The Royal Disclaimer: Anything Tenchi-related isn't a concept of mine. It all belongs to some other person.
Author's Note: Ah, my second Tenchi fan fiction! I hope this one generates as much success as my first one did! I'm grateful for everyone who read my Nagi Trilogy! For this piece of work, I'm focusing on two different--very different, if you know what I mean--two different characters. As always, enjoy!
No Woman is an Island
By Al Kristopher
Chapter One: No Need for Discord!
She sat on the terrace, content to sip at her morning tea and watch the sun rise. It was a gorgeous spring morning, and the air smelled of fresh pine and roses and well-trimmed bushes. The air was thick with the warmth of the upcoming day, and the chorus of twittering birds ushered in peace. In short, it was a perfect day.
And as it always had been and forever would be, said day was abruptly ruined. The gate to the terrace swung open and struck the wall with a terrible bang, several coughing sounds could be heard, and a wad of spit found its way on the clean ground. Kiyone sighed to herself, visibly rolling her eyes as she greeted her guest.
"Morning, Ryoko," she sighed. Ryoko grunted out something and somehow managed to find a chair to sit down in. Kiyone, ever the polite lady, tried her best at a smile.
"WhatimeizzitKiyone?" mumbled Ryoko, stringing all her words together. Kiyone pursed her lips in irritation.
"Eight thirty-five," she replied. "For you, this is very early." Ryoko suddenly let out the mother of all yawns, nearly breaking her jaw open in the process. The hairs on her head bristled, and she shivered after her stretch.
"I feel terrible," mumbled Ryoko in a dead voice. Her face drooped down slightly, and her eyes started to get an empty, glassy look in them. Kiyone nearly snorted when she spied the trickle of drool threatening to run down Ryoko's chin.
"Bad night?" offered Kiyone. She knew full well that if Lady Ayeka had joined her like she wanted, Ryoko wouldn't even be this civil. Kiyone sighed, wishing for Ryoko to gain some clarity from her nap, and thanked the powers that be that Ayeka had opted to dine instead.
"Sort of," replied Ryoko after a pause. Her head snuggled up against the table that was sitting on the terrace, and she smiled happily as her arms cushioned her face. A minute had not passed, and already she was snoring gently. Kiyone sighed, removed her jacket, and placed it over the space pirate lovingly. She smiled and gently began rubbing the other woman's shoulders.
Poor Ryoko, said the officer to herself. She tries so hard to be accepted. I'm grateful that most everyone here can coexist with her, and I'm sure that Tenchi likes her--that is, whenever she's not groping him. But that Ayeka…
"Tenchi…" mumbled Ryoko in her sleep. Kiyone paused and smiled warmly. She must be dreaming about Tenchi giving her a rub, she thought. Kiyone sighed, and scratched the nape of Ryoko's neck delicately.
"Hey, Ryoko?"
"Mmmm… lower…" A chuckle.
"Guess what?"
"Nhhh…"
"Noboyuki is taking us on a pleasure cruise next week."
"Mhh…"
"Tenchi will be there."
"Tenchi…" Kiyone sighed, and reasoned that only one thing would wake Ryoko up.
"Oh my goodness!" she shouted. "Tenchi, please put some clothes on!"
"WHAT, WHERE?!?!?!?!?!?!" Kiyone laughed uncontrollably as Ryoko bolted out of her chair. Now completely awake, and discovering that Tenchi was nowhere in sight, the agitated space pirate growled at the only other person in the vicinity.
"Grrr, you tricked me!!!" Kiyone smiled weakly and tried to step away from the pirate.
"Sorry, but it was the only way I could get you to wake up!!" Ryoko sighed, and curtly placed her hands on her hips.
"Right, well, you should've let me sleep."
"Sorry!! I just wanted to tell you about the cruise!"
"Cruise?" Ryoko raised an eyebrow, and carefully looked at the police officer. "What cruise?"
"The cruise that Noboyuki is taking us on!"
"Tenchi's old man, huh?" Ryoko smiled, stars already in her eyes as she imagined spending time out on the vast oceans, away from all the cares of the world, with nobody to bother her except Tenchi…
"Yeah, he's taking everyone along! It's some kind of bonus he got at work!"
Ryoko's spirits sank like a corpse in water.
"You're joking," she stated. Kiyone shook her head.
"No, I'm not. He's taking everyone: Tenchi, you, me, Sasami, Mihoshi, Ayeka, Washu, grandpa, Ryo-ohki, even Azaka and Kamidake." Ryoko grimaced, making a face that would've frightened away a member of KISS, and glared at Kiyone acidly.
"Hehehe," she chuckled, although Kiyone could tell that she was far from amused. "Did you say… everyone?"
"Uh, yeah…" Slowly, officer Kiyone prepared herself for the storm to come…
"Hehehe… everyone…" Ryoko kept her dark gaze, a malicious smile pasted on her mouth. Suddenly, her spirits did a 180, and a bright and chipper smile erupted on her face. "Ah, well, I guess I can endure it if it's free!!"
SPLAT!! Kiyone fell face-first on the ground, leaving Ryoko to giggle.
Ryoko giggled, opting to slide down the banister instead of materializing to the next floor. With a squeal of childish glee, Ryoko smoothly sailed down the rail, and plopped gracefully on the floor. Mihoshi, who was absorbed in a television show, had not seen the act, and everyone else was busy with other matters. Still, Ryoko took a bow.
The space pirate casually hurtled herself onto the couch and sat next to Mihoshi, who had realized her company all too late. By the time a commercial rolled around, Ryoko had already made herself comfortable.
"Dg'aaaaahhhh!!!!!" Mihoshi jumped fifteen feet in the air before realizing that it was just Ryoko, and sighed heavily as she calmed down. "Don't sneak up on me like that, Ryoko!"
"Sorry," giggled the space pirate. Not one to be mad at someone for more than 4.23 seconds, Mihoshi forgave her and invited the space pirate to stay. Ryoko regarded the television program with quasi-amusement.
"So, what's on?" she asked. She received an unnecessarily loud giggle in return. Ryoko muttered something and realized that it must've been a cartoon, because the only shows Mihoshi ever watched were cartoons, action shows, and soap operas. Without saying a word, Ryoko floated away and headed towards the kitchen.
"Oh," she said as she left, "did you know about that cruise?"
"Yup!!" Ryoko hung her head in annoyance.
"I see." Humph, even this airhead knew about it… Deciding to ignore the chortling officer, Ryoko flew into the kitchen, and regretted it the very second her head was in the door.
"Oh, good morning, precious," sang Ayeka bitterly. Fortunately for her, Ryoko was in a fairly good mood.
"Morning, sweetheart," she replied, a tone of sarcasm nowhere to be found. Ayeka ignored the comment and took in a deep breath.
"Well, since you actually woke up before dinnertime, I guess you should be congratulated."
"Yeah, guess I should," sang Ryoko, placing her hands behind her head. She smiled happily, and actually considered what kinds of rewards she should be given. Just then, almost as if a great genie had been smiling down on her, Tenchi Masaki entered the kitchen.
"Morning, Ayeka. Morning, Sasami. Morning Ryoko." Tenchi suddenly paused, took several steps back, and stared at Ryoko in confusion. "HUH?? Hey, what are you doing up so early, miss Ryoko?" Ryoko smiled, stars in her eyes, and quickly folded her arms around the poor guy's neck.
"I think I found my reward," she purred. Tenchi flinched and tried to pry her away from him. As always, he met with little success.
"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD AND SACRED, GET YOUR STINKING PAWS OFF OF HIM, YOU FILTHY CREATURE!!!!!" Ayeka suddenly roared out another long string of threats and curses, some so vile they surprised even Ryoko. When the squall had finally died down to a mere explosive eruption, Ryoko was more infuriated than a postal worker. However, in her usual sassy style, she decided to counter not with rage, but with innocence.
"Hey, I'm not doing anything wrong," she pouted. "I'm just giving Tenchi a widdle huggy-poo."
"Yes, Ayeka, she does this every morning," reminded Sasami. Of course, they also fight every morning, so what else is new?
"Well I think today's a good day to drop that habit!" insisted the princess, curling her fist into a ball.
"I've gotta agree with her!" shouted Tenchi.
"The only thing I'll drop is the living room sofa on your head!" countered Ryoko.
"Ah, what a snappy comeback!" chortled Ayeka triumphantly. "All those centuries locked away in space must've dulled you more than I thought."
"The only thing that's dull around here is that worthless pile of garbage you call a brain!"
"Ouch, ouch, you're hurting my poor defenseless ego!" whined Ayeka sarcastically. Ryoko growled, and then suddenly calmed down to give Ayeka the worst insult imaginable.
"You are fat, Ayeka!"
"WHU-HUAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT?!?!?!?!?!"
"That's right, fat as a hippo, and you smell like one too!!"
"How…" Tenchi quietly slipped away, dreading the inevitable holocaust that would once again engulf his house. He ran as fast as his feet knew how, and even managed to retrieve the other girls along the way. Washu, who had gleefully observed the entire spectacle, offered to stow them away in her lab until the massacre had ended.
"HOW DARE YOU!?!?!?!?!!?"
CRASH! BOOM! BANG! SPLAT! BIFF! SOCK! WHACK! SLAP! SMASH! WHAM!
One hour later…
Ayeka and Ryoko stood in what remained of the kitchen, panting and wheezing heavily. Sweat and dirt covered their clothes and faces, and small injuries dotted the women's bodies. A great giant crater stood in what used to be the kitchen.
"Have you… had enough?" wheezed Ayeka.
"Don't be… so cocky," gasped Ryoko. "I'm just… getting started." Ayeka grinned weakly, and summoned a little bit of energy. Ryoko mirrored her attacks perfectly, and the two women prepared to go after each other again. The entire house would've been flattened had Tenchi's grandfather not came and stopped them.
"A-hem," he said. Both girls suddenly glanced at him, guilty looks smeared on their faces. He crossed his arms, coolly staring at the women, and let the silence and awkwardness of the situation express everything for him.
"Guess we'd…… better get a broom," muttered Ryoko weakly. She smiled weakly, and under the watchful eye of Tenchi's grandfather, the two girls silently set about on cleaning their mess.