I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now
Beck walked through the pouring rain, till he came to a bright red door. He lightly knocked on the door.
A woman with shoulder length brown hair, and a long black dress answered the door. She was holding tissues, and you could see her cheeks had been stained with tears.
"Beck," She sobbed pulling him into a large hug.
He hugged her back, feeling the tears threatening to spill down the side of his face.
When the finally released she invited the teenage boy into the house.
He was automatically overwhelmed by the sea of people in black clothing.
He saw Tori, crying into the arms of her new girlfriend, Jade.
Jade held her tightly whispering small comforting things in her ear.
Then he noticed Andre, whom he hadn't seen in months, sitting at a small keyboard gently pressing each one. Robbie sat with Trina, obviously trying to figure out what was going on.
He walked upstairs and into a room.
A room, he'd been in many times, that caused memories to flood his head.
He walked over to the large bed, that had a comforter covered in red velvet cupcakes. He took in his surroundings. The bright pink walls, giant hello kitty poster, the pile of dirty clothes on the floor, everything untouched, as if trying to preserve what's left of her. He walked to a collage of pictures on the wall. There must have been fifty pictures. There was a picture of Tori, Jade, and her on stage at Karaoke Dokie, A picture of Jade and Beck at Prome together, her with Ke$ha when she came and performed at Tori's house, and his personal favorite, a picture of the two of them, he was kissing the side of her head. His am was wrapped around her shoulders, and hers sat on his waist. They looked happy. He thought they were happy.
He took the picture off the wall and stared at it, allowing the tears too spill out of his face.
He looked down at the desk in front of him. He picked up a framed picture of the two of them. There arms wrapped around each other, like it was the only place they belonged. Well, it was.
He ran his finger along the photograph, tracing her face.
"Cat." he whispered.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
He finally allowed the tears he had been holding back to spill out of his eyes.
He collapsed to the floor, pulling a piece of paper out of his black slacks.
He unfolded it, careful of not tearing it.
He read the note,
Dear Beck,
by the time you read this it'll be too late.
I just wanted to let you know, I love you so much, So much that it aches being away from you, you were the only boy,no person, who ever understood me. I could be me around you, but that wasn't enough. It just doesn't feel right being here anymore.
I love you.
-Cat
She finished off the note with her signature, and a kiss. He came upon it, she had taped it to the picture of her he kept on his bedside table.
He set the note down and cried. Like he never had cried before. He notice a small dot staining the carpet, and then another, and then another. They led to a door, he opened the door to find the place where she had done it, Where she made his world stop spinning. He had found her not three days before.
He had come home to his RV to find the note, he raced to her house bursting through the door, not bothering to knock.
-flashback-
"WHERE IS CAT!" he yelled at her family that was calmly watching a television show in their living room.
"She is upstairs dear, why?" her mother had responded with a confused tone.
He ignored her question and ran up the stairs.
"CAT!" he yelled checking every door before entering her room, "CAT!"
He opened the door to her own private bathroom with a thud.
He found the girl sitting in a pool of her own blood. A razor in one hand, a wound in the other.
"HELP!" he screamed running to the girl and engulfing her in his arms, "HELP! SOMEBODY HELP!"
He wrapped her tighter into his arms. Not caring that his clothes were completely drenched in the scarlet liquid. "Cat!" he sobbed, kissing her head.
-end of flashback-
The blood in her bathroom had not been cleaned, but instead let dry into the cracks of the tile floor. Spotting the stainless steel razor that ended it all, he couldn't control himself any longer. He broke down, screaming. "CAT! Why'd you leave me? This isn't fair, how am I supposed to get along without you! How am I supposed to go to school everyday without you! Why'd you leave me! WHY!"
I've never felt this way before When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
Do you see how much I need you right now
After two hours of sobbing onto the floor of her room, he collected himself and left the house. He took a detour home. Going to all the spots that reminded him of Cat.
The streetlamp they had their first kiss under.
The tree where they had carved their names.
Slowly as he reached spot, he realized, everything reminded him of Cat.
The graffiti on the sidewalk, the bakery across the street, even the apartment building that Sikowitz lived in.
He sat on the side of the road, not knowing what to do with himself. Everything he knew, everything he loved was gone.
Suddenly a car pulled up in front of him,
"You need a ride?" a familiar voice asked him.
"No thanks Jade." he said, "where's Tori?"
"I just took her home, come on Beck."
"Fine." he said opening the door to the passenger side.
After five minutes of silent driving Jade spoke, "I know your dying inside Beck. How do you think I feel, she was my best friend."
"Jade, she was my world. I don't know what I am supposed to do without her. Without her there is nothing. I spent the last three days laying in my bed. Hoping that when I woke up this would all have just been a bad dream.
"I know how you feel. Tori, she is my life. The first time we broke up, I felt like there was nothing left in the world to live for. But Beck, Cat loved you. Love though, wasn't enough for her. She needed help, medical help. This wasn't your fault."
"I know." he whispered. They pulled into his drive way and he got out of the car.
"Beck." Jade said, stepping out of her car.
"What?"
"We will get through this," she said, "together. All of us. You aren't alone. Look, Cat she was different. She was beautiful. She wanted to keep people happy, I'd never met someone with so much love for the world, for other people. I don't think we will ever fully be able to understand her but she understood us. She was the one that helped me realize how I felt for Tori. Who told Robbie to ditch the puppet cause it wasn't making him any cooler. The one who finally told Trina that she was not a good singer, told Andre that he is so much bigger than this field of dreams we're dancing on, and convinced him to go get a record deal. The one that actually made you happy. I had never seen you show more than three emotions our entire relationship, and all of the sudden, You were human. For the first time, you enjoyed it. She was my best friend, and I know she wouldn't have wanted you to mourn her death, but celebrate her life. Celebrate the Cat we knew and loved."
"Thank you Jade." he said not caring about crying in front of another person, he wrapped his arms around her.
She wrapped her arms around around his waist and buried her head into his shoulder, "You're welcome."
They released their grips from each other. She walked back to her car, and backed out of his driveway.
He fumbled with his keys to the RV, before he finally managed to open the door. He climbed into the trailer and then into his bed. He stared at the picture of Cat on his bedside table. It was a copy of her headshot that she sent in for her audition at a local theater company. He remembered the day she found out she hadn't gotten cast. That's the day when he knew something was seriously wrong. She had ran the 5 miles between their houses tears running down her face. She opened the door to the RV and started screaming his name.
He was in the shower when he heard her calling his name.
-flashback-
"BECK!" a sobbing Cat yelled.
He stepped out from the RV bathroom with only a maroon colored towel wrapped around his waist, "Cat. What's wrong?"
"I didn't get cast." she cried, running into his arms.
"Awh Baby, I am sorry." he said wrapping his around her.
"You don't get it, I really wanted it. So much, that when I found out I did something bad."
"What did you do?"
She walked over to his bed and sat down, pulling up her sleeve. On her arm, were 3 straight slices.
"Oh Cat.." he said pulling on a pair of boxers and sitting down next to her. Examining her arm, noticing other scars resembling the fresh cuts on her arm.
"I just don't get it.." she said softly, "what's wrong with me? I-I just feel sad all the time, and when anything goes wrong, I do this." `
"Nothing is wrong with you Cat." he said tilting her head up towards his and placing his lips on hers, "but promise me, you will never do this again. When you feel like doing this, come talk to me. I will always be there.
-end of flashback-
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah
The next day he woke up, immediately seeing the picture of the girl in his hand, he wished he hadn't.
He breathed in and knew what he had to do.
He texted Jade, got dressed, and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen.
Dear Cat,
Do you remember when we were six, and you came over after my dad died? I didn't go to school for a week. Then one day, you came over and asked me where I had been. I told you what happened, and you hugged me. Then you grabbed my hand and walked me over to my table where there were paper and crayons. You told me that there was this place called Heaven, where all the happy people went there. You drew a picture of my dad, standing on the clouds, waving down at me. You told me that one day, when I was old, I would get to meet with him again, because he was waiting for me. Then you pushed my hair out of my face, and kissed my I hope you will be standing with him, waiting for me.
I miss you so much it hurts. I lay in bed and cry. Two things I don't do often. I wish you hadn't left me. I don't think I'll ever understand why you did what you did. But I do know, that you were the most wonderful girl in the whole world. No one ever made me feel like you did. I am scared to death though.I don't know how I am supposed to live without you. You've always been there for me. I really wish you would have let me be there for you. Mostly because i'm not really sure what I am supposed to do now. But Jade said something that meant a lot to me yesterday, she told me that, I shouldn't mourn your death, but celebrate your life. You were an amazing girl. You were an amazing girlfriend. You were an amazing all around person. You made everyone feel loved and you knew everyone so well. And i'm sorry I didn't make you happy enough. I am sorry I didn't get you help. I am just sorry. I know this wasn't my fault. It wasn't anybody's fault. It wasn't even your fault. I am just rambling now.
This isn't going to be easy, and every day I will be waiting to meet you in Heaven.
But I promise, I won't do anything irrational.
I love you, more than anything in the world.
I love you.
Love,
Beck
He folded up the piece of paper, and slipped it into an envelope. He grabbed his keys, and climbed into his 1960's VW truck. (A/N its just my fav type of car ok) He drove for 6 miles till he reached his destination. He put the letter in his pocket and got out of his car.
First he spotted Jade and Tori. They were holding hands. They really are the perfect couple, Beck thought.
"Hi guys." He said quietly, hugging them both.
Next came Robbie, instead of Rex, Trina on his arm. She held tightly to him, as if he was going to slip away from her, just like Cat slipped away.
Lastly, Andre. Beck missed Andre. He had been on tour for the last 4 months. He unexpectedly canceled the tour though, when this happened. Even before then, him and Andre weren't exactly on a great note, when Andre revealed he was in love with Cat. There was a big fight, and then Andre left for his tour.
"Hey." Andre whispered looking at Beck.
Suddenly, they both burst into tears and embraced each other.
"I am so sorry." Andre whispered to Beck.
"Me too, man." Beck replied before releasing him.
The gang slowly walked into the cemetery, only stopping once. At Beck's dads tombstone.
"Take care of her dad." he whispered.
They continued walking till they reached the Tombstone that read:
In loving memory of
Caterina "Cat" Valentine
Loving Daughter, Sister, Friend, and Girlfriend
"A joke is a very serious thing!"
1993-2011
Beck leaned down, and set down the envelope that read, Cat, in big blocky letters.
Next, Jade set down her envelope, that read, to my Best Friend.
Tori set down and envelope next that said, Kitty Cat
Fourth, Robbie and Trina, whose envelope said "Cat" plain and simple.
Lastly Andre, whose envelope said "Little Red"
They lined the envelopes up neatly.
"We love you Cat." said Jade.
"You were amazing." Tori added.
Everyone sort of nodded in agreement.
"Oh my god this is so sad." Trina said, "i am, I am going to go."
she left, dragging Robbie behind her.
"Yeah, I am gunna wait for you in the car Jade. This is too much." Tori agreed.
Tori and Jade kissed, and Tori left.
Soon it was just Beck, Jade, and Andre. They all sat down on the ground.
No one talked, but they all knew what the other was thinking.
Things would never be the same, because a piece of them all died with the girl with the red velvet hair.
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
THE ENNND.
Okay sorry it was supposed to be a song fic, but then it just became not a songfic but it kind of was and it had a really bad ending.
And it's really long.
And idk it was hard to write.
But uhm, yeah.
If those of you following my other story read this, we got service at the first campsite we went too, but we won't once we get to yellowstone so sorry.
This has to hold you over till then. ok. Bye.
-sami