Brittany sprains one of her ankles while pulling a crazy stunt for a choreography.
She gets whiny, depressed, and generally? More than bringing them all down, it's making them all slightly homicidal.
So it's decided that she needs to find a hobby that will entertain her for the time that she's incapable to join them in the dance routines.
Rachel's brilliant idea is cross stitching.' It's perfect!', she says. 'It's easy, engaging, not likely to kill her, and also harmless to everyone else.'
Turns out, Brittany ends up loving cross stitching; this is great for all parties involved.
…But then she focuses so much on it that she forgets to come to school for a whole week, and when she comes back? She's bearing gifts.
"Britt, sweetie, I… thanks?"
At least Mercedes' one says something that's not as terribly inappropriate as some of the others she's seen. Hers is just... yellow. Really yellow. And it tells her that if she doesn't like cats, then she doesn't like Brittany.
... Which, okay. Maybe she was sort of rude towards Mr. Tubbington and whatever, but please the thing is like huge. There are tigers smaller than that cat, for Christ's good sakes. So, yeah, she doesn't feel that bad about the ball of fur.
But, still, innocuous.Childish and passive-aggressive like all hell, sure, but innocuous enough.
Some of the others, on the other hand? Some of the others are plain crazy.
Tina's one is a black number that reads, stark and white and for everyone to read but did you orgasm? And if Brittany wasn't just physically incapable of being that deliberately and downright mean, Mercedes would read much more on the jab than she does. Because, Britt is just too sweet to imply the kind of things that, say, Santana or maybe even Quinn, could've implied with that.
Tina's face is priceless anyway.
Oh, and Finn's. Finn's is, like, hilarious. It says Free your mind and your ass will follow, which... oh, girl, good one. Just, good one (that Stop in the Name of Love/Free Your Mind mash-up? So not the boys' best idea, even if it did get them Beiste back, just sayin').
When Brittany hands Puck his handmade gift, she says (cheerful and sweet) don't worry, Puck! I'm making more of them, so you can hang them all over your house! And give them to your clients to put on their bedrooms so you'll feel at home!
The item says this is where we get our fuck on.
Mercedes would feel bad for Puck's rep as a total boy-hoe, except that... well, it's Puck, so he is kind of a boy-hoe all on his own merits.
(She does, however, feel bad for him when Lauren kind of gives him the stink eye. Because, fixing that one? Yeah, boy, not gonna be an easy task.)
There's one she hasn't seen, however.
Kurt's.
Brittany makes her merry way towards him, her skirt happily bouncing with every step she takes; she sits on his lap and gives him a soft blue piece of cloth that no one else can catch sight of.
Whatever it says? Must be real good, because it makes Kurt's eyes go wide, his jaw drop, and his cheeks burn.
Blaine, who is sitting next to him, blinks owlishly once or twice before furrowing his eyebrows and sending a disbelieving and hurt look to Kurt, who is still looking at the thing like it has said something atrocious but fascinating to him. It's the kind of stare that he gets after seeing some of Vivienne Westwood's more outlandish collections.
"You never... Have you two...?"
And then Britt pecks Kurt on the lips and skips away, smiling bright and proud.
As Kurt recomposes himself to start assuring Blaine that whatever the thing says is not even slightly close to meaning whatever Blaine is thinking it means, Mercedes makes a mental note to steal the controversial cross stitched present.
(It features a picture of a yellow rooster, with two words beneath: Nice Cock. It's been an hour since she saw it, and she still can't stop laughing. Oh, God.)