I do not own Hellsing and I'm not making any money from this story
Author's Note: Hey peoples. I wrote this story because I feel like their aren't enough post Millennium/pre Seras fics...so I combined them into one :)
This story alternates from the past to the present through Integra's eyes. Writing an angsty eighteen year old Integra is very fun but I hope you don't find it too much out of character. Let me know what you think :)
itallics=dream/fantasy/inner dialogue
A lone knight on a hill...his back is to me.
The knight's inky locks flow with the wind. A stench hits my nostrils as the breeze caresses my cheeks. It is the smell of death, blood and my redemption.
The knight turns his head slightly towards me. His profile is regal, the [count]enance of a prince. He catches my scent on the pestilent wind and turns fully, eyes flaming.
I see his steed's eyes reflect his own as he rides to me. Our eyes meet on the outskirts of a battlefield, but there is nothing but serenity between us. He gracefully dismounts and kneels before me.
His hand extends to mine, "My countess, let me show you your new kingdom". We join hands and walk to the crest of the hill.
My blood surges at the sight laid before me. A sea of the dead ebbs and flows beneath my feet. For as far as my eyes can see my enemies are impaled or disemboweled.
London is a city of the dead. He did this for me, for my pride [My will be done].
I turn to face him and he is smiling. I see we are the same he and I. How could I ever belong to another. No man can compare. I love him…but love is not the correct word. He is[guardian/teacher/lover] so much more than that. He has laid the world before me and a reward is in order.
He kneels once again and I offer him my hand. I watch his cold lips press against my glove in a kiss. He smiles as I whisper his name and he purrs, "All of your enemies have been rendered silenced, the world is yours, what are your orders my Integra?"
[Burn to ashes][This land is ours]
His eyes widen in want and with a blink the last remnants of London are consumed. A mighty wind carries his unholy flames, devouring everything in its path. He comes to stand behind me and we laugh together. I can feel his desire pressing against me. My head turns to take in his gaze; the fire is so lovely in his eyes. At this moment we are no longer master and servant, we are equals.
His body shifts and changes before my eyes. He returns to his most human form as he relinquishes his power levels. Our eyes never leave one another's.
Suddenly our lips meet. I have never felt a sensation so powerful and will breaking. My soul is wrenched from my body by the kiss.
My heart pounds faster as I begin to float, supported by a mist made of him. I open my eyes and my breath is robbed from my breast. Thousands of eyes block out the sky, the fire…the entire world. There is nothing but each other. He touches every part of my being with his essence, but I feel his physical presence press against my body.
The kiss deepens and my blood flows between our lips. He breaks the kiss to scrape his fangs along my neck
I stand on the viewing deck of the destroyed Millennium head quarters. I take this moment to dwell on the things that should have been, but never will. I feel the police girl put her arm around me and the moment is stolen forever.
"Lets go home, Seras."
My home is smoldering and broken. My entire life destroyed in a matter of hours. Every one I've ever loved is dead.
Blood tears stain her innocent face as she sets me down on the lawn. We both stand in silence…trying to gather our emotions.
She suddenly drops to her knees and I see sobs wrack her delicate frame. Her hands rip through her hair as she begins to wail for her master.
I left her then. She did not call after me.
I walk straight-backed through the familiar halls. My brain on auto-pilot. There is gore all around me, the ruins of my friends. I reach what used to be the familiar door of my private chambers and walk through the blast hole. The sun shines through the glassless windows. I turn to go into my bathroom and am pleased to find my door intact. I open the door and find everything has been obliterated but the connecting wall and my tub. No matter
I turn the taps, nothing comes out. I begin to slowly take off my ragged and blood soaked clothes. I fold them neatly next to the tub. I step in and sit down, my knees hugging my chest.
That was when it finally hit me. I feel my heart being ripped out of my still beating chest just let me die. I gasp for air and grip my knees while blood still streams down my face. My glasses fall …I wont need them anymore anyway.
I can't breathe; the icy hand of grief grips my throat. Everything I love is gone. shattered.taken.
Tears began to stream down my face and I bite my lip to keep from screaming. He's .He's left over. I fall over onto my side, curling into myself.
I stare blankly at the white porcelain in front of me. I reach out to it .so much like him. It is so cold…so perfect. I whisper his name over and over but he does not come.
Over the next few months I began rebuilding my empire. London and the entire United Kingdom was declared an uninhabitable red zone. Only military personal remained on the island. I did not venture off my property but one time for the first year. My home and my family's legacy was the most important thing to me.
Seras and what remained of the Geese began excavating and clearing debris from the manor the day after we arrived home. I laid in my bed for most of the morning trying to will myself to take the next steps. There were so many things that needed to be done. Clean clothes would be nice. Running water would be even better. But I knew my first task was to return to the city. I forced myself out of bed and went to fetch the police girl. She would have to fly me back to our exact location from last night.
After I explained to her what must be done, her cheerful face became crest fallen. She would never be the same with the absence of her master, but the Geese had distracted her from the pain for a little while. I felt awful shattering her short-lived happiness asking her to come with me to perform such a task.
We headed out immediately towards the smoking ruins of central London. Her memory was much more acute than mine and we landed delicately on the correct corner without setbacks.
Alucard's sigil was burned into the middle of the street. Seras and I walked into the intersection to investigate. We needed to take it home with us. There was no way I was leaving any remaining part of him behind.
I ordered her to remove it. She kneeled before the sigil for a few moments. Sadness poured off of her in waves. I could feel it trying to infect me. I bit back a sob. I would never allow myself to cry again.
I mustered up my voice and cleared my throat. "Seras…" My voice seemed to bring her out of a daze.
She blinked; slowly coming back to herself. Her tiny fists began to smash into the surrounding concrete, obliterating the street but leaving the mark intact. I tried not to notice the bloody tears dripping onto her thighs as she pulled the object out of the ground.
"Let's go home Seras."
Latin was so boring. I shut the book with a slam and lifted it out of my lap and set it further down the bed. I had recently begun the routine of studying in the morning and running Hellsing at night. I barely got any of my schoolwork done. My tutors were constantly sending a barrage of complaints concerning my performance in Walter's direction. I understood that my education was of the upmost importance…but hunting and slaughtering vampires had a certain charm…
I pulled a cigarette out of my side table drawer and found my matches. Something about a cigarette was stimulating. Not as relaxing or visually shocking as a cigar but it had a certain charm…
I had retired from the study earlier to my bedroom to relax before the sun went down. Because I barely got any real sleep, my body needed to at least be comfortable for a few hours out of the day.
I watched the paper of my cigarette burn away. The dying sun cast an orange glow throughout the room. I had just one more drag and he would be here…he hated me smoking. It would ruin my beautiful skin…or something…
He was so predictable. Maybe predictable wasn't the correct word…more like reliable.
While snubbing out my butt, I was greeted with his now familiar voice.
"Good evening, Master." Only a year ago I might have jumped at the intrusion.
"Good evening, Alucard. I trust Walter has informed you of our current situation."
"I presume you're referring to our lack of situation." His lean form shifted slightly at the foot of my bed. His untamed hair hung before his eyes…such a shame really.
With a sigh I leaned back from my cross-legged position and stretched my legs out in front of me. "Yes, I'm afraid we have no information on enemy activity. Don't you find it a little odd?"
His eyes flitted across my legs then rested on my face. "I find it not only odd, but aggravating. I itch to leave the grounds. A mission would do my thirst some good."
His eyes returned to the hem of my skirt. I tried not to notice.
Hmmph he thinks he has cabin fever? There hasn't been any reason for me to leave the manor since I was knighted on my eighteenth birthday. Six months in a house…even a large one…is an excruciating long amount of time.
He cought the edge of my thought and chuckled. Resting his hands on the bed frame he leaned forward with a smirk. I finally caught a glimpse of his eyes.
"Poor master. In the height of her youth and beauty and confined to this awful castle."
A twin smirk played on my lips. I pushed myself off the bed and grabbed his wrist.
"I have an idea. Come with me to the music room."
"Oh, feeling a little playful tonight Master?"
His words did its usual dance through my hormonal brain. I swallowed and dropped my hold on him and kept walking. I made my way through the door to the outer hall.
"No, You promised me lessons. I'm only insuring you follow through. Vampires have a reputation for being deceiving you know…"
Okay, so I didnt need piano lessons. I just wanted an excuse to look at him. Putting all religious and familial duties aside, a teenage girl is still a teenage girl…especially a bored one. And he is so damn beautiful when he plays. So I could look at the menu, I just couldn't order. Hahaha where did I pick that one up?
His chuckle alerted me to the fact he had heard that one. I kept my back to him and hid my blush. I couldn't see his expression and it bothered me… but soothed my embarrassment simultaneously.
I kept silent and moved forward. I wonder if he is looking at me…I hope he is. My hips began to sway on their own, intuition taking over. I imagined his eyes were on my legs and sliding up to my hips, no sadistic grin, just male appreciation.
I tried to fight the urge to turn to him and couldn't. With a flirty flip of my hair I looked back. He was a few strides behind, walking with his hands in his pockets. I quickly turned back around when I saw he was staring straight over my head and not at my ridiculous display.
Something was seriously wrong with me. When had this gotten so far? When had he changed from a mentor and companion into this object of lust? There was no one who knew me better and no one who cared for me more. He was almost like a father...
It's not my fault. I'm a teenager and I can't help it…plus he's the best looking thing in the house. And HE started it anyway…
I slammed open the double doors to the music room and flopped down into the armchair in the corner. I felt like an idiot. I'm sure he heard everything I was thinking. But if he had, he wasn't showing any sign…and that made me feel more than a little rejected.
He took a seat on the bench in front of the glossy black grand.
"Why are we brooding Master?" His back was to me but I heard him anyway.
Instead of answering, I just turned my face to the window and gave him the silent treatment. He could read minds couldn't he? What an ass.
"Come." He patted the space next to him. "You wanted lessons, did you not? How can I teach you anything if you're hiding in the corner?"
I huffed and went to him. Just let it go. Do what you came here to do…get some eye candy.
"I want you to play for me first."
"What would you like to hear, Master?"
"How about some Mozart?" Something uplifting to bring me out of this mood.
He nodded and his lengthy fingers took their place.
The music began with a fast deep tempo. His hands rode the keys with confidence and his eyes were shut tightly with concentration. The piece began to melt into a slow melody and he stroked the keys until they sounded like a lovers touch.
I thought of those fingers on me…running over my burning skin. The melody built again powerfully with undertones that pulled at my heart and made heat rise to my face. I almost felt his mouth next to my ear…teasing me.
My eyes were centered on his face and I watched his expression change with each elegant rise and fall of tone. I want to make him make those faces. His unchecked passion during the final climax was enough to make my legs shake.
His head slowly tilted back and I stared as a fang scraped and then bit through his bottom lip. I tried to control my breathing as the last note rang out.
"What was that?" I was panting a little.
The tip of his tongue licked the crimson from his mouth. When his eyes opened, they seemed almost black.
"Confutatis Maledictus-Lacrimosa."
The ones having been cursed have been put to silence…how appropriate. Sometimes Latin can come in handy…
His right arm came around me slowly and he shifted over so our thighs were pressed together. His face moved to my hair and I felt his breath on my scalp.
"Did you enjoy that Integra?" I didn't want to moan, so I nodded instead. I felt his smile when he planted a hand smoothly on the bench between my parted thighs.
"You wanted to hear Mozart… but you were thinking of me." His deliberate sultry tone made me tingle but my confusion came again.
Was this the same game we have always played…pushing each other…seeing who could go the farthest…but this time it was physical? I could play this game.
I turned and swung my leg over his lean torso. My legs straddled him and I rubbed my nose against his. His smile never waivered. I ground my wet panties against him and I hissed through my teeth at the new sensation.
My hands came up behind his head to entangle in his hair. Something I've always fantasized about doing. The heat inside me rose to a fever pitch. I needed more. I moaned and pressed our lips together. I was met with no resistance but his hands remained at his sides. The contact between his soft lips and mine was almost enough to send me over the edge. But why wasn't he touching me?
I ground down on him harder trying to illicit a response but he was unmoved. I yanked his head back with a growl and slid my tongue into his mouth. He was so cold. Is he that cold all over?
His tongue languidly mimicked my own and I could feel my knees begin to shake. Give me more. I released a hand from his hair and rested it on top of his. He was going to touch me if I had to order him. I tugged his hand to rest on my hip and waited for the bliss of his fingers trailing along my flesh.
He attained a grip but nothing further. This is humiliating. I could feel my stomach flip with shame as I pulled my mouth from his.
"Don't you want me?" I whispered into his lips.
"Don't tell me it was my imagination all these years, Alucard." That grin spread further across his features but I couldn't read his eyes. All I could see was my own blue reflected.
I could feel the exchange of lust for anger in my heart. It climbed from my toes to the crown of my head and my body began to shake anew. Before I could contain my shame and anger I had struck him across the face. It was the first time he had ever made me feel this way. It was the first time I had wanted to hurt him.
My breasts heaved under my blouse, "Tell me you wanted this, you bastard. Tell me I haven't made myself a fool?"
My hand was cocked back for another strike as I waited for an answer. His arm came out and he gently gathered both my hands in his own.
His grin melted away and softness came to his eyes, "I know what you want Integra, but I will not give it to you. One day you will come to me again with a full understanding of what you ask. And on that day I will pleasure you until tears stream down your face and all of London will hear you scream my name…But I will not have you like this."
His words had no affect. My head hung in shame. Hot tears stung my eyes as I looked at my hands still held in his.
He continued, his voice softer, "I will make you mine Integra, you will not be spoiled until then."
There was a ball of humiliation in my throat as my feet returned to the floor and I stood before him. Resentment coiled in my stomach and I needed to lash out. Pushing back tears, I pointed a finger into his face.
"You are my slave and will always be, what makes you believe I could ever be yours?" Just then I think something inside me broke. I had never called him that, even if it was true. But I couldn't shut my mouth.
"You would wish me to be like your dear Lucy and Mina. A mindless concubine to do your bidding. I am a Hellsing and you are nothing but unholy shit. I will never beg for your touch. I will die before then." My chest continued to heave and my body was hot and trembling.
I noticed his eyes dim just a fraction and then he was on the floor, kneeling before me. The sight brought me back to the worst (and best) night of my life… when he had saved my life and then wholly given himself to me.
"As you wish, my Master."
My hand reached out to touch him, but I tore myself away. I left him kneeling there alone. I stalked back to my room and shut the door quietly. I felt like I had lost something and I would never get it back. I'm so fucking stupid. The tears finally rolled down my face and I sunk to the floor. My hands fisted into a ball when I bit down on my lip, stiffling a sob.
The last six years flew through my head. I saw him holding me in my bed, while I recovered from another nightmare.
I heard him reading my favorite story to me when I couldn't sleep.
I remembered the touch of his pride behind me when I declared to the Roundtable I was my father's successor as the new leader of Hellsing.
I remembered it was through his suggestion I discovered my passion for swords. With his instruction I had mastered the art of fencing.
I remembered his burning stare from the darkness when the Queen knighted me. That night he came to me in my bed. He confessed to the darkness he wished he had had a son like me.
The thought of that intimate moment in my sheets sent chills through my body. He hovered over me and pressed me against the mattress with his presence but not his body.
I remembered the way he had caressed and praised me with whispers all over my skin. I had never wanted anything more than him at that moment. My brain was searing with strain trying not to rip his clothes to shreds and feel his flesh on my flesh. I nodded a lot and thanked him curtly, trying not to move an inch. With a show of fang and a velvet laugh he was gone. I was left a wet and trembling mess…
….suddenly I realized why I was in this situation in the first place. I had no reason to feel guilt over treating him like what he actually was. He had teased and tortured me for years….
The tears were gone when I stood and went to my side table. Lighting a cigar I went to my armoire and tore open the drawers.
My clothes were despicable. Only loose schoolgirls wore skirts…not powerful women who run a specialized government vampire eradication agency. Everything had to go.
If I wore something conservative he would have no reason to tease me with those captivating eyes ever again. I would have Walter send for the tailor in the morning.
I slammed the drawers shut and began to pace. My eye caught on my reflection in the full-length mirror. Did I just see what I think I saw? Of course I did.
I calmly strolled to my side table once more and retrieved my pistol. Tucking it into the back of my panties I went to the mirror again.
I began to peel my clothing off piece by piece. I stepped out of my skirt as it pooled at my ankles. I felt a chill enter the room and a sigh filled the air. I saw his eyes appear in the now smoky glass in front of me.
A wicked smile crossed my face. My lips pulled back to show my teeth,
"Hello, servant."
I shattered the glass with the first bullet and unloaded the rest into the wall. I felt more content than I had in ages. I laughed standing there in my underwear.
Hope you got an eye full because it's the last time you will slave.
35 years later…
It was a full moon. My favorite. I stayed up to watch it rise above the trees. Finally sleep took me.
I dreamt of the familiar battlefield, of our promises that would never come true.
I saw the flames dance in his eyes before our lips meet. He gently leans me backwards and deepens the kiss.
He slowly breaks the kiss and returns to one knee. He reaches for my hand and kisses the top. My countess. And with that he is gone.
I see myself smile. I can hear his breath in my ear and smell his scent. I feel like I'm wrapped in a blanket of him…
Teeth scrape my neck and I'm fully awake. I pump three rounds into the freak and send him staggering to the floor.
My breathing is labored as I peer into the darkness. I see a familiar red eye. could it be? My thoughts are confirmed as he begins to laugh.
"That was a rough welcome and noisy as ever." Seras has entered the room but we barely notice, we only have eyes for each other.
"You're late…so late Alucard. I'm old now you know." I rise off my bed and go to him.
"Fine by me."
"Hmm…" I bite my finger and poise it above his face.
Welcome back count.
Indeed countess. I'm home.
My blood drops into his waiting mouth. He closes his eyes and savors the taste.
The police girl took her queue then to leave. I take a seat in front of him on the floor. Equals now.
"You remain chaste, Integra".
"Of course I am, there is none for me but you. I learned that a long time ago. I would have gone to the grave with my hymen".
I would not be spoiled.
He beckons to me with his mind.
I crawl into his lap, etiquette put aside. His powerful arms gather me up and he holds me like he did when I was a girl.
The thought of this brings tears stinging to my eye. I remember the day at the piano that changed everything.
My hand fists into his jacket while my streaming face is buried in his shoulder. He can't see me cry.
Why did you leave me? He shot me. Where were you? He said nothing but held me closer. His hands found my hair and gently stroked soothingly.
We stayed like this for an immeasurable amount of time. No words, just each other.
.