
He starts to twiddle a piece of my hair, a deep look of concentration on his face. He tells me he has always loved me and at that moment I was sure that he always would.