Disclaimer: All of the characters in this story belong to Sarah J Maas. She also owns all of the content that this story is based on.
A.N. So this is a spin-off of my other story, A Court of Guns and Glass. This story is different from ACOGAG because it focuses on the story-line of Elain and Azriel, rather than Feyre and Rhys. This first chapter is taken directly from ACOGAG, but if I decide to continue with this it will probably split off and have it's own timeline. But, the two stories will continue to happen simultaneously.
Chapter 1
There's a knock at the door, but I don't move. I don't even blink, I just stay where I am, perfectly tucked away into my secret place. This place that no one else knows of, that no one else can ruin by finding me.
Whoever it is knocks again, slightly louder. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, the tears seem to have stopped for the moment, and the panic seems to have resided.
"Elain?" At the voice of my younger sister, I open my eyes. Feyre wouldn't hurt me, she spends a great deal of her time trying to protect me from myself.
"It's open." I call. I cringe at how horse my voice is, she'll know that I've been crying.
I hear the door to the apartment creek open and then click closed. "Where are you?" Feyre says, she's inside the apartment now, so even though we're separated by a door, she doesn't have to speak very loudly.
"Bathroom." I try to sound strong, but with her here I instantly feel more vulnerable, and let out a somewhat involuntary whimper.
Feyre bangs into the bathroom with such speed and force I recoil further into my hiding place, that space between the lip of the bathtub and the bowl of the toilet.
I watch as my younger sister takes in the scene. Her hands clench into fists at her sides as rage overtakes her face.
"Where did he go?" She's more grunting rather than speaking, but I manage to catch her words.
I shake my head at her, knowing that she's assuming Graysen has done something to me again. "No, no Feyre. He didn't do this."
She doesn't show any sign of having calmed down even a fraction. "Then who did?"
I swallow and manage to get out what is little more than a whisper. "I did."
I watch as her anger vanishes from her face. She then walks over to where I am and squats down so her eye are level with mine.
"Okay honey. Well let's get you out of here first, and then you can tell me about it." She reaches forward and grabs me by the biceps. She then begins to pull on me. My panic comes rushing back, slamming over all coherent thoughts I had. The only thing I can think is that I can't move. That I need to be right here in this space.
"No. No. No. No." I fight even the smallest amount of movement, and I can feel her stop pulling on me. Although, she does keep her hands where they are on my arms. "I. I have. I have. I have to stay. Stay. Stay here. Right here." Somewhere in the back of my mind I can understand that I'm spewing complete nonsense, but I can't stop. My panic has me locked in and all I can do is try to tell her not to move me.
After my outburst she lifts her hands off me and up in a sign of surrender. "Okay. We'll stay right here Elain." I nod to fast, but as soon as her hands leave me, some sense begins to return to me. "Can you tell me what happened?" Her tone of voice sounds like she's speaking to a skittish deer that she's trying to tame. But once I register her actual words, terror and dread take hold of my heart.
"You can't tell him." The words are out before I 've even had the forethought to think the sentence all the way through.
"I can't tell who?"
The list of "him's" she can't tell runs through my brain faster than lighting. I catch one name and hold onto it for dear life.
"Graysen. You can't tell Graysen." Her expression turns thoughtful, so I reach out and grab her forearms, digging my fingers into her skin. I need her to stay calm right now. I need her to be my anchor in this sea of emotions and panic.
The future defining, potentially future ruining piece of plastic is still in my left hand, but I'm to desperate to care. "You have to promise." The sane part of my brain chimes in to let me know that I sound like a lunatic.
"Okay. Okay Elain. I promise. I won't tell Graysen."
At her words, my fear and panic evaporate, leaving my body empty and heavy. I lean back against the wall again and let my eyes drift closed. I am also now, completely exhausted by the day's events.
"What can't I tell Graysen?" Her voice is soft, but I still feel the panic rising like bile from the back of my throat. I snap my eyes open and stare at her.
I say the cursed words, but I say them all at once and slightly under my breath. Feyre leans closer to me.
"What?"
"I'm" I can't bring myself to say the life-altering word, so I lower my volume down to a whisper.
"What?" Some frustration is beginning to ooze out of my younger sister.
"I'm p..." Now I'm starting to get frustrated with her. I know I'm whispering but still, get your shit together Feyre.
She suddenly bursts and begins to yell. "Oh my god Elain what is it?"
I can't take it anymore, I scream the words back at her. "I'm pregnant!"
Feyre loses her balance and falls from her feet to her ass. I would laugh at the event if I was in a better mood.
She says nothing, just stares at me with her eyes wide and her mouth open. I match her silence, letting it sink in. Eventually she speaks.
"But I thought you and Graysen were waiting until you got married." It's not a question, but I look away from her in shame anyways.
"We were."
"Did you elope?" She's whispering now. I can tell that this isn't what she wants to hear right now. Well tough shit for her, I didn't want to hear it either but now I've got to deal with it.
I shake my head and match her volume. "No."
"Then whose?" She wonders. I finally bring it upon myself to look up and meet her eyes. She cringes at me when I do though. "No, you didn't." I nod, half confused. "Lucien? Really Elain? I thought we agreed he's better off with Jesminda."
I blanche when she says his name. How can she be so stupid? "It's not Lucien's!" My words are a hiss and at them confusion covers Feyre's face.
"Then who have you been having sex with?"
I am honestly astonished that she hasn't figured it out. I'm shocked that she hasn't seen the signs. "Azriel!" My tone is a little harsher than I'd like.
Her jaw instantly drops to the floor and her eyes go as wide as plates.
It's now been about half-an-hour, and I have calmed down enough to move from my secret place. I now sit on my bed next to Feyre. We're in the exact same position, and I cannot tell which of us thought of it first but whoever did, the other decided to mimic them. Our feet are flat on the floor about shoulder-width apart, leaning forward with our forearms braced on our thighs. There is one difference though, I'm holding the positive pregnancy test in my hands.
"So." Feyre says.
"So." I repeat, not knowing what else to say.
"How long have you been sleeping with Az?"
I run through it in my mind. That first night together. I start to lose myself in the memory when I think of the way his hands felt around me, the way his lips felt when they pressed against every surface of my body. I close my eyes, but then Feyre bumps me with her shoulder and reality comes crashing back around me.
"Year and a half?" I finally say. I can feel Feyre then turn to look at me. I'm once again staring at the pink pregnancy test in my hands.
"You've been sleeping with my husband's best friend for a year and a half and you didn't tell me!" It's less of a question and more of an explosion of emotion. I feel my cheeks heat under her stare and I can tell that I'm as red as a tomato. I shrink into myself a little, my spin curling, and my posture lowering.
Then suddenly Feyre's wrapped her arms around me. I let out a squeak of surprise. She hugs me so tight its painful and somehow laughter manages to bubble out of me. Within seconds Feyre's laughing with me.
"This is so great! Rhys will be so excited!"
The laughter dies on my lips. "You can't tell Rhys."
She seems to have missed the shift in my tone. "Oh of course of course, you have to tell Az first."
"I might not tell Az."
She pulls away from me then and holds me an arm's length away from her. "What?"
"I might not tell Azriel about the pregnancy." I repeat it slowly, making sure she gets each word.
"Why not?" Her tone is harsh, and I flinch a little at the abruptness of it.
I then bring my eyes up to meet hers. I curse at the burn of unshed tears that I can't seem to stop. "I might not keep it." There it is. I've said the words. The words that have been plaguing me for long hours. M voice sounds a bit watery to me, and I can only imagine how I sound to her. I look back down at my hands and the news they bear.
"E" I shake my head to stop her from talking anymore. I can hear her own unshed tears and I don't need to deal with her emotions right now. Hell, I can barely deal with mine.
Then my thoughts turn to my legitimate relationship. To Graysen, what he'll do, what he'll say. "He'll kill me when he finds out." I then let out a guttural laugh when I realize I've said the words aloud.
"We don't have to tell him." I know she's trying to placate me.
"If I keep it, he'll want to know why I left."
"You already have more than enough reason to leave."
"No, I don't Feyre." I chortle when she falls silent. "You know, he doesn't believe in abortion. He'll make me keep it." If I stay with him. The unsaid words echo in my head.
If I stay with Graysen and don't leave him for Azriel. But then, should I even keep the baby? I could leave both and have the baby alone, I could get an abortion and stay with Graysen, I could get an abortion and stay with Azriel, but then again, I could have the baby with either of them. Graysen just might get a little curious about where the pregnancy came from, but that would be a little fun fact on the long story of our lives.
Feyre reaches over and touches my arm lightly. "You know who wouldn't force you to do anything?" I remain silent, knowing what she wants to hear, but knowing that even Azriel has wants and needs, and that he has feelings that he can't set aside for me. "Az wouldn't force anything on you. He would be there for you." I bite back another chortle at her naivety. "He wants to be there for you E."
I bite back a million comments. Sometimes I forget how young Feyre really is. But I know what she needs right now. Even though I'm going through this shit, she needs me to need her. So, I'll just give it to her. I don't have enough energy to fight her mind games.
"He does?" I sound like a drowned, harassed rat. Probably because of all the crying.
"He does. He's the one who called me when you wouldn't see him this morning." I look back to her. Of course, the dumbass called her when I kicked him out of bed this morning. I wanted to take a damn pregnancy test by myself. Jesus, doesn't anyone understand that I'm a person who can make my own decisions? I'm not a helpless little girl. Even though I can't stop crying, and now my nose is running and there's nothing I can do to stop it. "You should tell him." I nod.
I should tell him. No matter what my decision is, it will affect him in some way, shape, or form.
"Okay." I take a deep breath and wipe at my mess of a face. "Can you call him?"
A weird look covers her face. "Do you want me to tell him?"
I want to bang my head into a wall. "No. I want you to get him here."
She smiles at me. "Yeah. I can do that." She then stands up and walks over to her purse. She then looks at her phone, starts grinning, and walks back to me. "I've never seen him do this. Have you?" She shows me her phone. On it I a series of text messages and missed calls from Azriel. Each text is more ridiculous than the last and I feel my eyes widen. It's true, I've never seen him act this insane before.
"Wow." There's no noise when I say the word, so I just end up mouthing it to myself.
"I think he might love you Elain."
"You think?"
She misses my slight sarcasm. "I think."
A.N. R&R please! I'm a bit on the fence about writing more of this, so if you could tell me your opinion about it I would be very appreciative!