The author would like to remind the readers that SMOKING IS VERY BAD. DON'T SMOKE! THIS IS MEANT TO BE A JOKE AND NOT AS A SERIOUS SUGGESTION. The author does not own or claim to own anyone products in this fiction. Technically, she cannot even claim full ownership of the characters, as they were a group effort.
That being said, the author would like to dedicate this PSA (that's Public Service Announcement) to the delightful members of her group in EN 275.
Smoking PSA from the 1930s (Or thereabouts).
Gwendolyn, Angelique, and Bella Anne sat at a table in a café near St. Louis. Gwendolyn reached into her pocketbook and pulled out a cigarette, "Darling Angelique, won't you be a dear and give me a light?"
Angelique pouted her lips, poked through her bag and pulled out only a cigarette, "I am completely without provisions and have no matches on me, whatever shall we do, Gwendolyn? I am in need of a light as well." Both of the ladies looked to Bella Anne expectantly.
Bella Anne stared at the two women for another minute, trying to comprehend the conversation and not fidget under the weight of her much simpler dress, "Girls, you know I don't sm—" But she stopped with a gasp as a man appeared behind Angelique's sholder.
"Can I assist you ladies?" A handsome stranger said in a deep voice as he presented his flame by striking a match on his diamond-studded cufflinks. He lit Angelique's cigarette, then Gwendolyn's before offering Bella Anne the match.
"Oh, I don't smoke cigarettes, thank you," Bella Anne said as quietly as possible, "I really can't afford them, I'm afraid."
The stranger dropped his match onto the wooden floor, and the building went up in flames immediately, "How can you not smoke? Smoking is the most wonderful thing in the world! Everyone must smoke!"
Gwendolyn and Angelique smiled and stood to flank the stranger, nodding, "You must smoke with us, Bella Anne" they said in unison, offering her cigarettes.
"No, really, I shouldn't. It would be too much," protested Bella Anne, drawing back from the three.
"Then you must suffer," declared the stranger.
"What does that mean?" Bella Anne was about to cry.
Instead of answering, the stranger and the women turned and walked, unharmed, through the burning building. Bella Anne tried to follow them, but was stopped when a small and conveniently placed chair fell on her foot.
"Oh no!" cried out Bella Anne, "What shall I do? I am too weak to move this chair! If only I smoked cigarettes, then perhaps I would have never been in this situation. Then I could have been on a lovely cruise now instead of here about to die!" With that, Bella Anne started to weep.
A chocolaty voice broke through, "Don't cry, Bella Anne."
She looked up hopefully, "Am I going to live?"
"No, Bella Anne, you're going to die. But your tragic tale will help others to learn how important smoking is! Everyone should smoke, shouldn't they?"
With her last breath, Bella Anne gasped out, "Yes, listen to me…smoke, smoke, smoke!"