Better Left Unknown

A/N: Well not all Valentine's Days are like what they say

I don't know how I should say this but I can't afford to lose another chance. It's only two days before February fourteen and I want you to know what I really feel towards you.

Last night, after you went home from work, I stayed in the office and read your Valentine's letter from different men. As I browsed through each letter confessing love, or rather infatuation or maybe worse than that which is lust, I felt ashamed for them. These kids, I sighed. They never really learn. Every year, they send long letters to you, thinking they have a chance. And fair enough, they don't I know you're seen as an object of sex but you're not what they think you are. They think you're as easy as a teenage blonde but no, you're actually the hardest of all women. I laugh at all these men. No, boys. These boys, even older than me, know nothing about you. They write all these cheesy statements that tick me off. These are impossible men. I returned the letters back to your box of letters. Wait, there's another box. It's a little box with a padlock. I got it from its place and I chuckled as I saw that it was unlocked. To my delight, it's evident that you've been reading whatever is in this precious box. I opened the box and saw letters. Oh they were just a few, maybe three. I wanted to read them but I had this urge not to. It was something private and I didn't want to get into any trouble.

I put your things back to where they were and went back to my desk. I decided to do the paperwork that you repeatedly failed to accomplish and sighed loudly. I really hate the fact that you're such a lazy ass. You give me headaches every single day. You run around showing me your cleavage and I hate it. It's not that I hate your boobs. I hate the fact that my body is quietly responding to them.

You always go around missing and when you return to the office, you're drunk as fuck. And yes, it's always me who cleans up every mess you make. Once, someone asked me why I still keep you. I could always have another lieutenant. I could have someone who's responsible and hardworking and not distracting. Yes, my life would be easier if my lieutenant was like that. I shrug the idea as soon as it enters my mind. You? Replaced? No.

I imagine myself sitting pretty as my hardworking lieutenant does what he must. But then, along with that satisfaction of efficiency and productivity, is the feeling of longing. It's true, you're such a pain in the ass, but you're my pain in the ass. I would give up the idea of having an efficient subordinate if it wasn't you. I couldn't last a day without those good mornings from you. No. You may be irritating as fuck, but I like being irritated by you. I would miss the pain of being me, because I would miss you, my number one pain in the ass.

As I did your paperwork, I remembered those cheesy letters from boys all over Seireitei and I chuckle. They're really annoyingly funny. I pity their desperation. But I pity myself even more. They, those thugs, have the courage to risk things just to confess some feeling that isn't even remotely true. They keep on moving forward, into the chance of having you. But I, the one who truly knows your pain, never even make a slight move. I really hate the fact that I am seen as a numb man. I may seem like it but I do have a heart. I do have feelings and I do fall in love. And by chance, I have fallen in love with you.

For the past years, you've been going out on Valentine's Day without me knowing where you've been going or who you've been going out with. I never questioned it. You're the most beautiful woman that ever existed and it's a given that you'll always have a date, especially on Valentine's Day. Every year, you go home with a smile on your face and I feel so happy for you but jealous of the one who made you smile in such a way. I really want to be the one who makes you smile. If you would just permit me.

So this year, I'm going to ask you out on a date.

The next morning, you went to the office earlier than the usual. You greeted me with your signature hug and I grumbled as you giggled. I was a little uneasy since, I have never asked anyone to come with me on a date. You looked at me expectantly as you teased me about Valentine's. I grew redder than ever and shouted at you to stop teasing and just start doing your work. You laughed at my face and went to your office. I sighed in relief. How the hell do those guys manage to confess to you? It's just impossible for me.

At the end of the day I went to your office and caught you staring at the window. "Matsumoto, are you okay?" I asked in a concerned tone. She came back to her senses and smiled, "Of course Taicho." I nodded and scratched my head. You looked at me and raised your eyebrow. I have had it. I won't let another man have you on Valentine's Day. "Matsumoto, um, may you come with me tomorrow?"

"But Taicho, it is Valentine's Day tomorrow! Don't be such a killjoy!" You whined. Oh great, the Hitsugaya stereotype of being a workaholic. I blushed. "No, I mean, let's have a date," I sheepishly said. Your mouth formed the most perfect smile you have ever worn. "Thank you Toshiro but I'm already booked," you stood up and hugged me from behind. I felt hurt. This wasn't a good idea after all. You already have a date and here I am rejected. I chuckled and told you that it's okay, maybe next time will do.

You stooped down and whispered into my ear, "I love you Toshiro." I didn't know if that was another of your daily dose of teasing. But it sounded real. You hugged me tighter and I felt so warm. You rejected me yet I still feel that I have succeeded. The hug was so long and you started smelling my hair. "Matsumoto, what are you going to do tomorrow and who are you going with anyway?" I blurted out. You were about to say something but you laughed. "It's a secret," You broke away from me. Fine. You stuck your tongue out and dragged me towards the exit. "Come on Taicho, let's go home," I had a feeling you really didn't want me to know. I sighed and nodded.

That night, I didn't fall asleep. I was thinking of the guy you'll be with and the places where you will go. It even came to the point wherein I cringed as I thought you would be making love tomorrow. It sucks. The next day, Valentine's Day, I got ready for work but it seems that I was the only one who was going to work. I saw you dressed in a beautiful purple kimono. You didn't see me. Maybe this was my chance of knowing what you did every fourteenth of February. I decided to follow you.

I hid my reiatsu as I phantom-ed while following you. You weren't going to a restaurant or a bar. It was so weird. You were walking into the forest, oh wait, your home when you were still little. Well that was weird for a romantic date. As you reached the lonely shack, you chuckled as you stood still. I hid behind a tree and observed you. There was no one there. What a guy, late. Who would let you wait? I waited for some dude to get to you but no, no one was there. You went to a familiar place, with a tombstone. It was Gin's grave.

"Good morning Gin! I hope you like my outfit for this year," You said as you sat on the grass. "I've missed you," you sighed in desperation. You put out the food and yes, they were dried persimmons. "I brought you your favourite!" you giggled. You started talking about things. I noticed that you talked about me too much. I shook my head in disbelief. But yes, I felt blood rush through my cheeks. After a while, you started crying. "I miss you Gin, I still do. I always will" You sniffed as tears ran through your face. I couldn't bear the sight of it. After all these years, it's still Gin. I hated that man. I don't know why you still love him. He's been dead for a while now and you still haven't had a single Valentine's date. I've been here for eternity yet you still see me as family. No, I want to be someone else. I couldn't bear it anymore that I shunpoed away from the area and got myself into a bar. I drank a lot and yes I did get drunk.

I needed to intoxicate myself to escape from the reality. You tell me you love me but then you rejected me on a date and visited that sick ghost instead. I can't understand Matsumoto. But oh, the look in your eyes was so sad. I wanted to run to you and hug you. But you didn't want anybody to know about the fact that you're still not over Gin.

I guess, sometimes, things are better left unknown. The truth hurts. And the truth is that, I love you still and always will. But always is something I'll never get tired of. One day, I'll understand everything. I won't ever stop loving you. Why should I? These feelings will never go away. Why supress something as beautiful as love?

But yes, I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. This year, I mustered up all the courage to ask you on a date. This year, you rejected me. This year, I found out that you've been having a date with the deceased Ichimaru for all eternity. And this year, was my first time to cry. It's so painful. But it's so heart-warming. To feel so much pain because of so much love…it is indeed a pleasure.

I woke up to February fifteen with a blanket wrapped around me. And I know it was you who took care of the sober Hitsugaya Toshiro.

Cheers to ya'll who are contented with the world of fiction. Let's all drown our sorrow and happiness in this world of the unknown.