Um...yeah, I have no explanation for this. Hope you enjoy it.
In the Cage
Life was surprisingly simple in the pit. Well, at least for Adam and Sam. Michael and Lucifer were always too busy fighting to ever pay them any trouble. Every now and then, the Winchesters were forced to move in order to avoid being squashed or sliced or otherwise destroyed by a rampaging archangel. But they had sort of claimed a corner of the cage as their own, and either Michael was kind enough to keep the fight away from them (which was improbable) or Lucifer was kind enough to keep the fight away from them (which was even more improbable) or they just decided the two humans weren't worth the effort (which was more probable), because the angels rarely intruded on their space.
"I'm calling two," Sam said, picking up a folded feather, and moving a small rock two boxes to the right. Using the fallen feathers of their roommates, as well as whatever shrapnel they managed to scrounge up, Sam and Adam had created a complex game that was a combination of poker, chess, candy land, and something entirely their own. The rules hardly make a lick of sense, and it'd take you weeks just to understand the concept, but after the first few months stuck down there, they had plenty of time to think it through.
"I say six," Adam replied. "And calling you back to Space O." He picked up three feathers, one silver from Michael, two pitch black from Lucifer. He carved an O using their nail next to Sam's box (why a nail was in the cage, they could never guess), before shifting the rock inside it. He then took a bit of torn cloth and a broken feather from his pile and moved it to the middle.
"Dibs," Sam called, snatching his stone from the O and taking the cloth, but leaving the feather behind. He added a strand of hair to the middle.
A very large crash briefly interrupted their game, followed by a lot of groaning and whining and some shouting on Lucifer's part... Wait, no, that was Michael shouting, and Lucifer was actually screeching. Probably in Enochian. Adam waited for the commotion to end before taking his turn. "Double," he challenged, shooting back to Sam.
There was a yell, and suddenly Lucifer was crashed right next to them, a wing getting all up in their space. Their setup was completely ruined, and Adam groaned. "I was about to win!" he growled, shooting a glare at Lucifer, who simply got up and charged at Michael again.
"Eh, I was getting bored of Lucifer's a Dick anyway," Sam shrugged. "Wanna play Michael's an Asshole?" With nothing better to name their ridiculous games, they found amusement in any way they could.
"Ugh, I'm just bored of playing with feathers," Adam groaned, leaning back on his hands. He was silent for a moment before saying, "Bang Katherine Miller."
Sam raised an eyebrow. "Who's that?"
"Junior crush in high school. What about you?"
"Pee," Sam answered dryly. This was another game of theirs, where they described the first thing they'd do if they ever got out of here.
"Take a shower," Adam revised. "And then bang Katherine Miller."
"Find Dean." Adam didn't say anything after that, because Sam had entered the forbidden area. The feelings area. And sure, every now and then they talked about serious stuff, stuff that actually mattered. But the longer they were here, the more Sam realized that Adam was a lot like Dean. And Dean didn't do the feelings stuff, not when he could help it. Adam was the same. He preferred playing the 'who would you bang' game rather than have a discussion about the fact that their lives kinda sucked.
Eventually, Adam spoke again, because listening to the sounds of Michael and Lucifer fighting got old real fast. "How long do you think we've been down here?"
Sam thought about it. They tried keeping track of the days, but it was pretty difficult since they had no sense of time. As close to they could figure, they had been down there anywhere from 30 to 80 years. It was a pretty large time frame, but it was seriously hard to keep track.
"When Dean was in the pit, he was only down there for four months," Sam answered. "But for him, it was something like forty years. So, a month topside is essentially a decade down here. If time works the same here, then somewhere around three to eight months," he replied.
"Fantastic," Adam muttered, heaving a sigh. After a moment, he asked, "Do you think we can die in here?"
"We've already been over this," Sam groaned, rubbing his temples. A least once a...well, he wasn't sure how often, but quite often, Adam brought up suicide. The fact that this topic was casual, even one of their possible escape options, was a testament to how screwed up their live were. "If our souls weren't trapped here with us, then they could go to heaven. But they are. I'm not sure we even have bodies anymore. We might just be souls."
"Damn," Adam muttered.
"You are entirely right." It was a bad joke, but they had used up every last one after the first week. After that came riddles, then tongue twisters, embarrassing stories from their lives, every last piece of information Sam had on monsters, a crash course on Latin exorcisms (Adam knew it from memory now), a long talk about Dean, a long talk about their dad, a long talk about their crappy situation, and finally, a long talk about the meaning of life (it was bound to come up at some point), and in between all these were periodic moments spent betting on Michael and Lucifer. By the time they had exhausted all of these, it had been a month, maybe two or three at most. That's when they started making their games. They had six now, the two already mentioned before, as well as Zachariah's the Worst, Adam is Awesome, Sam's a Nerd, and Shut the F*** Up. It was Adam who named them all, if you couldn't guess. It looked like they might be making a new one soon, though, with the way things were looking.
Adam gave another sigh. "Did I ever tell you about the time I ate ten paper clips and then-"
"Yes," Sam cut him off sourly. "Did I ever tell you the time I dressed up as batman and tried to-"
"Yes."
"Damn."
"Got that right."
"I'm bored."
"Hi Bored, I'm Adam."
Sam shot him a look. "We agreed no more dad jokes," he grunted, but Adam was grinning proudly, so he let it drop.
At the other end of the cage, Lucifer had Michael in a headlock, until the latter flipped over and threw them both into the ground, devil on the bottom. There was a harsh grunt when Michael dug his elbow deep into Lucifer's stomach, leaving him breathless. "Looks like they're getting into boxing now," Sam noted.
"I wonder where they learned it," Adam added as they watched Lucifer kick out to knock Michael off his balance. He managed to get back up, and followed with a series of unrelenting blows from both sides. Michael had his arms up to cover his head, leaned low, and barreled straight into the younger brother, taking them down again.
"You gotta wonder, what do they think is gonna happen?" Adam mused after some time. "I mean, sure, they're fighting, whatever. But they can't kill each other. They can't even seem to permanently harm one another either. Or defeat each other. Man, it's really good they didn't fight topside, because they would've never. Stopped. Fighting!"
"Personally, I blame Zachariah," Sam informed him. "Partly because he does have some blame, partly because I can."
"Zachariah was a dick," Adam agreed. "Dean ganking him is my happy place in my mind."
"Dude, that's really disturbing."
Adam shrugged. "I've spent the last seventy or so years in a cage, with nothing to do, but play Shut the F*** Up with you, or watch two archangels duke it out. At this point, any place not here is my happy place."
"True," Sam obliged. "Though I think my personal favorite was drunk Cas." Adam laughed like he was there. Sam had described it in enough detail that he might as well have.
"I just gotta wonder what the owner of that liquor store thought when they found their shop the next day," Adam mused. Sam gave a chuckle and nodded.
They watched Michael and Lucifer for a while, every now and then making a bet on who'd come out on top. Of course, since there was no end to the fight, their bets only extended to the next minute or so, before new ones were made.
"So, wanna play Adam is Awesome?" Adam asked after a while. Michael had Lucifer pinned in a full-body lock for the past three minutes and it didn't look like they were moving anytime soon.
"Yeah, sure," Sam agreed, collecting the feathers and separating them by color as Adam grabbed the nail and began scratching numbers one to twenty-four on the ground. Halfway through, however, there was a whooshing sound, and a flash of light, and suddenly they weren't in the cage anymore.
It was still a cage, but one that was infinitely better because it had a view (sure, it was a pretty dark looking stone wall with depressing torches and the sounds of screams in the background, but it was still a view), and it had no Michael and Lucifer (though whether that was a plus or a negative remained to be seen, since they were 50% of their entertainment). But, neither of the Winchesters had a moment to contemplate this further, because their view also included people. And not just any people, but Dean and Cas.
"Did Michael and Lucifer get bored and decide to give us hallucinations?" Adam was the first to speak, stating the first logical thing that came to mind.
"What?" Dean spluttered. "No! We're real! We're gonna get you out of there."
"Seriously?" Adam asked, sounding dubious.
"What the hell?" Sam added for good measure.
"Are you two alright?" Cas asked, because he wanted to ask a question too. "I can't imagine what Michael and Lucifer did to you in there-"
"Actually, they mostly left us alone," Adam informed him.
"Too busy fighting each other," Sam explained. Then he turned on Dean. "I thought I told you to go live a normal life!"
Dean rolled his eyes. "Please, like I'd actually let you and Adam rot in there. Besides, Cas and I found a safe way to get you guys out without freeing any angels. And everybody's happy!" He turned to Cas and nodded at him to finish the spell.
"I was expecting it to be harder though," Cas admitted, returning to the table set up with lots of ritualistic looking stuff. "I thought I'd have to tear you guys right out of Michael and Lucifer's hands. I wasn't sure if I could get both of you."
Adam gave a breathy laugh, full of relief. "Well, I'm glad you did. I was bored out of my mind down there. Sam gets boring after the first few decades."
Cas stared at them. "You two seem surprisingly okay for being locked in the same cage as Michael and Lucifer."
"Like we said," Sam replied. "They left us alone. Probably thought we weren't worth it."
Still looking a little bewildered, Cas got on with the ritual, completing the spell so that Sam and Adam were suddenly right next to Dean, who crushed them into suffocating hug the moment they were free. And there was much laughing and crying and tears all around.
"I can't believe you actually got us out," Adam said as they left. "Best big brother ever."
"I'm touched," Dean answered with a roll of his eyes. "But honestly, it really helps when the King of Hell owes you a favor."
"The King of Hell?" Sam asked uncertainly.
"Crowley. Remember him? Yeah, he got promoted. And since we've got his bones, he's our little bitch."
"What..?"
"I'll explain later," Dean promised. "Let's get out of here first. We are in Hell, after all." And with that, the three brothers plus Cas made their way back topside, where they had a joyful reunion consisting of, yes, showering and peeing. And Adam didn't bang Katherine Miller, but he did bang Casey Wendwooth, and c'mon, she was way hotter anyway. And once that was all said and done, they helped Cas defeat Raphael and stop the angel war (without opening any sort of monster heaven), and lived happy lives as hunters. And Adam was not forgotten.