Hello guys! I am re-doing this story. After reading it i was dissatisfide and i decided to make a " clean version" of this story.
Chapter two update will come soon!

Ka-ne-ki, I know you want it. There is no need to be upset...Dry those unnecessary tears boy."

Blinded by those tears streaming down his face, Kaneki runs past shops and houses.
His feet moving on the rhythm of his heartbeat. Faster and faster, hurting every joint and muscle.
Over stretching them as he jumps over fences and crisscrosses over pavements.
He feels like colapsing under his own weight any moment but he holds on to that
thought of getting there in time. Of making sure he does not die on his way to the place he needs to be.
Pushing away the people who walked to slow he left many cursing at him.
Some even tried catching up with him, to give him a good beating but he is to quick on his feet.

"Run Kaneki, RUN, you little bastard!"

That voice...she never shuts up.

From the day that she had saved him with her blood and organs, he hate himself. He could feel her,
see her silhouette and having her voice filling his brain with nonsense and awful thoughts.
Even though she was long gone, somehow her soul had attached itself to him. He tried to ignore her,
tried not to listen to her words but as the days went by, her voice started to become more clear.
Louder infact as she managed to drown out his own thoughts. Every rasp, every laughter
and the foul language she lashed out at him. It made his skin crawl. That woman was pestering him
about 'how he must eat'. How exciting and delicious it is. The sensation of meat melting in your mouth
and that taste, the bittersweet meaning of their existence. How he would die if he did not consume something soon...

It had been one and a half week and his hunger was driving him insane. At school, on the street,
even at home he could smell them from fare away. He felt tortured by the rumbling and squeezing of his stomach.
He knew when the neighbors came home and when they left. The worst moments were
when they would returned from the gym or had sex. Their odor of intense body activity made it more difficult for him
to hold himself back. It was penetrating his nose and mind. He dreamed about it, fantasizing and watching them closely.
To close at times.
He always went shopping at night, to avoid to many stimulation and impulses as there are less people on the streets.
He had just walked up the stairs as he heard a sound right behind him and the not to be misplaced hot, soure and sweet smell
that moved through the cold air. It was one of the neighbores, she just came home from a latenight run.
His breath became heavier, his mind dazed as her smell invaded his nasal mucous membranes. Mouth filling with saliva and
his hands twitching as he got over excisted. He pushed one of his hands in to the pocket of his vest.
With the other he tightend the hoodie over his head and fumbled in his pocket to get the key.
As he opened the door, he tryed to retrive his bag in a haste, he grabbed the handle and the plastic ripped at the bottom.
"O dear! Let me help you with that." Bending over she was already helping him grabing some groceries.
Looking weird at all the packs off coffee she turned to Kaneki.
"No wonder you look so pale, do you even sleep? She said with a grin. Promptly she stepped inside and made her way in to his house.
"T-thank you…." Kaneki stuttered, "D-don't mind me, your husband is probable waiting." He said forcing a smile
and carrying the rest of the packs in to his home.
"Don't worry, he isn't home yet. Damn Kaneki, you should clean up ones in awail."she said as she kicked some clother away.
She was honest, a bit to honest to his liking. In the past they would chat at times but he hadn't spoken to her in a long time.
But there she was, in shorts and a spaghetti strap top, her skin still wet and glistening in the light of his apartment… they were alone.
He stopped in his tracks as his heart rate turned up. The lingering smell of her sweat was like sitting in a burger joint,
with a fat, juicy baconburger waiting to be devoured.
He could see the hairs on her arm standing on end as she caught up with his off putting vibes.
" You should go now." He simple said, turning his face away from her.
"….Yes…well…bye than…" she said uncomfortable and left the apartment.
"You really are an idiote. Why did you let her walk away?!"
The woman spoke in his head. Ignoring her he placed the coffee on his kitchencounter and shoveled more clothes in to the corner.
She was right about his room…

Being together with his best friend was a nightmare aswell.
No doubt he loved his friend dearly but the hunger made him turn in to a dark being.
Thinking about his friend in ways that made him drool uncontrollable.
Today they had gotten together at Anteiku's for a nice cup of coffee. He figured that coffee was the only thing
that he could drink without gagging. They would sit and talk and laugh,
but then his 'inner voice' started talking again.
"Don't you want to taste him? Don't you want to sink your teeth in to his flesh ? So tender,
so juicy. He looks a bit skinny but he must be exquisite. Or that woman at the other table?
you are really missing every feast that passes by"

"SHUT UP!"

He eyed his friend, as the boys hands moved up and down as he explained how
he had gotten away from a old hag who tried to hit on. But Kaneki's mind kept wondering,
his stare intensivying and after that day he decided it was for he best to ignored him.
First he still went to his classes. Hideyoshi tryed to get contact with him
but everytime he approached, Kaneki would walk away. In the end, he stopped going to school al together and stayed at home.
Hideyoshi wasn't someone you could block easily, so it was hard for him to
avoid him or to ignore his talking. On a rainy morning, he saw Hideyoshi walk past him,
his friend did not spoke a word to him. Did not jump him or budged him like he always did.
Not even one look was given as he disappeared in to the door of Anteiku.
The only thing to get ride of now, was that voice.

running down the next block, the streets had become more quiet. Only a few people where strolling
along the pavement. Heavily breathing he ducked in to an ally and hide behind a dumpster.
Terrified he made himself smaller to avoid being seen by a bypassing woman.
her dog had picked up his scent and growled but she pulled on his leash, telling him to walk on.
The black sky, normally showered with bright stars, was blank except for the moon with its soft pale glow.
As the morning had come and go, the rain had stayed and the wind play with the droplets as it swept them
in all kinds of directions. Most people had already dissembled themselves inside their warm houses or walked
with a thick coat and an umbrella above their heads.
His jeans had turned a dark blue, his shoes did held out the rain for a bit but the water trickling down
the fringe of his trouser legs socked his socks and so they had no use. The t-shirt he wore outlined his thin body.
Not eating caused him to lose so much weight, he had gotten the nickname "mr. Skeleton" from the clerk.
His hair sticking to his face, just like his clothing on his body. Shaking and trembling he opened and closed his fingers
as he watched the water sliding through the lines in his hands. Something had brought him here, he knew it because
he had been following this sent for quit a wail. The smell was strong and wonderful, it sharpened all his senses
but blurred his vision of the world. It reminded him of his moms home cooked meals from when he was small.
On rare occasions they would sit and eat together. He would sit as close as possible to her to feel her present
as she smiled at him with a tired face. A stream of tears swelled and dribbled down his cheeks.
He wiped his running nose with his wet sleeve. He missed his mother, he missed his best friend.
But most of all, he missed the food. Al the comforts in life was taken away from him and he couldn't
help but watch as he started to fall apart. Now that he was alone, he got up from his spot and walked
over to the place where the scent was the strongers.
Saliva dripped from his mouth as he looked at the dark figure in the corner, motionless it layed on ground wrapped in a blanket.
Shaking his head as if he wanted to wake up from a nightmare he turned his back to it and start walking away.
He was no bastard that would lower himself to the level of disgusting habbits that 'those people' have. As the days had past,
his legs had gotten weak from hunger and his stomach was like a brick in his body, a solid emptiness.
The hunger made him stay and so did the voice inside his head.

"Kaneki-kun, can you smell it? That wonderful , delicious smell! Can you see it?
The buffet right in front of you? The only thing you need to do is to get over there and take a bite.
One itty bitty little bite and let the flavour explode in your mouth! I promise you, no, I guaranty you...
It is utter bliss."

Crawling over to the rotten body, he sniffed ones, twice. Even thought it was a bit odd it reminded
him of beef stew or oven baked roosbief. He could feel his blood pump through his veins,
sending it to the organs that were shrinking with the day he did not eat.
This was the first time for him, seeing a dead man...
It's rotten face staring at the wall. The rats had done themselves good on him. His skin was greenish black
and he started to bloat a little making the already small vest look even tighter.
Kaneki reached out to the leg, but it started to wiggle! quickly pulling back his hand he saw a rat crawling out
of the man's trousers and running past him in to the back of the ally.
Squeaking, it called out to its friends but they all kept hidden away from the boy on his knees.

The rain still poured down on him. A broken mirror leaning against the wall, reflected his shathered image he softly touched his face.
It was vague but he could see dark cirkles on his face and he was as white as snow.
But his eyes, the coulor of blood.
"I- I can't, I CAN'T, I CAN'T! I CAAAAAANT!" He shouted out, angrily slamming his fist on the hard stones.
Mud splashed in his eyes. It burned like hell and blinded he crawled to one of the rain filled tubes.
Sitting on his knees, he let the water poor in to his hand to wash the dirt out.
He fell over, rocking like a baby in a foetus position, crying. He felt like that rat, small and dirty, luring in the dark.

"What is it that you wish for?"

And there she was again, like a disease that strikes the moment the body is weak. Her arms wrapped around him,
cradling him as a new-born "What do you desire the most?", she whispered the question in his ear as his sobs grew louder.
He wanted to hit her, pull her of his back but all he grabbed was air. The woman, going by the name Rize Kamishiro,
had clinched on to his body. She was there when he went to sleep and when he was awake... She was everywhere and nowhere.
He wanted her gone but unfortunately, she was bound to his body and his soul. Him and her are the same,
yet so different at the same time.

"I want to help you Kaneki-kun, but i cannot do that if you push me away. I know I'm nothing like your mother,
but I can give you a certain love. A certain….safety. So...stop being pathetic."
He stopped crying the instant she mentioned his mother.
His mother was a proud and loving woman, who would do anything in her power to do good and help others.
Even if it ment her own downfall. And so, by overworking herself, she had called death up on her.
Leaving Kaneki all by himself. Kaneki knew this deep inside his heart, but he didn't dare to bad mouth her, not even in his own head.

" Kaneki...I know you feel lonely...I know you want to go back in time, making everything as it was again.
Eating that juicy hamburger you are craving for but you can't. Besides how you feel, it affects me too.
It is a bothersome feeling which i wish to forget. You might have my body parts but my soul, is mine and mine alone.
You only have to commit yours…to life. You know you can never return to that house, he might be waiting there for you.
Who knows what you will do if you see that boy again? You have a responsibility to carry with you, not only for your friend but to yourself too.
*sign* Parentsless, homeless, friendless, I do pity you somehow...but it's your own fault for falling for my tricks.
You need to make up for your own mistakes…
You need to follow your instinct or you will die...or do something you regret the most.
I know you ignore me, but now my voice will be heard and you WILL listen this time"

She fell silent...
She didn't try to change his mind, she didn't persuade him anymore to eat, no she 'commanded' him to eat.
She was right, he knew that but he felt lost. Lost in a world he didn't understand.
A world he NEVER wanted to understand in the first place.
He despise it, hates it now that he had learned the true colors of being a Ghoul..
.the joy they feel in eating humanflesh.

"Can you smile for me ?..."She asked him, cupping his face gently in her hands making him look in to her eyes.
The mud slighted of his cheek as the raindrops hit his skin. The black and red still scared him, he didn't want to admit to her,
but his body was growing weaker with the moment.
untill his life was hanging on a single silver wire, ready to snap any moment now.

He tried to smile. His face forced in to a grin that looked insane. He could feel a warmth flow from within.
It was different from the cold he had felt for so long. Like a warm blanket her embrace covered his body as she leaned in to him.
Resting her own head on his shoulder holding the back of his head with her warm hand.
He could smell her, feel her. He was tired, he wanted to sleep in and never wake up again.
This was it. His last resort. She had taken it away from him.
That little bit of hope and abstinence he had left vanished as the mist before the sun.
His heart was giving out on him. He moved his head, "I am ready...",
grinning behind her back, his teeth sank in to her 'flesh' and he drank her blood

"You were always ready"