Levi shivers in the cold wind blowing in the window. It's better than what he's feeling right now, though. Any distraction is welcome.
He can't believe she's actually gone. Just last night she was joking and laughing with the squad.
Just last night she came into his room in the middle of the night from a nightmare. He squeezes his eyes shut at the memory.
"Captain Levi?" says a voice outside his door. It's Petra.
Confused, he glances out the window. The moon is almost setting. What is she doing awake? "Come in," he says. When she enters, wearing the big shirt and loose pants she wears to bed, he looks up. "What the fuck are you doing awake so early?" he asks.
"Can you promise me something?"
"What?"
"I need you to promise me something. Please, Captain."
"I've told you a million times, it's Levi. And can't it wait until morning?"
"No, sir. I'm sorry. It really can't wait."
He sighs. "Tch. Fine. What is it?"
"Promise you'll put yourself above anyone else," she says. Her face is downturned, auburn hair falling in front of it like a curtain, big amber eyes studying the ground. He can see her biting her lip like she always does when she's upset. "Tomorrow, during the expedition. Promise you'll protect yourself, and put yourself first."
"Petra, where is this coming from?"
"N-nightmare." She takes a deep breath and looks up, eyes wide, tears streaming down her cheeks. "You've been alone for so long with no one to protect you, and now that we're here, you're still reckless. You think you're invincible. But Captain, I hate to break it to you, you're human, too. You make mistakes! It's our job to protect you, but how can we when you take every measure possible to avoid being protected? You're not undefeatable and one of these days you're going to make a mistake and it's going to cost you and I'm begging you to please just put yourself first and let us help you, at least for one expedition! You don't have to be alone anymore and I don't want to see you get hurt!" Her voice is steadily rising, and she's almost frantic.
He stands, taken aback. "I'll be fine, Petra," he says. He is suddenly aware that he has no shirt on.
"But how can you know that?" she sobs.
"Petra - "
"No! Just let us do our goddamn job! You're not made of stone! You can get hurt just as easily as any of us!"
He steps forward and wraps his arms around her, one hand pulling her close by the small of her back and one hand cupping the back of her head, letting her cry into his bare shoulder. He feels her hug him back tentatively. "Petra, I'll be okay," he assures her. "I know I'm just as vulnerable as any of you guys, but I know how to protect myself. I'll be careful."
"I just have a horrible feeling about this," she says. "I want you to promise me you'll do whatever you need to keep yourself safe."
"I promise," he says, still holding her tightly. They stand there for a long while, breathing in and out and in and out again, slowly, softly, almost in unison. He feels her fingers trailing down his back and he stiffens and looks around. She's tracing the outline of a long scar stretching from his right shoulder to his right hip. "Petra..." he says, trailing off.
She skims her finger down over the scar, then moves on to another one, an indistinct blob just left of his spine. Then the next. And the next. Her cold fingers are gentle and tender as they caress the silvery scar tissue. She draws back and sets her palm on another one on his chest, almost directly over his heart. "You're only human," she breathes.
"I know," he murmurs back. He kisses the top of her head softly. "Better?"
"Promise me again."
"I promise I'll take care of myself," he says solemnly.
He kept his promise too well. Her absence is probably the deepest scar of all.