"Where were you?" Cookie asked Anika angrily before she could even step through her front door. "It's pouring outside! I've been sitting here for an hour waiting on you to show up!"
"Of course I was going to show up. This is my house." Anika pushed past a fuming Cookie and stomped into the kitchen. "Please tell me you didn't lose my door key."
Cookie handed Anika back her door key. "Did you hear me?" she asked again. "What took you so long to get here?"
"I had to stop by the market to pick up the black rubber bands you asked me to get for your hair." Anika held up a small plastic bag. "And since I can't smell any cake baking, I assume you didn't put that pan of batter in the oven like I specifically instructed you to. I also assume that we are not having lasagna tonight."
"I can't figure out how to use your stupid stove," Cookie mumbled, embarrassed at how long she stared and pushed and even Googled before she gave up. "I made the sauce, but that's all I could do."
"The meat sauce smells amazing, so we'll have spaghetti," Anika reassured Cookie. "We'll bake the garlic bread while the water boils, then we can stick the cake in when we're done eating. It should be done by the time I finish cornrowing your hair." Anika kissed Cookie on the cheek. "I'm going to take a shower and change clothes. If you want to join me…" Anika invited with a seductive smirk.
"Nah," Cookie answered shortly, digging around for a pot. "Got water to boil."
As she showered and changed her clothes, Anika prayed that the rest of the night would go better. She knew that Cookie wanted everything to be perfect tonight, on their three-month anniversary, and nobody could be harder on Cookie Lyon than Cookie Lyon. Something as simple as the lasagna mistake would put Cookie in a foul mood for hours.
Since Anika lived closer to the Empire building than Cookie did, Cookie wanted to celebrate at Anika's apartment. Cookie was only working half a day, so she borrowed Anika's door key to let herself in so she could start dinner. Anika would handle dessert. "Sounds fair to me," Anika over the phone two nights ago. "What kind of dessert are we talking about here?"
"Carrot cake!" Cookie sang happily.
Anika groaned. Of all the desserts to make, carrot cake was one of the most time-consuming. "Carrot cake? You sure you don't want cheesecake? Lemon cake? A cake with a stripper inside? A cake of cocaine?"
"Carrot cake," Cookie repeated stubbornly. "And don't forget your special cream cheese frosting."
"Fine, fine, fine," Anika sighed. "Maybe I should just make the frosting and spare myself the trouble of making the cake. And what happened to your diet?"
"It'll be a cheat day."
"Cheat day?" Anika hooted. "Cookie, you have a cheat life."
Cookie seemed to be in a better mood with food in her system. In the living room, the scent of honey mimosa hair pomade mixed with the fragrance of vanilla candles and the delicious smell of homemade carrot cake turned the evening into a much cozier affair. Cookie wore her natural hair in cornrows under her wigs, and Anika thought it was ridiculous that Cookie was paying money to a hairdresser when Anika could do it for free. "I thought all you prison chicks knew how to do cornrows?"
"What can I say? I had three sons." Cookie was surprised that Anika knew how to braid hair, but Anika explained that she wore her hair very long and thick in her youth, so her mother kept it braided. "There were six black girls in my entire school," she explained, "and I was the only one who knew how to braid hair. My mother taught me."
"You braid fast as hell," Cookie admired. "Thank God you don't braid all tight so I don't have to walk around lookin' like a chink – ouch!" Cookie's ear stung from the lightning-fast flick Anika gave to her ear. "Damn, sorry! Like a…Oriental?"
Anika cracked up. "Let's just say you look like a cat and be done." Anika kissed the tip of Cookie's last braid, like she did with all the others, and started another. "I can't believe it took three months to get you between my legs," she teased.
Three months after Cookie and Anika exchanged buttercream kisses in Anika's office, Cookie and Anika shared the kind of relationship that Anika could only describe as chaste. Anika hadn't been in a rush to have sex with Cookie, but Cookie didn't seem to be in a rush, either. It made for a strange relationship at times like these, with Cookie ready to dive into The Wire and Anika ready to dive into Cookie. Sometimes, Cookie felt like Anika's roommate. Other times, like a big sister. But she'd never felt like Cookie's girlfriend, and wasn't that what they were to each other by this point? At times like now, with Anika cornrowing Cookie's hair, Anika almost felt like she was being molded to be one of Cookie's prison daughters – or worse, one of Cookie's prison bitches. Always right there, but always out of reach. Something Anika desperately wanted, but could never have.
She wondered.
There were many classic shows that Cookie had missed during her time in prison, and Anika didn't mind watching them again. "God, it's like watching my life," Cookie mused once after watching a single episode of The Wire. So many shows concentrated on the police side of drug dealing, but not the dealing side - the side that Cookie and Lucious had lived until she got out of prison. It was interesting to have Cookie's running commentary on the show on the second watch-through. Tonight, though, Cookie said very little. The entire time Anika worked on Cookie's hair, Anika just knew Cookie was still thinking about the lasagna.
Anika knew it for a fact when, about 20 minutes after Cookie made a pit stop in the kitchen, the smell of ricotta cheese began to mix with the smell of carrot cake. "Cookie, did you just put that lasagna in the oven?"
"Yeah. I thought we could eat it tomorrow."
"Cookie, you can't…" It was too late. "Well, now we can have a lasagna-flavored cake or a cake-flavored lasagna," Anika laughed as she took the now-ruined lasagna out of the oven. "What say you, Cook?"
Wordlessly, Cookie yanked the lasagna out of Anika's hand and dumped it in the garbage disposal, then did the same with the cake. "Wait!" Anika called when Cookie chased the food down the sink with Anika's cream cheese frosting. "I have some leftover batter. We can make some cupcakes or something. Or I can make another cake. It won't take too long," she added, though she mentally screamed at the idea of having to grate another pound of carrots.
Cookie kept dumping the frosting, her eyes fixed on the sink as the food swirled down the drain. She said nothing as Anika finished braiding her hair, and sat at the opposite end of the couch when Anika was through. What is up with this girl? Anika thought to herself. The candles were lit and the pouring rain put Anika in a deeply luscious mood. She had opted to wear something that was half-casual and half-sexy – short, cotton shorts that dipped low enough to expose her t-back underwear, and a tank-top with no bra that exposed her navel. Even when Anika put her head in Cookie's lap and looked up at her, Cookie didn't even give Anika a second glance. Usually, Cookie would tease her and call her a kitten for snuggling in Cookie's lap, tickling her stomach and laughing as Anika swatted her hands away. Tonight, Cookie looked uninterested, even bored.
"You look like a sorority sister with your hair like that," Anika observed, trying to set the mood to match her own emotions. The scented candles, the pouring rain, her half-exposed body with her nipples pebbling up through her shirt…all of it was leading to Anika's arousal.
"Really?" Cookie asked flatly. Anika was younger than Cookie's oldest son, Andre.
"Okay, like a den mother. But a very sexy den mother." Anika reached up to trace Cookie's lips. "So soft," Anika admired. "Can I get a kiss? It is our anniversary after all." She made loud kissy noises just in case Cookie didn't get the hint.
Cookie smiled down at Anika. It was her first real smile of the night, albeit a very small one. "Sure."
Finally! Anika took the remote control from Cookie's hand and turned the television off. She straddled Cookie's lap, took Cookie's face in her hands, and dipped her head low for a kiss as she rubbed her hands up and down Cookie's chest, then dared to slip them underneath Cookie's shirt. Anika was surprised at how fast and hard Cookie's heart was pounding beneath her fingertips, but Cookie's kiss was warm and sweet, and she didn't move Anika's hands away. Thank God, Anika thought gratefully as Cookie gently began nipping Anika's lips and sucking on her tongue. She didn't know why Cookie was in such a bad mood, but at least the night was about to get better. Better and sweeter. "Stay there." Anika went back to the kitchen, retrieved the leftover cream cheese frosting, and brought it back into the living room, flipping out the lights on the way back.
"What's that for?" Cookie asked dubiously as Anika reached over to turn off the table lamp next to Cookie. The room was bathed in candlelight.
Anika liberally streaked frosting, which she'd dyed purple, on Cookie's neck. "I'm marking where I want to kiss you. Gets kind of hard to see in the dark."
"Then turn the lights back on," Cookie suggested.
"This is more fun." Anika grinned as she reached for a smaller remote control, Soon, the room was filled with the sound of a screaming electric guitar, furious drumming, and – of all things – a cowbell. "You're really into this white girl rock shit, aren't you?" Cookie asked irritably. Progressive rock was fine for late nights and road trips, but not for times like this.
"Cookie, that's a Prince song." Seconds later, Prince's falsetto began to growl "Bambi" through the speakers. Cookie bit her lip. How could the CEO of a music company not know Prince? "But you want me to change it, fine." Anika pushed the remote buttons until 2Pac's "How Do You Want It" began to play. Is this black enough for you?"
Cookie had to laugh. "Yeah, sure." It was more up Cookie's alley.
"Good." Locking her gaze, Anika slowly tore the thin, cotton t-shirt by the collar until Cookie's breasts were exposed. "You could've just told me to take the shirt off, you know," Cookie griped half-heartedly, driven crazy by the feel of Anika's warm fingertips painting the sensitive flesh with the cool, sweet lilac confection. "Damn! That's cold as hell!"
"Don't worry," Anika teased from on high. "I'm going to warm you up." Anika drew another lilac line down between Cookie's breasts, taking note of how fast and loud Cookie's heart was beating. True to her word, Anika kissed and licked the icing off Cookie's neck, taking her sweet, lazy time. "I love your breasts," she admired, teasing one nipple, then the other, with her fingers first and her lips second.
"You know you can go buy some, right?" Cookie asked smartly. "While you sucking on mine like you think milk is about to come out."
"God-damn it, Cookie!" Humiliated, Anika reached over and turned the lights back on. Immediately Cookie reached to pull her shirt back down, then remembered it wasn't there. Anika grabbed her old Julliard hoodie and flung it in Cookie's face. "What the hell is wrong with you? You on your period or something?"
Still naked from the waist up, Cookie glared at Anika with such rage in her eyes that Anika would've given anything to take her quip back. Cookie knew that Anika couldn't have possibly known that Cookie went through early menopause in prison, but at that moment, she hated Anika anyway. "Maybe I'm not feeling this bougie titty baby bullshit!" she fired back. "You ever think of that?!"
Anika she turned her face away before Cookie could see the tears in her eyes. "Wow."
Damn it. "Anika," Cookie started, "I didn't mean it like that."
"Yes, you did." Now Anika knew why Cookie and she had never – never – recreated that intensity that had happened in her office on that first day together, with King Crimson in the background and cake icing smeared all over their mouths. What a fool she'd been to think that buttercream kisses could last forever. "At least you're finally being honest now," Anika admired. "And it only took three months."
"Honest about what?" Cookie asked, yanking Anika's hoodie over her freshly braided head.
"About how you feel about me, if anything at all." Anika blew out her many candles while Cookie stood with her arms crossed over her chest. "I'm still Boo Boo Kitty to you. Somebody to boss around and bully and make fun of...you'll never feel for me like I feel for you, and you know that." Slowly, the reality of their relationship became clearer and clearer. "I am so sick of being your bitch, Cookie, so now is a good a time to end this as any."
"Excuse me?" Cookie crept lionlike across the living room, standing so close to Anika that Cookie could've kissed her if she wanted to. "What did you say to me?" Cookie said, her voice prison-soft and carrying a threat.
Anika would be damned if she backed down, especially in her own house. "I said…" she repeated slowly, "that…I'm sick…of being…your bitch. So if you want to end this, let's end this."
The women stared each other down. "First of all," Cookie began, "I was already watching you want me. Second of all, you'll be lucky if I make you my bitch-"
"You don't have what it takes to make me your bitch, Cookie," Anika fired back, taking pleasure in watching Cookie's chest heaving up and down. "Big, bad ass Cookie Lyon scared of a little kitty? Or is it the rain that's got you so shook?"
"Watch your mouth," Cookie responded so quickly that Anika knew she'd found Cookie's sore spot. "Or what, Cookie?" Anika demanded. "You gonna beat me up in my own house? I'd like to see you try." Boy, was that a lie.
"What, I ain't gonna get up off the floor, like last time?" Anika winced, remembering Cookie's hands around her throat. Cookie took note of the expression on Anika's face. "You might wanna close that smart-ass mouth of yours, Boo Boo Kitty, and stop pushing me." Cookie pushed Anika's head back with her fingertips to underscore her demand.
Furious, and without thinking, Anika shoved Cookie so hard that she fell back on the couch and tumbled to the floor. For a second, Anika took petty pleasure in how stupid Cookie looked sprawled out on the floor, but then Cookie jumped back up so fast that Anika's body was flooded with fear. "Are you out of your-" Reflexively, Anika shoved Cookie again. This time, Cookie went straight to the floor, and she sprang up just as quickly as before. "Anika! I swear to God-" That was all Cookie managed to get out before Anika slapped Cookie so hard that she fell to the floor a third time.
The sound of flesh striking flesh was as loud as a gunshot, and both women froze in their places. With a trembling hand, Cookie gingerly touched the burning skin on her face. Cookie had been in plenty of fights and battles in her life, but she had never been slapped in the face, not even by her mother. Before Cookie could even wrap her mind around what had just happened, Anika – who had more brains than good sense - ran behind the couch and up the stairs, bawling like a child.
"You just hit me and you're the one crying!?" Cookie's face was still stinging as she stormed up the stairs, her mind clouded with rage. But Anika was much too quick for Cookie, who reached Anika's bedroom door just in time to hear the click of the lock. "You put your hands on me and you're the one locking doors!?" Cookie shouted, slamming her fists against Anika's door for emphasis. "Open this damn door!"
"NO!" Anika didn't know what was worse – that she'd slapped Cookie, that she'd slapped Cookie on accident, or that it wasn't going to matter either way. Anika hadn't mean to slap Cookie, only to defend herself from whatever inevitable beatdown Cookie about to lay on her for shoving her to the floor. But since when was Cookie Lyon the kind of woman to listen to reason?
"Anika," Cookie said again, trying to sound calmer and fooling no one. "Open this door. Now."
"You can't make me open anything!" Anika shouted through the door. "This is my house!"
"How the hell are you going to act scared of me when you just hit me!?" Cookie demanded, utterly confused at such a turn of events.
"You hit me first!"
Had Anika gone mad? "No, I didn't! I never hit you!"
"Well…" Anika faltered. "…you were about to!"
"Oh, my God, Anika-"
"You've been yelling at me ever since I walked through the door!" Anika slammed her hands against her own door, making Cookie jump back from the other side. "You yelled at me because I was late! You're pissed off about the lasagna! You've been making fun of me all night! Why are you being so mean to me, Cookie?"
Deep, racking sobs filled Cookie's ears from the other side of Anika's bedroom door. As angry and dismissive as Cookie wanted to be of Anika's accusations, Cookie knew that she'd been more than mean to Anika. She'd been obnoxious and nasty, and for what? A lasagna? Meanwhile, Anika was on the other side of a locked door because she was afraid Cookie was about to hurt her. "I don't know," Cookie said so quietly that Anika barely heard her. "I'm sorry."
After taking a few deep breaths and praying that it wasn't a trick, Anika dared to unlock and open the door. There was Cookie, hooded and braided and shifting her weight from left foot to right foot like a child waiting to be scolded. "I ruined everything, didn't I?" Cookie asked sadly, eyes fixed on the floor. "I wrecked our whole night."
Filled with shame, Anika wordlessly reached for Cookie's hand. When she took it, Anika walked backwards, taking Cookie with her all the way to her bed, where they laid down together. Usually, Cookie was the one to hold Anika. Tonight, Cookie was in Anika's arms. For a while, the two of them laid in Anika's bed in silence, listening to heartbeats and breathing and the sounds of the storm. The passing of time and their closeness of their bodies nurtured feelings of forgiveness and understanding.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm so sorry..." Then came the tender touches, the passionate kisses, the rolling around on the bedspread with their kisses growing deeper and deeper until they were both breathless. Anika wanted more, but Cookie seemed too distracted to continue, so Anika had to be satisfied with Cookie's head resting on her bare breasts, comforted by the sound of Anika's heartbeat as Anika stroked her face. That was fine with Anika. She would never admit it out loud, but there was something about Cookie's vulnerable state that was...well, sexy.
"You know I didn't feel the rain on my face for 17 years?" Cookie asked out of nowhere.
"Really?" Anika asked, loving the smell of honey mimosa pomade underneath her chin.
"Yeah. Never felt it, never saw it, but I could always hear it. 17 years. I used to love thunderstorms, but now I hate them."
No wonder Cookie's heart beat so loud and so strong, even now, and her hold on Anika was the tightest it had ever been. "Why is that, if you don't mind my asking?"
"What, why I used to love storms or why I hate them now?"
"Both, if you don't mind answering."
Cookie took a long time to answer, which wasn't unusual. "I was a daddy's girl. Candace was my mama's daughter and Carol was the baby, so she was everybody's pet. But I was Daddy's little princess. He was the best daddy in the world when I was little, except when it rained. Mama thinks it had something to do with the war."
"Your dad was a Marine, right?"
"Semper fi," Cookie said flatly. "Dishonorable discharge – never found out why. We got the messed up Vietnam vet with no benefits and all of the crazy. Thunderstorms were always real bad for him. My mama says it was the thunder. Like mines or mortar shells or something, I don't remember. He couldn't be around firecrackers, either. Fourth of July was always bad."
Anika felt Cookie tensing up. She stroked Cookie's braids, which seemed to relax her. "When it got real bad & he couldn't control it, he would go hide in a real tight space, usually the closet. He always called it his 'foxhole.' And I would always go in there with him because that was my daddy, you know? It sounds crazy, but some of the best times I had with my daddy were in that closet. He could saaang, girl. I mean, Marvin and Sammy and Donny all rolled up into one. He could sing in falsetto, too – Jamal got that from him. And we would just sit in there and wait out the storm and sing."
Anika couldn't imagine a woman as ferocious as Cookie as a little girl, though she'd seen a few pictures. It made her smile to imagine Cookie as a daddy's girl. Cookie smiled, too, but then it faded. "Mama said he was gonna hurt me one day, but I wouldn't listen. And one day Daddy was having one of his fits..." Cookie shook her head. "He choked me. I mean, he both his hands around my throat and choked me. His princess. His little girl. I don't even think I got the chance to scream. Mama jumped on his back screaming at him to leave me alone. I ran and hid under the bed where he couldn't reach me. After that, I never went into his foxhole again. I must've been about 10 or so."
"Where is your dad now?"
"He died when Andre was two."
"Did the two of you ever make up after that?"
"We were never close again, especially after Mama died." Cookie was unraveling her thoughts for the first time as she spoke. "We weren't little girls anymore. We were young women. We were needing bras and having periods and wanted to hang out with our girlfriends and talk about boys. With Mama gone, Daddy couldn't handle that. Then me and Lucious got together…"
Anika had learned over time that Cookie spoke of things in her own way, on her own time, and it was best not to push her, lest she shut down completely. "Daddy caught me and Lucious in bed together," Cookie continued. "I don't know what was different about that day…same as any other day. Same as all the other times we slept together when Daddy wasn't home. But that day…" Cookie took a slow, ragged breath. "That day was just different. We weren't kids just experimenting with each other. We knew what the other one wanted and how to do it, and we did it.
"That day...God, I can't believe I'm telling you this." After a patented Cookie pause, she went on. "That day, I was still in my uniform skirt with my ass all up in the air on the bed, and Lucious is talking about 'who's your daddy' and that kind of thing. I'm all 'you my daddy, Lucious! You my daddy!'" Cookie laughed in spite of it all. "I'm sure we sounded like a bad porno flick. But I was Lucious's first, so I guess we just had that kind of chemistry."
Anika thought about that for a moment. While Lucious insisted that he never cheated on his ex-wife – something that was verified by Bunkie and Vernon – he'd never mentioned that Cookie had been his only lover until she went to prison. I guess he made up for lost time, Anika thought bitterly, for Lucious had cheated on Anika with casual abandon. Since that was in the past, Anika swallowed her pride and went back to listening to Cookie's story. "…this crash and that's when I figured out that my father had thrown Lucious into the mirror while I was taking it from the back. I mean, Daddy straight up threw his ass into the dresser mirror. You know that scar on his hairline, on the left side? That's where it came from."
Anika didn't remember how Lucious told her how he got that scar, but it definitely didn't include Cookie's father. "I don't know if he thought I was being hurt or if he was mad that I was calling another man 'Daddy.' So while Lucious was picking glass out of his hair, Daddy was dragging me into the living room by my skirt, calling himself trying to whip me. I still didn't have my shirt on or any panties – wait, I think I still had my oxfords on. Yeah, my shoes were still on."
"Forgive me for interrupting into this Joe Jackson moment of parenting," Anika cut in, deeply disturbed by the events Cookie was describing. "But how old were you when this was happening, Cookie?"
"Uhh...14, I think. I'd started the 9th grade by then."
My God. Most Caribbean kids had been spanked as children, and Anika was no exception. But never with no clothes on, and certainly not as a teenager. When Cookie grew quiet again, Anika kissed Cookie on the temple of her forehead, and to Anika's surprise, Cookie kept telling her story. "Lucious knew there was no way he was gonna beat my daddy, but he wouldn't let Daddy come near me. He kept jumping between the two of us, yelling, 'Hit me! Hit me!'" So finally, Daddy just gave up and beat Lucious instead. Beat his ass like a runaway slave. He would put both hands over his head and bring that belt down on his back...you know, Lucious never moved a muscle, never raised a finger against my daddy. Just stood there and took my whipping."
Recollections like that made Anika understand how Cookie still had love in her heart for Lucious, even if it was misguided. "That whipping went on for so long that I jumped on Daddy's back and tried to make him stop beating on Lucious. He grabbed me by my arm and slung me to the floor, and that's when Lucious took out his piece."
"Lucious pulled a gun on your father?" Anika asked incredulously.
Cookie nodded. "My daddy was crazy, but I swear, Anika, I know that Lucious would've killed my father if he hit me again. I think Daddy knew it, too, because he threw me out of the house right then and there. Wouldn't let me take anything out of the house. 'He's your daddy now - let him buy you some shit.'"
Cookie had one of her silent moments again, then resumed her story. "When Daddy found out I was pregnant, he adopted Lucious or something really shady like that so that he could marry me off. I was 15 by then," Cookie added, as if that small fact made the story any better. "I never saw him again. He wouldn't take my calls, he wouldn't read my letters or my cards, he wouldn't let me talk to my sisters...they had to sneak over to see me and the baby. I'd send him pictures of Andre and he'd send them back unopened. Next thing I knew, he was dead."
Anika had the feeling that Cookie wasn't going to go any further, which she didn't, and that Cookie was leaving a lot unsaid, which she was. Cookie didn't tell Anika how her father dragged Cookie outside by her hair, how she was forced to walk through her neighborhood in Lucious's shirt and jacket while Lucious walked shirtless in the middle of November, his back bloodied with thick, red welts, and how her father even withdrew her from Sacred Heart before she even showed up for the school the next morning. Cookie lasted three days in public school before she dropped out for good. There would be no SATs, no junior prom, no homecoming, no Howard or Spelman or Florida A&M. By the end of the month, Loretha Holloway was Mrs. Loretha Lyon. She was the last person to find out about it.
Cookie also didn't mention the part that she didn't figure out until she was well into her forties - that there was absolutely no way, from his position, that Lucious would have missed seeing Cookie's father coming up the driveway in his truck. Lucious wanted Cookie's father to see what he was doing to his little girl that day. Even then, Cookie was Lucious's possession.
"Come with me," Anika said after what felt like a lifetime later, though it had only been a few minutes.
"Huh?" Cookie was half asleep. Just telling Anika that small part of her life had exhausted her. She didn't want to move.
Anika gently patted Cookie's rear end. "Stand up and come outside with me."
"Outside? Anika, it's pouring rain out there."
"I have patio furniture out there. We won't get wet." Cookie grudgingly stood, arms folded as Anika stood and stretched. "You trust me, right?" she asked gently, taking Cookie by the hand. Cookie nodded slowly, and was rewarded with a smile and a kiss on the lips. "Good. Now follow me."
The awning on the patio was large enough and far back enough that there was no fear of Cookie or Anika getting wet. It had been a long time since Cookie sat back and watched the rain fall. Connecting the sight to the sound to even the smell of rain falling was something Cookie hadn't done in years and years. It was breathtaking, and a little overwhelming. She had Anika to thank for that. The two of them sipped on wine and held hands, saying nothing but enjoying each other's company.
Feeling a little tipsy by the time she was done with her second glass, Anika gave up a silent prayer, took a deep breath and straddled Cookie's lap. This time, Cookie smiled in appreciation. Anika took Cookie's face in her hands and held it close to her own. "Listen to me, Cookie Lyon," Anika ordered. "You are not a scared little girl anymore. And you're not a caged animal with nowhere to move. You are my brilliant, beautiful, sexy Lyoness, and I will not let anybody take the rain away from you."
Anika brought Cookie's mouth to hers so she could enjoy a soft, sweet kiss. Cookie surprised Anika by fisting Anika's hair while swirling her tongue around Anika's. Cookie shifted her hips, forcing Anika to stand, and Cookie walked Anika back to the patio table and began to tug on her shorts. "Cookie, this table is going to tip over if you try to put me up there!" Anika gasped, thrilled with what was happening, but having no desire to break her tailbone. "And this storm is getting real bad." Anika bit her lip. "You…you wanna take this back inside?" Like in my bedroom? In my bed? Anika prayed to herself.
Cookie pretended to think it over, just long enough for Anika's heart to race. "Hell, yeah," Cookie said emphatically.
"About time!" Anika threw her arms around Cookie and they laughed as they cuddled and kissed. "Mmm, save some for inside," Anika said, hating to tear herself from Cookie's arms. "I'm gonna run us a hot bath first."
"Good." Cookie put a nice, firm whap across Anika's scantily clad ass. "Go run my bath, woman."
"You're not coming back inside with me?" Anika asked. "How do you want me to draw up a bath?"
"Surprise me," Cookie answered back. "And don't have me sitting in some dirty-ass tub with your leg hair floating in the water."
"Gross, Cookie." Anika practically floated back inside the house. She couldn't believe that this was finally happening. Cookie wanted Anika after all. Not just to taunt her, but for-real-for-real. Anika ran the bathwater, then took a small bottle of massage oil and tossed it in the water so it would be nice and warm when they were done with their bath. Finally, Anika added a couple of fizzy bath balls and lit some candles in the bathroom and bedroom. Now all that was missing was some wine – and Cookie, of course.
When Anika made it back to the patio, she found that Cookie wasn't sitting in the chair anymore. In fact, Cookie wasn't sitting down at all. Rather, Cookie was standing in the pouring rain with her head towards the sky. It would've made for a beautiful sight, except that Cookie's lips were also moving. Anika couldn't hear anything Cookie was saying, but she was talking to somebody – to God, to Lucious, to her father, somebody – and this one-sided conversation was beginning to agitate her. Was Cookie praying? Singing? Reciting something?
There were times to go and times to stay put, and Anika had a feeling that this was one of those times to stay put. Cookie was having a much-needed conversation with whoever she was talking to. It hurt to not join Cookie outside and ease her pain, but Anika knew she had to stand back and let Cookie have this moment to herself, at least temporarily. Still, it was hard to do so. Even knowing Cookie very well, just watching her made Anika nervous for reasons she couldn't describe.
As Anika stood still and watched, Cookie rocked. She pulled. She paced. She stood still. She gripped her body, gripped her hair, gripped the railing, talking all the while God, to Lucious, to her father, somebody. Her hands moved faster and her lips moved faster, but Anika knew better than to interfere.
Then Cookie began to scream – really scream - at the sky. Her outburst was so loud that even through the storm, Anika could hear Cookie's voice. Cookie gripped the balcony rail again, jerking her body back and forth in fury. Then Cookie slammed her palms against the wood one, two, three times, still screaming at the sky, and Anika knew that she couldn't leave Cookie alone anymore. Any moment the guardrail could give way, or the sheer force of Cookie's hands against the rail would flip her body over. "Cookie! Cookie, Cookie, Cookie!" Anika quickly rushed outside and wrapped her arms around Cookie's waist. "Cookie, no! Stop! Calm down!"
Rather than being angry with Anika, Cookie collapsed in Anika's arms, crying uncontrollably until they both went down to the ground together, still in the pouring rain. "Shh, Cookie. It's okay. I'm here," Anika soothed. "I'm here for you, baby." She pulled Cookie into her arms and rocked her as if she was a small child, not a grown woman. "You can cry all you want to, Cookie. I got you, okay?" Cookie's vulnerability wasn't sexy anymore. It was heartbreaking.
Clinging to Anika and not making a move from the balcony rail. Anika barely caught Cookie's words. "I want my daddy."
"Oh, Cookie," Anika murmured, not moving a muscle. All the rain in the world couldn't compare to the intensity and the sheer volume of over 30 years of tears. "I know you do, baby. I know you do."
There was no need for that warm bath now, as Anika and Cookie were both soaked to their skin. After drying each other off, Anika tossed a dry towel across her bed and guided Cookie to it, laying on her stomach while Anika perched herself in the small of Cookie's back, one leg on each side of her naked body.
Anika had seen Cookie nude a number of times. Since the two started working out together, it wasn't unusual for Cookie to strip naked before stepping on the scale. The first time it happened, Anika nearly choked on her water. "Sorry," Cookie apologized. She'd gotten so accustomed to strip searches and random investigations that naked women didn't make Cookie blink, and eventually Anika got used to it.
Tonight, however, was different. In the warmth and safety of Anika's king-sized bed, Cookie's now-dry body was bathed in candlelight, and she seemed all but defenseless. "Am I too heavy?" Anika asked, holding the bottle up over her head and squeezing it slowly so the oil dripped on Cookie's back.
"Mmm-mmm. You're perfect."
Anika let her hands wander wherever she wanted them to go. Up Cookie's back, across her shoulder blades, down her spine. She alternated between her palms, her fingertips and her fingernails, lightly grazing them across Cookie's back until she hissed and raised herself up on her stomach, tilting her head back so that Anika could kiss her from up high.
There would be none of Cookie's nookie that night. Anika knew that Cookie was too exhausted, physically and emotionally, and the last thing Anika wanted to do was take advantage of her in such an emotional state. "You forgive me for wrecking our anniversary?" Cookie asked when Anika was finished and Cookie felt as loose as a dishrag, ready to slide to the floor and never move again.
"Well, let's see." Anika rolled over on her side, and Cookie did the same. "We had an awesome spaghetti dinner. Your hair looks marvelous if I say so myself. And you conquered a big issue that's been eating at you for what, 30 years?"
"30 years… that's about right, yeah." Damn. Anika was only 32.
"And here you are, finally starting to treat me like I'm your girlfriend, instead of your prison bitch." Anika kissed the tip of Cookie's nose. "I'd say tonight is a big success."
Cookie yawned. "I never knew you wanted to be my girlfriend," she commented, laying on her back out of habit. Seventeen years in prison meant that Cookie would probably spend the rest of her life sleeping on her back.
"You didn't?" Anika sat up, her stomach twisting into knots. "So what, you're saying that you're not my girlfriend?"
"Not at all." Cookie reached out and took Anika by the hand, tugging her gently until Anika was laying in her arms. "I'm saying that I'm glad that I'm your girlfriend. I'm proud to be your girlfriend." Cookie tilted Anika's chin until she was looking up into Cookie's eyes. "You know I need you, right?" she asked Anika. "I need you in my life."
"You do? Why?" Six months ago, Cookie could barely stand Anika. And now? Me. Cookie needs me!
"Because you push me. You inspire me. You keep me on my toes. You let me be me, and that's a lot more than I can say for a lot of people, even my own sons." Cookie laid back down and gave Anika an extra tight squeeze. "But you better give me a call next time you're running late and it's raining."
"I will, baby," Anika promised as she positioned herself above Cookie, straddling her from up high. She was so happy that she nearly floated out of the bed. Cookie was proud to be her girlfriend? Could higher words of praise ever be said? "Cookie, I'm so sorry I pushed you. And I never meant to slap you." She bent down and kissed Cookie on her forehead, then her nose, then both of her cheeks, and her lips last. "Do you forgive me? I swear it'll never happen again."
"Oh, I know it won't." Cookie playfully ticked Anika until she squealed and settled herself in Cookie's arms, the way it usually was. "Tomorrow, I need you to show me how to use that damn oven of yours," Cookie was practically sleeptalking by that point. "And if you're really sorry, bake me a new carrot cake."
"I will. But you have to grate the carrots."
"Deal." With that, Cookie was out like a light. Anika stayed awake for a few minutes, trying to soak it all in. Me. Cookie needs me. Anika thought, filled with happiness and appreciation and…love? Maybe, in the future. Maybe in the not-very-far-off future. Maybe a whole lot sooner than Anika wanted to admit. She didn't dare to revisit the issue, not tonight. Why tempt the gods?
For now, Anika knew her spot in Cookie's life was nice and secure, if for no other reason than her braiding and baking skills. After all, who else could bake Cookie carrot cake and have her hair cornrowed in a little over an hour? Damn right, Cookie needs me, Anika thought smugly, and she took her place securely in Cookie's arms, smiling all the way into her cream cheese frosting dreams.
END