A/N Thank you for your support for this series! I appreciate it.
Falling: To Fall Asleep
Larry dragged himself into Charlie's office. Before he could announce his presence, a big yawn overtook him. He really needed some help if he wanted to stay awake.
Charlie glanced over his shoulder and paused. "You look tired," he said. The chalkboard behind his desk was already full of his newest calculation. "What star did you keep awake all night?"
"No star," Larry said and dropped down in the chair for visitors. Rubbing across his face, he fought to stay awake. Instead, he tried to focus on the numbers on the board behind the desk. But Charlie's comment had brought back images he'd rather forget and the numbers became blurred. "I wish it would have been a star." He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. "My aunt Louise has returned." His voice underlined his pain.
"Your aunt? She's here?" Charlie asked confused.
"Not so much here in the physical sense, but more in the metaphysical sense." Larry shook his head again, hoping to shake off the tiredness. "What are you working on?"
"It's something for Don's newest case. He has an interesting problem how to sort out -" Charlie stopped and dropped his arm, in his hand a piece of chalk. "What is going on, Larry? As much as I appreciate your help and I'm sure the FBI also appreciate it, don't you have to prepare a conference call with the team at CERN?"
Larry took a deep breath and nodded. "In less than three hours." He rubbed across his face. "I have prepared everything except my mind." He sighed. "My mind is a vast space full of chaos. So I'm here to stay awake."
"I don't think I can follow you this time," Charlie said and sat down behind his desk. His gaze lingered longingly on his boards before he focused on him. "If you're tired you just need to sleep and you're focused again."
"I can't go to sleep. My aunt Louise is waiting there for me in my dream. Again." Larry put his hands in front of his face. "But this time she doesn't eat my flesh or organs. No, this time," he lowered his voice and peeked through his hands trying to gauge the coming reaction of his friend, "it's a real nightmare."
"More nightmarish than being eaten alive?" Charlie bit his lip, but the harbinger of a smirk danced already across his face.
Larry sighed as he saw the grimace. "This is not a laughing matter. It's way worse," he confirmed and shuddered. The feeling of cold fingers running down his back returned, making him shiver.
"What is worse than being eaten alive?" Charlie asked in carefully measured voice.
Glancing to the door and seeing it open, Larry pushed himself up to close it. "She destroys my redemption, the paper that proves that I wasn't wrong and didn't fail." He could still recall the jubilant feeling as he took the papers out of the printer and pressed them to his heart. Granted, he had only dreamed about it but the feeling had been so beautifully real.
"What proof?" Charlie asked with a weary expression.
"I had found the solution to my super-gravity theory and it worked." Larry grabbed the Rubik's cube on Charlie's desk and started to play with it in an effort to forget the haunted feeling. "But then she comes in and eats it."
"She eats it?" He repeated the question as if he couldn't grasp the importance.
"Yes, all the 1352 pages." Larry shuddered again, unable to forget the terrible vision. He glanced down and realized that he had moved the layers without planing. Looking up to his friend again, he let his hands sink. "Then I wake up and try to remember the solution to write it down. But I can't recall it."
"Larry," Charlie said. He circled around his desk and sat down on top of it. Leaning forward he patted Larry's shoulder in a blatant effort to soften his next words. "That theory had been disproved."
"Of course." Larry knew this. The knowledge had been his constant companion since that fateful day. "But I had the solution in my hands." Putting down the Rubik's cube he stared at his empty hands hoping the solution would return. "Every night I dream the same and then I wake up, realizing that I still have failed."
"Oh Larry." The compassion in Charlie's voice, as he pulled away his hand, was the sign of a real friend.
"And now I'm so tired that I could sleep for a week but I don't want to be disappointed again." Larry stood up. "I have tried everything – from staying outside to even running to stay awake. But now I have reached the limit of my endurance to avoid sleep."
"Then you need sleep," Charlie declared, "I'm sure it helps you to find your focus again."
"This is an ill-advised tactic to prepare for my conference call with CERN. I cannot fall asleep just now. The call is too important to endanger it." Larry would rather be tired than terrified and distraught. This project was his last chance to be part of a great endeavor. He couldn't jeopardize this. "Afterwards, I'll have to return to my nightmare but not before."
He yawned again. Charlie should let some fresh air in his office to enhance the productivity. Fighting against the pull of sleep, Larry jumped slightly up and down, and moved around.
"Larry," Charlie started and then stopped. He stared at him with narrowed eyes as if he wanted to crack a code. Finally, he had apparently reached a conclusion and a smile bloomed on his face. "I think you need to sleep if you want to get over the disappointment."
It took a moment until Larry had registered the words of his friend. He shook his head in denial. "I'll never get over the disappointment." No amount of sleep could ever change that. "I have failed and wasted productive years of my career following a stupid theory."
Charlie straightened and pulled his chair over. Sitting down, he leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees. "Larry, do you remember how you told me that I would waste my talent working for the FBI?" With his eyes he tracked Larry's pacing around the room.
"In a distant memory." Larry came to a sudden halt and turned around, staring at Charlie. "What does it have to do with my fight to stay awake?" He pulled at his earlobe.
"I didn't waste my time." Charlie shook his head in emphasis, his curls repeating the movement. "Yes, I didn't write any papers and I let several years go by before I published again, but these years – they weren't wasted. I learned – I learned a lot about people, about math and about the limits and abilities of math in a real life." He paused to look down. "And I learned about the danger of knowledge."
"I know the facts, Charles. I am a physicist. We discovered the basics for the most destructive bombs and rockets known to humankind." Larry resumed his pacing. "I know all about Manhattan Project and all those other projects only possible through our work." As he reached the other side of the room, a reclining chair stood inviting in his way. He dropped down.
"What I wanted to say is," Charlie hesitated as if he had to search for the right words, "I didn't waste my time by working with Don. I learned a lot. And neither did you waste your time on your super-gravity theory. Let your aunt Louise eat it and serve your work with an ice-cream as dessert. You learned a lot in these years you pursued that and you taught me a lot about responsibility and time management. It didn't lead to anything but that's okay – it's still not wasted but lived and used time. You can give her the paper because you don't need it anymore – you have long traveled past this hurdle." He leaned back with an eager expression on his face, hoping to have magically fixed everything.
"Charles, I'm too tired to distinct your words, but I agree with you on one thing – your work for the FBI isn't wasted time." He scratched his head. "The rest I'm not so sure. I'm not so young anymore and soon I won't be able to participate in my field anymore." He leaned back. Almost against his will, his eyes closed and Charlie's voice became more distant.
"It's not a matter of age – it's a matter of maturity. You left your comfort zone, you left the earth literally, you outgrew the small and limited world of paper and pen and used your knowledge for problems that could be solved here and now and made some lives better. Larry without you I wouldn't have -" Charlie broke off. "Larry? Did you fall asleep?"
Larry heard his friend but the sleep was so inviting. He forced his eyes open and shook his head. "I appreciate your time but I need to stay awake for another few hours." He started to rise as suddenly Charlie was in front of him and pushed him downward.
"You need sleep. I'll wake you up in time for your call. Promised. I'm going to stay here and grade some papers. If your aunt Louise comes for your paper, send her my way. I'm here and will watch over you."
"I need ..." Larry mumbled.
"You need some sleep my friend. I'll keep watch and I'll wake you up."
Larry tried to fight it, but he had reached the point where it was not mind over matter but body over mind. He felt something soft draped over him, providing lulling warmth and snuggled down. He fell asleep.
"Larry! Wake up!"
In the distance, Larry heard a voice calling him. Warmth surrounded him and the sleep he had fought so hard tempted him with its sweet promise of rest.
"Larry!"
With a jolt, Larry jumped up. "I'm here." A jacket fell off him and with it its warmth. "What?"
In front of him, Charlie stood with a smile on his face and held up a glass of milk. "I don't know what kind of milk this is: cow, soy or some other substitute, but it is white." As if he wanted to prove his claim, he raised the glass higher to let the light reflect in the milky liquid. "I've texted Amita to ask and she had brought it over. It should be okay for you."
Larry rubbed at his eyes. Looking around, he realized that he was still in Charlie's office and sat in the white reclining chair.
"You have slept in my office. It's half an hour before your call to CERN." Charlie explained and offered the drink again.
He accepted the glass and drank the milk without really acknowledging his environment. The cobwebs of sleep clouded his mind but the bitter aftertaste of failure was missing. Slowly he started to remember. The more he remembered the brighter he smiled.
"I guess you didn't dream?" Charlie asked and launched in a lengthy explanation. "It's normal, you need to sleep longer to reach the REM phase and -"
Larry touched his forearm to stop the flood of words. "It's quite the opposite, Charles." He gulped down the remaining milk and stood up. "Quite the opposite. I dreamed and Aunt Louise returned."
"And?"
Stretching his muscles, Larry pictured the scene in his head. "I offered her a dessert and she took the dessert and left my papers."
"She left your papers alone?" Charlie raised an eyebrow. Then he frowned. "Does it mean you remember your solution now?"
Larry shook his head and yawned again. "As I read the papers I realized that it really wasn't a good theory or something worth to be pursued."
"You didn't sleep long enough to dream all of this," Charlie objected.
"I need to prepare my call," Larry said and put his hand on Charlie's shoulder . Then he pulled him into a short awkward hug. "I just needed to hear that there wasn't anything in these papers that I would need." He stumbled to the door.
Charlie shot out his hand to stabilize him. "Careful," he warned. On his face the confusion was still present about the strange turn of events.
But Larry had realized something important. "My subconscious had wanted to tell me something the whole time." He gave Charlie the now empty glass back. "I just couldn't figure it out. It's actually quite interesting." He had never expected that the solution could be so easy. "You were right. I haven't wasted my time – I have learned what doesn't work. This is also important progress." He held up his hand and left the office.
With newfound confidence he strutted down the hall to his office. He had not only knowledge to offer but also experience how to spot trouble in a theory before it was too late.
Suddenly, he remembered Charlie and his advice and turned around hastily. Opening the door to Charlie's office, he peeked in and found his friend back at his boards. "Thank you! Next time I'm haunted by Aunt Louise I'll return to the security of your office."
Charlie raised his hand in acknowledgment and his laughter followed Larry into the hallway. With a spring in his step, he went his way. He was ready for the future and some more progress.
END
A/N Thank you for reading.